


Kismet

by Witheryvine



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-26 01:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 111,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6217762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Witheryvine/pseuds/Witheryvine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Medical students Sasori and Deidara are similar in so many ways that it's frightening, but even they have their respective problems which sometimes make life seem unbearable. Their meeting is almost like a God-sent chance to rectify their lives. They can either help each other or potentially destroy each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You’re glaring at thin air as if it is the cause for your misery this fine morning. Care to explain?” Itachi questioned casually as he seated himself opposite the seething redhead.

Akasuna Sasori was reputable for a number of things and the first off the list was his short temper with his impatience following close behind. Needless to say, both things, added with the fact of him being a genius, rendered him a scary being and few dared to cross him path and those that did were thoroughly convinced never to do so again. One of the few who actually dared to converse to him when he was in such a foul mood was Uchiha Itachi whom he actually considered a friend.

“Why aren’t you bonding with Aristotle?” Sasori asked calmly. His cool disposition didn’t fool Itachi though; all that really meant was ‘fuck off now’, just phrased really nicely. Sasori didn’t curse.

“He’s buried a thousand miles underneath the ground,” Itachi replied, as impassive as ever.  

Sasori rolled his eyes but did not attempt to make the Uchiha leave again. Itachi was by no means a stubborn person and he would eventually leave if he was pressured enough but he generally did not poke into other people’s business unnecessarily so Sasori did not bother. And Itachi, as expected, did not probe any further and just sat there, absent-mindedly sipping on his mocha.

Five minutes before nine, the two men left their seats and disposed their drinks at a nearby bin. After walking out of the cafeteria, they nodded at each other and parted ways, leaving for their respective lectures. It was a combine class that day and Sasori was definitely not look forward to it. Freshmen were always a nuisance, especially when they were in the same room as the great Akasuna Sasori. He rolled his eyes at the thought of them staring and fawning over him.

The moment he stepped into the lecture hall (at exactly nine sharp), excited whispering immediately filled the place. It was all he could do to not yell at them to shut up. Calmly, Sasori went to the middle row of the lecture hall. No matter which lecture hall he was in, he would always be at this spot as it was far enough from the lecturer so that he can sleep without feeling glares being bored into his skull, and yet it was not too far that the noises from the other students distracted him. The lecturer, as usual, was on time as well. Sasori shot dark looks at the students who were still streaming in and those who felt his glares on them rushed to the nearest seats immediately.

As Sasori respected this lecturer for at least being on time (his lectures were as boring as philosophy), he paid attention for the first fifteen minutes. When a student went up to do a presentation, he decided that catching up on his sleep was a better way to utilise his time. The sudden drop in the volume of the room told him that others were also dropping off already. He almost laughed. It had only been two minutes since the poor guy started talking.

“Seriously, un.”

It wasn’t a shout but it certainly wasn’t a whisper either. That person had uttered that single word in a normal voice but in the silent hall it was practically a shout. The speaker immediately stopped his speech and was probably gaping at the interrupter. Normally Sasori could be less than bothered about someone making a comment about the on-going presentation but this was the first time someone had actually disrupted a presentation. With his interest piqued, Sasori lifted his head off the table and turned to the same direction that everyone else’s heads were turned towards.

As there was only one person’s whose head was still turned to the front, it was easy to tell who the disruptor was. Sasori could not see his expression – his long blonde hair was covering the side of his face Sasori could see – but judging from his tone, he should not seem very amused.

“Sorry?” the presenter seemed to have finally regained his ability to speak. Sasori noted with some amusement that he took so long to actually respond. “I’ll have you know that everything in my presentation is accurate and that I have spent a long time researching this information and- ”

“And I know,” the blonde interrupted. “But as you can see no one cares and they’re all falling asleep, un. And honestly I hate seeing people falling asleep in lectures because it’s a reminder that I’m wasting my time in med school with idiots who probably do not even have the actual qualifications to be here. So can you try to make it the slightest bit interesting with whatever little presentation skills you possess?”

“ _What?_ ” The speaker spluttered and Sasori saw some students flushing with anger. He found himself smirking despite feeling like he should be offended.

“Apparently your brain lacks the ability to process words quickly too, un. What, did you try ten times before getting into this course?”

“No I did not!” The presenter fumed. If he turned any redder, he would probably burst a blood vessel. The thought was morbidly interesting.

“Convince yourself, un,” the blonde replied swiftly before sweeping his tote bag off the floor and standing up. “Enjoy the rest of the presentation,” he said to the rest of the room before leaving the room. Everyone was too stunned to say anything for a while because never before had anyone just swept out of lecture like that. Sasori did not care much though, immediately dropping his head back into his arms so that he could continue sleeping.

Eventually (somehow), the lecturer managed to convince the student to continue the presentation, though he did so rather begrudgingly. The room was definitely more alive now, but the topic of discussion was definitely not about the content of the presentation, but rather the blonde.

_Interesting._

\--

“You’re almost smiling. Did something good happen?” Itachi asked as he slid into the seat opposite Sasori, the scene similar to earlier that morning save the lighter atmosphere.

“A blonde student insulted the presenter and walked out of the lecture hall,” Sasori explained, shrugging. It was possibly the most interesting thing that had happened for a long time but to Sasori, it was only pure entertainment which was fun while it lasted. He could not say the same for the presenter though. As he was leaving the lecture, he caught of the black haired man packing up his things with a depressed expression carved into his hard features.

“Deidara,” Itachi verified with a slight roll of his eyes.

“You know him?”

“You’re probably the only one who doesn’t,” Itachi replied.

“And he is?”

“A genius who entered with the top score of his year,” Itachi said. “Much like you.”

“And you,” Sarori counter, “and that’s where the similarities stop.” Sure, what Deidara did was entertaining but Sasori would much rather not be compared to such a rude person. He actually had a reputation for being polite.

“Of course,” Itachi agreed and the slight wrinkling of his nose told Sasori that Itachi definitely did not have a good impression of the blonde.

\--

“Hidan,” Deidara called as he spotted his best friend leaving the faculty building. Hidan frowned at him but made his way over to the tree Deidara was seated under nonetheless. On his way over, he insulted a group of girls (because really too much make up made them look like hags), walked through a couple so that they dropped their interlinked hands (they could attempt to eat each other’s faces somewhere else), and glared at a freshman who ran off as fast as he could, all in the name of Jashin. Deidara watched this all in amusement, wondering if Hidan even had any friends in his faculty.

“What the fuck do you want blondie? Aren’t you supposed to be in a bloody lecture now?” Hidan greeted as he ungracefully dropped to the ground next to Deidara.

“Walked out, un,” Deidara replied, waving his hand to dismiss the matter.

“Oh Jashin! This is why I like you!” Hidan cheered as he stared at Deidara with new-found (sort of) admiration. “Next time insult someone first!”

“I actually insulted the senior doing a presentation, along with the whole room, un,” Deidara confessed, a lazy smirk on his face at the look of awe on Hidan’s face. Not many could draw that reaction out of Hidan, from what Deidara knew so far, and he considered an achievement. After all, Hidan managed to offend and possibly scar every single one of the professors in the Literature faculty by attempting to persuade them to convert to Jashinism by swinging his ritual staff (scythe) around like a possessed man.

“Fuck you!” Hidan said but the wonderment was all but apparent in his voice. “Did they try to murder you?”

“No, un. Too shocked,” Deidara answered, laughing out loud when a look of disappointment came over Hidan’s face.

“Damn! You could have kicked their mother-fucking asses!”

Deidara and Hidan had met completely by chance. As it so turned out, both of them were late for the first day of school when they coincidentally literally bumped into each other while rushing. After ten minutes of bickering, they realised that they were way too late decided to skip the whole orientation and go to a nearby café to waste some time instead. Exchanging numbers seemed to only be natural and ever since then, they had been randomly contacting each other. It had only been two weeks since school started but the chemistry between them made them best friends in no time at all.

“So what fucking wind blew you over anyway?” Hidan asked, lying down onto his back and closing his eyes.

“There wasn’t really any other place to go, un,” Deidara deadpanned.

“Heck, I think I have a lecture in half an hour,” Hidan said but he didn’t sound overly concerned or concerned at all actually. “Let’s ditch.”

“That’s the best suggestion you have ever made, un,” Deidara said and wasted no time in picking his bag up and walking away, Hidan close behind.

\--

They ended up at a park some distance away from the school, because no matter what it still wouldn’t do them good to be seen by anyone. Though, Hidan would probably just throw some stones at whoever dared approach them.

“Hidan, Deidara, shouldn’t you two be in class?” a familiar voice called out, half amused and half exasperated.

“Hello Pein,” Deidara said cheerily, waving while Hidan scowled.

“Who made you our father?!”

“It was simply a question,” Pein replied, rolling his eyes and stared at the two. “Want to go for lunch?”

“Fuck yes!” Hidan whooped. “Are you paying?”

“Yes, yes,” Pein said bemusedly. The way the two reacted it was as if they had never eaten for weeks, and that they were extremely poor. The latter was probably true though.

“Exactly why did you two skip?” Pein asked when they were seated and had ordered. “This is only the second week of school right?”

“Never knew you were so naggy, un,” Deidara said while Hidan sniggered at the look of annoyance on Pein’s usually impassive face. “But just to answer your question anyway, I was bored and so was Hidan.”

“Don’t decide for me, you bitch!” Hidan snapped but it was clear that that reason was the truth. After all, he was the one who suggested leaving. “Anyway, blondie walked out of lecture.” And he proceeded to recount the tale to Pein who gave Deidara an exasperated look at the end.

“Seriously.”

“Seriously, un! Why, did I do anything wrong?” Deidara asked innocently, though the mischievous glint in his eyes said otherwise.

“You are tactless,” Pein eventually said, rolling his eyes.

Pein was someone Deidara and Hidan had encountered entirely by chance as well. They didn’t meet him though; they met his girlfriend, Konan, who was a senior at Tokyo University as well. Like Hidan, she majored in Literature. After school the previous week, Deidara and Hidan had decided to eat at a Chinese restaurant. Upon entering, they had seen Konan who was apologising profusely to the cashier because she had forgotten to bring her money. To dispel the bad karma he had accumulated over the year, Deidara had paid for her. She had been so relieved that she invited them to dinner the next day as a way to repay them. Of course they accepted and that was where they met Pein. When she had said that she was going to treat them, she really meant that Pein was.

Needless to say, the dinner was an eventful affair.

_After ordering their food (Deidara had managed to make Hidan order the less expensive ones by threatening to steal his rosary), they had chatted idly for about five minutes before Hidan realised something._

_“Fuck man, I think I’ve seen you around before,” he told Pein, frowning at him in annoyance. “Are you some sort of comedian?”_

_“A comedian?” Pein repeated, sounding rather offended. Konan tried really hard to contain her laughter._

_“I take it as a no then,” Hidan said, his frown deepening. He was staring at Pein intently by now. Knowing something but at the same time not being able to put a finger to it was one of Hidan’s greatest pet peeves. “Oh fuck, you’re that rich bastard CEO of that new freaking Ame Enterprise who took over 15 small companies in a year.”_

_“… Yeah.”_

_“Fuck.” He then turned to Deidara and said accusingly, “Bitch, you could have let me order that abalone!”_

_“I didn’t know he was_ that _rich, un!” Deidara exclaimed before turning to Pein with a sweet smile. “So, do you think we could order some more?”_

_Pein had laughed right then, something he didn’t do very often. Konan was shocked as well but she could understand why. Setting up his company from scratch and making it one of the most prosperous ones in Japan within the span of a single meant that he was really smart and capable. As such, everyone who worked for him or whoever he meets always tries to bootlick him, hoping to get something out of it. Needless to say, Pein had grown to hate those people a lot and really, there was_ a lot _. Deidara and Hidan were definitely a fresh change._

_“Sure,” Pein agreed easily. Deidara stared at him as if he had grown an extra head and Hidan almost spat out his water._

_“Dude, that was a joke!” he explained slowly before turning to Deidara. “See, blondie, told you you weren’t funny.”_

_“No, it’s not that,” Pein interrupted before Deidara even opened his mouth to retort. “I really don’t mind. It’s been a while since people have been that carefree and honest, so to speak, around me.”_

_“Shit man, your life sounds like it sucks,” Hidan said before nodding. “Alright, you can treat us more to make you feel better. Go ahead, don’t hold back.”_

_Of course they hadn’t ordered more food, because despite everything Hidan said he still felt that doing that was pushing it and taking advantage of Pein’s kindness._

_“But really, what made you think of a comedian?” Konan asked suddenly._

_“Oh. I remembered laughing when I saw his screwed up face. Sorry, man, but you don’t exactly look smart with all those piercings,” Hidan said, trying and failing to sound apologetic._

_Pein looked torn between wanting to punch him and just killing him. It was the most expressive face had shown that night (and ever). In fact, that night was the only night the two saw him talk so much._

_“You know, I’m glad that you’re honest and all but don’t cross the line.”_

_Hidan gave a weak laugh and dove into his food, while Konan and Deidara gave up trying not to laugh. The glares that the other two men were hardly enough to stop them._

“Are you two going back to the university later?” Pein asked.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hidan made a face as finished the last of his mango pudding. “No bloody way.”

“I think whoever sees me would just throw stones at me, un. And I have being a martyr is not one of my ambitions , un,” Deidara told Pein with a really serious face and Hidan snorted in agreement.

“You two are hopeless,” Pein said before getting up. “Well, I have to return to my office now so see you two around.”

“Remember to pay!” Hidan shouted after him and Pein rolled his eyes before walking over to the cashier and paying with his credit card. Before he left, he shot the two a dark look.

“So blondie, what are you going to do?” Hidan asked as they left the restaurant. “I’m going to pray the whole day.”

Deidara stared at him incredulously.

“What?”

“Sorry, religious duty calls.” Hidan shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. He offered Deidara a somewhat apologetic look but it was clear that no matter what Deidara said, he was not going to relent. The blonde wasn’t going to try to persuade him otherwise either. Hidan might be boorish and the most vulgar person Deidara had ever met, but he was also the most dedicated to his religion.

“Fine, see you tomorrow or something,” Deidara said with a happy smile as he waved.

Hidan waved back and turned. It was not that crowded, seeing as it was weekday and lunch time was over. Deidara stared after Hidan until the Jashinist turned the corner and disappeared from view. Deidara sighed and turned the opposite direction, trudging down the pavement. There really wasn’t anything to do. Of course being in med school meant that he had plenty of assignments to complete but he wasn’t a genius in name only and had completed them already. They were relatively easy since it had only been two weeks since school started and there wasn’t much that could be done. He did have a test later in the week but he didn’t feel like studying either. Deidara sighed in annoyance and continued on his way, just walking around aimlessly and hoping his feet would take him somewhere interesting.

As it turned out, somewhere interesting was back at Tokyo University campus. He scowled and cursed his own feet but decided to enter anyway since there was nowhere else to be. Since it was break now (for the juniors and seniors at least), there were plenty of people outdoors, laughing, chatting, studying and whatnot.

“Heard you made quite a ruckus today.”

Deidara rolled his eyes at the familiar voice and turned around with a bright smile plastered on his face.

“Nice to see you too, Itachi, un. Did you transfer to med school because you realised how utterly useless philosophy is?” Deidara greeted. He then noticed that Itachi wasn’t alone. A short (still taller than him, he noted with slight irritation), red-haired man was with him. Deidara recognised him of course. Everyone knew of the genius, Akasuna Sasori.

“Philosophy is too complex to be understood by people such as yourself, so I do not find it surprisingly in the least bit that you find it to be useless,” Itachi replied calmly. Deidara felt himself being increasingly frustrated. Maybe it was because the Uchiha was always so composed and always looked that way too, but Deidara was easily angered by him. Yes, Deidara was short-tempered and exploded more often than not but Itachi was definitely the only one who could make his skin crawl with irritation the moment he saw him.

“Anyway, hi Danna, un,” Deidara said to Sasori, still beaming brightly. Itachi might have annoyed him but he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing.

“Are you talking to me?” Sasori asked. Though his voice was emotionless and his face was blank, his voice held a note of incredulity which made Deidara smile wider.

“In case you haven’t notice, besides this dufus over here, you’re the only other person around, un,” Deidara replied smoothly, relishing in the annoyance he felt radiating from Sasori. He loved riling people up. Their reactions were always so amusing. It was kind of ironic actually that he found their reactions so hilarious when he himself was so easily set off. However, despite all the impatience he felt from Sasori, the older student’s expression gave none of those feelings away. His eyes, however, were narrowed.

“Brat, your mouth might get you in trouble one day.” Sasori’s voice was sharp and laced with venom. Deidara took no heed to them though.

“Are you referring to that lecture, Danna, un?” Deidara asked while laughing. “You were sleeping.”

Sasori was shocked that Deidara actually knew who he was prior to this but he supposed that he was rather famous. Scratch that. Really famous. He tried not to roll his eyes.

“In no way did my actions caused him any disturbance, unlike yours,” Sasori drawled before adding, “brat.”

“I was just trying to tell him that his presentation was too boring to be worth listening to,” Deidara said, smirking.

“And storming out of lecture was the best way to express that?” Sasori countered, raising a sceptical eyebrow. He felt rather amused by the approving twinkle in Itachi’s eyes.

“No, un,” Deidara replied. “It was just the most _expressive_ way.”

“Right,” Sasori said curtly.

“Seriously, Danna, you need to loosen up or you’ll only have friends like _that_ , un,” Deidara told him in a mock sympathetic tone, gesturing openly towards Itachi. The Uchiha shot him a glare that would have most cowering in fear by then but the blonde just continued to stare at him with a smirk.

“I don’t need you to tell me what friends I ought to have, brat,” Sasori snapped before turning swiftly and walking away. Itachi followed silently, leaving Deidara very much amused.

“What did I tell you,” Itachi said.

“He’s annoying as hell,” Sasori admitted, still feeling rather angered by the previous confrontation. The self-assured air of confidence and the way Deidara spoke to him as if they were friends for a long time annoyed him to no end. “What a brat.”


	2. Chapter 2

The day was normal, normal as in boring. There was practically nothing to do, and yes Deidara was supposed to be in lecture but he really didn’t want to go. If anyone asked, he’ll say that he’s too ashamed to show his face after that last outburst. Currently, the blonde is actually hoping that someone would ask him, just so he could actually say it. The thought made him laugh, and a few people stared at him like he was nuts, but he ignored them all.

"Have you ever heard of Akasuna Sasori?" Hidan greeted Deidara as he handed him his lunch. Egg and ham sandwich. Deidara frowned, sure that he asked for a muffin, but he figured this was revenge for earlier that morning.

"Yeah, what about Danna, un?" Deidara replied simply, accepting his meal and digging into it immediately. He had woken up late, and he would have slept through the whole day if Hidan had not called him. Needless to say, waking up to colorful and loud profanities and threats was not exactly the ideal way to do so. Deidara swore that he would never ask Hidan out for breakfast ever again. And of course Hidan felt the same way. Waiting in the Starbucks cafe alone nowhere near enjoyable and he kept getting looks from the staff. Seriously, just because he was mumbling curses under his breath, it didn't mean that he was going to burn the place down. On the same note, _looking_ like he wanted to murder didn’t mean that he _was_ a serial killer.

"What, un?" Deidara asked, frowning slightly when he noticed Hidan gaping at him.

"Danna?" he echoed slowly. "Never knew you were one of those who fucking worshipped him."

"Don't be stupid, un," Deidara said, rolling his eyes. "I just respect him.”

"Respect him."

"Saw his essay. Was impressed, un," Deidara answered offhandedly.

"Saw his essay. Am I missing something here, blondie? When did you and that midget get so fucking chummy?" Hidan questioned, crossing his arms and not looking the least bit amused.

"Stupid, he didn't let me," Deidara said happily, enjoying the way Hidan was getting increasing annoyed and frustrated. Deidara relented soon enough though. Sure he had fun at the expense of others but not his friends. "I barged into the staff room and told a lecturer I was dying, un. When he went to get the nurse or whatever, I leafed through the stack of essays on his desk and read through Danna's."

"Blondie, come clean this fucking second. Are you a bloody stalker?" Hidan asked. He was joking of course but the overly dramatic voice and exaggerated look of horror was actually quite convincing.

"I just wanted to see if he was as good as they say, un," Deidara replied before sighing, "and he is. Better than me even. Possibly."

"He's _that_ good?" Hidan hadn't thought that Deidara was a genius when he first saw him (no one would). Honestly, Deidara looked more like a hobo than anything with his long, often unkempt hair, especially with his fringe covering the entire left side of his face. It certainly didn’t help that the neatest state it was ever in was a _messy_ half ponytail.

"Un."

“And you’re annoyed?” Hidan asked, raising an eyebrow. He was not able to keep the amusement out of his voice either.

“Not annoyed per se,” Deidara replied with a smirk. “More intrigued than anything actually, un.”

“Aww, blondie, can’t your fucking pride take the fact that there’s someone out there who might be actually better than you?” Hidan cooed before bursting out into merciless laughter at the pointed look on Deidara’s face. “And look who’s coming over?” Hidan proceeded to snigger.

“Danna, un,” Deidara greeted happily, eyes sparkling with more than just mischief.

“Brat,” Sasori replied in his usual lazy manner as he came to a stop in front of the pair. “Don’t you have lecture now?”

Deidara immediately put his plan into action. “I’m too guilty to go after insulting the whole faculty,” Deidara replied, trying to sound as guilty as possible, which Sasori didn’t but of course.

“So why are you showing your face on campus?” he asked. He had wanted to sound curious just for the fun of it but it took too much effort. Which Deidara was not worth.

“Good point,” Deidara said, laughing. Hidan rolled his eyes.

“How did someone like you get into med school?” Sasori questioned but he didn’t sound particularly interested either. If anything, he was asking for the sake of asking.

“How could someone like me, much like you, not be able to get into med school, un?” Deidara retorted, his smile turning into a mirthful smirk, the same light dancing in his eyes. They were really alike in the sense of their academic ability. They were both the valedictorian of their respective schools and entered Tokyo University School of Medicine with the (same) highest mark ever in history.

“Point taken,” Sasori deadpanned and started walking away. Unlike the blonde, he was not going to skip his lecture.

“Danna, you’re leaving so soon, un?” Deidara asked, sounding somewhat sad, but Sasori could still _hear_ him smiling.

“Unlike you, I have a sense of responsibility,” Sasori replied swiftly without even bothering to turn around.

“See you!”

“Anyway, blondie, I have to go for lecture,” Hidan informed him, “so see you later.”

Deidara smiled and waved goodbye, only feeling slightly dispirited because now he would be alone and there really was nothing else to do. Anyway, it was not like he and Hidan skipped lectures on a daily basis anyway (what would be the point of attending university then?). They only did it when they feel that lectures would be really bored, like now. Deidara looked around the grounds and realised that it was mostly empty. Most people would be in lectures at this point in time. He might as well go home if he had nothing to do. Just as he stood up to leave, a voice called out to him.

“Skipping lectures, Iwa-san?”

“Iruka-sensei, un.” Deidara greeted with a wide beam on his face. Iruka was one of his tutors and the nicest by far, and he seemed to be the only one who hasn’t gotten annoyed at any of Deidara’s antics yet. Maybe he just had a really high tolerance level. Currently, the older man looked more amused than anything at the prospect of Deidara skipping lecture.

“Heard about the ruckus you caused yesterday,” Iruka told him, shaking his head slightly, but Deidara knew he was just pretending to be disappointed.

“News travel fast huh?” Deidara asked, chuckling lightly. “How’s that guy? I didn’t bruise his pride too badly, did I, un?”

“He’s fine,” Iruka replied pleasantly before taking on a more sinister tone and adopting a threatening face. “But the last I heard, he’s carrying around a chainsaw and plotting your death, and he has a stack of voodoo dolls with your name written on them kept under his bed.”

Deidara wrinkled his nose. “Freak much, un. But I’ll be careful. Thanks for the warning though, un.”

Iruka laughed. “Only you would react so calmly at the prospect of a psychopath after you.”

“Do you hate him or something, un?” Deidara questioned, laughing at the face Iruka subsequently made. He looked like he had just eaten some really bitter medicine and couldn’t find any water to wash the taste away.

“I mean he’s a good student, but he asks too many “relevant” questions,” Iruka answered, making air inverted marks and shuddering. “And he tries to kill me with his essays. He writes about two hundred pages each time with font 6. Seriously, 6!”

“Tough luck,” Deidara said, shaking his head sympathetically. “I feel for you.”

“It’s good that you’re so cheerful though,” Iruka said, smiling albeit sadly. “I hope you remain this way. Not many stay in med school and continue to be so happy. In fact most of them come in like zombies.”

“Even Danna, un?” Deidara asked, raising an eyebrow. Med school was difficult of course and even geniuses will have a hard time if they don’t study, but he thought that Sasori would at least manage to have some free time for himself to relax or whatever.

“Danna?” Iruka asked, eyes widening considerably.

Deidara laughed out loud at his face, which was really quite comical. He looked like something out of a comedy cartoon.

“Sasori no Danna, un,” Deidara replied.

“Mind if I ask why you’re calling him that?”

“Nickname.”

“Right… so anyway, he’s a different kind of zombie. He mostly looks bored,” Iruka replied. “Basically, they either look like zombie pandas with their black eyes or just zombies in a trance and Akasuna-san just looks bored. You’re the only one who seems to be able to smile around here.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll keep smiling,” Deidara replied with a smirk. “I just brighten up the place, don’t I?”

“Yes, yes, you do,” Iruka conceded, raising his hands up. “Oh damn, I have to go,” he said after glancing at the big tower clock behind Deidara. “See you around Iwa-san!”

Deidara smiled goodbye and continued on his way out of the campus as Iruka turned and ran off to wherever he had to be. Probably a tutorial. Deidara managed to make it all the way out of the school campus without bumping into anyone else that he knew. Taking a look at the overcast sky, he decided that he would walk anyway, despite it being a half hour walk to his apartment. The clouds would hold for that long at least.

The cool September wind was comforting as Deidara walked back home. His sweater provided just enough warmth for him, yet it was still thin enough that it was cooling. He loved autumn, especially when the weather was like this. Though people have an image of him constantly being surrounded by people, the truth was that he liked being alone, when he actually had time for himself. It was also the main reason why he decided to rent an apartment instead of staying at the dorms. If he could, he would go to the forest to take a walk at the break of every dawn but med school ate up more time he could possibly imagine and there was just no time to trek to the forest, even on a weekend. It didn’t help that the nearest forest was four hours away.

 _Something good is happening._ Deidara though as he made it just in time into his apartment before the rain started pouring.

Deidara’s apartment was in one word: messy. Much like him actually. Things were organized in the sense that the clothes were in one pile and shoes in another. The state they were in, however, was a completely different story. Deidara actually liked being neat but he found that that was an impossible virtue for someone as lazy as him. He could spend one whole day packing (and he did, once) and things would somehow revert to their original messy state in a few days.

Overlooking the mess, it was actually quite a nice apartment. Dainty even. Since he was staying alone, he could not afford any apartment with more than two rooms, but his had everything he needed: two rooms, a kitchen and a living room. More than enough actually.

Deidara kicked his shoes off and they joined the pile beside the door. He then kicked the door closed. The floor was freezing cold, but Deidara didn’t mind that much. It was to be expected after all. Winter was just around the corner, and the area he was living in was relatively colder since it was nearer to the sea.

He immediately made a beeline for the sofa and collapsed against it, relishing in the rhythmic sound of the rain splattering against the ground. He loved rainy days, and it was weird but he liked the thunder more than anything. The rumbling of the thunder, no matter how loud it was, always relaxed him. He had no idea why but he figured it must be because it worked as a sort of companion for him when he was lonely. And he did get lonely. So horribly lonely that he thought that he might die from it sometimes.

He needed to be around people, more for himself than anything. Because without people, he felt so insignificant and small and he hated feeling that way. It was so pathetic really, but he couldn’t help it. The worst was that he didn’t even really like being around people in the first place. Paradoxical, yes, but he always felt that that word described him the best anyway.

So maybe it wasn’t the best of idea to have an apartment all to himself, since the feeling of loneliness consumed him more often than not, seeping into his skin and becoming a part of him. Then his heart would start feeling so cold and numb that no matter how many jackets or blankets he throws over himself, he still wouldn’t feel warm. Sometimes it hurt so bad that he felt like he was drowning in ice.

The strike of the thunder shook him out of the state he was in and he immediately shook his head to rid himself of those negative thoughts. Deidara dragged himself off the couch and headed to his room instead. He immediately lay down on his bed and sank into its softness. Letting out a pleased sigh, he turned on his side and closed his eyes. The best way to escape those overwhelming feelings was to sleep so that he wouldn’t have to think about them. And when he didn’t think, they couldn’t reach him.

\--

Sasori growled lowly as he watched the rain slam viciously against the window pane. Really, he liked the rain and all but it just had to come on the one day he decided not to drive his car. And it looked like it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon either, meaning he could either run to the subway and risk getting drenched to the bone or wait until the rain subsided which was going to take at least two hours. He hated either option, because he hated being so wet that his clothes stick to his body like a second skin, and he just hated the entire concept of waiting.

“Damn the rain,” Kakuzu cured and Sasori was pleased to note that he wasn’t the one agitated by the sudden downpour. “I’m going to have to spend money on a cab.”

“Do you have to be somewhere?” Sasori asked, turning to his friend who was currently cursing the rain for all it was worth. It took a while before he answered, much to the annoyance of the redhead. Waiting was still waiting, even if it was only for one second.

“I have a wedding to attend,” Kakazu replied before making a face. “Which means even more money being spent.”

Kakazu was a junior as well, but he was in the accounting faculty. It was actually rather befitting of him actually, seeing as how he would marry money if he could. Sasori honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Kakuzu would fight to legalize it, except that that would cost money so it was unlikely that he would do it.

“You could skip the wedding,” Sasori suggested. He had nothing against weddings, but he was sure that whatever monetary present Kakuzu gave the couple would definitely be handed over with a curse. A strong one at that.

“I could,” Kakuzu growled. “But I can’t, because I have a bet with Itachi that costs fifty thousand yen.”

“Itachi’s being generous,” Sasori commented, feeling rather surprised that the Uchiha would be willing to give so much money. It was, after all, a well-known fact among their group of friends that Kakuzu never lost a bet, especially if money was involved.

“All in the name of torture,” Itachi said curtly as he took a seat beside Sasori, to which Kakuzu glared. Itachi just offered him a lazy smirk in return. “You could always back out now.”

“Hell no,” Kakuzu snapped as he stood up, the chair scrapping rather loudly against the floor, attracting more attention than Sasori or Itachi would like. “Just prepare the cash, Uchiha.” With that, the accountancy major stormed off, leaving behind two very amused men.

“Seriously, how is he even going to survive sitting through the wedding?” Sasori questioned.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Itachi replied dryly. “So what are you going to do now?” he made a vague gesture to the rain.

“I would go home, except that I don’t have my car with me.”

“Come on,” Itachi said, standing up.

“This is why you’re my friend,” Sasori replied as he followed Itachi, feeling much better ever since the rain started.

The car ride was silent, which was to be expected since neither Sasori nor Itachi was much of a talker. Sasori was staring out of the window, seemingly mesmerized by the rain droplets while Itachi was looking straight ahead at the traffic. There was no need for conversation. They liked silence. In fact, so did Kakuzu and Kisame. Even Zetsu was quiet, except when he was arguing with himself. All in all, they were a really silent group. It was no wonder that people didn’t dare approach them; something which they were all immensely grateful for. Hanging out together was one thing, socializing was another and not a single one of them liked that idea very much. They were all the friends they needed.

Without meaning to, Sasori found his mind drifting to the blonde and in particular, one sentence he had said that day when he disrupted the presentation.

_… it’s a reminder that I’m wasting my time in med school_ _…_

The brat probably said it as a way to express himself or maybe just to annoy the hell out of the other students, but Sasori felt so much more from hearing that line. It wasn’t just plain irritation he felt. Those words tugged at his heart. He had been in med school for two years already and he was starting his third. On top of that, he was going to start his internship soon (he was just informed today), because his professors all felt that he was ready for the real world. It was all every medical student could ever wish for.

Chances like this don’t come around often and they only happen once in a blue moon. So Sasori would be happy, except that he never really wanted to do medicine. He was not even the least bit interested in it. The only reason he was in med school in the first place was because of his grandmother – Chiyo.

Chiyo was a great surgeon. A great neurosurgeon. People would fly from all over the world to see her for treatment. More often than not, she was their last hope and that was what made her so great. She would be their last hope and she would heal them. Most of them anyway. Some were too terminal that only a miracle could save them. Since Sasori’s parents had died when he was young, he was the only one who could carry on her legacy and she made sure of that, drilling it into his head ever since he was young, until all he had ever known was to be a neurosurgeon just like her.

He hadn’t mind in the slightest when he was younger and when Chiyo meant the entire world to him. All he wanted to do was to please her and make her proud of him. Even now he still had those feelings of wanting to be the person that she wanted him to be, but she wasn’t his everything anymore. He had found something else to live for, but he couldn’t just drop medicine. Not when he had been working for it his entire life. Not when Chiyo still expected so much from him. Not when he was just so _damn talented_ at it.

Of course, Sasori would most probably excel at whatever he wanted to do, but his skill in medicine was almost like a gift. In theory anyway. The real test would start when he began his internship, but everyone had high hopes for him anyway. How could they not? He was the genius Akasuna Sasori and you know what? – he was the grandson of _The Chiyo._ And that basically sealed his fate.

“What are you thinking about?” Itachi asked. He usually didn’t pry but that look on Sasori face told him that he was thinking about his grandmother again, and from their years of friendship, he knew that that was never good. Sasori never actually answered though, but it didn’t mean that Itachi was going to stop asking.

“Nothing,” Sasori replied immediately, because he hated making people wait as much as he hated waiting. The answer was as expected of course.

Itachi felt like he should say something, maybe pry for one, but he didn’t know what to say and that would be awfully uncharacteristic of him. Besides, Sasori was particularly sensitive when it came to his grandmother and anything said about his studies with regards to her would set him off, something which Itachi did not want to do. In the end, like always, he just nodded.

“Could you drop me at Chiyo-baasan’s house?” Sasori asked.

Itachi gave a terse nod but said nothing else.

“Do you need me to wait for you or something?” Itachi asked when Sasori got off at his destination. He took a look at the sky. It was still drizzling but it was a light one and the sun was already peeking out from behind the whitening clouds.

“It’s fine,” Sasori replied. He would much rather be alone after talking to his grandmother anyway. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Welcome,” Itachi said. “See you tomorrow.”

“Bye.”

Sasori waited till Itachi drove off before turning around and facing the building which Chiyo resided at. It was an expensive place. Take one glance at the decorative and exquisite exterior and that much would be apparent. It was practically a five star hotel. Taking a deep breath, Sasori entered the building. The inside was as impressive if not more. The first floor was the lobby and the floor was covered with a carpet so soft that Sasori’s feet sank in it. He didn’t know why but he always felt that it resembled a bit too much to quicksand for his liking.

The security guard greeted him and he nodded back. He had been over enough times for the older man to recognize him. He pressed the button for the elevator and waited patiently for it, subconsciously wishing that it would take a longer time. He dreaded seeing his grandmother. He loved her (of course he did, she was his only family left), but she was overbearing.

The elevator arrived quicker than he had expected and he walked inside. Swiping the card over the scanner, he waited to be taken to the topmost floor which was Chiyo’s apartment. In what felt like a few seconds, the elevator opened to reveal Chiyo’s home. It was as neat as ever, with everything organized in a systematic manner, much like his own apartment.

 _Genes_ , he thought wryly.

“Chiyo-baasan?” he called out.

“I’m in the study, Sasori,” she replied, her voice sounding distant. After Chiyo had retired from being a doctor, she became a professor and had been Sasori’s professor up until last year till she had decided to take a break. It was only going to be for half a year but Sasori was really happy nonetheless. Chiyo being his professor was just too pressurizing. He had never failed to achieve the best mark of course but the nervousness and anxiety was always there. Not that he didn’t feel the same way now. All the other professors knew Chiyo and they would most definitely update her about his performance. It was just less nerve wrecking when she wasn’t the one marking his essays.

“Chiyo-baasan,” he greeted as he stood at the slightly ajar door. She motioned for him to come in and he did, moving so that he stood in front of her desk.

“I heard that you topped the most recent test again,” she said, beaming proudly as Sasori forced himself to smile. The only time he ever tried.

“Of course,” he replied. “And I have some good news too.”

“What is it?” she asked, looking rather skeptical but curious nonetheless.

“I was offered an internship,” Sasori relayed, watching as Chiyo’s smile grew impossibly wide. “I’m starting next month.”

“That’s excellent, Sasori!” Chiyo exclaimed, clasping her hands together. “I always knew that you could do it! Let me guess. You were the only one, right? Juniors don’t usually have this opportunity, do they?”

“No, I guess not,” Sasori replied, trying to maintain his smile which he hoped was as happy as she would like it to be. Funny how she was over the moon at the prospect of him having a medical internship when she had been a doctor for more than half her life.

“Excellent, excellent,” she said, beaming brightly. “I guess I’ll have to go back early to oversee your education then.”

“Yes, that would be good,” Sasori answered even though he really wanted to convince her otherwise. Truth be told, he had come here to tell her in hopes that she would decide to take a longer break, not go back to monitor him. No such luck.

“Right, I’ll have to make preparations then,” she told him. He took this as a cue to leave.

“I’ll visit again sometime soon then, Chiyo-baasan,” he said before nodding politely and walking out of the room and the house. He calmly exited the building, nodding at the security guard as well. Once he was out, he let out a huge sigh.

Life never looked bleaker.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disgusting,_ was the first thing Deidara thought when he woke up later that day, or rather evening. The sun was starting its descent soon, and it was still raining, just that it had dwindled down to a drizzle by then. It annoyed Deidara that he had actually slept for so long. A glance to the clock told him that ‘so long’ was roughly four hours.

Deidara hated sleep, in all entity of the word. Yes, sleep was necessary but he felt that it was such a waste of time, especially _extra_ sleep. Life was transient enough as it is; there was no need to take any measures to shorten it some more, which was why the blonde was so sickened right now. Basically, he had wasted the day away and he felt like crap. Too much sleep or extra sleep always did that to him, no matter how much he needed it. Rather than refreshed, he felt sick and drowsy more than anything.

Heaving a sigh, he managed to drag himself out of his bed. He was about to head to the bathroom to wash up but he noticed his cell phone blinking, indicating a call. His initial reaction was to ignore it but he changed his mind when he saw that it was Hidan.

“What, un?”

“BLONDIE, I CALLED YOU TEN FUCKING TIMES! ABOUT BLOODY TIME YOU ANSWERED!” Hidan raged at the other end. Loudly. Deidara had to hold the phone away from his ear in case Hidan did some serious damage to his ear drum. Deidara could just imagine the amount of looks the albino must be getting now and tried really hard not to laugh, because that would only serve to enrage the albino further. Not that that wouldn’t be funny.

“Sorry, Hidan, un,” Deidara replied but he sounded more amused than anything. Hidan probably picked up on that because he spent the next five minutes or so hurling obscenities at him. When he was done, ending with “and you damned motherfucker will be bloody condemned by Jashin for the rest of your screwed up and pathetic little life”, Deidara was sure he could write a book on every curse word ever invented and how they can be used.

“Done, un?” Deidara asked, sniggering a bit when Hidan muttered something under his breath.

“What took you so damn long?” Hidan snapped in response.

“I was asleep.”

“Fuck, blondie. I would love to fucking get some shut eyes.”

Deidara really didn’t mind exchanging places with Hidan if that was what the slightly older guy really wanted. Hidan could have his four hours of sleep and he could have Hidan’s four hours of free time, awake. Honestly, he didn’t know what he would actually do with that time, but at least it wouldn’t be wasted on sleeping.

_Yeah, just wasted on something else._

“So what do you want, un?” he asked, sighing silently, pushing that thought out of his mind and locking it in the part of his brain that he never accessed.

“I’m bored, blonde,” Hidan declared. Deidara waited for him to elaborate but his friend stayed silent.

“So what do you want me to do, un?” Deidara questioned, frowning slightly. He hoped that Hidan didn’t ask him to go with him to pray to Jashin or whatever. The last thing he wanted to do on a Friday night was worship some God he didn’t believe in.

“Dude, we’re fucking friends right? Fucking best friends?” Hidan asked in a matter-of-fact voice. In fact he sounded like he was talking to a three-year-old, save the language.

“Uh huh,” Deidara replied, not very sure where this conversation was going.

“So let’s hang out,” Hidan replied. Deidara could just see him rolling his eyes and wondering why he made the blonde his best friend. “I’ll meet you at the park near your house.”

It was phrased as a statement of course, but Deidara could hear the questioning tone in Hidan’s voice. He knew that the Jashinist wouldn’t mind if he said no (after all, they had only known each other for about a month), and that he sure as hell wouldn’t force him to go out but despite everything, it was obvious that he wanted him to. Because he sounded really bored. Deidara wanted to reject him though. Sure, he liked being in the company of people (when he had to be) but there was just something that always held him back from overly interacting with people, let alone opening up to them.

He had hung out with Hidan before of course, but it was always during school hours or just after school, where he didn’t have time to escape per se. It was different now though. He could spin up a tale on how he was busy and couldn’t go out. Like how he had always done to other people in the past, best friend or not. He couldn’t go on living like that though, always dodging the company of others. He knew that (had known that for a while actually) but the feeling of wanting to be alone always won out.

“Blondie, if you had fucking hung up on me, don’t doubt for a second that I’ll rush to your apartment and rip you from bloody limb to limb.”

Hidan’s voice snapped him out of his reverie and as usual, he was quick to respond.

“You don’t know which floor I’m on.”

“Yeah, the fucking alternative is me banging on everyone else’s door, demanding that the motherfucker Iwa Deidara return a hundred million which he bloody borrowed but never fucking bothered to return. You’ll totally get evicted.”

Deidara really wanted to retort, but staying in his apartment any longer would make him lose all will to go out, though it was not like he had any in the first place. He was just convincing himself that he really wanted to socialise.

“I’ll see you at the park in five minutes.”

With that, he hung up, cutting off Hidan’s spluttering. He didn’t mind waiting. He just had to get out of the flat before he decided that meeting people was just a waste of time. He splashed some water onto his face and threw on a random shirt and jeans. In less than a minute, he was out of his house. He took the stairs instead of the elevator, because the waiting might make him turn back.

Once he was out of the building, he heaved a sigh of relieve and walked quickly to the park. He had forgotten how suffocating it was to be alone. Yet it was what he wanted. Letting out a groan, he tried to block out his thoughts. He hated himself sometimes, when he didn’t know exactly what he wanted. He always ends up wanting two things which are the exact opposite, so whichever choice he made was bound to upset him in some way.

“You’re here already?” Deidara asked in surprise when he saw Hidan sitting on one of the benches, chatting with Pein and Konan. “And so are they,” he added slowly.

“I’m overwhelmed with joy at seeing you too,” Pein replied in his usual emotionless voice while Konan waved happily.

“Hi Deidara!”

“Scared I wouldn’t come, Hidan, un?” Deidara joked as he sat down beside Hidan. It was all good now. He didn’t feel the dread at seeing his friends, or the urge to run. And thank God, he didn’t feel like he hated them.

“Actually, they found me sitting here,” Hidan answered before a wicked grin appeared on his face. “And guess what? The two fucking lovebirds here were on a _lovely_ date. Sweet huh?”

“Real sweet, un,” Deidara drawled, smiling at Pein and Konan sweetly, amused at the way Konan blushed a bright pink while Pein suddenly decided that looking at them was too much for his eyes. It was kind of cute how they were still so shy after dating for (close to) three years.

“Well, where do you two want to go?” Pein asked suddenly, noticing the way the two younger men exchang knowing smirks but choosing not to comment on it. Pein usually decided where they go, not that they minded. It was just that him asking them to choose was a first and the reason for it was quite hilarious. It was almost like him telling them not to talk about the date any further. Scratch that. It was exactly like him telling them not to talk about the date any further. Like hell the two would pass up on such an opportunity though. It was not every day the almighty Pein pleaded with people, no matter how indirect it was.

“Are you sure you two want to come with us, un? We would hate to intrude on your personal time, un,” Deidara said in a worried tone, but the smirk on his face gave everything away.

“Yeah, bitches, we would totally understand if you two fuckers would rather go fuck – oh I mean spend some bloody quality time together,” Hidan continued, looking on in delight as Konan turned so red that she looked like she was about to faint. Pein’s face still looked as plain as ever but the slight twitching of his eyebrows was a clear indication of the limit of his patience.

As provocative as Deidara and Hidan were, they recognised danger when they saw it, especially when said danger came in the form of Pein killing them in their sleep, or anywhere really. They wisely changed topic.

“Right, un. So anyway, I have no idea where to go, so Hidan will decide, un,” Deidara replied, smiling happily at the couple who looked relieved that the two were done with their teasing. Honestly, Deidara thought that that didn’t even qualify as teasing (seriously, one line _each_ from him and Hidan) but he let it pass. Pein was a scary being. On second thought, so was Konan. The two of them combined was… yeah…

“Okay, let’s go freaking drinking!” Hidan cheered and stood up before anyone could protest. They silently followed him, because only Jashin knows how furious Hidan would get if anyone tried to stop him from drinking. “But we’re gonna have fucking to use your damned car, Pein. I know a fucking good bar but it’s more than a half fucking hour walk from here. It’ll only be ten bloody minutes by car though.”

“Sure, my car’s over there,” Pein said, waving in the general direction of a nearby open car park. Besides, Hidan wasn’t really asking.

However, instead of the expected ten minutes, they took fifteen minutes to arrive at the bar. The extra five minutes was due to the minor fight between Konan and Pein. The former had wanted to drive because she felt like it but the latter didn’t want to let her because he was afraid that she would get them lost. Konan was infamous for being bad with directions. Eventually, Pein gave in though, because Konan threatened to ignore him for a week. Hidan almost murdered a few birds from the wait. Deidara simply busied himself with picking at the random things in Pein’s car.

“Where do you have a drill in your car, un?” Deidara asked from the backseat. He lifted up said drill with a disturbed face while Hidan looked at the drill in fascination. Probably thinking that he could use it for one of his rituals.

“I was supposed to bring it to my cousin today but I forgot,” Pein replied, rolling his eyes. What, did they think he was psychotic killer?

“Nope, just wondering, un,” Deidara said defensively, placing the drill in the middle seat.

By the time they actually arrived at the bar, Hidan was royally pissed off. He had been deprived of alcohol for a whole week and he really needed a drink. He almost broke the door when he entered, the other three close behind.

“It’s so fucking crowded!” Hidan shouted in irritation, though it was barely more than a whisper over the loud blare of the music.

“It’s a Friday night, un,” Deidara deadpanned, but Hidan ignored him as he pushed his way passed the mass of bodies which stood between them and the wretched bar counter which held his beloved drinks captive. The other three immediately followed him before the path he made became overridden with people again. Hidan was unbelievably fast. By the time they had settled in their seats, Hidan was already on his fourth shot of vodka.

“Dude, control yourself, un” Deidara said, laughing lightly as he watched Hidan drown another shot. He soon made a face though. “Please tell me you have a high tolerance level, un. I am so not dragging your sorry ass back to your apartment.”

“Blondie, it’s going to take more than five freakin’ shots to get me fucking drunk and incapacitated,” Hidan shot back, but he ordered a cocktail this time. Deidara ordered the same, while Pein and Konan both got a glass of brandy each.

“Wimps,” Hidan insulted but no one paid him any heed.

“Oh Sasori! Itachi!” Konan called suddenly, almost causing Deidara and Hidan to spit their drink out. When the hell was she ever friends with them?

“Konan, Pein,” Itachi greeted. “I see that you have some peculiar company tonight.”

“Fuck off, un,” Deidara said pleasantly before turning to Konan. “I’m not sure if I’m friends with you anymore.”

She chuckled, ruffling his hair, something which he hated and she knew. He glared at her, but she kept on smiling. She was so lucky that Deidara actually liked her, or he might just kill her.

“Come on! The two of them are nice people! You’ll get along just fine eventually,” Konan comforted, while Hidan groaned.

“Probably, if your ‘eventually’ is my ‘never’, un,” Deidara replied, turning back the red head instead. “Oh, hey, Danna!”

“Brat,” Sasori replied, out of courtesy more than anything, even if he did doubt whether the blonde even deserved this amount of politeness. Still.

“You two are secretly close, aren’t you?” Konan cooed happily, to which both Deidara and Sasori grimaced.

“Unlikely.”

“No way, un.”

“Well, anyway, you guys can bond while I go over there with Pein,” Konan announced as she stood up and dragger her boyfriend to wherever ‘there’ was.

In the meantime, Hidan and Itachi had both sneaked away, leaving the two medical students together. Sasori sighed and sat down beside Deidara, much to the latter’s surprise. It was not that Sasori wanted to; it was just that this was a better alternative to going back to where his – probably drunk - friends were. _Both_ of Zetsu’s personalities became impossibly rude and obnoxious when the man was drunk, while Kakuzu would grumble non-stop about money, going as far as to give a lecture about it. Kisame would start talking about the _sea_. Sasori really didn’t want to be near them right now.

“That’s all you’re drinking?” Sasori asked, raising an eyebrow sceptically. “I expected you to be more of a drinker.”

“You should probably be dead soon if you keep this ‘assuming things about people’ thing up, un,” Deidara retorted, smiling. “Danna.”

“If what you’re saying is right, I should have been dead about ten years ago,” Sasori replied, rolling his eyes. “Brat.”

“Anyway, acetaldehyde has rather unpleasant results. Basically, I would just really hate a hangover among other things, un," Deidara said, the smile never leaving his face.

"I know the effects of drinking and the science of it, thank you very much," Sasori replied curtly. "But since you apparently know so much, why not convince your friend over there to drink less?"

"Why not convince yours?" Deidara shot back quickly. "But anyway, to answer your question, I did, un. He threatened to sacrifice me to Jashin. Don't ask."

"Wasn't going to."

"Shota! Shota! Wake up!" a voice shouted, interrupting the banter between the two. They turned to the direction where the voice came from and saw a woman shaking an unconscious man frantically. A crowd was slowly gathering (as it always did when these kind of things happen) and there were some people whispering and pointing, while others merely looked on in disinterest. Deidara and Sasori exchanged glances before walking over.

"What's wrong?" Sasori asked immediately.

"Shota... Shota was knocked down... knocked down... by... by a _car_ just now," the woman said hysterically in between sobs. "But he got up afterwards and was fine!"

"Move," Sasori ordered as he knelt down beside the unconscious body. The woman hesitated at first but eventually did as she was told, turning to Deidara with tearful eyes.

"Can you help him?"

"Call an ambulance, un," Deidara replied as he knelt beside Sasori. "Did he hit his head or something?"

"Yes, his head!"

Sasori immediately started feeling the man's head and he soon found a bump.

_Damn it._

"Brat, he has a blood clot," Sasori said calmly, figuring the blonde would understand.

"Hidan! Get the fucking drill from the car!" Deidara shouted to his friend, who had decided to join the onlookers.

"The fuck -"

"Now, damn it!" Deidara snapped. Hidan scoffed but he turned and ran out of the bar, shoving people aside. Deidara turned to Sasori. "Tell them to turn on the proper lights, please."

"What the fuck are you thinking of?" Sasori asked, though he had a pretty good idea. "You're not experienced enough. Heck, you're a year one medical student."

"You do it then, un," Deidara replied in annoyance, brows furrowed together.

"We should wait for the ambulance," Sasori retorted, equally frustrated.

"To collect his corpse?" Deidara asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

"They'll be collecting his corpse if you do something stupid," Sasori reasoned, watching anger flare in the younger man's eyes. This was the first time he had ever seen the blonde so serious and he definitely did not expect it.

Deidara was about to retort when the music stopped. The disco lights were subsequently switched off, replaced by the bight, white light. Deidara blinked, wondering who the kind soul was when he saw Konan giving him a peace sign and a soft smile. Pein was beside her, looking slightly worried but was otherwise his normal impassive self. Hidan ran back to them with the drill, passing it to Deidara. He did not look too happy about the whole thing, but he did look rather concerned as to what Deidara wanted to do with the tool.

“If you can't stand blood, lots of it, run, un,” Deidara told the crowd, not bothering to ensure that those people actually listened to him.

He then proceeded to start drilling a hole in the man's skull. He vaguely registered the woman fainting and the screams of some people, but he couldn't care less. All his attention was focused on what he was doing. If he drilled into the skull too deeply, the man would be dead in an instant which defeated the purpose of why he even decided to make a hole in the man's skull in the first place. Slowly, he pushed the drill deeper into the skull, feeling and listening carefully. Honestly, it would help if the place was quiet but Deidara would make do with his situation. After what seemed to be eternity, blood started coming out, signaling that he was successful. Gently, he removed the drill and turned it off, dropping it onto the ground. He barely had time to say anything when a group of four paramedics rushed over. One of them took a look at the situation and his eyes widened in shock. They quickly placed the man - Shota - onto the stretcher and the other three carried him out. The last one approached Deidara.

"Wow, doctor, that was an awesome job! You saved the man’s life," he told Deidara, voice laced with amazement before he held out a hand. "I'm Genma, by the way."

"I'm a first year medical student," Deidara replied swiftly, watching in amusement as Genma's face changed from shock to horrified to impressed in the span of five seconds. He eventually put his hand down – rather awkwardly – when he realised that Deidara wasn’t going to shake it. "You are good," he managed to get out in the end.

"Thanks," Deidara answered tersely. "I'm going. People can be freaky when they stare." With that said, the man turned and walked briskly out of the bar before anyone else decided that they wanted to talk to him. Hidan followed close behind, shooting dark glares at anyone who even dared to look at them.

\--

"Chiyo-san, you're back so soon?" Kakashi asked in surprise as he saw the old lady walking towards her office. “I was expecting you to take at least a year off.”

"Well, I have to come back to help my grandson," Chiyo told the other professor, smiling lightly. “I’m glad that he has gotten such a good opportunity, so I have to ensure that he’s fully prepared.”

"Oh, yes, Sasori is really smart,” Kakashi said, nodding his head. “He has the potential to become a great doctor. But, I take it that you didn't hear the news?"

"News?" Chiyo asked, baffled. What other pressing news was there, besides Sasori’s internship?

Kakashi simply smiled.

"Guess who enrolled?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Blondie, what the shit just happened?" Hidan demanded once they were a good distance away from the bar. He had followed Deidara out on a whim, and along the way he wasn't so sure if his company was actually welcomed. However, Deidara didn't say anything or tell him to go away so he assumed it was okay. They had been walking for a good ten minutes before Hidan decided to spring the question.

"I saved a man's life, un," Deidara replied calmly, as if he didn't just drill a hole into a stranger's skull. In front of a large audience. In a pub. With a household drill. All by himself.

"Well, fuck," Hidan replied, not really knowing what else to say. "Wasn't that fucking dangerous?"

"Obviously, un," Deidara said, turning around to peer at Hidan curiously. "Dude, you do know that even operations conducted in a proper operation room have risks, right?"

"Why, fuck no, operations are always safe and successful," Hidan replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Fuck you."

"Yeah, thought so, un," Deidara said, laughing lightly and turning back around. "Do you want to have Starbucks?" he asked, noticing that there was one just in front of them.

"Why not?" Hidan said before smirking. "Let's pull an all-nighter here."

"Yeah, sure, un," Deidara answered immediately, even though he wasn't actually sure that he wanted to. He hadn't felt uncomfortable with Hidan at all for the entire span of time he had known him, which is actually saying something because his comfort of being around a certain person usually lasts for about a week. Two weeks at most. By then, he would usually only be able to spend a maximum of one hour alone with that person. More than that and he would feel suffocated and awkward.

Anyway, this would be the first time that he would spend an entire night with somebody. He had never gone for sleepovers because they just didn't appeal to him, and he wasn’t that comfortable around people anyway.

"If we fall asleep, will they chase us out?" Hidan questioned as he glanced inside the shop. It was only half full, which was quite unusual but Deidara supposed that this Starbucks was considered out of the way. Most people wouldn't venture so far into this side street just to look for a cup of coffee since there were two bigger ones just along the main street.

"Don't worry," Deidara replied, smirking sideways at his friend. "I'll make sure to leave first thing in the morning if you fall asleep so people can mistake you for a hobo, like you have always wanted."

"Never fucking said I wanted to bloody experience being a damned hobo!" Hidan snapped as he pushed opened the door, making a jingling sound as he did so. "You're the one who looks like some Jashin forsaken hobo, Blondie."

"Dude, that's insulting!" Deidara said, punching Hidan's arm lightly. The other probably didn't feel it though, what with his muscles and all. “Anyway, what I mean is that I’m not dragging your sorry ass home, drunk or not.”

Hidan ignored him as he ventured further into the café. In the end, they took the seat furthest away from the entrance. Sitting at the tables along the huge window where anyone who walked past could see them was not exactly their cup of tea. It didn’t matter that only a couple of people would even walk past. The knowledge of it happening was the annoying thing. The table they chose was conveniently hidden behind a large plant as well, so they were away from the prying eyes of the staff and other patrons. Even if Hidan did fall asleep, no one would know. Deidara told that to Hidan who immediately glared at him.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” Hidan announced, placing both hands on the table and pushing himself up. He smirked at the blonde. “I’ll get you whatever I feel like getting you.”

“Whatever, un,” Deidara replied, waving his hand as Hidan stalked away. He looked between the leaves of the plant and stared at the other customers who were all chatting happily with their friends. They seemed to have a lot to talk about. A lot of happy things at that, judging by their smiles. It could have something to do with the fact that this was a Friday night too. As he switched his gaze to Hidan, he idly wondered if it was going to be a long night.

**-VvVvVv-**

Sasori prided himself on being indifferent to most things, impatience aside. Things just do not shock him the way it did other people, like his internship for example. He was happy when he received it of course, but the endorphin faded in a few hours, and he sure as hell was not surprised. Other people were though. They all came up to him to congratulate him and commented on how _stunningly amazing_ it was that a third year student managed to ace such a prestigious internship. Of course there were a couple of seniors who were royally pissed off but they could go “fuck themselves” as Kisame put it.

Anyway, the point is that things never shock Sasori. After all, if things had a chance of happening (which is everything actually), they might. Sure, Deidara had just completed a successful surgery in front of him with absolutely zero proper medical equipment or instructions, but even so, Sasori found that he was just slightly stunned. Honestly, he had been prepared to see the man die before him (no he wasn’t a pessimist, he was a pragmatist) and when the man didn’t, and would probably live now thanks to the blonde, he was amazed that the 1% chance happened. That’s all.

The thing that bothered him more was that Deidara definitely had skill. It was apparent from the success of the surgery, but Sasori could tell from the way he handled the drill as well. He knew exactly how much pressure to apply and exactly how deep to drill. And he was calm. He was totally composed even though he only had one attempt to get it right. If he had failed, the man would have been dead within the second. No questions asked. But that was only one of the consequences.

If he had failed, he would have been charged with murder and he would have been founded guilty. That was a given, because he did use a household drill and penetrated a man’s skull with no medical certification. Even if it was obvious that he was trying to remove the blood clot from the man’s brain, no one would have believed that a first year medical student had any chance at succeeding. Heck, they might even classify him as mentally unsound and send him off to an asylum to spend the rest of his life.

Deidara was either really confident, or he really wanted to save that man’s life.

Sasori was annoyed that he himself actually thought that it was the first option. He hated not knowing things among many other stuff, and now he really wanted to know where Deidara had picked his skills up from. Being a genius was one thing (he would know obviously), knowing how to operate a highly dangerous surgery without prior practice (at least he assumed) was another.

Sure, he was probably one of the smartest people on earth but even he wouldn’t be able to perform such a surgery so successfully at the first try and without any necessary equipment at that. In other words, it was actually quite clear that the younger medical student had performed this surgery before. Which brings him to his next question: who would allow such a young, inexperienced person to perform such a high-risk surgery?

“Sasori, are you okay?” It was Itachi. The black haired man was standing beside him, but when he arrived the redhead did not know. He was too lost in his own thoughts. Itachi must have noticed that, because despite not having any expression on his face, the slight twinge of concern in his voice was a dead giveaway.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sasori replied, brushing off his friend’s worry and turning to head back to the rest of his friends. As he was making his way over, he noticed that the blood was already wiped off the floor and the disco lights had long been turned back on. Everyone had also returned to their own worlds. In spite of himself, Sasori smirked. People always moved on so easily, like there was nothing worth holding on to.

Without even asking, he grabbed Kisame’s glass and drowned its contents, blocking out the protests from the blue haired male. He didn’t like drinking but he really needed to get drunk tonight.

**-VvVvVv-**

“Oh fuck, I needa rush, Blondie. Jashin damned project meeting starts in ten minutes!” Hidan shouted, attracting the attention of the baristas at the counter. They all shot him glares of varying degrees. Some had been there since the night before and had witnessed the insane and loud laughter, along with lots of swearing (courtesy of Hidan), coming from the two college students and were currently very annoyed at said two. A few had just entered for the morning shift and were still too sleepy to care about the world.

Deidara ignored them and just watched Hidan frantically dump all his stuff into his bag with an amused smirk on his face. Thank God his lecture (damned weekend lecture) only started later in the morning. Hidan didn’t even bother to say bye before he picked his bag up and rushed out of the café, cursing all the way. The albino actually looked anxious for once and the situation wouldn’t have been all that humourous except that he left his wallet behind. Before Deidara could say anything though, he was already long gone.

“Did you spend the entire night here?”

Deidara looked up from Hidan’s wallet to see Sasori taking a seat opposite him, a cup of hot coffee in hand. Honestly, Deidara was weirded out by this unusual display of openness by the redhead and he must have let it show on his face because Sasori was glaring at him.

“What, Brat?”

“Nothing, Danna, un,” Deidara replied quickly, snatching his own Frappuccino off the table and taking a quick sip. “Never pegged you down as being the friendly, pro-active type, un.”

“What was that discussion we had about assumptions last night?” Sasori asked, smiling smugly as the blonde rolled his eyes and continued sipping his drink. “Konan’s outside.”

“You’re kidding, un,” Deidara muttered, turning his head and hoping that the senior was nowhere to be seen. But she was there alright, standing outside with a bunch of girls Deidara didn’t recognise. “She has friends.”

“She’s a social butterfly,” Sasori said, staring disdainfully at Konan and her group of friends as well. “And those girls are not nice.”

“Experience, un?” Deidara asked in amusement, watching as Sasori’s expression grew progressively more annoyed.

“Bad ones.”

“What did they do, un?” Deidara asked in interest, because really it was not everyday that Akasuna Sasori actually reacted to something.

“What they do, you mean. Anyway, they quote literature at me,” Sasori said darkly. “Insulting ones. Knowing that I actually understand.”

“Maybe that’s why they do it, un,” Deidara said, chuckling lightly. “As fun as it may be to insult people without them actually understanding, it’s just as amusing to do it to someone who understands, un.”

“Don’t worry, Brat,” Sasori replied, eyeing the blonde coolly. “I’ll be sure to express your interest to them.”

“I need another drink, un,” Deidara said instead, joining his newly emptied cup to the ones on the table before looking at them sadly. “I’m so gonna be broke.”

“Your own doing,” Sasori told him before sighing. “You might want to wait.”

Deidara was about to ask why when the bell went off, signaling the arrival of customers, or the arrival of the group of females to be exact. The blonde sighed and fell back against his chair, glaring slightly as the incessant chattering reached his ears. Konan’s voice was more than detectable among the others, and Deidara wondered if she was as noisy as this when she was with Pein. A glance in Sasori’s direction told him that the older man was wondering the exact same thing.

“They are so noisy,” Sasori muttered, glaring at the wall instead of the creators of said noise.

“Why don’t you just glare at them, un?” Deidara asked, turning back to look at Sasori who was currently looking at the wall as if he wanted to burn it down. He probably did.

“They can sense it, especially Konan,” Sasori gritted out as he continued glaring at the wall.

“Really, Danna, un?” Deidara asked, trying hard not to laugh, because really, did Sasori really believe that? Though he wished he kept his mouth shut when the glare was redirected at him.

“Try it, Brat,” Sasori snapped before adding hastily, “When I’m not around.”

“Wow, Danna, you mean it’s true?” Deidara asked. He did not mean to sound patronising, but it probably sounded that way, because the Akasuna glare stayed on him.

“It’s _Konan_ and _her_ friends,” Sasori stressed slowly, as if it was the most simply concept on earth.

“Right, un,” Deidara said, nodding his head slowly. “Right, it’s Konan.” Which means that whatever Sasori said was definitely true. Seriously, if you could tame Pein, you must have some supernatural power residing in you.

“Exactly.”

The two waited in silence for the next ten minutes before the girls finally filed out of the Starbucks café, each with a drink in hand. It was amazing how they never ran out of things to say. They had talked the entire duration they were in the store and were still happily chatting away, showing no signs of stopping. More importantly though, Deidara swore he saw Konan smirk in their direction before she left.

“Did you see that, un?” he questioned Sasori who nodded. He sighed. “I’m getting my drink, un.”

After a few minutes, Deidara came back with a scowl etched onto his face.

“I’m so kicking Hidan’s ass, un,” he proclaimed as he placed his cup onto the table.

“Why?” Sasori asked, for conversation’s sake more than anything.

“I ordered a cup of Caffe Mocha, and that guy gave me a bloody hot chocolate, un. I argued with him but he refused to change it, insisting it was _Caffe Mocha_ when it was obviously not. Then I remembered that Hidan told the poor guy to fuck off last night along with other profanities which I refuse to regurgitate, un.”

“You’re nice,” Sasori said, but they both knew he was being sarcastic. “Let’s go. Lecture starts in half an hour.”

“There’s still time then, un,” Deidara retorted.

“Goodbye,” Sasori said and promptly stood up and left, ignoring the spluttering blonde. A few moments later, the sound of running footsteps reached his ears and a hand clasped onto his shoulder.

“Dude,” Deidara panted. “Do you always walk this quickly?”

“It’s my normal speed,” Sasori replied, shrugging his hand off and continued on his way. He did slow down though, because he was feeling nice that day.

“Urgh, it’s too damn sweet, un,” Deidara complained, making a face at the cup. “He definitely added in more sugar.”

“Throw it away then.”

“It freaking cost me 410 yen, un!” Deidara growled.

“You sound like Kakuzu,” Sasori said, smirking as he thought about all the things his friend would say to the suggestion of throwing something away. “Not a compliment.”

“Right, he’s that miser, un.”

Sasori smirked in spite of himself. He knew that Kakuzu was infamous for being stingy and in love with money, as did the man himself, but no one had ever gone as far as to call him a miser before. He couldn’t wait to tell his friend.

“Hold on, I’m gonna finish this,” Deidara said. Sasori sighed as he waited (he was feeling really nice), and immediately regretted it. Sure, the other medical student only took about five seconds to drown the drink’s entire content but it was _still_ five seconds.

“Finally,” Sasori muttered before walking off again.

“Danna, it was five seconds, un,” Deidara protested, as he rushed to keep up again. Sasori was definitely walking faster.

“Please don’t have a sugar rush now.”

“I’m skipping that phase and going straight into depression.”

“Good,” Sasori said, glad that he was not the only one suffering. He had gotten drunk the previous night just like he had wanted to. Needless to say, the morning did not turn out as lovely as it should have been.

It was lucky that it was weekend and that the only lecture scheduled for the day was their combined lecture, because Sasori was sure that there would be _a lot_ of stares if he were to walk into the school compound with Deidara. Just imagining it made his skin crawl. He was really glad that it was a weekend.

“It’s a combined, un?” Deidara asked in surprise when Sasori walked into the same lecture hall as him. “I thought it was for freshmen only.”

“Why would they split a weekened lecture into four?” Sasori asked, wondering not for the first time if Deidara was actually, really dumb and the only reason why he was a genius was because he was possessed more often than not. The blonde simply ignored him as he took a seat right next to Sasori who glared.

“Don’t you have your own friends, Brat?” Sasori snarled.

“Danna, are you trying to tell me you saved these seats for your friends?” Deidara asked, smiling, knowing that he had already won. It was confirmed when Sasori sent him an icy gaze but turned his attention back to the front of the lecture hall. At first, he was glad that the lecturer was already there, but when he saw who the lecturer was, he almost fell out of his chair (one of the rare times he was actually shocked), but he didn’t, because Akasuna Sasori did not do things like fall out of his chair. It did not matter that he could probably pull it off skillfully.

“Seriously,” he breathed out before he realised that he was not the only one who uttered that particular word.

It took him another second to realise that _Deidara_ was the other person. However, it seemed that the blonde had not heard him at all. His attention was all on the lecturer. Again, Sasori felt curiosity rise up within him. Why did Deidara, of all people, seem to know the lecturer personally? Before he had time to question him though, the lecturer started speaking.

“I know I said I was taking at least a year off, but I changed my mind. Now how have you people been?” Chiyo asked, a wide smile on her face.


	5. Chapter 5

“Never knew you were a professor here, un,” Deidara said, approaching Chiyo as the rest of the students filed out of the lecture theatre to the bliss of the weekends. Well, maybe not so blissful because Chiyo had just set them a five thousand word essay which was due on the following Tuesday, but still.

“And here I was, thinking that you enrolled here because of me,” Chiyo replied pleasantly before beaming widely. “I see you’ve met my grandson.”

“Your grandson?” Deidara repeated, before turning around to be face to face with Sasori who nodded curtly. “Ah, figures.”

“Figures?” Chiyo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The stubbornness, un,” Deidara replied simply as Chiyo laughed while Sasori just continued looking stoic, though the flash of annoyance in his eyes was not missed by Deidara.

“How’s your mother?” Chiyo asked suddenly as she turned around and started gathering the papers on the desk.

Deidara stiffened slightly, something which was not gone unnoticed by Sasori but he let it pass. He was not about to probe into something which was none of his business.

“She’s fine. Thanks for asking, un,” Deidara said before adding quickly, “right, I just remembered that I have to meet a friend to pass him a book. See you around, Chiyo-sensei, un.”

“I have to pass a book to Kakuzu as well,” Sasori said immediately. “See you later, Chiyo-baasan.”

“Well, college is really busy I guess,” Chiyo said as she waved them off, not even bothering to turn as she started on the arrangement of the files. “Now run along. I have work to do too.”

The two nodded before they left the lecture theatre. They kept silent all the way until they were out and well away from the place.

“Where are you meeting Kakuzu?” Deidara asked once they stopped outside the school campus.

“Lie. Where are you meeting your friend?” Sasori asked in return, though he had a pretty good idea what Deidara’s answer would be.

“Lie, un.”

At that moment, Sasori was expecting Deidara to ask, to pry and ask why he wanted to get away from his grandmother, but the younger medical student just remained silent. Well, Deidara probably didn’t want him to invade his privacy either, so Sasori just left it at that. They weren’t all that close anyway.

“So where are you headed, un?” Deidara asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets and kicking at some pebbles.

“I have nowhere to be,” Sasori replied and Deidara rolled his eyes.

“You couldn’t be more direct than that, un,” Deidara said with a final kick to the pebbles before he walked off. “I’m going to the town, un. If you’re that bored, I don’t mind you tagging along.”

“Only because I have nothing better to do,” Sasori said, easily catching up with the blonde so that they were walking side by side.

“You just want to be my company, Danna, un,” Deidara said, laughing when he saw the slight frown on Sasori’s face.

“You’re the one who invited me, Brat.”

“You accepted.”

“Fair enough.”

The walk to the subway station was silent, but it was far from uncomfortable. Usually, when Deidara had to walk with someone whom he wasn’t familiar with, he would always feel the need to say something, because the silence was just so awkward that it made his skin tingle all over. But it was just different with Sasori. Maybe it was because it was so obvious that the redhead relished silence, or that they had nothing to talk about and they both knew that very well, but the silence was far from awkward. Not that it was the happy kind of comfortable either. It just felt right and normal to not be talking.

The subway ride was silent as well, not that they would be able to hear each other over the noise generated. While the train was mostly quiet on weekday mornings, it was the exact opposite on weekend afternoons. High school students talked like they owned the freaking train and Deidara would be glad to tell them to shut the hell up (Hidan would no doubt), but that would not do anyone any good so he kept his own mouth closed. A glance to his companion told him that Sasori wasn’t all that happy with the situation either, if the look of irritation on his face was anything to go by.

When the train came to the halt at the station Deidara wanted to alight at, he was more than shocked when Sasori just exited it before he even told him anything. In fact, he was so stunned that he almost forgot to exit the train, and then he almost lost sight of the redhead. He had to run to catch up with Sasori who just smirked at him. Deidara almost punched him.

“How the hell did you know that I wanted to come here, un?” Deidara asked once they were out of the subway station. It was way too crowded to get a word down there.

“I felt like getting off at this station,” Sasori replied, not even looking at Deidara as he continued walking. “I didn’t know that you wanted to come here.”

“Sweet as usual, Danna, un,” Deidara deadpanned, rolling his eyes and trying to keep up with Sasori who was walking really quickly. “Where are you going anyway?”

“I don’t know. I’m just walking.”

Deidara actually had somewhere he wanted to go, but he knew that he wouldn’t, couldn’t go there. It was not like that place was illegal or anything of that sort. It was a proper establishment and in fact, it was his paradise. But that paradise was so hard to keep, and he had given up on it a long time ago anyway. Paradise was distracting. It distracted him from what he really needed to do. Med school. He really needed to do med school.

“I feel like going somewhere, un,” Deidara told Sasori eventually anyway.

“Where?”

“If you stop in front of that shop, we’ll go in, un,” Deidara replied, rather smugly. The district was humongous and it practically hosted a hundred shops. In other words, it was unlikely that Sasori would choose the right shop. But if the redhead, by some weird twist of fate, did manage to end up at the right shop, Deidara decided that he would just go in. Well, he could blame it on fate. Or Sasori.

“Here,” Sasori said, stopping suddenly, which caused Deidara to almost bump into him. His survival instinct prevented him from actually doing so. Who knew what Sasori would do? The man could hardly stand people touching him.

Deidara looked up at the store which Sasori had stopped in front of and the smile from his face was immediately wiped off his face. Really, the probability was definitely less than 1%, but Sasori actually managed to choose the one shop that he both longed for and dreaded to enter at the same time. Fate was screwing with him or something. Without saying anything else, he walked up to the door and pushed it open, entering a shop which he had painstakingly avoided for the past few years.

“An art store?” Sasori questioned but Deidara didn’t hear him. He was somewhere between wonderment and pure amazement. It had been so long since he had entered an art store that he thought that he would have forgotten the exhilaration of actually being in one. But he was so wrong. The excitement and happiness which filled him as it always did in the past still appeared and nearly choked him. It was all he could do to not laugh out loud like a psychopath.

It was much quieter in the art store than it had been outside, with all the people chattering and laughing. Besides the cashier (who was busy reading a magazine), there was only one visible customer who was admiring some handicrafts on display. Deidara figured that there were probably more customers deeper in the shop, but he didn’t really bother. His legs moved on their own accord and before he knew it, he was standing in front of the clay section.

He stared. Intently. That was all he could do really. If he touched any of them (which he really wanted to), it was all over. He would immediately cave and give in to his desires. But he couldn’t do that now, not when he had worked so hard for _med school._ He was content to just look. For now.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, just staring at the clay, but he finally tore his gaze away when he realised that he had forgotten all about Sasori. He turned to his left, where the entrance was, thinking that Sasori would be around there, checking out the displays or something while waiting for him. Then he remembered that Sasori hated waiting and decided that the older one had probably already left and was probably really annoyed at the blonde, which Deidara honestly didn’t give a crap about at that moment. A look to his right, however, proved him totally wrong.

Sasori was there. But he wasn’t waiting for Deidara (obviously). He was at the next section, the wood section. He was standing in front of a shelf of wood and he was staring at them, staring but not touching. Like Deidara had been with the clay, and the blonde picked up on that immediately.

“Danna?” Deidara tried.

“What, brat?” Sasori asked, turning away from the wood to look at the blonde.

It was frightening to look into Sasori’s eyes when they looked the same as his. He immediately looked away, back to the clay.

“I think we should go, un,” Deidara suggested.

Sasori didn’t say anything, but the blonde knew that he agreed. Despite that, they both still stood there, staring at the clay and wood respectively for about a minute before Sasori finally wrenched his eyes away and started down the aisle. Deidara released a sigh and followed close behind.

“I’m leaving,” Sasori announced once they were outside. Without another word, he walked away, merging into the crowd. Deidara took off in the other direction. Sasori didn’t want to see him, and it was understandable, because he didn’t want to see the redhead either.

It was ironic. Because he was always so miserably lonely, Deidara always thought that he would be over the moon if he could find someone with the same passion as him. So that they could actually be truly bonded over something, which was art in this case. But now that he has found that someone who was in the exactly same situation as him as well (as it would seem), he realised that he felt nothing more than despair.

It was not that he was depressed to find someone who liked, possibly love, art like he did. It was just plain depressing to finally find someone who shares that same interest only to have to completely reject that person because he had already given up on art. More than that though, it was horrible, horrible to know that someone was in the _exact same_ position as he was, because honestly it was the worst thing that could happen to him. He hated that anyone actually felt the same. Maybe Sasori didn’t feel like it was the worst thing in the world, but the look in Sasori’s eyes told Deidara that he did indeed feel that way. He felt as pained as Deidara did, and that was simply unbearable.

“I really hate this, un.”

**-VvVvVv-**

Sasori didn’t know where he was going. All he knew was that he wanted and needed to get away from the art store as soon as possible. And he needed to get away from the blonde as well, because the blonde currently reminded him of the art store. It was pathetic how easily his resolve crumbled.

He should have walked away when Deidara had entered the art store, but instead he had followed suit, because he himself had wanted to do so. He was blaming the blonde. He had passed by the art store many times and had always managed to convince himself to just move away from it. Heck, he didn’t even spare it a glance, treated it like any other store. But now he had actually entered it. If Deidara hadn’t entered the art store, he wouldn’t have either. Yes, he was totally blaming Deidara.

Despite that, he couldn’t deny that he felt more alive than he had felt in years. Sure, the burning desire to just buy some wood and rush home to start creating his puppets again was harsh and difficult to crush, but the joy at actually being able to see some wood again was worth it. At least until he had to deal with the constant thought of his art invading his mind and distracting him from studying.

“Sasori?”

The redhead was shook out of his musings and he found himself facing none other than his grandmother. Joy. A look around told him that he had somehow manage to walk into his grandmother’s neighbourhood and right next to the supermarket where she did her groceries. Sometimes, he really hated the fact that he could walk so quickly.

“Chiyo-baasan,” Sasori greeted instead, trying to sound calm as he walked over to her. “Are you doing your grocery shopping now?”

Sasori prayed that she would say no so that he could leave, but of course she just had to give an affirmative response. Sasori would really much rather just come up with an excuse to leave, but he felt that he had to help his grandmother.

“Didn’t you have to meet Kakuzu though?” Chiyo asked, watching as Sasori take a basket.

“He couldn’t make it,” Sasori replied. “I’ll pass the book to him tomorrow or on Monday.”

“Ah, I see.”

They walked into the supermarket and headed to the fruit section first. Chiyo loved fruits. It was the first thing she bought every time. She was absent-mindedly picking some apples and placing them into the basket when she suddenly mentioned Deidara.

“I was really happy to see Deidara you know.”

Sasori nodded, rather annoyed at himself when he realised that he was actually interested. Though in his defence, Chiyo was his grandmother so that kind of made Deidara’s relationship with her his business.

“I’ve never mentioned him to you before, have I?” Chiyo asked, looking through some pears now.

“No.”

“He’s a genius, that boy is,” Chiyo said gleefully. “But of course you are too, dear.”

Sasori knew that he shouldn’t even be remotely annoyed, but he did. Sure, Deidara was a genius and was smart, and he knew that. He, of all people, would know that, but he just didn’t like it that Chiyo was being all proud about Deidara. After all, he wasn’t her grandson. Sasori was.

“He would make such a fine neurosurgeon,” Chiyo continued rambling. “When he was just ten years old, I already knew that he would make it.”

“You knew him when he was ten?” Sasori asked incredulously despite himself. Luckily, Chiyo didn’t seem to notice. She was too lost in her own thoughts.

“Yes, he was always in the hospital because his mother has a heart condition and his father was always at work and couldn’t take care of him,” Chiyo answered. “You know, in fact, I have actually coached him on a few procedures myself.”

Sasori suddenly felt sick.

“Chiyo-baasan,” he interjected. “I’m sorry, but I have to go now. Kakuzu just sent me a message saying that he could meet me now.”

“Right, go on then,” Chiyo said, smiling widely. “Don’t let me hold you back.” She then sighed happily. “Oh, I just have such high expectations for that boy!”

“See you,” Sasori said, forcing a smile before walking away.

_Iwa Deidara… who the hell are you?_


	6. Chapter 6

“No, un,” Deidara said before he could stop himself. He hadn’t meant to reject Konan in such an outright manner but his instincts got the better of him. Konan gave him a sad pout coupled with teary eyes while Hidan stared at him in astonishment. He knew that he never rejected a free meal but no way. Not tonight. He was looking forward to going home that day and spending the rest of the evening and night _alone_. Konan wasn’t ruining that plan with a sudden dinner invitation. No bloody way.

“Come on,” Konan whined, pitiful – convincing - look still in place. He thought that maybe this was how she got Pein to do anything she wanted, and if that didn’t work, he knew that she was quite violent when she wanted to be. Despite advocating against violence.

“Free meal,” Hidan stated simply as if it was the only reason needed to accept the invitation. Deidara supposed it was, but no.

“I don’t care. You’re coming,” Konan said simply and walked off, completely expecting them to follow her. When they didn’t, she turned around and gave them _that_ glare. The one that even Pein was afraid of.

“Fine, un.”

“It’ll be fun,” Hidan assured him, grinning. He was definitely thinking about what to eat already. Really nw. Deidara would think Hidan was a beggar with how ecstatic he is every time he gets a free meal. Yes, Deidara was happy most of the time too but he wasn’t overflowing with joy like his best friend.

“Fun,” Deidara echoed plainly when Konan opened the doors to a private room. They were in a fancy French restaurant in a five star hotel and Deidara had wanted to leave immediately when he caught a glimpse of the menu at the front door, but Hidan wasn’t bothered by it at all. Instead, it seemed that the urge to eat at the place became stronger when he realised how expensive the food was. Konan must have known this, because she had a slight smirk on her face the entire time.

Pein was in the room of course (Deidara was starting to think that the two had every meal together), but he wasn’t the only one. There were exactly six other people there, two whom he did not want to see, three whom he recognised by sight and one who was a complete stranger. Deidara was ready to bolt. And of course that was the moment Konan closed the door and happily dragged him and Hidan to the three empty seats.

Somehow, Deidara ended up next to Konan and directly opposite Sasori. One of the two people he didn’t want to see. Joy. Really. He sighed and resigned himself to fate. There was no way Konan was going to let him leave now. Come to think of it, that was probably why she made him sit beside her.

“Isn’t this great?” Konan gushed, beaming radiantly at the nine men seated around the table. Murmurs of assent went round and Konan’s grin became impossibly wide. She didn’t seem to realise that the agreements were more forced than anything. Pein thought her obliviousness was adorable really, but he also thought that it was slightly evil.

“Who’s that fucking kid?” Hidan asked, glaring at the new face. That stupid ass had been _smiling_ non-stop ever since the three had walked through the door and he showed no signs of stopping. If possible, his grin had become wider, wider than Konan’s. Hidan was _this_ close to punching him.

“Tobi is Tobi! He’s a good boy!” the boy – Tobi – introduced himself cheerily with a huge wave.

“Why the heck is that bloody idiot invited to this damned dinner in the first place?” Hidan questioned, folding both arms and resting them behind his head, cold eyes fixed on Tobi who squirmed a bit under the look.

“Damned dinner?” Konan repeated, raising an eyebrow and smiling sardonically at the younger man. Of course she would pick up on that.

“Lovely dinner,” Pein corrected instantly, shooting Hidan a scathing look. “He really means lovely dinner.”

“Yeah, that’s totally what I fucking meant,” Hidan rushed to agree, hoping that the bomb which was Konan didn’t detonate on him. She narrowed her eyes at him before turning back to her food.

“He’s Itachi’s cousin,” Konan explained as if it was the most apparent thing in the world. Hidan’s eyes widened as he looked back and forth between Itachi and Tobi.

“I fail to see the resemblance,” he concluded in the end. Itachi and Tobi actually had the same shade of black for their hair and the same magenta red eyes, but with the way Itachi’s hair was neatly tied back into a low ponytail versus the way Tobi’s short hair was unkempt and sticking out in all directions, all physical resemblance was lost. Also, Itachi’s eyes had a cold glaze in them, while Tobi’s eyes seemed to reflect rays of sunshine. No one would be able to tell they’re related.

“One’s a prude and the other’s annoying, un,” Deidara said, rolling his eyes. “All the resemblance you need, un.”

“Tobi’s not annoying!” Tobi said, looking horrified and somewhat upset though his smile was still lingering on his face. It was a creepy mixture, but Deidara thought it looked appropriate on Tobi. He was creepy anyway. Who the hell referred to themselves in third person?

“Who invited him again?” Sasori asked at the same time, earning a glare from Deidara which he returned with cold eyes.

“I invited _everyone_ ,” Konan snapped, drawing all the attention to her instead. She was visibly upset, and the others all felt a slight pinch of guilt. They all knew how much Konan hated quarrels and how excited she must have been to set this dinner up… though of course she could have mentioned exactly who was going to be present. “Now stop fighting like little kids over candy and have proper conversations like adults.”

The five minutes after was unbearably quiet and the atmosphere was growing increasingly uncomfortable. Konan was still sulking and didn’t seem to be intent on being the one to steer things in the cheerful direction. Even Tobi’s smile had started slipping. As far as Kisame had known the boy (which was really long), the boy hardly ever stopped smiling so he knew that that was a bad sign. It really didn’t help that Sasori and Deidara were glaring at each other as if they wanted to kill each other. They probably did. And as far as Kisame knew his friends, he knew that none of them was going to start talking any time soon, meaning he had to be the one to break the silence. As per usual.

“So, it seems that we all know Konan and Pein,” he said and immediately wished he didn’t when all nine sets of eyes landed on him. The trouble he gets himself into. He cleared his throat self-consciously and put his knife and fork down, realising a little belatedly that they could potentially be used as weapons against him. “I’m just saying that maybe we should introduce ourselves or something. I mean I have never officially met Deidara or Hidan before. And I’m sure that Kakuzu hasn’t either.”

He could feel death looming behind him when most of the looks turned to glares. Okay, so he would also kill whoever suggested introductions, but that was the only thing he could think of. And really, he only knew that Deidara was a genius from the grapevine. He knew that Hidan was the most vulgar person on campus, but that information was again from the grapevine. He didn’t actually know either of them at all. Still. He was about to say ‘forget it’ when to his utmost relief, Konan clasped her hands together and smiled at Kisame as if Christmas had come early. Though that didn’t stop the glares. If anything, they turned deadlier.

“Exactly, introduction time!” she chimed, eyes sparkling while the rest slowly turned their glares on her which she coolly countered. Their glares also earned them all a glare from Pein. Deidara thought that Konan looked like some sort of mad scientist but kept that comment to himself in case she really went psycho on him. “Everyone knows me, but I’ll start anyway. So, I’m Konan and a fourth year at Tokyo University.”

And so everyone took their turns to introduce themselves under Konan’s threatening eyes. Pein had been a business major before he graduated and was Kisame’s senior; the blue haired man was currently working towards a degree in aforementioned major. It was from his acquaintance with Kisame that Pein had gotten to know Sasori and the others. Naturally, Konan had then been introduced to them.

“Tobi’s still in high school,” Tobi chirped, looking round the table once. He was the last to go and somewhere in the middle of the introductions, his smile had become as bright as the sun again, much to Hidan’s dismay. “And he’s going to enter medical school next year. Please take care of Tobi, senpai!” He shot his smile in Deidara’s direction and the blonde frowned.

“Why are you calling me senpai?”

“Because senpai is in med school!”

“So is that prick over there,” Deidara sneered, eyes sweeping over to Sasori.

“But Tobi likes senpai more!” Tobi answered enthusiastically, waving his arms in the air and trying to make a point. He almost hit Itachi in the face and received a glare. He was so lucky that Itachi was never violent. Though Tobi was most likely suicidal.

“Yeah, well, some people are hard to like, un,” Deidara replied.

“Talking about yourself?” Sasori shot back. His patience had been wearing thin and now it was completely gone. He had been contented with just glaring.

“Unfortunately, no, un,” Deidara said, eyes firmly fixed on the redhead. “I was talking about you actually.”

“Shut up, the two of you,” Konan commanded and the annoyance in her voice was as clear as day. The two fell silent, though they were still glaring at each other. “What the hell happened? I thought you two were friends already!”

“Sasori has spent the entire past week glaring at Deidara and insulting him whenever he saw him,” Kakuzu provided, shrugging when Sasori’s glare shifted to him instead. Sasori’s glares often promised murder but Kakuzu was more than used to it, having been on its receiving end more times than he could count and still remaining alive aftereards.

“Bloody fucking same here with blondie,” Hidan added as Deidara turned his glare to him as well. “What?” Hidan snapped. “I had to literally pull you away or you wouldn’t have stopped.”

Kakuzu nodded in silent agreement. That was actually how he had met Hidan. He had seen Hidan just the previous day after school and they had spent a good one hour bitching about Sasori and Deidara. That was all they did though, so they weren’t exactly considered friends. Still, he supposed it was a start.

From there, Pein took matters into his hands and banned any insulting which they all, some grudgingly, agreed to. But no insulting meant that Sasori and Deidara didn’t have anything to say so they kept quiet for the rest of dinner. Hidan was allowed to talk, because cursing didn’t have the same connotations as insulting, or so he argued. Pein gave in. For the life of him, Hidan couldn’t – even if he tried - say anything without cursing.

No insulting also meant that Deidara and Sasori couldn’t glare at each other, because that was the way it worked with Konan, and no one tried arguing with that. Konan would win hands down. They then busied themselves with their food. They couldn’t look up since they were directly opposite each other, and while Konan was content that the others were all talking (surprisingly) happily, she didn’t seem to care about the silence of the two of them. It was unusual since Konan loved to include everyone, but no one said anything.

Finally, the dinner ended. Peacefully. And that naturally encouraged Konan and made her think that this dinner was an excellent idea. A perfect idea. The first part of the dinner was all wiped from her mind as she beamed at the men when their dishes were all cleared.

“Let’s have dinner again next Friday,” she suggested before anyone had the chance to leave the room. Well, it was supposed to be a suggestion but it was more like a demand, with her ‘I dare you to challenge me’ tone and eyes. Tobi agreed ardently, cheering and clapping. He even suggested meeting up before dinner time, but that idea was pushed aside when the rest, save Konan, started complaining about how busy Fridays were. Eventually, they all nodded, because Konan wouldn’t take her eyes off them or let them leave otherwise. “See you all next week then!”

Tobi was the first to go, bouncing off merrily and chattering next to the other Uchiha, who looked like he was trying to restrain himself from murdering his cousin. Hidan said that he should just do them all a service and kill him already. Tobi gave a mega-watt smile and assured everyone that Itachi loved him too much to do that. After all, they were family. Itachi kept quiet, but Hidan could see that he was seriously contemplating the idea. He was about to tell that to Tobi but a look from Konan sealed his mouth. Really, Konan was the scariest person he had ever encountered and he has met _many_ people who were considered terrifying. Himself included.

Kakuzu and Hidan ended up going off together when they discovered that they lived in the same direction and could share a cab. It was Hidan’s idea actually. Kakuzu had vehemently refused initially because a cab was at least twice as expensive as taking the subway was. He only agreed when Hidan snapped and said that he would pay for eighty per cent of it so “just bloody agree already, you fucked up idiot”. Kakuzu hadn’t taken too kindly at being called a fucked up idiot but he supposed that that was Hidan’s way of being affectionate. Deidara had left with them, but they had parted ways at the entrance, since the blonde lived in the other direction. Kisame and Zetsu stayed on campus so they were waiting to hitch a ride from Pein who had kindly offered. Sasori declined it, saying that he had somewhere he needed to be. No one asked where. They all knew that he wouldn’t tell.

Sasori had just started to walk away from the group when Konan called his name. He wanted to ignore her but there was something in her voice that made him turn around. “Yes?”

Konan ran the short distance to him, so that she wouldn’t have to shout, but more importantly so that the other two wouldn’t hear. She knew how much Sasori hated people poking into his personal affairs and how much he would love to keep them private, but she also knew that she was about the only person who could get something out of him and get away with it unharmed.

“What’s wrong with you and Deidara?”

“Nothing.”

 _Expected._ Konan sighed, while Sasori crossed his arms and stared at her. He really hated waiting.

“Look, I don’t know what it is that happened between the two of you and I know that something _did_ happen even if you deny it and refuse to tell me,” she said before Sasori had the time to do exactly what she said. He remained stoically silent but Konan could tell that he was becoming more annoyed. “Just fix it okay? I really like you, and I really like him too. You saw how dinner went just now. I think we could all be good friends if we wanted to.”

Sasori couldn’t deny that the dinner had gone well (way too well in his opinion), but there was the fact that he and Deidara hadn’t said a single thing. He supposed Konan had taken that into account, which was why she was confronting him about it. But his problem with Deidara couldn’t be resolved overnight. Honestly, he didn’t even know why Deidara was so annoyed by him. He knew why _he_ was annoyed by the blonde, even hated him, but he had no clue as to why Deidara was so hostile. In retrospect, Deidara was probably as clueless as to why Sasori was behaving this way as well. The ironic thing was that this hatred of his had developed overnight. One thing he was (somehow) sure of was that the blonde’s hatred had developed in one night as well.

“I’ll do something,” he promised Konan eventually, just to get her off his back. For the time being. She was sure to pester him about it again when she realised that the situation wasn’t resolved. The blue haired girl smiled gratefully at him and for the first time Sasori realised how important this was to her. He wasn’t sure why though. He was about to ask but a car horn sounded and they saw Pein’s BMW waiting at the pick-up point. A queue was starting to form behind it and the driver in the second vehicle didn’t look at all elated at the prospect of waiting. Sasori could totally relate.

“Thanks!” Konan said and gave Sasori a quick hug before she rushed off to the car, waving as she did so. Sasori watched the car drive past, and nodded when Kisame and Zetsu gave him a wave from the backseat. He waited till the car had disappeared into the main road before heading off. He didn’t really have anywhere to be, but he wanted to be alone.

He glanced at his watch and watched the second hand move a few strokes before hitting the number twelve. It was exactly nine. Dinner had actually taken a whole 2 hours and a half. He hadn’t expected it to last so long, even if it had felt like eternity in there. Still, it was too early to go home. If he went home now, he would spend the rest of the night working on his assignments and other some other internship stuff, which he really didn’t feel like doing at the moment. In the end, he settled for walking around.

There was nothing interesting to see on the streets on Friday nights. Ever. Salarymen were mostly drunk out of their minds, while the lecherous ones would leer at any women unfortunate enough to cross their paths. High school students would be all around, talking and laughing out loud as they prowled the streets, free from clutches of the hellhole otherwise known as school. Office ladies would be in groups of twos or threes, sometimes more, and chattering non-stop, catching up on whatever gossip they had missed over the week. Everything was the same every week. The most prominent similarity was that it was always noisy. There was no moment of silence. Ever.

Of course it was also crowded. As Sasori ambled down the sidewalk, he was beginning to think that he had made the wrong choice. After the tenth person bumped into him, he was thoroughly regretting his decision. Going home where it was quiet and tranquil wasn’t such a bad idea after all, even if all he had for company was papers. At least they didn’t annoy him. Not much anyway.

Somehow, as fate would have it, Sasori found himself outside the art store. He almost stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, but that would have earned him more curses than he could be bothered to count. He hastily made his way over to the store and leant against the wall. And he felt more stupid than ever.

He had passed by this store so many times only to ignore its presence and continue on his way and now he was stopping at it. Completely of his own free will. Damn it. Sasori thought that he might have found another reason as to why he hated Deidara. He was about to walk away when a flash of familiar blonde hair caught his eye. He looked up into cerulean eyes which stared back into his own hazel ones.

_Seriously._

Deidara looked away first and rolled his eyes before walking away, muttering something inaudible under his breath. Sasori had a good guess as to what it was. Probably ‘fuck’ or something, seeing how he was so chummy with Hidan. It certainly was the first word to cross his mind, and he usually didn’t curse.

At that moment, his mind chose to materialise Konan’s voice in his head.

_Just fix it okay?_

He cursed his own mind, and Konan. Really. He would not have bothered if it had been anyone else who had requested that of him. Honestly, even if it was Konan, he wouldn’t have even tried to do anything. He could deal with her pestering him. If needed, he could always deal the ‘internship is stressful’ card. There was just something in Konan’s voice that made him feel like he had to try. For whatever it was worth, Konan seemed to be more concerned (overly concerned) about this than him. Cursing himself one last time, he walked up to Deidara before he lost sight of the blonde in the mass of people.

“We need to talk.”

Deidara stared at him for a few moments with calculating eyes. He knew that the blonde needed time to contemplate, but really, it was common knowledge that he hated waiting. Much less in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. Outside the art store. Seriously. For a second, Deidara looked as if he wanted to leave and just walk away but he didn’t.

“Fine.”


	7. Chapter 7

The walk to wherever they were headed to was uncomfortable, a far cry from when they were last in the same situation. Deidara remembered it being a pleasant walk. To think that it had only been what, a week or so since that time? Obviously they hadn’t been friends at that time, but the atmosphere was comforting and at the very least, they didn’t hate each other. This walk felt like a walk to an execution site. Deidara was already regretting his decision to agree to have this talk.

But it would be a lie if he said he wasn’t curious as to why Sasori suddenly hated him. Naturally, he knew why he hated the redhead, but he didn’t know what the redhead’s problem with him was. To be honest, he wouldn’t have openly shown his hatred in the first place if Sasori hadn’t started it. He would have acted like nothing was wrong, because truth to be told, he knew that his reason for hating the redhead wasn’t even something Sasori could control.

It had been just like any other weekday on campus. Deidara was eating with Hidan in the cafeteria when they saw Sasori with Kakuzu. Deidara had every intention to ignore the two, but Hidan felt friendly for some weird, strange reason which Deidara still hasn’t figured out and waved them over. The conversation started out fairly well, but it eventually descended into a verbal war between Deidara and Sasori and things just spiralled out of control from there. Hidan and Kakuzu hadn’t even know what sparked off that first insult, and honestly Deidara himself couldn’t remember. He only remembered his anger.

“Where are we going, un?” Deidara asked, making sure the annoyance was clear in his voice. And it apparently was, because he swore that Sasori almost turned around to bite his head off. But really, they have been walking for at least fifteen minutes already.

“Somewhere quiet,” Sasori replied stiffly instead. Deidara rolled his eyes. He had already figured out that Sasori wasn’t particularly keen on talking to him either, which left one conclusion really. Konan had somehow forced him into this. He can’t see Sasori wanting to resolve this difference out of his own free will. Yeah, definitely coerced.

“Really, campus, un?” Deidara asked when the familiar building came into sight.

“Really, campus,” Sasori answered, not sounding the least bit amused. “What is so wrong with the campus?”

“How are we even going to get in, un?” Deidara asked in disdain. He didn’t fancy scaling walls, or attempting to pick locks for that matter (not that he couldn’t). And it wouldn’t be fun at all if the security alarms went off. Actually… come to think of it, it would be fun. If Hidan was around.

“Who do you think I am?” Sasori snapped.

Deidara made the right choice by biting back his retort. While there was hardly anyone around, a (probably loud) argument would definitely draw some attention. They weren’t _that_ far away from the main street yet.

When they finally reached the gate of the medical faculty, Deidara almost let out a sigh of relief. But he didn’t, because Sasori looked as if he would murder anything that made any noise. And Deidara was sure that he was pretty high on his to-kill list at the moment. If Sasori wanted to, he could probably delude himself into thinking that Deidara did make some noise and kill him right then. And then claim it was self-defence.

Deidara was still wondering how the hell they were going to enter the campus when Sasori wordlessly pulled out his wallet and then a card from within it. Deidara didn’t see the card, but he already knew what it was. When Sasori scanned it against the card reader and the gate flung open easily, his guess was confirmed. Sasori had possession of the entry card, which only professors were allowed to have. Deidara’s only conclusion was that the school/ dean – whatever – really loved Sasori. Knowing Chiyo, she wouldn’t have given hers to him, relative or not, and no other professor would either. Evidently, the school had issued one to him.

They picked a random empty classroom and entered it. Deidara never remembered the campus being so silent before. There was always some sort of noise which was mostly generated by the students. It felt strangely quiet and a little eerie, not that Deidara was scared or anything of the sort. In fact, he found himself actually relishing in this newfound silence. There was never a moment of complete tranquillity in the city, and while he was most definitely used to the din that came with the hustle and bustle of the living city, he most certainly didn’t like it. Suddenly, he found himself wishing that he had rented a hut or something on the outskirts of the forest. Screw commuting to school on time.

“Konan told me to talk to you,” Sasori said the moment he closed the door behind them. Deidara found it amazing that his impatience was still so prominent in such a situation. Well, at least that meant that that wouldn’t be any more awkward silences. As much as Deidara liked silence in general, he didn’t know how much more of _that_ he could take.

“Yeah, figured that out, un,” he replied, and decided to make life easier for Sasori. “What the hell is your problem with me then?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Sasori shot back, looking more than a little peeved that Deidara had asked the question first. Still, it meant that they were officially on the subject they should be on and no beating around the bushes was needed.

“Look,” Deidara said in irritation, his own patience wearing thin. For heaven’s sake, he wasn’t the one who suggested having a talk. He found himself feeling resentment towards Konan. If she wanted them to make up so much, she could at least be the facilitator or something. Though she probably didn’t come because she knew that they wouldn’t say anything in front of her. “My problem with you is innate, un. You don’t really have anything to do with it, okay? So you don’t have to know, un.”

“If I don’t have anything to do with it, your actions are more than a little unreasonable, don’t you think?” Sasori replied swiftly.

“Why, pray tell, what did I do to you then? I certainly don’t remember. It seems that your actions are “more than a little unreasonable” too,” Deidara quoted back, glaring at the redhead who somehow still looked more impassive than he probably felt, which made Deidara even angrier. Why was he the only one whose anger was so raw?

“And they are,” Sasori admitted and though it wasn’t obvious or even detectable in his expression or voice, Deidara just somehow knew that Sasori felt just a tad bit chagrined. Deidara’s own anger ebbed away a little. Maybe they could have a proper talk after all.

“They’re probably innate problems too, just like yours,” Sasori said finally. He crossed to the other end of the room and stared out of the window which overlooked the campus lawn. Deidara went over to the row of desks and sat at one of them, somehow feeling more relaxed around the redhead than he had been in days. It was kind of humourous how their problems with each other sounded so similar. He would have laughed if he hadn’t been so angry before. Their anger was still lingering in the air, a reminder that their problems are still problems if they aren’t solved, and that they are still problems even if they were innate problems.

They were silent for a few minutes and Deidara couldn’t help but wonder why Sasori was suddenly so miraculously patient. He was expecting to be asked to spill his problems about five minutes ago. He was about to say something when Sasori spoke.

“It’s not jealousy,” Sasori said, and while Deidara did not understand what the heck that meant, he realised that Sasori wasn’t waiting for him to start first. He was simply gathering his thoughts. “What I’m going to say may sound like jealousy to you, but it isn’t.”

“Okay, un,” Deidara replied, eyes drifting to the white board instead. From the tone of Sasori’s voice, it was apparent that he hasn’t told anyone about this before and Deidara just felt more comfortable not looking at him when he sounded like he was going to bare his soul.

“Being a neurosurgeon, a doctor, is not something that I wanted to do,” Sasori started and Deidara almost interrupted him but he didn’t. He would wait his turn; Sasori was the one who was anti-patience. “It was something forced onto me by Chiyo-baasan. Not literally of course but I supposed it could be considered so. My parents died when I was little, so my father, her son, obviously couldn’t be a doctor anymore. She was a great neurosurgeon and my father had such a promising future and now that beautiful dream of hers was snatched away just like that. And she simply couldn’t bear it I guess. Every day, she would lament it, how my father was excellent and how his death was in vain. She wouldn’t stop saying it. So what was I supposed to do? It was obvious that she wanted me to replace my father. But she would never say it directly to me. So I pretended that I was interested in medicine, even made it my life.”

Deidara wanted to laugh at that moment, because whatever Sasori just said was kind of related to why Deidara hated him so much. But he didn’t know that yet, and Deidara couldn’t say anything yet, because Sasori was obviously not done.

“So imagine my shock when I find out that instead of coaching me, she has been coaching you for years,” Sasori continued, the venom in his voice more than apparent. If words were poison, Deidara would be dying an excruciatingly slow and unbearably painful death. The only positive thing, Deidara thought, was that Sasori wouldn’t actually see the moment of his death, because he wouldn’t be able to wait that long. “I’m talented. Everyone knows that and I know that. But we also all know that talent is but a factor in terms of medicine. There is no way anyone can complete a complicated surgery so successfully the first time without any guide.”

“So you knew that someone had taught me that procedure before, un?” Deidara asked. Sasori hadn’t specify any incident but he knew that Sasori was talking about the incident at the pub anyway. “And when you found out that it was your grandma, and I’m guessing she didn’t teach you at all nor tell you about her teaching me, you started hating me, un. But that’s not really it, right? It’s the fact that she practically pushed all her hopes onto you, and you had no choice but to carry them as a burden on your back, giving up everything else, and then find out that it seems that she has placed her hopes somewhere else. I know it’s not jealousy, un.”

Sasori turned around, leaning his back against the window. When Deidara felt his eyes on him, he turned to look at him. He was expecting Sasori to look furious, or at least have flames dancing in his eyes, but no. Sasori looked as emotionless as ever. It was only because Deidara was looking in his eyes that he knew that Sasori wasn’t the least bit angry.

“It’s not jealousy,” Sasori agreed, a small smile tugging at his lips in spite of himself.

“You’re going to laugh when I tell you my problem,” Deidara declared, turning his eyes back to the white board. Sasori’s eyes were still on him, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore. It was surprising how it took one second for them reach this level of understanding. Especially when they were ready to kill each other just three minutes ago. “If you can laugh.”

“Don’t push it,” Sasori warned but he didn’t glare.

“I didn’t want to be a doctor either, un. Never even considered it once in my life. And unlike you, I was literally forced to become a doctor, un. My mother has a heart disease, un. It’s terminal and she’ll die if she doesn’t go for the operation. But she refused it, un. She would only do it on one condition. The condition was that I would be the one to operate, un. When thrown with something like that, I had to become a doctor, don’t I? She’s my _mother_.” Deidara paused and Sasori didn’t rush him, surprisingly. Maybe the guy wasn’t so bad after all.

“Even so, I didn’t have to like it,” Deidara said and smirked slightly. “You should know, especially after what I said during that combined lecture.”

_…it’s a reminder that I’m wasting my time in med school…_

“I remember,” Sasori said as the phrase immediately assaulted his head. “You weren’t just being an annoying brat then.”

“No, un. I was being honest, un,” Deidara replied before laughing a little. “This is the funny part.”

Sasori raised eyebrow and motioned for Deidara to continue. He hoped that the blonde wouldn’t start laughing like a lunatic though his hopes weren’t high.

“You were my role model, un. Not the normal role model where I look up to you and all that shit, un. You were supposed to remind me that I have to be like you. That someone like you exists. And this is the funny, ironic part, un. You were supposed to remind me that someone like you, very much a genius like me, but who loves medicine and takes medicine as seriously as his life because he wanted to help people, exists. And I had the talent too, so if I didn’t use it, I’d be scum, un.”

Deidara started laughing. He couldn’t help himself. It seemed so stupid now that he thought about it. It was so ironic, and he thought that the only thing that prevailed in his life was paradoxes. Life just loved to throw random things at him.

“And I hate medicine,” Sasori confessed, smiling despite himself (he was right about Deidara laughing like a lunatic after all) and ignoring the fact that Deidara had indirectly called him a ‘scum’ as well. He shook his head slightly before chuckling a little. “The irony.”

“Yes, un,” Deidara said, a little breathless from all the laughing. “And then I found out that this guy hates medicine. That was at the art store of course. And I got so mad at you, un. Now I don’t even know why I’m in med school, un. My mother doesn’t count. Its function as a reason declines every day.”

“Innate problems,” Sasori concluded.

“Innate problems,” Deidara agreed before laughing out loud again. “This is absurd! Now I don’t even know why I hated you, un.”

“Tell me about it,” Sasori replied, rolling his eyes. The whole situation seemed nothing more than a joke now. Sasori can’t remember the last time he let something get to his head and then actually act on it. And to think that the first time he let his anger get to him was because of something so seemingly stupid. Though, despite everything, Sasori found that he was quite glad. Deidara was almost in the same situation as him.

“So anyway,” the blonde said, staring pointedly at Sasori. “I totally dig cardio, so you have nothing to worry about, un.”

“Unless I get into an accident and you have to operate on my heart in the middle of the road,” Sasori retorted drily.

“I can do that successfully, un,” Deidara replied confidently, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. “And maybe prove that people can be successful on first attempts.”

“I’m sure, Brat,” Sasori said, the nickname slipping out unconsciously. He was about to apologise, because while they might have reached this understanding, it didn’t mean that they were friends. He was alright with the blonde now of course but he didn’t know if Deidara was still angry.

“That’s nostalgic, Danna, un,” Deidara replied, smiling lightly at Sasori.

The redhead rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the window pane.

“Let’s go. It’s late.”

“Impatient as always, un,” Deidara chided playfully as he got up from the chair and pushed it back under the table.

“So hurry up.”

“Hey, Danna, un,” Deidara said as they walked out of the classroom. “What did you want to be?”

“And what about you?”

“An artist.”


	8. Chapter 8

Deidara didn’t feel good. In fact, he felt far from good. He felt horrible. He thought that maybe he would be over the moon (okay, not really, but at least a little happy) now knowing that there was someone out there who was in the same fucked up situation as him, but that obviously wasn’t the case as he found out on Monday morning when he woke up and felt dread consuming every part of him.

_Shit._

He had spent most of the weekend – fine, all of the weekend – burying himself in his studies and finishing up all his assignments, some of which were not even due for another three weeks. Basically, he cleared everything. Anyway, that meant that he didn’t have time to think, or allow any feelings to submerge. Yet, he stupidly thought that he was feeling normal.

He actually just hadn’t had time to digest what had transpired between him and Sasori. That he practically, for some reason, told Sasori his entire life story. Sasori, whom he hated (though albeit for an odd reason) and whom he had only known for a month. He swore that college was doing weird things to him.

Deidara felt like punching the wall, or himself. He had survived so damn long keeping _that_ to himself. It’s not as if it was some dark secret, but it was something he didn’t want to deal with on a normal basis, if at all. Now, he would see Sasori every day (probably) and be reminded exactly why he was in this position. But he didn’t feel annoyance at the older man this time, not even a speck of it. He was still wondering whether that was a good or bad sign.

Still. Would Sasori bring it up? Surely, he – them both actually – couldn’t act as if nothing had happened after they practically bared their souls to each other and realised that hey your life is as horrible as mine if not worse.

He could just imagine how awkward it would be between the two of them. Not to mention they now had their weekly Friday night dinner. Honestly, Deidara didn’t even know if Konan was serious about the entire but he would be a fool to take any chances with her and indirectly Pein. And Tobi. Gosh, with the way that kid was so excited about the weekly dinner, Deidara wouldn’t be surprised if he actually haunted everyone down just to drag them out.

Anyway, that was beside the point.

Now he just felt like skipping school if only to avoid Sasori and postpone any awkward meetings which were sure to follow.

_Seriously._

Deidara let out a long groan. He hated skipping school. It may not seem that way but he had never skipped a day of school before and the first time he skipped lecture was during the first year of high school and that happened only _once_. He just decided to rebel more in college… or it could be Hidan’s influence.

… yeah probably Hidan’s influence.

Deidara stared at his phone in disdain when it started vibrating furiously on his table. Speak of the devil much.

“Yes Hidan?”

“Fuck blondie! Where the hell are you, you bastard?!”

Oh right. Breakfast with Hidan. Crap actually.

Deidara wondered how he always managed to land himself in this situation where he sits on his bed and allow himself to be verbally (and psychologically) abused by Hidan. This had better not turn into a weekly occurrence.

“Sorry, un,” Deidara said once Hidan was finally done. “I’ll buy you lunch.”

That worked apparent because Hidan stayed silent and didn’t start another torrent of curses.

“For the rest of the week.”

Deidara really wanted to ask if Hidan was a beggar and if he only managed to get into college by threatening the dean with Jashin or whatever, but that would make Hidan rush over to his apartment and slice him apart and offering every last drop his blood to said god, so he didn’t. Instead, he very kindly agreed and said that he would meet Hidan at the café in half an hour.

Seriously, college was doing very weird things to him.

\--

Sasori found his attention drifting as Zetsu went on and on about some magical plant he had encountered on his forest trip over the weekend. Sasori was never interested in plants and knew next to nothing about them (and neither did Itachi, Kisame nor Kakuzu), but the plant lover still kept using the alien terminology.

Really, he couldn’t blame them for not listening, though Sasori could see Itachi and Kisame trying to pay attention. Itachi, because he was just polite like that and, Kisame, because he knows that Zetsu always tries to listen to him talk about sharks.

Kakuzu obviously couldn’t be bothered and definitely didn’t care about Zetsu knowing since he was openly working out his budget. Again. For the tenth time.

It was impossible to tell if Sasori was paying any attention since his usual mask of indifference was in place, but these were his friends and they knew that he most certainly was _not_ listening. Zetsu threw two of them dirty looks every now and then, but he would go back to flailing over the plant almost immediately, so the two of them could hardly care.

During times like these, Sasori usually wouldn’t really be thinking about anything, just letting his mind wander to a place far away, somewhere up in the mountains and clouds. But this time it was different and as he expected, he began thinking about Deidara. He hadn’t really had time to figure out their conversation.

His Saturday morning was spent on finishing his assignments set and doing some extra work, since he had less homework now because of the upcoming internship. He finished everything at nine at night and spend the next hour researching about Tokyo Hospital, the hospital he was attached to for his internship. Then he went to bed early after deciding that he would pay said hospital a visit just to take a look around.

The only time he thought about their conversation was before he fell asleep. He hadn’t really reached a conclusion that night. All he figured out was that he was contented more than anything.

On Sunday, he went over to Tokyo Hospital as planned at seven in the morning. There was a chance that he wouldn’t be allowed to have a tour of the place since he hadn’t actually gotten any permission to do so, but the head of surgery was more than glad to allow him to when he had arrived and explained the purpose of his visit. Hyuuga-sensei had even gone as far as to grant him special permission to watch some surgeries from the gallery.

That trip took up most of the day, and while he was extremely gratified with the way things turned out and by the overall quality of the hospital itself, he was exhausted. By the time he was home and ready for bed, it was already midnight. In other words, he didn’t think about Deidara or their conversation at all that night.

Now that he actually had time (seriously, Zetsu talking about his mystical like he wants to marry it isn’t all that important), he could properly think it through. The most pressing question was what he was going to do with their relationship now?

Obviously, they didn’t hate each other anymore, but they were barely friends. Maybe people become friends, close friends even, after a heart to heart conversation like that, but not Sasori. No matter what, he knew that he needed time in order to consider someone a friend. And he wasn’t sure, but he thought that maybe the blonde was like that too.

“What are you guys talking about?” Konan asked casually as she took a seat beside Sasori.

Sasori immediately knew what she really wanted though. She wanted to know about the situation between him and Deidara, because as far as he was concern, Konan wasn’t all that into plants either. Zetsu knew that of course, but that didn’t stop him from telling Konan everything about his love. The older student was patient and nice enough to listen for about three minutes before she turned to Sasori instead.

“So?”

Zetsu pointedly glared at her before turning his attention back to Itachi and Kisame. They exchanged looks of dread which went unnoticed by Zetsu. Kakuzu saw it however and was chuckling heartily.

“So?” Konan pressed, slowly starting to glare at him.

“We talked and we’re fine now,” Sasori said, knowing that Konan wouldn’t be happy with such a vague answer.

“And?”

Yeah.

“And we’re fine,” Sasori repeated. He wasn’t about to tell Konan every single thing that had happened in their conversation.

“Hey fuckers!”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out who had arrived. And naturally Deidara was there too, looking rather scruffy (not that he was even neat in the first place) but otherwise the same.

“Good morning to you too,” Itachi replied calmly. Sasori knew the other man was dying to give Hidan a lecture. He couldn’t stand vulgarities, and Hidan was the epitome of that.

“Danna, un,” Deidara greeted and took a seat opposite Sasori who looked at Konan pointedly.

_Told you._

“Morning Brat.”

It took Sasori all of one second to realise that it was deadly silent. Everyone had turned to look at them. Zetsu had even stopped talking about his plant. If Sasori had known that that would happen, he would have asked the blonde to come earlier.

“What happened?” Kisame asked the question that was on everyone’s minds.

“Nothing, un,” Deidara replied, rolling his eyes. Was it really such a big deal that they were civil again? In the one month they had known each other, at least three quarters of it were civil. Just because they were at each other’s throats last week, it didn’t mean that they would forever be trying to murder each other.

“You’re talking,” Kakuzu explained dramatically while the two rolled their eyes. Hidan nodded in agreement, for once lost for words. “When you wanted to kill each other a week ago.”

“So we made up,” Sasori replied.

“Fucking when?”

“After dinner,” Sasori said before adding with a pointed glance in Konan’s direction, “As instructed.”

Itachi and Kisame exchanged knowing looks while Deidara scoffed at that.

“So it was Konan who asked you to settle it, un? I knew you weren’t kind by nature,” Deidara said, shaking his head in mock disappointment.

“And you are?” Sasori retorted.

“Now, now, boys,” Konan interrupted, giving them both warning glares. “We don’t want to start another fight.”

Sasori was about to tell her that he didn’t really mind another fight but he decided that he could do without Konan’s glares and insults. He took one look round the table though and immediately knew that his friends weren’t done questioning him. If Zetsu not resuming his talk about his beloved plant wasn’t a big enough hint, he didn’t know what was.

A glance at Deidara told him that the blonde also knew that they were going to be pestered for answers, and possibly the entire story, in about three seconds. Deidara gave him a look that screamed we need to get out of here. Sasori couldn’t agree more, for once.

“We have to go for lectures,” Sasori announced and promptly grabbed his bag and stalked away, Deidara on his heels.

They ignored the shouts from their friends - and the threats from Konan – and walked until they were a safe distance away from the cafeteria. After all, there was always a chance that the others would decide to follow, though Sasori highly doubted that. They were too lazy to move, and they would probably corner him during lunch anyway. He rolled his eyes at the thought.

“They’re so gonna corner us during lunch, un,” Deidara said.

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” Sasori replied dryly.

“Let’s skip lunch,” Deidara suggested and Sasori nodded. Hidan would kill him later, mostly because he would have not bought him his lunch, but right now Deidara didn’t really care. He would find some way to make up with the Literature student. Somehow.

It was then that Deidara realised that he was alone with Sasori, the very thing he had wanted to avoid since that morning. He groaned silently. He had been so intent on getting away from Konan that he hadn’t realised the situation that he was going to put himself in. But he supposed it wasn’t that bad. Sasori was the same as usual and he most definitely wasn’t bringing up anything from the conversation. Still, the awkwardness lingering in the air was most unwelcomed.

“So about that talk we had…” Deidara started as Sasori turned to him and raise an eyebrow. He didn’t really know what to say so he kept quiet.

“Spit it out, Brat,” Sasori snapped in annoyance. Right, the redhead was impatient all the time.

“I don’t know, un,” Deidara said, trying not to laugh at the glare which he knew would come.

“We’ll just be normal,” Sasori said eventually. “We’ll just not talk about it.”

“So we pretend that it never happened, un?” Deidara asked. Fine, so he didn’t like the fact that Sasori now knew why he was in med school, but that didn’t mean that he wanted to act as if the conversation didn’t take place. Seriously, it was not easy for him to tell Sasori about it.

“For a genius, you’re a remarkable idiot,” Sasori replied, leaning against a nearby tree.

Deidara shot him a glare which he ignored.

“I meant that we would just know, but not talk about it,” Sasori clarified as realisation dawned onto the blonde. He had never felt like such an idiot before.

“Right, un.”

“I don’t know about you,” Sasori continued. “But I don’t think I want to reminded of it every day.”

“Me neither, un,” Deidara said as a smile forced its way on his lips. So Sasori felt the same way. But more than that, Sasori was actually being nice. He didn’t really know the redhead but he knew him well enough to know that he was trying to make Deidara feel more comfortable and to make their relationship less awkward. After all, Sasori usually didn’t talk so much. The effort was definitely appreciated.

Maybe trusting someone wouldn’t be that bad.

“So, Danna, we can talk about it if we want to, un?” Deidara asked.

Their eyes met. Deidara didn’t whether it was the right thing to do but at least he wanted Sasori to know that he knew fully well that he was offering the key of friendship.

“Sure, Brat.”


	9. Chapter 9

Hidan wasn’t jealous. He was anything _but_ jealous. That feeling didn’t exist in his dictionary, and no one ever stirred such an unfamiliar feeling within him. Anger? Plenty of times. Jealousy? N-E-V-E-R. Never. He swore to Jashin that he wasn’t, and now he had to sacrifice more of his blood because he lied.

You know what?

He was not going to offer more of his blood. He was going to offer more of that bloody blonde’s blood. After all, it was all because of that bitch that he was experiencing this alien feeling. He really wanted to murder.

“Why do you look as if you want to murder someone?”

“Because I fucking do,” Hidan snapped at Kakuzu and glared at him, making it really clear that he didn’t want to be near anyone right now. Kakuzu has no in-built sense of danger though (it was long gone; he definitely spends too much time with Sasori) and took a seat beside Hidan.

“So _why_ do you want to kill someone?” Kakuzu asked. Hidan continued glaring at the older man but he relented after realising that it wasn’t going to work, nor was Kakuzu going to go away. And he would move but he found the place first damn it.

“I want to fucking kill that bitch Deidara,” Hidan confessed before deciding to add, “and Sasori.”

“Are you jealous?”

Hidan took the nearest rock and flung it at Kakuzu. The older man barely managed to throw an arm in front of his eyes to protect it. He stared disdainfully at the cut in his arm. If anybody else had thrown that rock, it would have been just a simple scratch which did not require any medical attention, but Hidan was the one who had thrown the rock, so the damage definitely needed some sort of medication. Damn. He didn’t want to spend money on this.

… Maybe he’ll get Sasori to steal supplies for him.

Also, if it had been anyone else who had thrown the rock, the other person would be immobilised and admiring the inside of an ambulance right now. Kakuzu was still trying to figure out why he wasn’t even the slightest bit angry at Hidan. He felt nothing more than anything.

Crap. He was getting used to being abused.

_Note to self: definitely spending too much time with Sasori._

_… which means that asshole owes me those medical supplies…_

“Does it hurt that fucking much, you pussy?” Hidan asked in annoyance. Kakuzu snapped out of his thoughts and wrenched his eyes away from the wound to look at the younger student.

“No.”

Then he remembered what they were talking about.

“Do you like Deidara or something?”

Hidan spent the next ten minutes trying not to throw up and tossing every single curse word available in the world at Kakuzu. Then he spent the next twenty minutes doing it in different languages. Kakuzu never knew that there were so many languages in the world. And he was an atheist, but he felt the need to pray to some god after Hidan was done.

“Okay, you don’t,” Kakuzu concluded. It was the safest thing to say. He didn’t want to be subjected to another round of verbal abuse.

But that didn’t mean that he wasn’t still curious.

“So why?”

Hidan glared at him but said nothing. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to tell Kakuzu; he would be more than happy to vent his feelings, because Hidan wasn’t the type of person to keep his feelings to himself. He was a volcano. A very active one. A slight trigger would make him spew lava in all directions and destroy everything unfortunate enough to be in its way.

It was just that he never felt jealousy before, because he never felt the need to, never cared enough about anyone to feel jealous.

He hated that Deidara was spending so much time with Sasori. Sure, they were both medical students so that meant that they already had more in common than anyone else and they were both geniuses which also meant that it was more often than not difficult to understand what they were talking about. Hidan was no genius. Heck, he wasn’t even smart. He actually did work hard to enrol into Tokyo University.

But that wasn’t the point. He could deal with it if they were only talking about studies. Honestly, he wouldn’t even care if they went to each other’s houses every day to talk about medicine. No offense to them, but he hated science. All of it. But it was apparent enough to everyone that they weren’t just talking about medicine.

They were talking about _art_.

Seriously. Hidan didn’t even know that Deidara _liked_ art, let alone know that the blonde had enough skill and knowledge about the damn thing to have an intellectual and sound argument with the redhead. He was Deidara’s best friend damn it. He was supposed to know all the blonde’s likes and dislikes. Now he didn’t even know that Deidara practically loved art. But Sasori knew.

Talking about Sasori, it appeared that his friends didn’t know that he had that particular interest either. Maybe he wasn’t the only one who was upset.

“Why the fuck not?”

“You’re jealous because he’s all chummy with Sasori suddenly?” Kakuzu tried slowly, hoping that Hidan didn’t erupt.

It took a while, but he eventually got a response.

“Deidara’s _my_ best friend.”

\--

“And you’re the king of the world, un.”

Sasori glared at Deidara. He liked the kid really, despite everything and all their misunderstandings and crap. They were similar and they both loved art. To Sasori, that was reason enough to like someone. But seriously, of everything, he never expected art to be the _centre_ of their conflict.

“It is illogical and unsound to think that art is fleeting,” Sasori replied, rolling his eyes.

They were in the cafeteria waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. It was lunch time and lecture ended early for Sasori while Deidara’s tutorial was cancelled.

“Now you’re implying that I’m mentally unfit and should be sent to an asylum, un?” Deidara shot back.

“You inferred that yourself,” Sasori retorted, feeling his patience running thin. Again. It had been that way for weeks now.

They would meet, strike up a nice conversation, drift to art and start arguing. Sasori wanted to talk and appreciate art, not have a fight about it.

“How can art be eternal?” Deidara snapped, glaring at Sasori. “Humans aren’t even eternal, un. And the ones who think they are, are in the aforementioned happy house.”

“Humans aren’t art.”

“And nature?”

Sasori glared.

“I’m talking about mad-made art, Brat.”

“Since when was art limited to ‘man-made’, Danna, un?”

“Are you guys still going on about it?” Konan asked in amusement.

“Yes,” they both replied curtly.

Konan thought it was kind of cute that they had these kind of arguments (art terminology aside), but more than anything, she was seriously happy for them. In all the time she had known Sasori, she had never seen him so passionate about something. It made him seem more human.

“Well, fuck,” Hidan scoffed and dropped into the seat beside Deidara.

“Afternoon to you too, un. How was lecture?”

“Boring shit.”

The rest of their group eventually arrived and Sasori and Deidara engaged in yet another heated argument. The others watched on in amusement. Ever since the two started these quarrels, it had become a source of entertainment for the others. Not for Hidan though. Without saying anything, he left quietly.

As soon as he was out of the cafeteria, Deidara halted the conversation.

“Sorry, Danna, but this is more important, un.”

Sasori nodded and took a sip from his coffee. He didn’t mind not arguing. Heck, he didn’t even want to argue. Art is eternal. Fact. Art is fleeting. Crap. Period.

Deidara turned to Kakuzu.

“What’s up with my best friend, un?”

Kakuzu stared at Deidara in shock. He was annoyed at the blonde previously because Deidara hadn’t seemed to pick up on the fact that Hidan was upset. In fact, he had been planning to tell Hidan to ditch Deidara and find himself a new best friend. When Hidan left, Kakuzu was _this_ close to punching Deidara. He definitely didn’t expect this.

“Oh come on,” Deidara said, rolling his in exasperation. “Did you think that I wouldn’t realise that something’s wrong with Hidan, un?”

“Then why don’t you ask him yourself?” Kakuzu shot back.

“He wouldn’t tell, un,” Deidara said and sighed. “He’s a selective volcano, and now he’s a dormant volcano to me, because obviously I did something, un. So what did I do, un?”

“Shouldn’t you know?” Kakuzu asked, raising an eyebrow. Honestly, he wouldn’t know either if he were in the blonde’s position but he thought that a best friend should, but he supposed that the two hadn’t really known each other for a long enough time.

“I don’t, un. So tell me, un,” Deidara snapped. He felt guilty as hell for upsetting Hidan already. He wanted to rectify. Now.

“He’s jealous that you’re best friends with Sasori now.”

“Stupid, un,” Deidara said simply and stood up.

“You still have lecture,” Konan reminded him.

“Screw lecture, un. Hidan’s more important than that, un.”

\--

Hidan’s punching bag lay in ruins on the floor. Now he had to get a new one. Damn.

“You’re certainly angry.”

Hidan felt his hair stand on its ends as he jumped and turned around, glaring accusingly at the offender.

“Fuck, blondie, don’t freaking scare people like that,” Hidan shouted in annoyance.

“I think you’re being angry at the wrong thing, un,” Deidara said simply as he made himself comfortable on Hidan’s couch. “Do you remember answering the door?”

Hidan stared at his completely sealed door and stared at the blonde.

“You bitch. You fucking broke into my house,” Hidan said in irritation, but he couldn’t keep the hint of amusement out of his voice.

“Yeah, un.”

“Fucking why?” Hidan might be slightly less annoyed now, but that didn’t mean that he was going to forgive the blonde for anything. He didn’t care that Deidara probably didn’t do anything wrong.

“To give you this, un,” Deidara said casually, fishing out a small bottle. Hidan couldn’t really see what it was so he went over to take a look. Deidara passed the container and he stared at it. It contained a red liquid. About 700 millilitres.

Blood.

“What the fuck blondie?” Hidan asked, raising the bottle questioningly.

“My blood, you douche, un,” Deidara said.

“700 millilitres is way too fucking much, you blithering idiot,” Hidan scolded but even he couldn’t keep the hint of concern out of his voice. Now that he looked at the blonde properly, he realised that the blonde was looking paler than usual, but the usual smirk was still on his face. It gave Hidan some comfort at least.

“No fucking one would help you bloody draw that much fucking blood,” Hidan pointed out.

Deidara stared at Hidan like he was stupid.

“I’m a medical student, un.”

Hidan felt like throwing the punching bag at him.

“Why do I need your fucking blood anyway?” Hidan snapped.

“You need to sacrifice my blood to your Jashin, un.”

“In Jashin’s name, why the fuck?”

“Because I’m your best friend, you bitch, un. For life.”

\--

“Deidara, I have good news for you!”

“Yes, Akasuna-sensei, un?” Deidara asked, raising an eyebrow as the old lady made her way towards their group’s table.

“Hello Sasori,” she said, smiling proudly at her grandson who nodded in return. She then turned to Deidara.

“You’re joining Sasori for his internship.”

_Joy._


	10. Chapter 10

Sasori was mad at him, Deidara was quite sure. He was definitely seething and thinking up of the many ways in which he could kill Deidara painfully and torturously slowly. But he wouldn’t risk getting his own hands dirty or getting caught by the police or Chiyo (whichever was worse really), so he was more likely thinking of a list of possible assassins. Heck, he was probably _friends_ with a bunch of assassins.

“I’m not angry you know,” Sasori said and Deidara stopped in his tracks.

“You are so trying to make me let down my guard, un,” Deidara said immediately.

Sasori rolled his eyes but did not stop to wait for the blonde. There was no way in hell he was going to risk even being a second late because Deidara realised that the sky was particularly blue and beautiful that day and thus decided to stare at it. Deidara, of course, realised that Sasori was as impatient as ever and quickened his pace to catch up with him.

“I am not,” Sasori said eventually, though Deidara still eyed him sceptically.

“I freaking stole your spotlight again, metaphorically speaking, un,” Deidara stated, because really he did and they both knew it. A freshman getting an internship offer? Never. If things like that ever happened (and they obviously did because Deidara now had an offer), Sasori should have been the first one to be offered such a chance.

“How petty do you think I am?” Sasori asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not being sarcastic. I’m really curious.”

Deidara rolled his eyes. Sasori couldn’t sound not sarcastic even if he tried.

“Dude, you wanted to murder me because you thought I was better than you,” Deidara retorted.

“I did not think you were better than and for the record I never will.”

“I didn’t mean that literally, un!”

“I don’t really care.”

Deidara felt like killing Sasori at that moment, but the guilt was preventing him from executing said measure. Strange. Deidara never ever recalled feeling guilty about anything towards anyone. College was seriously screwing with him.

“Look, Brat, you want this internship as much as I want it and we both know how much that really is,” Sasori started and only continued after Deidara nodded. “I don’t hate you and honestly the other medical students in this faculty should hate us.”

“You talk too much, un,” Deidara replied simply but he gave Sasori a small smile anyway. “See you at break.”

With that, Deidara walked off to his lecture, but not before turning around and telling Sasori that he was still on the lookout for possible assassins.

Sasori rolled his eyes, despite some fondness that crept into his heart.

_Brat._

\--

“Is my fucking best friend’s life in bloody danger?” Hidan asked Kakuzu. The accountancy major finally put down his calculator and stared at the albino seriously.

“I don’t know.”

“Fuck you!” Hidan cursed. “Don’t you have fucking lecture?”

“Not now. Don’t you?” Kakuzu shot back.

“Not now.”

“Look, Sasori isn’t some psychopath murderer,” Kakuzu said, rolling his eyes and picking up his calculator again.

“Has your dim-witted brain forgotten last last week or something already?”

“I’m sure yours has,” Kakuzu retorted. “Deidara wanted to kill Sasori too. Apparently you don’t remember that.”

Hidan growled at the older student but said nothing.

“Sasori has better things to do anyway.”

“And apparently you bloody don’t,” Hidan snapped.

“Don’t you have to study?” Kakuzu asked in exasperation when he realised that Hidan had no work or notes spread out on the table and that he was just glaring at Kakuzu.

“I’m a fucking genius at lit,” Hidan retorted, though he did pull out a book to read in the end.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes again (he seemed to be doing that a lot these days), but he realised that he wasn’t as angry as he usually would be. If anyone had interrupted him when he was doing his work, he would have shouted at them or something along those lines; he definitely would not have a conversation with them.

Conclusion: Hidan had a weird effect on him.

Kakuzu sighed. It was probably because they bonded while trying to stop Sasori and Deidara from murdering each other that he could tolerate Hidan so much. It was nice knowing that someone is, well was in this case, in the same situation as you.

\--

Sasori knew for a fact that he really wasn’t angry at Deidara, nor did he intend to kill him whatever the blonde believed. Still, it didn’t mean that he was happy.

Sure, he was actually kind of glad that he could have some company during the internship. He was actually glad to have Deidara’s company more than anything because no matter how much he treasured his friends, they just didn’t understand him, and while Deidara certainly didn’t completely understand him, he definitely did know him better than his friends. Well, not that Sasori would have minded going for the internship completely alone.

He was used to being alone more than anything, not that it was “weird” or “sad” or whatever. That happens when you spend almost all your life studying so hard so that you can secure yourself a seat in one of the most difficult faculty to get in in the best university in the country. Being a genius helped but that also meant that he always wanted to know more.

Anyway, despite everything, he was not happy. Deidara deserved the internship. He knew that better than anyone, maybe except Chiyo since she was the one who offered him the chance in the first place, but he still could not bring himself to feel joy for the blonde, because the only reason the blonde was so good in the first place was because Chiyo decided to nurture his talent instead of her own grandson’s.

He didn’t want to think about it too much though. Thinking too much about these kind of things always created an artificial sense of depression in him which logic could not sift out.

The only thing that comforted him was that Deidara probably didn’t know that Sasori was feeling this way. Deidara might be on par with him in terms of medical skills among other things, but at least Sasori was certain that he was superior in terms of emotions and in this case, masking them.

Sasori stared at the lecturer as he droned on and on about some procedure which Sasori had memorised in his first year. He wondered why he even bothered coming to lectures. He studied so far ahead that everything that was lectured wasn’t even applicable. But he knew why he came. He needed to remind himself that he was a medical student; that he wasn’t in art school, because it really didn’t help that there were several art schools near his apartment.

And then he sniggered.

He reminded himself of Deidara...

… which was in itself disturbing but he did not bother to dissect it.

He wondered why he kept thinking about that incident. It was nothing special as far as he was concern. It was the first time he saw the brat and that was it. He didn’t even like Deidara at that time. Deidara embodied everything he disliked, so much so that he wouldn’t have paid attention to him at all if the blonde hadn’t created such a ruckus. In fact, at that time, he could hardly tolerate Deidara. In the end, he supposed it all boiled down to those words, those words which have been spinning round and round his head for a long time now.

_…it’s a reminder that I’m wasting my time in med school…_

To be honest, those words scared him more than anything.

Art was eternal. Life wasn’t. Life in itself went against Art, and in turn everything he believed in. Medicine went against art. Sure, it extends people’s lives but that was it. It didn’t grant them the immortality that Sasori was so thirsty for.

To think that he was wasting time… time that he, that everyone on this earth, did not have… that thought was unbearable. He couldn’t afford to think like that, because if he did, he would walk out of this lecture right now and head over to the art store before going home and unlocking the room which contained all his beloved puppets.

Crap.

He couldn’t think of that room.

It was, Sasori thought to himself with a sardonic smile on his face, a reminder that I’m wasting my time in med school.


	11. Chapter 11

Chiyo wondered what Sasori was feeling. She wasn’t stupid or unfeeling; naturally she knew that Sasori might have adverse reactions to this news of hers. She supposed that she could have informed him beforehand, but she never expected him to be friends with Deidara. She knew Deidara and her own grandson well enough to know that they would never be compatible. They were probably just friends because of circumstances. Switch their surroundings a bit and they would cease all communications.

Surprisingly, Sasori took the news better than she had expected, though there was the possibility that the only reason he didn’t lash right out was because he was in a public place and his friends were all present. The cynical side of her put it down to Sasori being downright arrogant, but then again she supposed that her grandson had the right to be. Oh, but if he only knew of Deidara’s abilities…

The internship would turn out interesting… of that she was sure at least. Sasori’s competitive side wouldn’t let him lose to anyone, especially a year one. Then there was Deidara of course. From the start, Chiyo had already known that Deidara never wanted to be a doctor, but she also knew that he wanted to be a doctor as fast as possible… there wasn’t much time left after all… and if there was a chance that he could attain that, there was no reason for him not to grab it.

“Are you sure that it’s alright for a year one to join Sasori for the internship?”

The scepticism in Kakashi’s voice was as clear as day, but there was also a hesitance in his voice. He did trust her judgement after all. After all, when has _she_ ever made a wrong decision? Be it in the operation theatre or being a professor.

“You’ll see.”

There was no need for worry. Deidara would show them. Her faith in Deidara transcends all expectations she has ever had for Sasori.

\--

“Come to my house after school, Brat,” Sasori said in a manner which clearly conveyed the fact that he would not take ‘no’ for an answer.

“And of course I would most definitely be free, Danna, un,” Deidara replied, glaring slightly at the older man. It was obvious enough, he thought, that he was someone that did not like to be told what to do.

“If you don’t, it’s your loss,” Sasori said swiftly and walked away without so much as a bye. Deidara didn’t even have to look at the clock to know that it was Sasori’s compulsive behaviour at work.

And of course, Sasori just didn’t have the presence of mind to tell Deidara the time he ended school or where he would last be, leaving the blonde with no choice but to wait at the main entrance of the faculty where the older student would definitely have to pass by when leaving, which every student would have to pass by when leaving actually, meaning he had to endure many points and stares. Apparently subtlety was an art long eroded.

“Oh, there you are,” Deidara said icily when Sasori walked towards him. “What happened to your policy of not making people wait, un?”

“In my defence,” Sasori said and not showing a single hint of remorse or anger, continued, “I didn’t know you were going. The response you gave me was hardly affirmative.”

“Let’s just go to your damn house, un,” Deidara said and stalked off. He didn’t want to have to look at the smirk which was no doubt fixed on Sasori’s face.

And of course Sasori would also fail to mention that he lived in the relatively more comfortable part of the city.

“I knew you were rich, un,” Deidara said, staring at the polished wood floor of the lobby in disdain. “From your attitude of course.”

If Sasori heard the insult, he chose to ignore it. Deidara wondered what the sudden generosity was about, but decided not to push it too far anyway. Sasori might not be reacting now, but if he did later, it probably wouldn’t be so pretty.

“Why did you have to drag me over to your house this fine weekday anyway, un?” Deidara asked when he was settled comfortably on Sasori’s leather couch. Normally, he would be more conscious and polite when he was at someone’s house, particularly if it was the first time he was visiting, but he figured he could forgo the courtesy with Sasori if only to anger the older man.

“You have no ethics,” Sasori simply concluded, though he was more than surprised that the blonde actually remembered to take his shoes off.

“Why, un?” Deidara repeated, causing Sasori to roll his eyes.

“I’m the impatient one,” Sasori snapped, making it Deidara’s turn to roll his eyes. Sasori could be quite childish at times, even if those times were rare and few in between and even if the person in question didn’t want to admit it himself.

“If I had known that this would be more trouble than what it’s worth, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

“I don’t mind proving your initial assumption right, Danna, un.”

Sasori snorted. He seriously doubted that statement; Deidara had an inherent ability to prove him wrong if anything. Though, he supposed that showing Deidara what he had brought along would do him some good. Sasori left Deidara to his own doings in the living with a fervent hope that he wouldn’t destroy anything in the few seconds that the blonde would be out of his sight. When he re-emerged with a sum of folders in his hands, he was glad to see that everything was left intact save the cup of water Deidara had fancied that he needed.

He placed the folders down onto the coffee table, watching as Deidara carelessly took the first one off the stack. When he realised what was in the contents of the folder, he looked at Sasori immediately, though with an expression which Sasori did not expect.

“You asked me over to show me what a brilliant thief you are, un?”

Sasori never had patience – that much was known to Deidara. Today the blonde would find out that Sasori had no tolerance either through the next folder which Sasori swept off the stack and threw at him. Deidara, having been caught by surprise, could do nothing more than let himself be hit by said object. He glared at Sasori.

“I was joking, un.”

“I don’t really care,” Sasori replied in annoyance which showed through both his voice and expression. He was tempted to ask Deidara to get out of his house right then, but he really needed to finish reading those files by that night because the hospital needed them back by the next day. He would do it on his own if he could (and he could if he had been given more than three days) but even superman would find it hard to accomplish so much on his own.

“Why do I have to read these anyway?” Deidara asked, raising an eyebrow. “And before you even say anything, I know that this isn’t out of some kindness from the secluded part of your heart, so what is it, un?”

“I need your help to read half of these by today,” Sasori explained, but of course he wasn’t really giving Deidara a way out either. “The hospital needs them back by tomorrow and I would hate to keep them any longer than what was stipulated.”

“And I would agree to help, why, un?” Deidara questioned doubtfully, leafing through the folder in his hands. Sasori rolled his eyes. Of course Deidara couldn’t just be a nice, helpful human being for once and just do what he was told.

“Just do it,” Sasori growled, opening the folder in his own hands. The threat was looming in the air and despite how unwilling Deidara was, he knew that this was one of the _few_ things Sasori wouldn’t take ‘no’ for. Tyrant.

Without another word, Deidara started reading the information from the folder and resolved to be done before dinner time, because he was so getting a free meal out of this immoral use of free labour. Sasori would just have to comply afterwards because this was something Deidara wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for. Heck, if the files pissed him off that much, he might even call Hidan over and throw an impromptu party for the two of them, and Hidan could go celebrate Jashin or whatever.

But he stopped thinking about that almost immediately after he started thinking about it. The thought was so enticing that he might actually just do so, and who knows what Sasori would do to the two of them if they so much as shift his doormat by a millimetre?

\--

It was oddly quiet, Sasori realised, and he looked up expecting to find Deidara fast asleep but was greeted with an entirely different image. Deidara was not asleep at all. In fact he was as awake as ever. Deidara had his folder on his lap and was rapidly making notes on a note pad laid out on the arm of the couch he was sitting on. His hair, along with his fringe, was pulled back into a long ponytail and Sasori noted with a degree of amusement that this was the first time he had seen Deidara’s whole face, as well the first time he had seen the blonde studying, or rather doing something akin to studying.

Deidara was in deep concentration if his knitted eyebrows were anything to go by. After finishing with that particularly folder, he placed it on top of a new and surprisingly neat stack and fished the next one, which happened to be the last one. He didn’t even notice that Sasori wasn’t even doing his work anymore and was instead looking at him.

Sasori would be lying if he said he wasn’t the slightest bit impressed or even amazed. Sure, he knew that Deidara had definitely put in a lot of effort and studied like hell to get into Tokyo University Medical Faculty but he supposed that this was one of those things that you had to see to believe.

Within a few minutes he was done with his own folder and he placed it back onto the table along with the rest of the files that he had covered. He gathered his own set of notes and clipped them together and waited for Deidara to finish. When the younger medical student was done, he placed the last file on the top of the stack and flipped his note book shut. It was only then that he realised that Sasori wasn’t doing anything.

“Danna, you’re done, un?” he asked, stretching his arms above his head. “What time is it?”

A look at the sky told Sasori that it was already night time. A look at his watch told him that it was already nine at night. He conveyed that information to Deidara who glared at him as expected.

“This is what I get for doing shit for you, un,” Deidara groaned. “A wasted day.”

“It’s not wasted seeing as you’re attending the internship too,” Sasori replied with a roll of his eyes. Trust Deidara to make everything seem horribly useless.

“You owe me dinner, un.”

Sasori didn’t mind that in the slightest bit. After all, he did force Deidara to read those files for him whether he wanted to admit it out right or not. Sasori got off the couch and made his way to the kitchen. He was cooking pasta and he didn’t really care if Deidara’s appetite wasn’t in the mood for that.

“So this your way of killing me, un?” Deidara asked in amusement. “Putting poison in my food. I’ve got to say, Danna, there are more interesting ways to kill a person. Poison is so last century. I actually have a few good ideas myself. Want to hear them, un?”

“If you don’t mind being the accomplice of your own murder, go ahead,” Sasori replied with a scoff.

“Good point, un.”

“And I’m eating the food too, Brat,” Sasori said as he placed just the right amount of spaghetti into the pot. “I’m hardly stupid enough to accidentally kill myself in the process of killing you.”

Deidara stuck out his tongue at Sasori but said nothing else. Instead, he flipped over his note pad again and started scribbling in it.

Silence reigned for the rest of the time it took for the spaghetti to be cooked and served. As usual, it was a comfortable silence where neither felt pressured to say anything. Sasori supposed it was good but he also wondered if it was because they never did have anything substantial to talk about. Art was important of course but arguing was hardly worth the effort in his opinion, though that wouldn’t stop him from pushing his point that art was eternal.

“You can cook, un,” was the first thing Deidara said after he swallowed the first mouthful of pasta.

“You obviously can’t,” Sasori retorted, watching as Deidara practically devoured the food before him. “Are you that hungry?”

“Spot on for both, un.”

Sasori rolled his eyes again. He was doing that way too often recently and it was getting rather annoying, but the things Deidara did just seemed to have that effect on him. Besides, he wasn’t really used to someone so loud and expressive that if truth be told, he actually didn’t have a clue as to how to act around the other sometimes. It gave him a feeling of insecurity more than anything and needless to say that irritated him to no end. Still, for some strange reason which he has every intent on finding out, he could find it in him to accept Deidara.

The rest of dinner was, simply put, a noisy affair. They talked about random stuff about lectures and how Hidan recently tried to convert one of his classmates who ended up so scarred that he transferred to another faculty entirely just to avoid the man. They argued about how “eternity is an idealistic conception which people use to fuel their selfish desire to be immortals” and how “transient things are only important to people who don’t know how to hold onto permanent things”. They had fun insulting each other basically. They then discussed about the files that they had been pouring over the whole of the afternoon and evening and came to some interesting and sound conclusions.

Needless to say, they were both satisfied with the outcome of dinner and Sasori was more than glad that he had invited Deidara over though he would never admit that to the blonde of course. After all, fanning his already oversized ego would only do wonders to the mentality of those around him. Really.

After settling some miscellaneous stuff about the internship, Deidara decided that it was about time for him to go home, especially if he wanted to make it for the morning lecture the next day.

“So see you, un,” Deidara said and opened his mouth to say something else but nothing came out. When Sasori followed his line of sight, he realised that Deidara was staring at his locked room, more precisely, the lock specially installed at the top of the door. He hoped that Deidara wouldn’t say anything but who knew what would happen with him.

“See you tomorrow, Danna, un,” Deidara said in the end with a small, understanding smile.

Sasori visibly relaxed and waved the blonde out before shutting the door. He heaved a sigh of relief. If Deidara had actually asked him anything about the room, he would probably have come up with some excuse despite it being very clear that Deidara wouldn’t be fooled. But still, he knew why he wouldn’t open the room. If he did talk about it, acknowledge its existence so openly like that, the temptation would be too great and he wasn’t sure if he could resist it. The best was to pretend that it didn’t exist. That, at least, Sasori had the mental capabilities to do.

\--

Deidara hadn’t realised that there was locked room in Sasori’s apartment until he was about to leave. He had wanted to pry of course, being the nosy person that he knew he was. Still, he knew that if he were Sasori he would want to be left alone so despite the curiosity biting at him, he let it go. Sasori would have come up with an excuse anyway. Not to say that he wouldn’t try to pry further, but that might have led to an escalated argument between them which might be worse than the last which was honestly already quite serious.

Except that this time it would have much dire consequences, because art was something they both held dear to their hearts and yet so was med school. He wondered how they could care so much about two things so mutually exclusive. At least to the them at this moment it was.

Deidara didn’t have the same self-control as Sasori to actually live in a house where his art works were so near to him so he had his placed somewhere else, away from him, so that he wouldn’t be distracted. Distractions came easily for him and he wasn’t taking any risks, not when he has already come so far.

The internship would be starting soon. Deidara could only wonder what would happen. He doesn’t know if Sasori realised it, but this internship might potentially turn them enemies. That or Deidara was just thinking too much.

Sometimes he wanted to confront Chiyo and ask her why, but he didn’t because despite everything, he knew that deep down he really wanted that internship. After all, the sooner he finishes his duties as a doctor the sooner he could be free to pursue his passion for art. Still, he wondered why Chiyo offered him this opportunity. Sure, he was considered her prodigy and all but his competition was her grandson. What the hell was she trying to achieve?

Maybe she was hoping that they would both excel or whatever but the cynical side of Deidara doubted that very much.

Oh well, he could only wait to see what would happen, though he did wish, for once, that things would turn out well, that there was something he could believe in this time.

_Please._


	12. Chapter 12

“Does anyone besides me find it weird that Sasori and Deidara aren’t here?” Konan asked the abnormally silent group. They were mostly quiet when they were studying (obviously) but there was just something about the absence of the two that echoed the silence further. It was rather unnerving in her opinion.

“Yeah, I totally miss their art arguments,” Kakuzu replied without lifting his eyes off the book he was reading though Konan could see the forming of a slight smirk on his face. It was echoed on the faces of the others as well and she found herself agreeing with them.

“I wonder if they’re killing each other…” Kisame pondered out loud, causing several sighs to go around the group.

“I hope blondie wins,” was all Hidan said which earned him a smack from Kakuzu.

“They’re not going to kill each other!” Konan exclaimed and rolled her eyes when patronising grunts were given as a response.

\--

They were really not killing each other.

They were in the gallery of Operating Room 3 watching a surgery take place while making notes. The operation had been going on for about two hours already but a complication occurred just when the surgeons were closing up the body and they were forced to go in again. There was a patient who was potentially going to die down there but honestly the two found it interesting.

Sure they would choose art over medicine any time but this was an entirely new experience and it wasn’t as if medicine was all that boring. They had the skill and they had the talent and as much as they liked to believe and say that they hate medicine, there was not a single doubt that they did enjoy it to a certain extent, mostly the practical part which they of course have not had an opportunity to experience yet, except maybe in the case of Deidara. Still, it was something they both expected to enjoy. It was kind of like art except that it was a more morbid form of it. Art had no limits after all.

“I thought the operation was never going to end, un,” Deidara complained, stretching slightly as they walked out of the gallery. The surgery eventually ended after five gruelling hours but at least the patient was saved and stable.

“Shut up,” Sasori replied cordially because the interns were shooting Deidara, and indirectly him (which was what matters actually), looks.

The blonde could at least have the presence of mind to be less vocal about what he thought was the most important part of the procedure. And there was the fact that their school’s reputation was somewhat resting on their shoulders and Sasori would be damned if a negative remark about him ever reached his grandmother’s ear, which in retrospect would make Deidara’s horrible attitude welcomed since he would be painted in a much nicer light in comparison. Still, Deidara wasn’t that stupid.

At least, Sasori was thankful that Deidara didn’t show up that day looking like a hobo, what with his usually messy hair with more fringe than necessary covering the side of his face. He had his hair put up in a high ponytail, much like the one that he had on at Sasori’s house except that this one was definitely neater with all loose strands properly tied up.

“This is going to be an interesting day,” Deidara finally concluded, the sarcasm in his voice clear as day. Sasori ignored him.

Currently Sasori didn’t mind that Deidara was on the internship with him but he was bordering on the edge of regretting. If the blonde did something stupid, like for example decide to do an operation on his own without informing anybody (and he could actually pull that off), Sasori would personally murder him and turn him into one of his puppet just to mock his idea of art, and in turn life, being transient. Deidara would never rest in peace.

Though they were on an internship, there wasn’t any specific surgeon they had to shadow or a fixed schedule which they had to adhere to. They could choose any operations they wanted to observe since they obviously haven’t declared a specialty yet, and they could follow the interns on their rounds if they wanted to. Basically, they could do anything they wanted besides slacking off. They had to hand in a report weekly after all and even though they were both certain they could smoke their way through it, that really wasn’t an ideal situation since Chiyo was the one who would be reading them.

“It’s twelve reports, un,” Deidara groaned as he buried his head in his arms which were rested on the table before them. Sasori was glad that he (finally) had enough sense to keep his voice down. There weren’t many people in the cafeteria now which meant that Deidara would be audible to every occupant in the room if he so much as went beyond a hushed tone.

“You could always skip a few weeks,” Sasori replied casually as he sipped on his coffee. He watched on nonchalantly as the younger medical student lifted his head off the table and glared at him vehemently.

“And risk getting kicked out of this internship? In your dreams, Danna, in your dreams, un,” Deidara said, enunciating the last three words especially clearly.

“Your choice,” Sasori simply said and Deidara dropped his head back down onto his arms.

“You’re mean, un. I don’t know how I’m going to survive three months in a freaking hospital with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“In your dreams, un,” Deidara repeated.

Deidara knew that Sasori didn’t mean anything by those words but he was still bothered by them. Blame him for being cynical but there was some part of him that thought Sasori actually meant it, that he actually wanted him to be kicked out of the programme.

If he really did, Deidara didn’t fault him. Heck, if he were in the same situation as Sasori he would have probably showed the other person just how annoyed he was. Honestly, he thought that Sasori was pretty much like him in that area so it really wasn’t his fault if he thought that Sasori was out to kill him.  

Despite how guilty he felt and how he would completely understand if Sasori wanted him out, he wasn’t planning on going anywhere. If Chiyo had allowed him to reject the offer (which she technically did, nonverbally), he wouldn’t have done so, and Sasori obviously knew that because hey look who was sitting with him in Tokyo Hospital’s cafeteria. Call him a hypocrite but he simply wasn’t a good enough person to turn down such a good opportunity even if it meant risking his friendship with Sasori.

“I’m going over to neuro now,” Sasori announced, picking up his empty paper cup and throwing it into the bin on his way out. Deidara followed suit, though he had to gulp down the last of his hot tea. Damn, his throat felt like it was on fire. He shot Sasori a reproachful glare.

“You could have told me earlier, un,” Deidara complained. “So that I could at least finish my tea sooner. I wouldn’t dare to keep you waiting after all, un.”

“It was not stipulated anywhere that we had to be together all the time during the period of this internship,” Sasori replied, raising an eyebrow. “You’re free to take a look at cardio. I won’t stop you.”

“Aww, come on, Danna,” Deidara said with a wink. ”You know you wanna be around me, un.”

Sasori pulled a face and said nothing in response. He just simply continued walking towards the neurology section. He managed to hold back a sigh when he realised that Deidara was still following him but didn’t tell the blonde to go away. If the brat wanted to have a look at neuro, that was fine with him. He wasn’t going to be all tyrannical and demand that Deidara head over to cardio now or else.

Sasori had initially planned to make rounds with a neuro attending that morning but Deidara had found an interesting surgery which he subsequently forced Sasori to go watch with him and the redhead never managed to do what he had wanted to. Nonetheless, he still wanted to spend some time at neuro that day.

He would much rather have a patient’s file to himself so that he could have a discussion with an attending about their condition but it was the first day so he supposed that it wouldn’t be too much if he decided to be lazy and watch a surgery instead. Besides, Deidara had decided to tag along and even if he now knew how hardworking and serious the blonde could be when he wanted to be, he still wasn’t too tempted to try that out with him around.

Sasori saw the look on Deidara’s face when it was apparent that he was going to watch a surgery instead of doing anything hands-on and swore that he could almost hear a groan. A smirk made its way onto his face; Deidara _was_ the one who wanted to follow him. Half of him hoped that Deidara might decide to leave because he still very much preferred alone time over communicating with another human being but there was no such luck.

Of course Sasori also failed to mention that this was a long, seven hours, surgery and that the probability of it taking a longer time was so high that it was almost confirmed. Deidara managed the first three hours fairly well. By the fourth, he was very much bored. By the fourth and a half hour, he was restless and kept shifting about but that was the only thing he did. Apparently he had more self-control than Sasori gave him credit for.

The surgery was a complicated one and it was certainly ten times more fascinating than the one they had watched this morning (which Deidara had claimed was interesting by the way) but it seemed that Deidara didn’t enjoy it as much, not that he even enjoyed the previous one. Sasori deduced that Deidara really had zero interest in medicine or had a really serious case of ADHD. He wondered if he should be worried since he was betting more on the second option. He was the opposite of ADHD.

By the fifth hour, Deidara stood up and left. Sasori didn’t know if he should laugh since he totally expected the blonde to do that or if he should be disappointed that Deidara couldn’t even last watching a seven hours surgery. But he felt neither. In fact, he felt a slightly annoyed. If Deidara couldn’t even watch a surgery seriously, he didn’t deserve to do an operation.

Sasori didn’t know where that thought came from and he wasn’t entirely sure that he was justified in thinking that but that was how he honestly felt and he didn’t think it was wrong. Maybe a part of him was still jealous that Chiyo hadn’t taught him a thing and yet taught it to someone who was seemingly so unworthy. All in all, he realised that he couldn’t accept Deidara if the blonde didn’t start taking this internship more seriously, whether he (they) liked it or not.

\--

The operation did end later than forecasted. It took two hours longer and by the time Sasori came out of the gallery the afternoon had already faded away and it was well into the night. A slight discomfort in his stomach reminded him that he hadn’t eaten at all for the whole day but hunger was really something trivial. He would get something to eat on the way home later. Right now, he wanted to look for the blonde.

It wasn’t hard. Deidara was sitting on one of the chairs in the corridors in front of the vending machine with a can of coffee. Sasori immediately knew that something was wrong. He didn’t know why he thought that; it was just a feeling. Still, he felt a little guilty for thinking the way he did back in the gallery. Maybe Deidara was taking this seriously; he just wasn’t showing it.

He walked towards the blonde and with each step he took he realised that there really was something off with Deidara. Deidara could never sit still for long unless he was seriously engrossed in something and the way he held the can with it practically dangling from his fingertips it was apparent that he had been sitting there for some time already. And the way he was staring blankly into space was simply eerie.

“What’s wrong?” Sasori asked when he was within earshot of the other.

“Nothing,” Deidara replied, flashing Sasori a wide beam as if he wasn’t just staring at nothing. It was his normal smile, the smile that he always greeted everyone with. Sasori couldn’t believe that it took him so long to realise how fake that smile was.

He wanted to probe, ask what was wrong, but he didn’t. Reverse the situation and he would plummet the person who kept pestering him. Instead, he just returned a small smile and went over to the vending machine to get a drink. Deidara would tell him when he wanted to.

He wondered why that thought came from. Why would Deidara tell him anything of consequence? Sure they were close but they weren’t that close. He knew that from the very beginning but for reason it was so easy to forget. Maybe it was because fate tossed them into such similar situations that it was hard to believe that they couldn’t confide everything in each other but Sasori kept forgetting that they only knew each other for a couple of months.

Deidara’s past was a blank to him basically. Besides the reason for being in med school, Sasori knew next to nothing about the other man. His life was simple. It really was just med school and art. He had never been a particularly friendly person nor had he ever wanted to make friends forever and he certainly did not believe in that ‘best friends forever’ crap which was prevalent in schools so he had never been hurt in any of those areas. Besides, he was too busy topping tests and exams to be bothered by other people.

Things eventually worked out in the end for him though. He had friends like Itachi and Kisame and they were good friends even if it seemed like he didn’t appreciate them sometimes. And now, though he didn’t like to admit it, he had Deidara and Hidan. They were good friends but nothing could change the fact that he knew next to nothing about them.

Deidara seemed to be the exact opposite of Sasori. He seemed to be the type of person who believed in the ‘best friends forever’ crap but got so deeply hurt by it that he never recovered. Sasori didn’t know. Those were all mere deductions on his part from observing the blonde.

“Want to go to cardio?” Sasori asked.

“It’s fine,” Deidara said and he sounded like he never wanted to go to cardio.

Sasori was more than perplexed. Wasn’t Deidara’s purpose for going to med school to be a cardio surgeon? But once again he didn’t probe.

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Danna.”

Before Sasori could reply, Deidara had turned the corner and was out of his sight. It took Sasori a while to realise that Deidara hadn’t end any of his sentences with his trademark ‘un’. Deidara was just getting more mysterious every day.


	13. Chapter 13

Respect was something Sasori observed very sternly. Unless someone proved themselves to be completely unworthy of it, Sasori would never fail to show it to them. Deidara was really an exception, as with many other things. But that was when he had judged the blonde without knowing him personally beforehand. He usually made assumptions about people and that was by far his greatest flaw, though that certainly did not excuse his treatment of Deidara.

Anyway, Sasori knew there was something wrong with Deidara and he wanted to know what but he wouldn’t pry. That wasn’t in his nature and the blonde must know that because he wasn’t bothering to cover up his moody demeanour. He didn’t even greet Sasori like he usually did (a huge smile and big wave) that morning when he saw the older medical student at the entrance of the hospital. He merely nodded.

All he knew was that Deidara had gone to the cardiology department the day before while he was watching the neuro surgery. Something must have happened then. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out. And he wasn’t a stalker. And he most definitely did not pry. A nurse just asked him whether his friend Iwa-san was going to be at the cardiology department again that day.

Friend. It was strange and peculiar that someone actually referred to Deidara as his friend. It was not that he didn’t regard him, or Hidan for that matter, as his friends, but he guessed that he had never actually attached a status to Deidara. Deidara was Deidara. That’s it.

“Brat, you’re being weird,” Sasori said eventually.

It was the first thing he said to Deidara that day (because why should he greet the brat if the brat didn’t even do so?) and surprisingly, he actually replied.

“I’m not, un.”

The shock must have been apparent because Sasori didn’t reply. His face, though, was as impassive as ever. Deidara started sniggering and though Sasori would have usually been annoyed by that obvious show of mockery, he couldn’t find it in himself to be even a bit irritated. He was really just glad that Deidara was still there somewhere.

“Why are you so shocked, Danna, un?” Deidara asked as if he really had no clue. Sasori started to glare, due to instinct more than anything; the blonde could not be that clueless after all.

Deidara started sniggering again.

“Concerned?”

Sasori rolled his eyes and got up to leave. Deidara, he decided, was in serious need of a consultation with a psychiatrist. That kid had issues. He was gloomy and depressed, acting as if the worst thing in his life had just happened one moment and cheery and bubbly the next. If he wasn’t mad, Sasori was pretty sure that _he_ would be the one to lose his sanity. Sometimes he questioned himself as to why he cared about Deidara so much.

He usually put it down to the fact that it was because they were in similar situations and thus he was more inclined to be concerned about Deidara since he was human. Nonetheless, he was starting to think that it was horrible decision made on his part because, for the life of him, he couldn’t find anything positive out of being so bothered by the younger medical student (except maybe when he can comfort himself with the fact that the blonde’s life was potentially worse than his).

“Really, Danna, you have to relax and stop treating everything so seriously, un,” Deidara advised casually with a lopsided smile. There wasn’t even a hint that there was something wrong with him, that something had happened that had made him so detached from life the day before.

_I only treat you this seriously._

Sasori almost stopped in his tracks when that thought flashed through his mind. It would turn out that he cared about Deidara more than he had initially thought possible. This was bad in every sense of the word. Sasori was never a people person for more reasons than he could count and this sense of concern that he was developing for Deidara was screwing with that, though he supposed that Deidara was just a single entity and thus didn’t count for much. But still.

Well, his connection with Deidara was deeper than any he had with any other person so that was probably the reason why. The paradoxical thing would be that they didn’t even know each other that well and their understandings of each other were based on assumptions and deductions more than anything. Maybe the fact that their theories always come out right had something to do with deepening the bond between them… those assumptions that were made carefully and not those that they used to insult each other anyway.

“Come on, Danna! Stop ignoring me, un,” Deidara said with an obvious pout in his face. Heck, Sasori could _hear_ him pouting.

“Whatever, Brat,” Sasori replied with a low sigh. He actually didn’t mind, despite everything.

Deidara placed a hand on Sasori’s shoulder and there was something in his grip that let Sasori know that something was wrong. The redhead stopped in his tracks and glanced back to look at Deidara, catching his eyes. Sasori never realised how intense they were before and almost turned away but there was something in those cerulean orbs – a plea – that made Sasori continue looking.

He didn’t know why and how for that matter, but he knew that Deidara had something to tell him, something that he wanted to tell him in private. Sasori gave a small nod turned around. Deidara let go of him subsequently.

When Sasori went to the hospital that day to tour around the place, he hadn’t only looked at the various departments and operating theatre. He had gone around to see if there were any place where he could “hide out” as well. Obviously it wasn’t because he wanted to skive off work; it was because he figured that he would need a quiet place to ponder over some cases. A place where no one else would go.

He had found several spots around the hospital which fulfilled the criteria but barely satisfied him. They were mostly small rooms located somewhere at the basement. Then there were some, again small, rooms on the higher levels but they weren’t as closed off as the rooms at the basements were. And Sasori was in no way claustrophobic but that didn’t mean that he liked small spaces very much either. Every other place in the building was crawling with patients or staff. So he decided to take his space out of the hospital.

The rooftop.

It wasn’t hard to find the entrance to the rooftop (there was only so many places such an entry could be) but though it was slightly harder to actually get onto the rooftop, it hardly posed a challenge to Sasori. The door was locked, and further enquiry revealed that the reason was because several patients have tried committing suicide in the past, but Sasori managed to pick it open just fine.

“Figures you would choose wide, open spaces, un,” Deidara muttered somewhat bitterly.

Sasori turned to the blonde ready with a biting comment when he realised that Deidara looked unease and rather squeamish.

“Are you agoraphobic?” Sasori asked, for once unable to keep the shock out of his voice.

Deidara shot him a peeved look but it wasn’t as if Sasori could do anything about his instinctive reaction. He had thought that Deidara, pricing freedom and liberty as he did (inferred), would love the open spaces and the unconstraint it offered more than anybody but it would turn out that he was wrong if Deidara’s reaction was anything to go by.

“It’s not agoraphobia, un,” Deidara replied, walking over to the edge of the rooftop and dropping himself down onto the ground ungracefully. He released a long sigh and leant back against the wall. “It’s not a sickness. I just don’t like open spaces, un.”

“I figured you would like them.”

“Assumptions, un,” Deidara said with a small smile. “But the basis, which would be that I love the liberty attached to them, would be correct, un.”

Sasori let out a small chuckle. He had thought that much.

“So why do you hate them?” Sasori asked as he took a seat beside Deidara. A part of him, the serious and responsible one, was berating him – he really ought to be working and not be frolicking around on the rooftop with Deidara no less but he could hardly care at that moment.

“It reminds me too much of what I love, un,” Deidara replied with a sardonic smile. Deidara didn’t elaborate and Sasori didn’t ask for an explanation either; he knew too well what Deidara was talking about.

“Though,” Sasori started, “they still give me a sense of freedom which I relish in, even though it’s fake, temporary.”

“Oh, Danna, I thought I was the one on that side of the argument,” Deidara said playfully with a small victorious smirk.

“I’ll have you know that I meant it in an entirely different matter,” Sasori answered. “It might feel good at that moment but when that moment’s gone I crash back to reality, wishing that I never went up.”

“Are you seriously bringing our argument into another context, un?” Deidara asked, sounding half amused and half incredulous as he turned to look at Sasori.

“Art knows no boundaries,” Sasori said with a smirk.

“This, we concur,” Deidara said, nodding in agreement as he leaned back against the wall with a contented little sigh. “This feels good, un.”

“Yeah it does,” Sasori admitted. He hadn’t expected being with Deidara to be so natural and he most certainly didn’t expect to feel so comfortable being around the blonde.

They mostly hang out with their group of friends of course but there was something about the way they acted around them that was different from the way they acted when they were just around each other. The only time they actually did spend time together, alone without the others, was that day when Sasori invited Deidara to his house to slave over the hospital files, but they didn’t talk much then and it wasn’t as if dinner time was long enough for Sasori to ascertain any feelings of comfort.

“While I do feel like arguing with you on that point, and I know that you know that I know that you would love to delve into that argument as well, we don’t really have the right to be wasting time watching birds, un,” Deidara said, laughing in between his words. “We have taken enough liberties for the day just by being here, un.”

Sasori couldn’t agree more and he was just about to suggest leaving when he realised that he had completely forgotten the main purpose why they were on the rooftop in the first place. It was lucky that he hadn’t made any appointments with the neurology doctor the previous day or he would have certainly been late; the thing would have completely slipped his mind.

“Brat, are you going to tell me why we’re here?” he asked in the end.

The effect was instant. The grin fell from Deidara’s face and that depressed look returned though it was milder than before. Deidara sighed and closed his eyes.

“I don’t understand your grandmother sometimes, un,” Deidara said with a groan.

That caught Sasori off guard because he definitely hadn’t been expecting anything about Chiyo. No offense to his grandmother, and he loved her really, but he had noticed a pattern that whenever she came up it was hardly anything good.

“Neither do I.”

“You know that relative of mine? The one who has a severe heart condition but refuses to operate because she’s such a stubborn bitch, un?”

Sasori looked at Deidara in amusement but the blonde wasn’t letting anything up.

“Yes, your mother,” Sasori said, barely managing to stop himself from laughing at Deidara’s grimace. “What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s here, un.”

Okay, Sasori was definitely not expecting that. Deidara had to stop dropping bombshells on him soon.

“What is she doing here?” Sasori asked, knowing it was a stupid question but still asking anyway. He needed Deidara to elaborate on this after all and the blonde didn’t seem like he was going to without being probed.

“She’s admitted here, to this hospital, un,” Deidara replied in a bitter tone. It was obvious how much he liked talking about his mother.

“Why?”

“She said your grandmother suggested it, un,” Deidara answered and a thousand question started swirling in Sasori’s mind

How did Chiyo know Deidara’s mother? Were they friends? Were they _close_ friends? Was that why Chiyo decided to train Deidara when he was young? If Deidara’s mother was Chiyo’s friend, then why didn’t Chiyo introduce to him? Why wasn’t _Deidara_ introduced to him then, for that matter?

It seemed like Deidara had the answers to all these questions and Sasori never felt a greater urge to pry but he didn’t. It wasn’t what he do. It wasn’t him.

Deidara seemed to know what he was thinking though because he said, “That’s another story for another time, un.”

It really just translated to ‘I’m not really comfortable about talking about this to you right now’ and Sasori could understand but there was just this part of him that was severely annoyed and really wanted to know, because he was somewhat involved in that web of events even if it wasn’t directly so. But still, Sasori could understand.

It wasn’t like Deidara was withholding the information on purpose (in a way he was but Sasori wasn’t about to be a total bitch and go in that direction); the blonde didn’t look very happy knowing all those things either.

“Is that why you were so gloomy yesterday?” Sasori asked.

Deidara nodded curtly. There was something else that happened. Sasori just knew if from the way Deidara kept silent and kept fidgeting with his hair. This was something he wouldn’t pry though. It was completely up to Deidara to decide whether he wanted to tell Sasori about it or not.

“She was being a total bitch, un,” Deidara muttered eventually, “going on and on and on about how I should be a doctor soon without taking into account the fact that I’m in freaking _med school_ and on a fucking _internship_ all because of her, mother dearest, un.”

“Tell her then,” Sasori suggested with a shrug. He didn’t know how to deal with annoying people; they usually left him alone.

“I did, un,” Deidara said darkly. “Then she went on about how I wasted my time with art hence I couldn’t enter med school earlier. Mind her; I’m only nineteen, un.”

Sasori didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. Though, despite how terrible Deidara’s mother sounded like, there was no doubt that Sasori’s interest was piqued. He wanted to see Deidara’s mother, wanted to see with his own eyes the woman who had caused Deidara’s life to be so miserable. He felt an irrational sense of anger towards the woman, something that he had never done before. Deidara was really screwing with him.

“No wonder you were so upset yesterday,” Sasori concluded since Deidara didn’t look like he was going to say anything soon.

“And why I didn’t want to go to cardio, un,” Deidara continued.

“Because you just left that place.”

“Exactly, un.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes before both their sense of responsibility seized control of them and they decided that they should go back downstairs.

“Want to go to cardio, un?” Deidara asked with a slight smirk when they were safe within the confines of the four white walls.

Sasori had plans that day. He had plans to watch a certain surgery that was about to take place in ten minutes and take notes so that he could have a discussion with a neuro surgeon later. He had planned for that to be in his report for that week. He never messed up his plans and he always killed whoever attempts to mess his plans up in any way. But now he thought ‘screw it’.

“Let’s go.”

\--

The walk to the cardiology section was relatively silent. Deidara was busy smirking away and Sasori didn’t know why and he was too busy coming up with images as to how Deidara’s mother would look like. He was so busy trying to picture it that he hadn’t realised that Deidara had stopped until he bumped into the blonde.

“There, un,” Deidara said, nodding his head in the direction of a private ward. The curtains weren’t drawn so Sasori could easily see the blonde woman sitting on her bed from where they were standing.

He wasn’t shocked but her appearance; she looked normal enough though he supposed that she was considered pretty. He was more shocked at how she looked so similar to Deidara. If he had just seen her back view, he was quite sure that he would mistake her for her son. That was how alike they looked.

“Doesn’t she look like me, un?” Deidara said in what Sasori thought was a really good mockery of a proud mother. “Or more that I look a lot like her since she gave birth to me, un.”

“You’re practically identical to her,” Sasori agreed while Deidara nodded as if he had expected that… which he probably did.

“Everyone says that, un,” Deidara said in a bored tone. He had probably heard that statement a million times, which wasn’t surprisingly really. Sasori supposed they could pass off as twins. Deidara’s mother didn’t look that old and Deidara look all that manly, but Sasori wasn’t going to risk telling Deidara that. The blonde had a tendency to be violent.

“You’ll find, unlike other people, that the similarity stops at the looks” Deidara said, sounding rather smug. Sasori was starting to suspect that the only reason Deidara brought him over was just so that there would be someone to tell him that he was different from his mother and he pointed that out to the blonde.

Deidara’s nose wrinkled.

“Your impression of me is too low, Danna, un,” Deidara said in an offended tone before adopting a more childish one and saying with a wink, “but you’re partially right.”

Sasori rolled his eyes.

“Obviously.”

“Do you want to talk to her, un?” Deidara asked and there was a sparkle in the blonde’s eyes which Sasori did not quite like, but he was already there and what harm could a simple conversation with a patient do?

“Fine, Brat, fine.”


	14. Chapter 14

“You must be Sasori,” Deidara’s mother said the moment Sasori stepped into the hospital room, Deidara a few steps behind. “You can call me Iwa-san.”

“Iwa-san,” Sasori greeted coolly, not bothering with smiles or niceties. Iwa-san didn’t seem very happy to see him either, and he definitely did not like the way she looked at him as if she was trying to pick out some faults.

The more important thing, though, was that she didn’t look a bit like Deidara. Looking at her afar would give the impression that she looked like Deidara but he didn’t see how anyone (and so far everyone it would seem) who had seen the two before would say that they were identical. As far as physical appearance went, they were indeed similar, but Iwa-san had a certain air of fierce countenance which Deidara lacked. While Iwa-san was more on the offensive, Deidara was more on the guarded side. These two things made them look very different already.

The most telling factor was the eyes. Again, they were similar in the aspect that they had the same eye colour – cerulean blue, but Iwa-san’s eyes held a stern gaze whereas Deidara’s ones held more life. Honestly, Sasori would have never thought that they looked the same had he seen her face to face from the start.

“So how’s your grandmother?” Iwa-san asked, her intense gaze fixed completely on Sasori. The redhead was certainly most uncomfortable with her penetrating stare but he didn’t show it.

“You would know since she made this arrangement for you, un,” Deidara interjected before Sasori could say anything. The blonde made his way further into the room and fell onto the couch in an ungraceful heap.

“When I’m speaking to him, you shouldn’t interrupt,” Iwa-san replied, eyes flickering to Deidara for a whole second before sweeping back to Sasori.

Sasori didn’t say anything but they all knew that he agreed. He was just obvious like that, at least in this sense. He expected Deidara to glare at him or something but no such thing happened. Deidara obviously knew him well enough.

“So, how is your grandmother?” Iwa-san repeated with a terse smile. Apparently she just about hated waiting as much as Sasori did. It was slightly depressing that Sasori could find himself sympathetic to her.

“She’s fine, thank you for asking,” Sasori replied. A model answer.

“Tell me more.”

“She’s teaching at the university again,” Sasori said. It was a pathetic answer really but he didn’t really know much about what else his grandmother was up to.

“And?”

“She’s thinking of writing a new book.”

Sasori really hoped that she would stop asking him to elaborate more. That was really all he knew about Chiyo as of that moment. He didn’t talk to her much, and all he ever talked to her abut was school work, and recently the internship.

“Anything about her personal life?”

“Sorry, we’re not very close,” Sasori decided to say eventually and had to resist the urge to lash out at the woman when she gave him a knowing stare and sardonic smile.

So he wasn’t close to Chiyo, so what? Her relationship with her own son wasn’t very good either… but Sasori wasn’t about to say that of course. He was spiteful, not stupid.

“So how are your results in school then?”

“As expected of me.”

“Can’t do better than that?”

Sasori did all he could not to shoot her an annoyed look but his level of vexation was seriously increasing with each second. This woman really did know how to get on his nerves… much like Deidara in that aspect but at least the latter was more tolerable.

He offered a silent apology to Deidara for comparing him to his mother but he couldn’t help it. He just had to make sure that the younger medical student never found out or there would be hell to face. Deidara raging was never something to look forward; it was something to be avoided if anything. And he was talking about the serious raging, not the childish ones about his arguments on art.

“Anyway,” she said, obviously realising the tense silence that was starting to build up. “What are you interested in? Medical wise of course.”

“Neuro.”

“Oh, like dear Chiyo I see,” Iwa-san said with a wider smile. “Was that your own choice or was that her choice?”

“My own choice.”

“Influenced by her?”

Sasori was about to deny that (despite how true it was but he could definitely persuade Iwa-san otherwise) when Deidara decided that now was a good time to annoy his mother further and interrupt.

“Why the fuck are you interrogating him on his life, un?” Deidara asked and it was clear how he felt about his mother’s firing questions.

Somewhere, along the course of the conversation, Deidara had moved from the couch and was standing at the window, with his back towards the occupants of the room.

“Like I said before, stay silent when I’m talking to someone else,” Iwa-san said with an edge in her voice. It must be something she really hated, Sasori supposed. Deidara didn’t even turn around or give a reply. He just stood there as if she hadn’t said a thing. It was quite obvious that Iwa-san expected a reply – an apology – but it was also clear that she wouldn’t get one.

They were as obstinate as each other.

Sasori really had to stop finding their similarities and focus on their differences instead but it was quite hard to do. Still, despite all these similar traits, he found that he still liked Deidara better. His mother was simply unbearable.

Nonetheless, he was actually kind of glad for that interruption. He was pretty sure that he was about to strangle the woman. But there were better ways to get back at her.

“Why wouldn’t you do the operation?” he asked and her eyes shifted to him so quickly he that he was almost shocked. He could just see the smirk on Deidara’s face.

“How is that your concern?” she asked, significantly more agitated than before. Well, payback was a bitch.

“Do tell him why you wouldn’t do it, un,” Deidara commented leisurely but Iwa-san ignored him.

“It isn’t,” Sasori replied casually with a meaningful look.

Iwa-san got what he was talking about of course. She wasn’t stupid. She simply gave him the terse smile that she had been giving him the whole time he was there. To him, it was the most intolerable part of her. It felt as if she thought she was superior and it was quite obvious that she was judging him with everything he said. Sasori wondered how Deidara ever grew up under her care, if it could be called that.

“I wouldn’t have pegged you down to be the type of people that befriends my son,” she pointed out. An innocent observation, nothing else, but it was obvious that she was trying to get at something.

“Many people would feel the same,” Sasori said. After all, he himself had thought the exact same thing and chances were that Chiyo did too.

“How did you two become friends?” she asked, a suspicious tone in her voice coupled with a knowing look.

Sasori knew danger when he saw it and this was such a situation. Of course she wanted a confirmation that they were both not being “led astray” by fantasies of art and are instead being solely focused on what really mattered - medicine. If she was that close a friend of Chiyo’s, she would have probably heard about how interested he had been in art when he was a child from her. She had probably been trying to drill an answer out of Deidara the day before.

“You two are so different after all,” Iwa-san continued. The eagerness in her voice was quite scary and Sasori wondered what she could actually want to do with that information but found that he wasn’t really all that interested.

“We both treat medicine very seriously.”

“You do?” she asked sceptically, a raised eyebrow emphasising it.

“Yes, medicine is very important to us,” Sasori assured her, holding her eyes as she looked for any signs of insincerity. He was a good liar.

She finally tore her gaze away with a small laugh.

“It seems that you really have been working hard on medicine I see,” she told Deidara who smiled a little too sweetly back at her.

“I should rest now,” she said, giving the two a pointed look.

“Of course, un,” Deidara said and left without a second glance. He even made sure to close the door behind him.

\--

Deidara was laughing, laughing crazily and if he didn’t stop soon, the doctors seated in the cafeteria were going to send him to the psych floor. Honestly Sasori wouldn’t have been all that against that. He had been thinking that Deidara needed to see a psychiatrist for a long time now. There was also the fact that it would be utterly hilarious to see Deidara trying to explain his way out of that, especially since he does seem to sound mentally unstable, well, all the time.

“’ _We both treat medicine very seriously’_ ,” he repeated amidst giggles. “Oh that is so brilliant, Danna. Sheer brilliance, un.”

“Would you stop laughing?” Sasori asked, but he didn’t feel half as annoyed as he sounded. Iwa-san had probably just made his tolerance level really high. If he could manage a conversation without lashing out at her, there was no one he couldn’t tolerate.

“But that was genius, Danna, un,” Deidara replied, his laughter finally subsiding after ten minutes.

“I am.”

“Yes, yes, never pass up a chance to accept a praise, un,” Deidara said with a snort. “What a narcissist.”

“I actually can afford to be one,” Sasori replied to which Deidara rolled his eyes too.

“Sure, Danna, sure, un,” he replied.

“She’s not like you,” Sasori said and Deidara stopped smiling and turned to look at him. It was the most serious Sasori had ever seen him. This was another thing about Deidara that he had somehow gotten used to. The blonde would be all giggly and happy one moment and serious and stern the next. The pattern sometimes varied to being gloomy and depressing. The usual style would be him showing a bunch of positive emotions one moment and then the (kind of) negative ones the next.

“Please don’t say that for the sake of saying that, un,” Deidara said and Sasori could tell that a white lie wouldn’t work, not when Deidara actually held this issue so close to his heart.

“There are some parts of your similar to her, but you’re definitely more tolerable than her,” Sasori said eventually.

Deidara smiled.

“Thanks, Danna, un. Thanks.”

\--

Finally it was the weekends. Konan had been waiting for this particular weekend for weeks already. It was a month after the internship started and Sasori and Deidara finally had enough time to meet up with the rest of them. She had wanted to meet up with them sooner but she didn’t want them to fork out time they didn’t have. Basically, she was just glad that they had settled down into their new environment. Still, they could only meet in the afternoon since someone was busy one way or another in the morning.

Despite Itachi advocating the usefulness of an agenda, and Kisame naturally backing him out, there was no one who was willing to do so and besides their opinions and tastes were all different anyway. It would be impossible to decide on a fixed place to go, but they decided to meet at a park near the school campus first anyway.

Ironically, Konan was the one who arrived the latest. Sure she was the one who suggested the whole thing but late-coming was an illness that couldn’t be cured.

“You hypocrite!” Kakuzu complained. “You’re always early for school.”

“That’s a different matter altogether,” she replied sweetly and Kakuzu rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath which he took care not to let her overhear.

“Let’s go to the nursery,” Zetsu said immediately and he was certainly bouncier than ever. He was clutching a plant encyclopaedia in his arms and a page was bookmarked with a cactus maker.

“We don’t care fucking about a bloody new plant that you freaking fell in love with for the disgusting millionth time, you agonising bitch,” Hidan retorted with a scoff as Zetsu attempted to make holes in Hidan’s head with his eyes. Hidan was too much of a thick headed skull for that to work though.

“Oh my gosh,” Deidara said and the affection was as clear as day in his voice. “I missed that so much, un. Do you know how fucking annoying doctors are, un? Cursing is taboo. The fuck, un.”

“You’re fucking missing out, Blondie, you’re fucking missing out,” Hidan said in what he probably thought was a sympathetic tone. It sounded more mocking than anything though.

“I hope you come to the hospital one day, Hidan, un,” Deidara suggested with a mischievous glint in his eyes which Sasori did not quite like.

“As a bloody patient?”

“Yeah, literally, un.”

Hidan seemed to like that idea a lot and it was apparent that he was seriously contemplating it. Sasori would definitely not allow for it though.

“Don’t you dare come,” Sasori said, making his stand very clear.

Tough and mighty as Hidan liked to act, he did have an irrational fear for Sasori. That man was scary. Deidara was probably the only one dense enough to not have realised that. Thus, even though Hidan did find the idea to be very appealing and interesting, he decided that he wouldn’t risk the wrath of the Akasuna.

“Fine, fuck you! I have better damn things to do, you ass,” Hidan snapped. Fear did not mean that he would stop cursing. It was like telling him to give up Jashinism. Which equated to him giving up his life. No wait, Jashin was way more important than his life. He offered up a silent apology to his god for even thinking that and promised ten more rituals that week as penance.

Sasori simply ignored him while the rest laughed their heads off. Hidan was really adorable in the way he tried to act so badass when he was really a big marshmallow inside. Okay, that was an exaggeration but the man really is not as fierce or scary as he pretends to be.

“Let’s go to the aquarium,” Kisame suggested once the hoo-ha died down and looks, meaningful looks, were shot his way.

“Fine.”

And of course Itachi wanted to go to the library (“You fucking retard! We’re not all Jashin-damned crazy like you, you bastard!”), Tobi wanted to go to the amusement park (“Why is the kid even here, un?”), Kakuzu wanted to go to the bank (“Get a life already.”), Pein wanted to the titanic exhibition (“No way.”), Konan wanted to go shopping (“The shit?” “Really Konan?” “Please no.”), Hidan wanted to go to the seaside to conduct a ritual (“Really?” “Hidan.” “Seriously.”), Sasori wanted to go to a science museum (“Go jump off a bridge.”) and Deidara wanted nothing more than to kill them all.

“Just decide on a place already, un,” he complained.

“You say something then!”

“I don’t really care where we go, un,” Deidara replied with a smirk. “Meaning according to democracy, we’ll listen to the person who I agree with, un.”

“Then let’s go to the nursery!”

“Oh I forgot to mention that I’m sorely against that, un. That, and the library.”

Actually he didn’t mind the library; he just didn’t want to agree with Itachi. The thought was disturbing and disgusting.

“Best fucking friend.”

“Let’s go to the beach, un.”

There were groans and protests all around and weird excuses started popping out like how Itachi really wasn’t dressed for the beach. But Hidan managed to pull at least two more people over to his side because “Fuck, you can fucking swim in the sea, you disgusting mutated fish” and “Plants bloody exist at the seaside too, you damned plant”.

So they went to the beach.

\--

“Fuck,” was the first thing Hidan said upon arrival because he realised that his scythe and thus couldn’t commit his ritual. People were starting to shoot him death glares already but all that was forgotten in the face of the exceptionally good weather that they were provided with that day. It was cooling and the sun was hiding behind a stack of clouds. It was definitely going to rain but to them, it was a good day to be at the beach, especially since none of them liked the sun particularly much.

Kisame took to the sea immediately and Itachi followed him, but he didn’t swim. He just sat at the shore and started spacing out. He was probably thinking about some really complicated and complex philosophical theories though.

Pein and Konan decided to take a stroll alone with coos of “aww how sweet!” following their backs which they ignored. They stopped soon enough though because Pein and Konan might decide to turn back and murder them, or find a weapon on their walk which could be used to murder them. Either ways, it did not bode well.

Zetsu went off in search of plants and dragged Tobi along with him. Tobi had initially wanted to spend his time with his sempai but Deidara managed to bribe Zetsu by offering to buy him some expensive plant that he wanted.

“I’m richer than I look, un,” he assured the plant lover.

Hidan felt a spiritual calling and dragged a very reluctant Kakuzu off with him. The latter kept complaining about how a waste of time this was and how that converted into a waste of money. They were all good at tuning him out by now.

“I thought the point of this was so that we could all hang out together, un,” Deidara complained to Sasori when he realised that they were the two left behind.

Sasori shrugged and started walking off. Not knowing what else to do, Deidara followed him. After about ten minutes, Sasori sat down on the shore.

There were not much people at the beach to begin with due to the weather which was only perceived to be good by the bunch of them, but this area that they arrived at was secluded. But it had a nice, calming effect about it. The tranquillity the isolation brought coupled with the cooling atmosphere created by the weather made the entire situation really comfortable.

“To think we ended together again, un,” Deidara said with a small laugh. He didn’t mind really but he was bitter that Hidan chose to drag Kakuzu off instead of him. He thought that absence was supposed to make the heart grow fonder or something along those lines.

“I’m not that happy either,” Sasori replied.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t happy, un!” Deidara defended and started pouting. “You’re mean, Danna, un!”

“Established fact, Brat.”

“Aren’t Hidan and Kakuzu getting really close recently, un?” Deidara mused, trying to make light of the situation though the bitterness was apparent in his voice.

“Upset?”

Deidara turned to look at Sasori and was about to deny it when he noticed, for once, how intense Sasori’s eyes were. The way he was staring out at the horizon was almost frightening. There was a thirst in his eyes but for what Deidara did not know. He wanted to ask about it but Sasori repeated the same word and he was reminded that they were still talking about him.

“Kind of, un. Hidan’s _my_ best friend, un.”

“I think Hidan felt like that a while back, didn’t he?” Sasori asked.

Deidara nodded even though he knew that Sasori wouldn’t see it. With the way Sasori was concentrating so hard on the horizon, Deidara wondered if he was even really paying attention to the conversation. He had never felt more curious about the redhead than he did then.

“Still.”

“Bad experience?” Sasori questioned. It was a sensitive question and he was almost prying into Deidara’s past so he wasn’t exactly expecting a reply. He didn’t even know why he asked that in the first place. There was something about this place which was emboldening him.

“Yeah, bad experience, un.”

Sasori certainly hadn’t been expecting that. Even if Deidara was going to answer, he had assumed that the blonde would give a simple ‘no’ and let the subject end there. Maybe something about the place was urging Deidara to be more honest too.

Nonetheless, that was about as much as Sasori was going to pry. He was not going to ask the blonde to elaborate. If Deidara wanted to tell him more, he would. He wasn’t the type that needed people to ask him for him to tell. He did what he wanted to because of what he felt like. He was a free spirit.

“I had a best friend when I was younger, not much younger though, un,” Deidara said before laughing. “Actually we only stopped being so about last year? Or the year before. Somewhere around then, un. I can’t really remember, un.”

“Because you don’t want to?”

“I think it’s my coping mechanism, un.”

Sasori nodded. Everyone’s coping mechanism was different. He, for one, never forgot. It was kind of scary how much he could remember sometimes.

“It was weird, un. She was the first person I could truly connect to I guess, but somewhere along the line things happened and we faded, un,” Deidara said.

He had thought that he would feel depressed or something akin to that if he ever told about this to someone but all he felt was apathy. He didn’t know why he was telling this to someone either. He had planned to let it remain a relic of his past. It was Sasori. Something about the man always made him spill his past and thoughts. It was quite unfair actually. Sometimes he thought that the older man knew more about him than he did about him.

“Did she like art?” Sasori asked and Deidara laughed.

Sasori still didn’t turn to him though. He was starting to feel really curious but the conversation was still about him and he did want to tell Sasori more about this ex-best friend of his for some strange reason.

“No. We hardly had anything in common, un.”

“Kind of like you and me.”

“Art is all we need, un, despite our more than differing opinions,” Deidara said. Sasori chuckled at that but still not pull his eyes away.

“Do you want to meet her again?” Sasori asked.

“Would you want to meet her again if you were me, un?”

“I’m not you.”

“Hypothetically, un.”

Sasori did not reply for such a long time that Deidara seriously thought that he was ignoring him. But he didn’t push for an answer. If Sasori was going to ignore him then fine.

“I would want to actually.”

“Why, un?” Deidara questioned, feeling a bit stupid that he actually thought that Sasori was ignoring him. If he thought about it, Sasori never ignored him when it came to serious matters. Honestly, he was glad that he could have someone like Sasori to talk to. He would almost call it a blessing.

“I don’t know exactly why you two stopped being friends, but I think that if it were me, I would want to see how her life has changed and compare it to mine, to see if separation had been the right thing for the both of us.”

“You’re so nice, Danna, un,” Deidara said wistfully as he laid back down on the sand. The sand was probably going to stick in his hair later but he never gave much consideration to such stuff. He only regretted when the damage had been done.

“Not really,” Sasori said. His tone had been the same clam one throughout the entire conversation that it was starting to get on Deidara’s nerves but there was still something comforting about the atmosphere and even this conversation that made him somewhat at ease. “If the separation had been good for me but not her I would care less. If the opposite happened, I would just try and make my life better without her in it.”

“So you’re determined not to let her back in your life again, un?”

“You have Hidan already.”

“True that, un.”

“What about you?”

“For me, I would only meet her if I’m sure that my life is better than hers for sure and that I have new friends who are worthier of my friendship, un,” Deidara said with a small laugh.

“So it’s more of revenge than anything.”

“Yes, it is, un,” Deidara agreed. “I’m not a very nice person, un.”

“No one is. She probably feels the same.”

“I don’t like thinking from another person’s perspective, un. It eats into my own,” Deidara said. “I want to be who I am how I am with no influence from anyone, un. But that’s already turning into a dream, un.”

“Make it reality again.”

“Danna,” Deidara said in a tone which finally made Sasori turn away from the horizon to look at him. “It’s not that easy, un.”

“I understand.”

And Sasori turned his head back.

It was at moments like these that Deidara was really glad for Sasori. Their current situations were so pathetically similar that he didn’t even have to explain why he felt the way he did. If it were someone else, he could explain for a whole week and still the other person wouldn’t understand, at least not the way Sasori would. He supposed that this kind of things could only be understood if someone had been through it.

Sometimes if Hidan would have been able to understand. With a pang, he realised that he knew more about Sasori than he did about Hidan. And Sasori probably knew more about him that Hidan did. He had always been idealistic. To him, a best friend was for life and he needed such a person for him to feel at ease with the world. That person didn’t have to be physically with him but he needed to know that such a person was there. He knew why he was like this.

He was displacing the security that he needed from his parents onto his “best friend”. What he didn’t receive from his parents he needed to have elsewhere from another person. A best friend was the ideal person. He had thought that she had understood him but maybe he was too demanding. Still, nothing could change the fact that he knew that he was a selfish person for doing so.

Yet people were innately selfish. He didn’t have to bear the brunt of any punishment for a quality so natural to human beings, so he didn’t blame himself. And he didn’t change his mind-set.

He was about to ask Sasori what the other man thought about selfishness when he noticed that Sasori was completely focused on the sea again.

“What’s wrong, Danna, un? You’ve been staring so intensely at the horizon ever since we sat down, un,” Deidara said, hoping that Sasori wouldn’t lash out at him and tell him to mind his own business.

Sasori knew that he was being obvious with how much attention he was giving to the sea but he didn’t feel like covering anything up. He had a feeling that Deidara was going to ask him what was wrong because he would have done the same had the blonde been the one acting so weirdly. A part of him didn’t want to tell Deidara what was going on but he felt that he was obliged to after hearing a small yet significant part of the blonde’s life.

“I want freedom so bad,” he confessed. “And something about the horizon reminds me of that. Maybe because it’s so endless and there’s also the fact that it’ll always be there.”

“Your concept of eternity coming into play here, un?” Deidara asked, finding it funny yet understanding how Sasori felt.

He could apply his concept of transient anyway in his life if he wanted to. Even his notion of a best friend. True, he did think that a best friend was for life but he thought that a function of a best friend was transient. He only needed his best friend to be there when he needed him for that short period of time. Afterwards his best friend could disappear until he needed them again.

But he didn’t feel that way about Hidan. There was just something about Hidan and this new group of friends which stopped him from thinking that way. Maybe it was because they made him feel happier than he had ever felt in years or maybe they just had some innate bond which connected them. Whatever the case, he knew that these friends were precious and that he needed now that he knew what it was like to have them.

“Eternity can be applied to everything,” Sasori said simply.

Deidara didn’t know why but he felt that Sasori wasn’t telling him the full picture. He, unlike Sasori, never had the policy not to pry though and so went ahead.

“Is there something else you’re not telling me, un?”

“There is actually but I don’t feel like talking about it now.”

Deidara might not be as considerate and thoughtful as Sasori was but even he knew when to stop probing. After all, he was obliged to do so, especially if it was Sasori. The older man had always allowed him his privacy and never overstepped any boundaries. He ought to do the same.

“Okay, un.”

At that moment, his cell phone started vibrating in his pocket and he picked it up.

“We’re meeting back at where we came from and we’re going for dinner,” Konan informed him even before he had the chance to say hi. “Is Sasori with you? I couldn’t reach him.”

“Yeah he is, un. We’ll be there soon, un.”

Deidara then told Sasori the plan.

“I don’t feel like going,” Sasori said, his eyes still focused on the horizon as ever. “Tell them Chiyo suddenly set me an assignment.”

“Does she usually do that, un?” Deidara asked, thinking that Chiyo was a bitch more than ever but keeping that to himself.

“Yes.”

“Okay, un. Bye.”

Sasori didn’t reply and Deidara wasn’t even quite sure that the older man had heard him. The dark clouds were starting to gather already (probably why the others decided to leave) and Deidara wondered whether Sasori would stay there. The redhead didn’t seem stupid enough to do so and risk catching pneumonia. Still, people do stupid things when engrossed in something. Deidara would know.

When Deidara met up with the others, he conveyed Sasori’s message and agreed with the others how much of a bitch Chiyo was for constantly doing this. Konan was mostly annoyed that she had to pick this particular day to do so. Deidara felt a little bad that Chiyo was being cursed so badly for something she didn’t even do but figured that she deserved it one way or another.

\--

By the time Deidara got home it was already one in the morning. They had more to talk about than he thought and relating the things that happened at the hospital was surprisingly fun. He couldn’t really remember what they talked about in detail but he knew they were all doing well and that was really enough. He had fun.

Still, there was a constant nagging at the back of his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about Sasori. He wondered if the older man was alright. At times like those, he would actually want some company because he really hated the feeling of being alone but Sasori seemed to prefer the loneliness more.

So Deidara switched his phone off in case his hands moved faster than his brain and he ended up sending a message to Sasori. The redhead did make it kind of clear that he wanted to be left alone and he said what he felt which was a far cry from Deidara.

Sasori was strong, Deidara decided. He kind of envied him for it but he was kind of glad. At least one of them could make it out of better than the other, even if it was Sasori and not him.

It was funny what these new friends were doing to him. He was actually becoming increasingly selfless (he supposed) and it felt better than he thought it would. He fell asleep that night and slept better than he had in years.


	15. Chapter 15

It was raining again when Deidara woke up on Sunday. A glance at the clock told him that it was way too early to be up – 4am, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep once he was awake. It was an annoying mechanism but he couldn’t do anything about it. The plus side was that he (kind of) had more time than other people.

He hadn’t been planning on doing anything that day besides lazing around at home; waking up so early made him feel that he was going to waste his day if that was what he was going to be doing. He had already finished the report for that week on Friday night when everything was still fresh in his mind, and naturally he wanted to get it out of the way so that it didn’t ruin his weekend.

_I wonder what Danna is doing…_

Deidara stopped filling his mug when that thought entered his mind. That was a strange phenomenon. He didn’t usually think about Sasori, especially not so early in the morning. No doubt the older man was interesting but Deidara was never one to be overly interested in people.

Maybe it was the fact that the way the rain pelted down was so similar to the downpour the day before. Or maybe it was the fact that Sasori had never left him hanging so badly before. Either ways, he knew that he wanted answers from the redhead, which was rather horrible of him, since he never promised answers to Sasori in the first place. What right had he to answers then?

He knew what it was though that made him wanted the answers so much.

At any other time, he definitely wouldn’t admit it but in the safe sanctuary of his own home coupled with the comfort the earliness brought, he let himself acknowledge that it was concern. It was such a weird and somewhat new feeling. It had been a while since he actually cared about someone, Hidan aside (that man probably cast some Jashinist spell on him).

But this care was totally different. He cared about Hidan in the sense that he didn’t want anything bad to happen to Hidan and that he wanted the Jashinist to know that he would always be there for him, but it was just different with Sasori.

Naturally, he didn’t want any untoward to happen to the redhead either – that was just normal for any human being. But he felt that he actually wanted to know about Sasori and help the other untie any knotted strings in his heart.

It was probably because he himself had too many such knots in his own heart that he wanted to help Sasori. Their situations were, after all, so similar that anything which might help let Sasori feel better would probably have the same effect on him too. Okay, so he was selfish but somehow he realised that he didn’t really mind not having his ties unknotted if Sasori’s ones could be.

He was really turning nice. He wondered why he couldn’t just be introverted and cold and be alone. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He didn’t _want_ to be alone. It scared him. The thought of loneliness haunted him. He needed to be around people or he would fall into his depressed state of mind again. Even being around people made him feel lonely because he sometimes his mind would be the devil and constantly remind him how he was actually truly in solitude because all those people were people, not friends, not people he could depend on.

But he didn’t want to care about anyone which was a problem in itself because being around people naturally made him care. He didn’t understand how some people could remain so closed up, so unfeeling. He envied them. If he were like them, he wouldn’t be like this.

It was annoying how his phone was directly in his line of sight. He had left it on the bar counter the previous night which obviously turned out to be the wrong (and most stupid) decision because now he had the immense urge to turn it on and send a text to Sasori. Yes, at 4am in the morning. And yes, he didn’t care that it might potentially annoy the older man.

But there was only so much self-control someone as impulsive as him could have.

Without a second thought, he walked over to the bar counter, snatched his phone off the top of it and turned it on. He hadn’t even thought of what to ask but he figured that it would come to him when he started typing.

Before he could set about doing so though, a notification reminded him that he had a new message. He glared at it suspiciously. There were only so many people who would text him. Pein, Konan and Hidan he didn’t mind. His mother and Chiyo he had a lot of issues with.

It was quite funny how he now cringed at the thought of the old woman. He had actually liked her. Not to any extreme point or anything but he certainly thought her to be nice and he definitely did owe all his medical skills to her. Still, meeting Sasori made him change his mind about her. He hadn’t mind that she and his mother were quite close but now he was starting to realise that they were more similar than he thought and that instantly repulsed him. His mother scarred him _that_ much.

But there was nothing he could but read the message of course or it would be on his mind all day and he wouldn’t be able to do anything else, even send a simple text to Sasori. What was the worst scenario anyway? His mother would probably just send him a love (read: hate) message while Chiyo could have another one of her “surprises” again.

But the text wasn’t from either of them. It was from Sasori.

Deidara was beyond shock. He had thought that Sasori would want to be all alone and definitely wouldn’t send him any message or contact him in any way. This was possibly the most shocking thing that happened in his life.

And then panic took over. What if Sasori had wanted to talk to him? What if, for once, Sasori actually needed him and he wasn’t there? Especially since Sasori had always been there to listen to him rant and complain. He had never felt more like a bastard as he slowly read the text.

_I’m fine, Brat._

_And I’m not stupid enough to catch a cold._

Okay.

He should have expected that. It was so typical of Sasori to send that kind of message and he started laughing because of all those stupid things he thought of. When Sasori wanted to be alone, of course he wanted to be alone. The man was so sure of himself and so clear of what he wanted that nothing would ever be able to influence him. It was so ironic that despite this he still had to force himself to go to med school.

In a way, he supposed it was more painful for Sasori than him. To know for sure that that wasn’t what he wanted but to still have to choose was definitely more painful. Deidara knew that he wanted to do art too of course but he had his worries, worries that Sasori didn’t have. For example, he knew he loved art but he didn’t know if he would always love art. Sasori, on the other hand, would always love art.

This was the big difference between them and Deidara sometimes thought that if Sasori wanted to, he could be very happy. That thought pulled at his heart strings in weird ways. He never expected to feel sad for anyone.

Deidara replied Sasori with an ‘okay’ and locked his phone, placing it back onto the bar counter. It was nice of Sasori to send him a message; he didn’t have any obligations to. But he probably knew that the blonde would be wondering what the heck was going on with him and that was probably the only reason why he did so.

So Sasori understood him better than he thought (and actually somewhat cared). That thought was both comforting and scary. It was nice to know that they both had a mutual understanding of each other which was rather profound in his opinion but it was rather unnerving. Because understanding someone came along with responsibilities, right? It was frightening but somehow he realised that if it were Sasori, he didn’t mind that much.

They were too similar after all.

His mind suddenly wandered to the locked room in Sasori’s house. Ever since he saw it, he couldn’t help but wonder what it contained. It was a given that it was Sasori’s artworks that were in the room but he didn’t know exactly what kind of artworks they were. Come to think of it, despite all their quarrels, they never actually talked about the actually pieces they make.

He supposed it was too close to the heart and if they were talking about them, it would seem that they could actually start working on them again. No. They had to remain where they were. A dream. In limbo. Wherever. Just not in this real world with them. In this world, it was med school that mattered. Med school, Chiyo and his mother.

Again, he found Sasori more pitiable. Sasori must really have a lot of self-control to be able to resist not opening that door at all despite looking at it every day. Deidara’s artworks never lasted long so there was never a need to store them. There were no physical objects which could trigger any urge to start making art. His art tools were in a box somewhere far away from him. He made sure of that.

In the end, he decided to start on his assignments which weren’t due until two months later. Chiyo had given them to him early because of the internship and was afraid that he wouldn’t have time to finish them but he had a feeling that he was going to turn them in even before she released them to the year ones. He wasn’t a workaholic by any means but he sure as hell felt like one right now.

\--

It was well into the afternoon by the time Deidara completed all his assignments, and that was including some extra research he did. He wasn’t a show off but he thought that the research would just make his essay make all the more sense and that was why he did it. Besides, knowing more never hurts.

Anyway, the point was that he was bored and after accomplishing so much he felt that it would be a waste to spend the rest of the day lazing away. More than anything, he should really find something to eat but he wasn’t really that hungry so he didn’t care. He just wanted to get out of his house. It was becoming unbearably suffocating.

So he pulled his hair up into its usual half ponytail, tossed on a sweater over a random shirt and stepped into a pair of jeans before almost running out of his house. These bouts of loneliness were going to kill him someday if they haven’t already. He felt like a corpse whenever he wasn’t around people, but that isn’t to say that having company was any better. His friends were the only ones who made him feel alive now.

No matter how much he hated it and wished it to be different, art wasn’t exactly a source of comfort anymore. It was more of an added pressure now. That was terrible in his opinion but life wasn’t exactly fair.

The sky was cloudy again and that definitely cheered Deidara up. He liked to think that he was in tune with nature and this was seemingly proof of it though he knew that it was just mere coincidence. Because the weather was so similar to that of the previous day’s, Deidara felt that it was natural to head to the beach again.

It wasn’t as if he was going to gain some epiphany on Sasori’s life but he just felt that he should go there. Really, he had to stop doing things based on his feelings but then again logic had never helped him before. Look where he ended up – med school. Though it was arguably because of his feelings for his mother that he decided to lock himself up in that prison. Nonetheless, there was no doubt that he did feel that med school was the “safer” path too.

The beach was empty. That wasn’t exactly shocking since there was already a light drizzle descending upon the earth. Anyway, the point was that Deidara was elated that there wasn’t a single soul around. He might hate being alone and depressing thoughts might start creeping up on him, but for now, he wanted solitude. He just wanted to be alone with himself and his thoughts.

He took the same path he and Sasori had taken the previous but he definitely went further than they did the day before because he spotted a little cave nearby. He would take refuge there later if the rain became too heavy. Now, he was just too contented to sit on the shore and think about everything and nothing at all.

The drizzle turned into a full out downpour within minutes and Deidara’s clothes were soaked to his skin within seconds but he couldn’t find any motivation to remove himself to shelter. It was strangely comforting and surreal to sit in the storm and stare out at the crashing waves. A slightly morbid thought crossed his mind and he wondered how it would be like to be dragged into the abyss of darkness that was the ocean. Unconsciously he shifted nearer to the water.

He had wanted to move just a little bit at first but somehow he ended up so dangerously near that the waves were lapping at his legs. Just a little more and he was sure that he would be carried away by the waves off to the depths of the ocean where, he was certain, nothing existed.

“Brat, I know I’m not stupid but I never pegged you down as an idiot either.”

Sasori’s voice wrenched him away from his morose fantasy and he hastily stood up. He was about to say something in reply when he saw the look on Sasori’s face. Despite the outward appearance of amusement, there was an element of anger and (if he wasn’t dreaming) even worry hiding beneath that fake exterior.

“There’s a cave over there, un,” Deidara said but Sasori had already started walking towards it before the sentence was even completed. Deidara rolled his eyes but followed without complaining.

“What are you doing here?” Sasori asked. He sounded so normal, normal as in emotionless, that Deidara almost thought that the anger on Sasori’s face was just his imagination if not for the fact that the older man’s eyes were still burning with that particular emotion.

“It’s not really any of your business is it, un?” Deidara asked, raising an eyebrow and setting himself down at the edge of the cave so that he could still feel the splatter of the rain against his face.

His hair tie was tugging at the roots of his hair in an almost painful way and he pulled it off, probably along with some hair but he didn’t really care. Now that the left side of his face was obscured by his hair, he couldn’t see Sasori anymore but he figured that he would rather not look at the older man. Why was he even angry anyway?

“I could almost think you’re stalking me,” Sasori said. It was probably meant as a joke, thought it didn’t sound like one. Sasori was probably trying to diffuse his anger.

“In my defence, Hidan found this place, un,” Deidara replied, too tired to even try to sound like his usual (fake) happy self. Besides, he realised that it had been quite a long time that he had used that artificial tone with Sasori. Damn, he really was getting too used to the other.

Sasori didn’t reply and when Deidara felt brave enough to steal a glance, he saw that the redhead was sitting opposite him except that he was sitting deeper in the cave so that the rain didn’t reach him. His eyes were closed and Deidara would have thought he was sleeping if not for the fact that he knew that Sasori never let his guard down. Ever.

“Why are you angry, un?” Deidara asked, almost regretting it when Sasori’s eyes shot open and a glare was immediately focused on him.

Yeah, Deidara kind of suspected that they weren’t so close as to ask each other about everything yet but if the anger was directed at him, then he had a right to know, even if he wasn’t directly the source of it.

He told Sasori just that and the redhead rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. Deidara didn’t say anything else. They had an unspoken policy of not prying after all. It was mostly because of Sasori and his hatred of that act but Deidara didn’t have a problem with following it.

Honestly, Deidara was expecting Sasori to tell him eventually. After all, things have always been that way between them. They would ask, leave the other alone afterwards, and the other would eventually bend. It was scary how this worked actually. Sooner or later there wouldn’t be any secrets between them.

Quite a while past before Sasori finally said something and it was completely unexpected.

“Do you know how my parents died?”

“No, un. You never told me.”

Deidara really wanted to ask Sasori to elaborate now because he was just that curious but this topic was too sensitive and even he knew to leave Sasori alone.

“They drowned.”

And then it suddenly made sense to Deidara why Sasori was so angry. It must have looked like he was trying to commit suicide by drowning just now and that probably triggered Sasori’s memory of his parents which was the reason for his anger.

“Is that why you were so detached yesterday, un?” Deidara asked tentatively.

Proper behaviour dictates that he should look at someone when they were speaking but somehow he felt that Sasori didn’t want him to look at him. He was glad that he decided to take off his hair tie; it would be hard to not attempt to look at Sasori without his hair conveniently blocking the other man.

“Yeah,” Sasori breathed out and Deidara never heard Sasori express so much emotion before as he did in that one word which practically meant nothing.

_Danna must have loved his parents…_

“The day they died was pretty much like yesterday… and today actually. They were on a cruise for their wedding anniversary when the ship sank,” Sasori said in his usual emotionless tone but this time the pain in his voice was barely concealable.

Deidara didn’t know exactly how painful it was for Sasori to talk about his parents but he could just imagine the extent. There was a reason why this was the first time the redhead mentioned his parents after all. And the lack of details about the shipwreck proved it even further. Knowing Sasori, he would have dug out all the information about it and he probably knew every single thing that happened but he probably didn’t want to revisit it too much.

“I was five when it happened. When they died, I just felt it. Even up till now, I don’t know why but my life just suddenly felt so empty, so much so that when the news reached me I just realised that I already knew.”

“They must have loved you a lot, un.”

“Yeah, they must have,” Sasori replied in a barely audible whisper.

Deidara didn’t know what to say. He had never experienced any parental love that he could boast off and hence never actually bothered about the entire concept. To him, it was a thing that existed in fairy tales. Unreal. The end.

There was no way he could empathise with Sasori and somehow that thought was more heart-breaking. Because it wasn’t as if he didn’t have parents. His mother practically lived at his workplace so it wasn’t as if he was separated from her either. Yet, he didn’t exactly see her as his mother. It was a horrible thought, but he thought that he wouldn’t mind his mother dying if it could bring Sasori’s parents back.

Sasori was silent, and he knew that he shouldn’t but Deidara stole a peak at Sasori and what he saw was almost enough to send tears to his eyes. Without a doubt, there was a lone tear making its way down Sasori’s cheek. It was so typical of Sasori. There was no way he would start bawling or let all his tears out. He just didn’t do excessive things like that. Deidara turned to look out at the beach before Sasori could even suspect that he was discovered.

It was ridiculous. What was Sasori to him? An ally. A friend. An confidante at most. There was no plausible explanation as to why Sasori shedding one tear could make him feel like crying when even his mother’s sudden arrival didn’t even bring him close to tears.

Maybe it was because he had kind of placed Sasori on a pedestal without even realising it. To him, Sasori was actually really perfect. They were in the same situation, yes, but Deidara had always thought that Sasori was coping so much better than him.

Even though it was obvious that the fact that Sasori couldn’t do art was hurting him as much as it was hurting Deidara, he never thought that Sasori was actually really pained by it. He thought too highly of Sasori, so much that he might have actually dehumanised him in that sense. There was nothing but guilt that he felt now.

“What are you thinking of, Brat?”

Sasori sounded so normal that it almost created an illusion that everything was fine. But Deidara couldn’t forget what he saw and what that meant for him.

He opened his mouth to reply but his words came out as a choke. Without realising it, he had actually started crying. This was really stupid. He wasn’t supposed to be so emotionally vulnerable. He just didn’t work that way. He almost felt like screaming at himself to get a grip. Luckily the rain was raging so loudly that Sasori couldn’t hear anything. He quickly wiped away his years, acting as if he was wiping away the rain on his face before turning to Sasori.

“I’m thinking that you’re human, un,” Deidara replied with a slight smile.

“What did you take me for previously?” Sasori asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Something akin to a god I suppose,” Deidara answered and laughed when Sasori started looking just a tad bit freaked out.

“You sound like one of my rabid fangirls,” Sasori said.

“You’re just upset I’m not worshipping you like they are, un,” Deidara shot back with a mischievous wink which made Sasori crack a small smile.

“Your logic is flawed, Brat.”

“I’m just glad you even think that I have logic, Danna, un.”

“You must have some logic to get into med school.”

“True that, un.”

They fell silent afterwards and things felt almost normal again, but Deidara knew that things have changed, at least for him. Sasori might not know anything since he didn’t know what Deidara saw but the younger one couldn’t pretend that nothing happened.

One thing that he can’t deny was that he was afraid. Sasori meant more to him than he had initially thought and the last time he had felt so much for some (his best friend), he had been hurt so badly that he hadn’t wanted to trust anyone but himself. But now it seems that Sasori was starting to become someone that he really trusted and possibly even sincerely cared about. It was a bit too much for him to take and he was resolved to not let that happen.

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t realised that Sasori had shifted so that he was directly opposite him and he almost screamed when he looked up only to meet Sasori’s hazel eyes.

“You think too much,” Sasori commented after a while, his eyes still fixed on Deidara.

The blonde had long looked away. Looking Sasori in the eye was way too scary (who cares if one of his eyes was blocked by his hair?) though he would never let the older man know despite the nagging suspicion that Sasori already knew anyway. His eyes were cast outwards towards the beach.

“That’s ironic, coming from you, un,” Deidara replied.

“I think we have to clear something up, Brat,” Sasori said in a tone so amused that Deidara felt compelled to look at him.

“What, un?”

“I don’t think.”

“What?” Deidara repeated, this time sounding more incredulous. Sasori didn’t think? That had to be the biggest lie he had ever heard.

“I usually let nature take its course,” Sasori said with a small smile. “It’s easier that way.”

“It’s not that easy, un,” Deidara replied as he turned back to look at the beach.

Sasori didn’t say anything after that and Deidara didn’t see the need to strike up any conversation either. It was comfortable, sitting in the cave which was practically in the middle of nowhere, with the storm covering them from the rest of the world. It felt so good not to have to think about anything. Maybe this was what Sasori meant.

But Deidara knew for a fact that the only reason so many things weren’t running through his mind right now was because he was away from the real world. Once he was back there, there would be too many things to think about. He wouldn’t even be able to stop them to catch a breath.

Once again he was so caught up with himself that he didn’t realise that Sasori had moved. He only registered Sasori’s presence when his hair was shifted away from his face and he suddenly found himself staring right into Sasori’s hazel orbs.

From there he realised that Sasori was practically right in front of him. Usually he would immediately push him away because he was just anal about his personal space like that but he was so shocked that he couldn’t do anything.

“Don’t think too much,” Sasori said with a tone of finality before standing up and walking out of the cave.

It was only when Sasori was completely gone that Deidara even realised what he said. He let out a breath that he hadn’t even known that he was holding and sighed.

“Danna, it’s really not that easy, un,” he muttered, the cold wind being his only solace.


	16. Chapter 16

5th May.

It was Deidara’s birthday.

Sasori had been at this for a while now and a glance at the sun told him that the morning was almost over. It surely took up a lot of time and effort, and it was something Sasori had never envisioned himself ever doing, but in the end, he just felt that it was worth it.

With one last look at his work, he let a smile of satisfaction grace his lips and headed home.

\--

By the time Sasori had finished all the extra assignments Chiyo had set him for the week and some extra research to fuel his own knowledge it was already well into the afternoon. He was kind of annoyed that Chiyo had set him so much work despite the fact that she had assured that she wouldn’t, taking his internship into account and all, but he should have known that she wouldn’t actually adhere to her promise.

He did not mind the extra work so much as he minded how she always pretended to be this loving grandmother when in fact her innermost desire was just for him to succeed as a surgeon. Sometimes he wanted to just leave and let her down. The worst thing was that he knew that he couldn’t and he supposed that she knew it too. What other reason could account for her lack of moderation?

Whatever the case, he didn’t want to dwell on that day. There was something more important to do after all.

Sasori didn’t know if Deidara had already made plans with Hidan or whoever, but he didn’t really care. He just instinctively went to the blonde’s house. It was a Sunday after all, so Deidara would definitely not be at the hospital. They tended to avoid that place as much as possible.

\--

Deidara had spent the entire day at home. He had finished everything he was tasked with on Friday night as usual, leaving his weekends free and with nothing to do, not that he was complaining. He was definitely not going to touch or see anything related to medicine today. It was his birthday after all; he had every right to reward himself.

Honestly, he had wanted to go to the art store to pick up some supplies and maybe create some art but that wouldn’t do. He would definitely get so absorbed in it that he wouldn’t want to go back to the hospital the next day which his mother would immediately find out about because she had miraculously made friends with all the nurses assigned to her.

Actually, it wasn’t all that miraculous because his mother was really nice to people who weren’t her son. Really, what were the chances? He would probably have loved her a lot if he had just been a son of a friend’s.

Though, she didn’t seem to like Sasori either which was a small comfort to him. He felt just a tad bit guilty for feeling that way but there wasn’t any reason why he shouldn’t. He could only be concerned about Sasori when he was in the condition to care right?

That was a really selfish thought and Deidara instantly felt guilty for thinking that way. Sasori was the only other person besides Hidan who really treated him nicely. True that kindness was always buried beneath a thick layer of sarcasm and a whole lot of bantering between the two of them, but he knew that Sasori would always have his back, and that was something which was rare to come by.

More than that, he was the one who truly understood Deidara without the blonde needing to explain anything. Okay, he didn’t have to explain the more serious stuff; Sasori didn’t appreciate his weird antics as much as Hidan did.

It was queer that they were so close now. Deidara had never in his life thought that he would allow someone to get so close to him again. Hidan was his best friend and he would tell Hidan everything but he just knew that there were things that Hidan wouldn’t understand that Sasori would immediately get. Maybe it was unfair to Hidan, but honestly there was nothing he could do. That was the usual upsetting reality.

Deidara’s heart almost stopped beating when the bell rang. There was no reason for anyone to come visit him that day. The only person he could think of was Chiyo and while he would have been very happy in the past if she were to celebrate his birthday with him, recent events have led him to change his opinions about her. It really didn’t matter that he was sounding ungrateful; he didn’t care.

Resigning himself to fate (sitting with her through one meal wasn’t so bad he supposed), he opened the door and was about to greet her really cheerfully when he saw her grandson instead. He frowned immediately; he did not remember being assigned with Sasori for any project or anything recently.

“Danna, what the fuck, un?” Deidara asked incredulously. The redhead was standing in front of the door with his usual impassive face on.

“Good evening to you too, Brat,” Sasori greeted back and stared pointedly at the blonde.

“Right…” Deidara said and moved to let the older man in. “What are you doing here, un?”

“It’s your birthday,” Sasori said as a matter-of-factly, looking at the blonde as if he was retarded which, in his opinion, wasn’t really that far off from the truth, and Deidara probably knew that, judging from the way he was glaring at Sasori.

“Why, pray tell, do you know that, un? You stalker,” he added for good measures.

“I’m not a stalker, I just read if off your profile which Chiyo gave me when she first informed us of you joining me for the internship, and it is no fault of mine that I have a good memory as it is no fault of yours that the opposite holds,” Sasori replied simply.

Deidara looked as if he was about to retort but in the end didn’t. He settled for rolling his eyes before sitting on the couch next to Sasori. Damn, he was really becoming more tolerant to Sasori. Usually he would letting loose a whole range of insults by now, and they would engage in some senseless verbal war which would take forever to finish, usually only stopped by Kakuzu, Hidan, or Konan, or all three of them combined. He was quite glad though; those silly fights took up way too much time.

Letting out a long sigh, he leaned back against the couch and let himself sink into it, all the while staring at Sasori in suspicion. There was really no reason for Sasori to be there. Celebrate his birthday? No way.

“I can feel joy emanating off you,” Sasori said, ignoring the look the blonde was giving him.

“Since it’s my birthday, shouldn’t you treat me nicer, un?”

“Where are your friends anyway?”

“Birthdays are more trouble than it’s worth, un,” Deidara groaned. “It’s just a normal day.”

“Hence justifying my _normal_ treatment of you,” Sasori replied, unable to keep the smirk off his face.

“Fine, Danna, you win, un.”

“Doesn’t Hidan know though?” Sasori asked. He knew that Deidara really meant it when he said that birthdays were troublesome, but he also knew for a fact how important Hidan was to the blonde. It just seemed uncanny that Hidan wasn’t told.

“Hidan knows but he has some project that’s going to take up his whole day. He says he’s making up for it tomorrow, un.”

“Have you eaten yet?” Sasori asked.

“I’m not hungry un.”

“Brat, let’s go somewhere. I have something to show you.”

The suspicion that was slowly leaving Deidara came back immediately. Sasori was really going to celebrate his birthday, and no offense to the redhead, but he couldn’t think of anything that would make him happy instead of annoyed.

Sasori noticed the apprehension the blonde felt (it showed on his face clearly enough) and he rolled his eyes. Really, was him being nice so otherworldly? Okay, so he knew a few, fine, a lot of people who might think so but Deidara was… different. And Deidara should know that, because it was obvious that Sasori wasn’t the type to run around telling everyone in sight his life story.

“Are you going to show me some awesome heart surgery, un?” Deidara asked eventually as he walked over to get a jacket to throw over himself.

“It’s so much better than that, Brat.”

Deidara knew that he should still feel suspicious that Sasori was actually doing something for him on his birthday willingly and without expecting anything in return, and he knew that he should probably feel even a tad bit vexed that Sasori was actually there on his birthday when he knew that he hated birthday celebrations, but he couldn’t deny the excitement that was bubbling in his heart and the imminent prospect of happiness that he knew that he would be feeling.

It was weird that he was feeling so interested, but his feelings were still paradoxical because he couldn’t imagine this night turning out as good as he wanted it to be and that it was probably end in weird disappointment, so maybe he was still alright after all. Damn, why were his emotions always so mixed up?

He stole a glance at Sasori as they were waiting for the elevator and felt a little envy at the clam demeanour he displayed. He was certain that Sasori always knew what he was feeling and even if it was human nature to have contradictory feelings, he just somehow knew that Sasori would have a way of figuring them out properly.

Deidara didn’t know where Sasori was taking him so he just followed the older man blindly and mentally prepared himself to be surprised and happy. He wasn’t leaving any room for disappointment this time. There were too many tragic things in his life already and he would be damned if Sasori failed to live up to his expectations.

Maybe he was expecting too much from him but he couldn’t help it. There must be some strange force in the universe which ensured that they met because they were just so similar to each other and yet so different. And of course there was the fact that they were in practically the same situation. No matter how many times Deidara repeated this to himself, it still felt so surreal. After all, it just felt good to know that he wasn’t alone.

“Danna, where are we going, un?” he had to ask, just to annoy Sasori.

“Somewhere,” Sasori replied in that calm tone of his.

Damn, Deidara was hoping to get some clue out of his answer as well but Sasori was not letting anything up. He wondered if it would be something related to art. To tell the truth, that would be the only thing that would make him happy, beyond all joys actually, but he knew that that was too unrealistic.

They had an unspoken pact not to touch art after all.

It was pathetic how they had to restrain themselves from doing the things they loved because of two people who probably did not even care about them and who certainly loved them less than they loved art. Still, Sasori and Deidara just couldn’t let go of them. They just mattered.

This was comfortable, Deidara decided. Walking in the streets with Sasori without feeling the need to say anything and just moving around with no destination in mind (at least on his part) was comfortable. It was a nice feeling; he felt that he didn’t have anything to worry about.

For a moment, he felt like a normal person just living his life in an all too ordinary manner with a typical loving family. That was definitely something that he had never had in his entire life, but the funny thing was that despite how perfect it was, Deidara knew that he wouldn’t want that kind of life.

It was too normal after all, and he didn’t settle for anything less than exceptional. Anyway, with his temperament, he supposed that a fleeting bliss would make him infinitely happier than a lifelong promise of joy.

Deidara was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realise that they were already well away from the city area and were quite alone on a path up a hill. Deidara recognised the place. It was one of his favourite locations for taking a quiet stroll and having some time for himself. He wondered why more people did not frequent it though; it was truly a lovely place. But it was the serenity that first drew him to it anyway.

“We’re here,” Sasori announced and there was something in his voice that was akin to pride that made Deidara grow even more curious and excited as to what his present was. Sasori was definitely confident. But then again, when was he not?

“I don’t see anything, un,” Deidara said plainly, and it was true. There was nothing in sight for miles.

“Patience, Brat,” Sasori replied, sounding much too calm. Usually he would have snapped by then.

“Danna, you’re one to talk about patience, un.”

“Hmm.”

Deidara was seriously getting worried. Sasori does not react so coolly to such a remark. He just doesn’t.

“Danna, I really appreciate the fact that you’ve actually done something for my birthday but I think this unnatural kind act of yours has probably burnt your brain, or maybe it’s the first sign that your brain is seriously damaged and in need of immediate medical attention, un. Gosh, I think you might have an aneurysm, un.”

“Shut up, Brat,” Sasori replied and there was the familiar edge in his voice. Deidara was immensely relived, more than immensely relived.

“Glad you’re alright, un.”

Sasori rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“Wait here.”

Deidara was about to protest because like hell he was going to be stranded alone but Sasori was already gone because he even got the first word out of his mouth. Talk about fast. He was started to think that this was some big joke and that it was Sasori’s way of getting back at him for being so annoying all the time… not that he agreed with that.

It was actually kind of humourous actually if that was really the case. Sure, it might seem cruel to play such an evil prank on him on his birthday but that was what made it all the more interesting.

He was so amused and convinced that that was the plan that he almost jumped up in shock when a loud sound blasted through the silent night. He was about to let out a stream of curses when a flurry of colours exploded before his eyes in the night sky.

He gaped at it in shock for a moment before his lips slowly curled into a smirk. So _this_ was his birthday present.

_Fireworks._

It was beautiful. They were way better than any Deidara had ever seen in his life and even better than some he had originally created himself (though he admitted that begrudgingly), and Deidara was further amused that the fireworks were particularly loud, almost like explosions.

But they only sounded that loud from where he was standing so he was sure that the people in the streets below were just enjoying themselves with the array of widespread colours and sparkles in the sky, decorating the blanket of darkness with an eruption of life.

“Like it?”

Sasori’s smug voice was really grating but Deidara found that the happiness that he was feeling was more than enough to override that.

“Love it, un. Love it.”

\--

After that, they took a stroll in the town again, enjoying the wild excitement that was bubbling everywhere. Everyone was talking about the fireworks that they saw and they were exclaiming about how beautiful they were and what not. Of course there were also weird speculations about its purpose, like whether it was a marriage proposal. That one made them laugh and in effect caused the couple to glare at them, but they couldn’t help it.

The most apparent thing that came out of their little walk was Sasori’s ego was stroked to its maximum and there was no ripping that self-satisfied smirk off his face. Deidara swore that he had never seen Sasori with an expression on his face for such a long time. He mostly wore a blank face which Deidara was too used to, so much so that he was finding the smirk a bit too creepy.

“So tell me, Danna, was that my birthday present or you showing off, un?”

“Both,” Sasori replied a bit too cheerfully for Deidara’s liking.

He was starting to think that Sasori had really gone mad, and he really wanted him to stop smirking, mostly because it was annoying him but also because it was really creepy. He knew that he shouldn’t say it but he did anyway.

“You only chose fireworks because that’s the only form of art you know that’s fleeting, right, un?” Deidara asked with a raised eyebrow and almost burst out laughing at how fast the smirk was wiped off Sasori’s face.

“No,” he said, giving Deidara a sideway glance. “I chose it because it’s the most expression and is the noisiest. You know how much you like noise. Brat.”

“I like the quiet too, un,” Deidara said instead of picking on Sasori like he initially wanted to. The fireworks were really beautiful and the best birthday present he had ever received so he wasn’t going to dampen Sasori’s mood in return. That would be too ungrateful and horrible of him.

“But your love for noises is unrivalled,” Sasori replied swiftly.

“It’s just that your love for the quiet is unparalleled, un. I think you should work in a morgue.”

Sasori gave Deidara a look which showed just how amused he was at that idea though he did agree that a morgue was one of the most silent places he knew. Other places were just crawling with humans… who talked too much. Konan was really a prime example.

“You know Danna…” and there was something in Deidara’s voice that made Sasori stop walking to turn to look at him.

The previous smile that he had been wearing the whole night was gone, replaced by a more solemn look. But a look into his eyes revealed a sense of anticipation beneath a thin layer of fear and anxiety. For some reason, Sasori already had inkling what this was going to lead to.

He urged him to continue, knowing fully well what he was agreeing to.

“Actually, Danna, there are more forms of fleeting arts besides fireworks, un.”

“I know that,” Sasori replied stubbornly even though they both knew that he really didn’t. He was too absorbed in his own art to actually research thoroughly about other forms of art, especially one that was so different from his own. The opposite in fact.

“I’m sure you do, un,” Deidara said, the sarcasm slipping out though he hadn’t planned it.

“I really do, Brat.”

“It’s not like I’m underestimating you or anything, un.”

“I’m sure you’re not.”

“Now _you’re_ being sarcastic, un, Danna!”

“So?”

They were running out of things to say, especially since their minds were so preoccupied with what they were planning to do. The question was, should they?

It would definitely be a risk. A gamble. Maybe even more than they could handle.

“That’s a stupid comeback, Danna, un. What does ‘so’ mean anyway?”

“It doesn’t mean anything. I hate it too actually.”

“My mother loves to use it on me.”

“Chiyo-baasan too.”

“Right,” Deidara started, because he could no longer stand it and the mention of those very two people was just what he needed to push him over the edge. “About the other art forms I was talking about…”

He wanted to say it and he needed to say it. But it was almost too much. He had, after all, spent so much time resisting that it almost became normal… but that was a lie. Every day was torture. But he knew that mostly it was Sasori that was stopping him. He didn’t want to be the one to drag Sasori into this.

“Would you care to show it to me?”

Deidara looked up at Sasori in astonishment. He certainly wasn’t expecting Sasori to say that, but he must have known what he was offering from the way he held Deidara’s eyes so steadily. He was about to ask him whether he really knew what he was saying when Sasori interrupted him.

“Don’t ask.”

An understanding passed between them. Right, they would both take responsibility for it and not blame the other for anything. Damn it, if there was anyone to blame, it would be his mother and Chiyo, not either of them. They had to start living for themselves while they were living for them.

“Actually I do want to show it to you, un. Would you care to show me yours too, un?”

“Sure, Brat.”

They couldn’t stop the smile that started making its way onto their lips.

It felt good to be losing themselves that night.


	17. Chapter 17

“You know what we’re getting ourselves into, right, un?” Deidara asked Sasori as they left the bustling town behind them for a second time that night, each holding a bag of their own art supplies they had picked out at the art store.

It had been strangely exhilarating and thrilling and they had felt much like children sneaking off to the candy store after school without telling their parents and the excitement laid in the fact that they might have been caught any time, though they were sure that their “punishments” would be way more severe than a simple scolding. Still, despite that threat looming over their heads, they took their time choosing the materials they wanted. If they were only going to have one chance at this, they were going to make their art perfect, in every sense of the word.

Though, the fact that they were practically concealed was probably the reason why they felt so safe. The only way to look into the art store would be through the transom which would require a fair bit of height and a lot of obvious peering. The display window blocked everything else of course. The art store was like a cozy little house. At any rate, it surely felt like home.

“Into a black hole, except that the black hole is really more like heaven,” Sasori replied with a brief comforting smile. He wasn’t going to back out on his decision; it was too cowardly to do so, and if Deidara needed someone to convince him, he didn’t mind being that person (besides the fact that he’s the only person who could anyway).

Maybe it was wrong of him to do that, to be the tempter and lead Deidara into this. It was really nothing more than escapism at the moment and while he thought that he actually had the strength to draw himself away from it after that night, he wasn’t sure that Deidara was the same. This surge of certainty he felt was completely new anyway.

He had been so afraid before that even a moment of art would pull him into it so much that he wouldn’t be able to focus on medicine, but now he knew that that wasn’t the case. He had just been a coward before. He didn’t have the courage to do what he liked – loved – because he was just terrified that Chiyo would find out and what her reaction would be. He didn’t want to disappoint her, but tonight he decided and realised that she wasn’t the person he didn’t want to disappoint; it was Deidara.

If Deidara had any difficulty coming out of that fantasy land that they were going to erect for themselves, Sasori would be there to help him and he was more than certain that he would be able to do a good job at it. Anyway, by assuming, he knew that Deidara wanted this as badly as he did, and that Deidara could definitely pull himself out of it.

What were the chances that of all assumptions he made about Deidara, these two would be the only wrong ones? He wasn’t about to break his perfect score. He never did.

“I wish heaven doesn’t have an exit door, un,” Deidara muttered but Sasori caught it all the same.

“It doesn’t have to have one,” Sasori replied, choosing to look ahead even when he felt Deidara tilting his head slightly to look at him with a questioning gaze.

Sasori didn’t elaborate and Deidara eventually looked away. He probably got it. They could lock themselves in heaven in time to come; now just wasn’t it.

“You know, we can just throw all these away and pretend the last two hours didn’t happen, un,” Deidara said and he sounded so serious that Sasori almost believed him for a moment. The lack of conviction in his voice was all it needed to convince Sasori that he wasn’t actually too inclined to doing that. In fact, he was probably aghast at the mere thought.

The brat probably just wanted confirmation that _Sasori_ wanted this. The redhead almost burst out into laughter right then and he would have done so if he hadn’t already been behaving so out of character the whole day. The blonde might just have enough reason to drag him to the psych floor the next day. But really, Deidara being insecure was too hilarious.

“Where did the confident Iwa Deidara go?” he asked with a slight smirk which earned him a glare.

“I was concerned about _your_ fragile nerve, Danna, un,” he retorted, eyes flashing in annoyance.

“You have nothing to worry about then. I’m better than fine.”

“Do you really want to do this, un?”

Sasori gave Deidara a look which conveyed how much that yes, he really wanted to do this, and how annoyed he will be if Deidara didn’t stop acting like a lost child. Deidara rolled his eyes in response and murmured something inaudible under his breath. Sasori let it slide, but only because he was feeling kind.

“Right, if you really want to do this, then where do you suggest we do it, un?” Deidara asked sceptically.

“Why do you sound like you’re coming up with excuses to get out of this?” Sasori asked. His patience was running thin and he was actually certain that Deidara wanted this too. If he didn’t, then he was fine to walk away. Sasori wasn’t going to change his mind.

“It was an innocent enough question, un,” Deidara said, rolling his eyes again. “If we’re doing, I want to do it properly.”

Okay, so it was true that Sasori didn’t have anywhere in mind, and he most definitely couldn’t use his apartment because his security guard might tell Chiyo what he had been up to. He wasn’t a tattle-tale by any means, but he was an active chatterer and Chiyo loved to chat with him to find out more about her beloved grandson.

“Fine, I don’t have a place in mind.”

“Thank God for me then, un,” Deidara said with a wide smirk on his face. Sasori was wondering why exactly (because he thinks that that wasn’t exactly something to thank God for) but he was just too glad that the usual Deidara was back.

“Why?” Sasori demanded after too many seconds of silence.

Deidara just laughed in response and that resulted in a glare thrown his way from Sasori. Really, the redhead thought that he had already waited long enough just to come to this decision to touch his art again. He was in no mood and he certainly didn’t have the patience to wait any longer than necessary.

“I was waiting for you to ask that, un,” Deidara said and laughed some more but stopped abruptly when he realised that Sasori was more than unamused. “I know just the place, un.”

“And where exactly is that?” Sasori asked, feeling just a bit worried that the place would be too far away. Yes, they had tonight to do whatever they wanted and they were free to let themselves be happier than they have ever been in years, but they were still firmly attached to reality. They still had to return to the hospital the next day.

“It’s near, un,” Deidara assured him though there was a hint of sourness in his voice. Apparently he wasn’t all that enchanted as well and still remembered their commitments.

Sasori wanted to find out more but he realised that he really didn’t want to wait any longer. Anyway, if Deidara said that it was near and that he was confident enough that they wouldn’t be late the next day, who was he to doubt it? He certainly did trust Deidara.

“What are you waiting for, Brat? Lead the way.”

Deidara started smiling and Sasori found himself relaxing more and becoming slightly happier again now that they weren’t so tense. The fact that their plans were actually going to come true soon in a matter of minutes (he hoped) was more than enough to let him feel joy as well.

“As impatient as ever, Danna, as impatient as ever.”

\--

Deidara hadn’t been lying when he said that the place was near, not that Sasori doubted him. The surprisingly thing was that they didn’t even have to turn around or anything because the place that Deidara had in mind was on that particular hill.

Sasori found that slightly weird because he had been to that hill more times than he could count and while he admitted that it was a pretty much secluded place, he didn’t find any spot which he found useful for the creation of art. Well, he supposed that the house located the top of the hill was an ideal place for working, what with the scenery and breeze and all, but that was out of question obviously.

When they stopped in front of that particular deserted small house located at the top of the hill, Sasori contemplated killing the blonde.

“Brat, the place you’re talking about is not this house.”

Deidara raised a curious eyebrow at Sasori.

“Why not, un?”

“Because this house isn’t yours and using it will be considered trespassing and I, for one, am not going to be found guilty of that charge.”

“Have you ever seen the owner around, un?”

“No, but that’s no reason to go barging into the house.”

“That’s ‘cause the owner is me, Danna, un.”

“You mean after you kill the owner?”

“No, I mean now.”

Naturally Sasori was shocked. As usual, the blonde was full of surprises though he had to admit that this was the best one so far. Still, it didn’t eradicate any of the shock Sasori was feeling. More than the fact that Deidara was the owner of the house, the thing that caused Sasori to be so stunned was because he, on more than one occasion, found himself wondering about the owner of that particular house.

It was no secret to anyone who knew him how much he liked this particular hill, it being away from the general crowd and all, so naturally he would spend some of his free time there. It wasn’t exactly his favourite spot but it was near to his house so he supposed that it convenience played a part, not that he would mind travelling 4 hours to get away from the world.

The house had caught his attention of course. The owner was never around and of course the most prominent rumour that arose from that situation was that the house was haunted. Some kids had, on more than one occasion, tried to break into the house to take at the “red-headed ghost” which was said to reside inside, but all to no avail. Some had simply freaked out and ran away, while others simply couldn’t find a way to climb the Palisade gate. The only way to really get into the house was to climb the tree beside it and drop from the branch which was so long it extended past the gate. Though, no one was actually brave enough to try it because the way down was rather long.

Though, it was the one incident which scared off anyone else from attempting to trespass into the estate and which he saw personally that sparked the most curiosity in him and he found himself starting to think about the owner.

Some boys had actually (finally) picked up the courage to try said method only to run away like panicked chickens when a bomb went off. It was actually only a minute explosion (if it could even be called that) which sent a few stones flying and its only redeeming feature was the fiercely loud sound it produced. Whatever the case, the intended effect was obtained and no one tried to enter again.

Sasori had been obviously amused. The kids failing to get over the gate was amusing but this was on an entirely new level. Being curious as he was, of course he would start wondering about the owner of the house and the creator of that bomb.

He had never attached any name or appearance to the owner in his imagination. All he thought about was the situation the owner was in. He had imagined that the owner was someone who was in the same shoes as him, except that he had made the choice to run away, to escape the house which had held him captive. It was really just to make himself feel better, to know that there was a possibility of getting out of his own situation some day and to be free.

The irony here of course was that the owner was really in exactly the same pair of shoes as him; the owner didn’t manage to escape. The owner was still very much in captive. That thought was depressing to say the least, because he had unconsciously been making that very owner his hope of leaving medicine behind some day and soon, but now that hope was dashed. Still, he did feel a bit of happiness that he wasn’t alone.

“Are you going to just stand there and gawk like an idiot, or are you going to move, un?” Deidara snapped.

Sasori let out a small chuckle. Okay, so Deidara was really serious about accomplishing some form of art piece that night. He really shouldn’t have doubted it. They both wanted this; they just never had the courage or motivation to do it. Now that they had both they weren’t going to let it go.

“Let’s go, Brat,” Sasori said and started walking off only to realise that Deidara wasn’t following. He turned back around. “What?”

“There is something really wrong with you Danna, un. Where’s the glare?! Gosh, I’m totally sending you to the psych floor tomorrow, un,” Deidara said seriously.

Sasori did glare at him then just for the sake of it. He didn’t put it past that crazy blonde to actually call up the psych floor the next day and book an appointment for him. If word of that got to Chiyo, he wasn’t quite sure if he would able to explain his way out of it.

On the more serious side, if Chiyo did link it back to Deidara, who knew what would happen? He was quite (read: more than very) happy not to let his close relationship with Deidara be known to Chiyo, though he had his suspicion that she did somewhat know already, especially after his encounter with Deidara’s mother.

But he stopped himself from thinking about that issue any further; Chiyo had made enough of an appearance that night.

“Brat, can we just enter the house so we can start already?” Sasori asked in annoyance. If he was going to stop thinking about Chiyo then he was going to have to start on his art soon. Besides, he had waited long enough already.

“As impatient as ever, Danna, un,” Deidara replied easily, as was his usual answer, but even Sasori could see how impatient Deidara himself was feeling.

Normally, just for the sake of pissing Sasori off and testing his patience, Deidara would take his time getting things done, but he wasn’t pulling off any of his antics now. He fished the key out his wallet and unlocked the gate deftly.

“Danna, I’m being serious now, so listen, un,” Deidara said as he locked the gate after Sasori had entered the compound. “There are bombs around, un. So follow me and not set anything off.”

“I know,” Sasori said in amusement while Deidara shot him a look of shock.

“Were you one of the bloody idiots who set some of it off, un?” Deidara demanded, a look of incredulity replacing the surprised expression on his face.

“No,” Sasori said and rolled his eyes to emphasise how mentally challenged Deidara must be to even suggest that. Deidara shrugged. Sasori couldn’t blame him; why else would he know about the bombs? “I saw some kids set them off, and by the way, the explosives weren’t so impressive.”

“Danna, if I made them any bigger, I risk damaging the house or even destroying it altogether, un,” Deidara said in his matter-of-fact tone that he always used when he thought that he was saying something that made Sasori look stupid.

Sasori ignored him and instead focused on his steps. Knowing Deidara, the place must be filled with the bombs. Dangerous or not, he was not risking setting off any of those contraptions which Deidara created… which reminded him…

“ _Why_ did you make those bombs?”

“To keep trespassers out, un,” Deidara said happily and the lingering wide smile on his face told Sasori that that wasn’t the only reason.

“Well?”

“It’s my favourite form of art, un. It’s so sudden and it only lasts for a few seconds at most. There isn’t even any time to admire its beauty to the fullest extent before it disappears into nothingness. It’s transient and perfect,” Deidara gushed and Sasori was sure that he had never seen the blonde so happy and animated before, and that was saying a lot.

Still, that didn’t mean that Sasori agreed with his point of view, and neither was he kind enough to let his opinion go unheard.

“If you don’t even have time to fully appreciate its beauty, how is it perfect?” Sasori asked, and the flash in Deidara’s eyes told him that the blonde was more than up for this endless debate between them.

“ _That’s_ what makes it so beautiful and flawless, un,” Deidara replied, shooting Sasori a smug smile. “Because it lasts for only such a short moment, the only time you can embrace its beauty is in that moment and that makes it all the more worth it.”

“A perceived beauty,” Sasori corrected. “Precisely because it lasts so short that you imagine it to be better than it actually is. It’s just like how people always think that the past was better than it really was; because it’s already gone so they can imagine how they like it to be and visit it as a “perfect” memory when they want to.”

“And how is a perceived beauty different from real beauty? And if a person perceives something to be beautiful, then are they not entitled to their own opinion of what is “real”, un?” Deidara retorted.

“Are you admitting that the beauty is but make belief?” Sasori asked with a smirk, though he knew that Deidara wasn’t going to lose just like that.

“I’m suggesting that perceived beauty is beauty enough to the subject in question, un,” Deidara replied. “Meaning your claim is invalid.”

“A truly beautiful thing is one which withstands time and remains beautiful to all who see it no matter when,” Sasori said as Deidara shook his head.

“If something remains there forever, then it’ll just become part of the background, un. Say, even if it really is attractive, people are bound to get sick of it if they see it every day, un,” Deidara argued.

“I agree with you,” Sasori said but before the look of triumph could fully show on the blonde’s face, he continued, “but it’s the concept of eternity, the fact that it can withstand so many things and still remain beautiful, regardless of people’s opinion of it, that is so flawless and perfect.”

“How the heck would you appreciate it if it’s going to be there forever, un?”

“How would you appreciate something that will only impact your life for three seconds?”

Deidara looked like he was about to retort but he realised that they had reached the door already and all thoughts of arguing flew out of his head in anticipation of what was to come. Sasori appeared to have reached the same conclusion as well because he wasn’t saying anything anymore.

 

Without taking out a key or anything, Deidara simply pushed the door open and entered the surprisingly well-furbished house.

“It’s not like anyone can even get to here anyway, un,” Deidara said, smirking.

Sasori didn’t disagree.

After looking around for a bit, Sasori eventually came to the conclusion that Deidara actually came to this house quite often. The most telling factor would be how clean the house was. There wasn’t even a speck of dust anywhere. He obviously took care of this house more than the one he was staying at. If Deidara liked this house so much, why didn’t he just stay here?

“I don’t stay here because this house isn’t technically mine; it belonged to my father, un,” Deidara said.

Sasori didn’t even feel shocked that Deidara practically just read his mind. He was seriously getting too used to the blonde and his uncanny ability to seemingly, well, read his mind.

“He’s dead, un,” Deidara elaborated and the tone in his voice told Sasori that this was a story for another day. Though he wanted to know more, he wasn’t going to pry obviously and the blonde knew that by now because he didn’t even bother explicitly telling Sasori that. Besides, they both knew that there was something more important that night.

“Make yourself comfortable, un,” Deidara said distractedly. He was already pulling his art supplies from his bag and was setting them on a study desk nearby.

Sasori went over to the sofa and started laying out his stuff on the coffee table as well. It had been a while since he felt as excited as he did at that moment. He never realised how much he missed the rush of adrenalin upon the touch of wood against his skin. He was a narcissist but he had to admit that he did really well to be able to put off touching art for so long.

Afterwards, time passed by in a blur. He hadn’t forgotten any of his skills at all. If anything, it would seem that he had gotten better but it must be because of the pent up desire and want that his hands were moving as quick as they were. He didn’t have any particular design in mind but his hands knew what to do, and so he lost himself in the heaven that he found.

He didn’t know if Deidara attempted to talk to him and honestly he didn’t care. He was feeling more alive than he had ever felt in years and he wondered how he managed to live his life without any art in it. He really had been but a living corpse.

When he was done, he took a moment to admire his work. He found some spots which he wasn’t so pleased with but overall he was satisfied. This was already more than he could wish for and while this definitely wasn’t one of his finest work, it was still up to his standard so there really wasn’t anything else he could complain about.

“Are you done, un?” Deidara asked, content laced in his voice. Sasori had never heard him sound so at peace before, and he supposed that Deidara had never seen him so relaxed before either.

He gave a nod in response and looked over to the desk where Deidara was working at. It would appear that the blonde had just finished as well because the clay stains on the table were still wet. He stood up to walk over. Just because he didn’t agree with Deidara’s form of art doesn’t mean he didn’t appreciate it… to a certain extent anyway.

When he saw bottles of chemicals on Deidara’s desk as well, he turned to look at the blonde with a questioning look. The last time he remembered, clay work didn’t require any chemicals.

“Oh stop looking at me like I’m about to set the entire place on fire, un,” Deidara chided with a playful roll of his eyes.

“There _are_ bombs surrounding this very house we’re in,” Sasori told him and realisation lit up in Deidara’s eyes.

“I never thought about it that way, un!”

Sasori sighed in exasperation. It was so typical of Deidara to not think things through, or even think actually. Somehow Sasori was quite convinced that the only reasons there were bombs buried in the ground was because Deidara just wanted to make them and later had nowhere else to place them.

“Where is your work anyway?” Sasori asked when he realised that there wasn’t a sign of Deidara’s art work anywhere. He knew that Deidara loved transient art but surely he couldn’t have let them go already.

“There, un,” Deidara said, inclining his head towards a small, brown, wooden box on the desk. He pulled it over to him and opened it. Inside was a moulded clay bird which was carved so skilfully that it looked too real to be fake. Sasori was more than impressed and Deidara must know that because he was giving the smuggest grin ever.

“You are an artist,” Sasori said and that was enough for Deidara, because Sasori didn’t just call anyone an artist. And to call someone whose view on art differed so greatly from his own to the point that he potentially didn’t even see it as art was something that Sasori didn’t do likely. He affirmed Deidara as an artist; there was nothing more Deidara wanted.

“That’s not the end of it though, un,” Deidara said with a rather sardonic smile.

Sasori was just about to ask what was going to happen (hopefully it wouldn’t explode) when Deidara took the bird out from the box and carefully attached it to a spring. Sasori then realised it was a music box, just that the ornament was missing and Deidara was replacing it with the bird instead. Now Sasori was interested.

Deidara picked the box up and winded it before settling it down again as a soft melodious tune filled the room. At first, the music box worked as how a music box should; the bird spun in rounds as music flowed from it. Then, the most peculiar thing happened.

The bird started flaking, but it didn’t happen in an uncoordinated manner nor was the bird ever disfigured. With each turn, the bird shed a thin layer of its coat, each time bearing a new colour until there was no more clay left and the bird disappeared in a swirl of gold, ending in time with the tune.

“And explosives aren’t the only form of transient art, un,” Deidara said proudly, because he was pretty sure that he was the only person in the universe who could make Akasuna Sasori wear such a shocked look upon his face. Okay, so Sasori didn’t look all that shock but the fact that he was visibly shock was more than accomplishment enough.

“Brat, you’re better than I think,” Sasori finally said in the end. “You’re good.”

Deidara beamed happily. He didn’t tell Sasori but he did respect the man a lot, in terms of medicine and even art though he had never actually seen any of Sasori’s art pieces, so the fact that Sasori found it necessary to compliment him outright was possibly one of the best things that had happened in his life.

“So that’s what the chemicals were for?” Sasori asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Of course, Danna! Did you really think I was going to make more explosives, un?” Deidara asked in indignation.

“I wouldn’t put it past you,” Sasori said.

Sasori had a really fine point there so Deidara didn’t bother disagreeing with that statement.

“Well, as you can see, that was the work of a lot of math and science in the form of art, un,” Deidara said before sighing in satisfaction. “I’m a bloody genius.”

Sasori rolled his eyes. He admitted that Deidara was a genius but he wasn’t too fond of fanning his ego; it was already big enough and Sasori was sure that Deidara had no problems inflating it himself.

“Let me see yours, un!” Deidara demanded, sounding so much like a child that Sasori wanted to say ‘no’ just to see if he would literally throw a tantrum and start throwing things around. But of course he was too sensible for that.

He walked back to the coffee table with table close behind him. He almost burst out laughing at how eager the blonde was.

“Wow, Danna, wow,” Deidara said in pure amazement as he stared at the marionette laid on the table. “I knew you were good, but how did you do that with wood, un?”

Deidara held it up by the strings and gasped at how life-like the marionette was. It was a lady wearing a tube dress with a flared out bottom. A single rose was intricately carved onto the top part of the dress and many patterns of roses were shaped on the bottom such that they looked like intertwining vines. The hair was styled into a French bun and Sasori even added butterfly ornaments onto it. Deidara was already amazed beyond speech when he realised that even the high heels worn by the marionette was specially designed.

“How the heck did you manage to do that in such a short amount of time, un?” Deidara demanded, knowing fully well that he was stroking Sasori’s ego to a whole new level but finding that he couldn’t being himself to care.

“I’m a genius,” Sasori said with a smirk, looking haughtier than ever.

That was the expected answer of course but that didn’t stop Deidara from feeling like he should set off a bomb in Sasori’s face. But before he could say anything, he suddenly realised something, and apparently so did Sasori before the proud look was gone and he was looking at Deidara apprehensively.

“So Brat, when you said that I managed to do that in ‘such a short amount of time’, how much time did I take exactly?”

“I have no idea, Danna, un,” Deidara replied slowly but the burning glow of the dawn was indicative enough.

“It’s sunrise,” Sasori stated simply.

“Way to be captain obvious, Danna, un,” Deidara replied and Sasori shot him a look.

“Brat,” Sasori said slowly and Deidara looked at him and raise an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Run.”

And before Deidara could say anything else, Sasori had already sprinted out of the house. Deidara spluttered for a moment before he gathered his wits and switched off all the lights before sprinting off as well. It was probably about five, meaning he had about two hours before he had to be at the hospital, and he still had to get back home to wash up and grab his stuff.

Deidara was pretty sure he had never felt so screwed in relation to medicine before but as he sprinted to the subway, he found that he couldn’t care very much.

He was much too happy.


	18. Chapter 18

Sasori made it back to his house even before the sun had completely risen though it was peeking over the clouds quite a fair bit by then. Wasting no time, he headed to the bathroom to wash up before throwing on a simple white buttoned up shirt and jeans. His actions were hurried but that didn’t impede his ability to feel or think.

He felt alive. It had been so long since he touched art that it had seemed almost a fiction that he had read in the past but now he realised anew that art was indeed his life and nothing was going to change that. Except this time this revelation let him reach another conclusion. Art was indeed his life but he had never felt so inexplicably thrilled with it before. Yes, he knew that it could be attributed to the fact that absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever fallacious saying people had nowadays, but no; he was sure that it was due to the presence of Deidara.

Being able to work with art itself was no doubt the finest and most exquisite feeling in the world but having someone who actually felt as passionately about art as he did and who even truthfully appreciated his art - that transcended all levels of mortal pleasure. And it wasn’t just about him. In all the months he had known Deidara, he could confidently say that the blonde had never been as happy as he had been the previous night when he was finally allowed to experience his art again.

Allowed.

Sasori snorted lightly at his choice of word as he seated himself in his car. It was almost sardonic that they had to be “allowed” to do what they so desire when they were more than capable of making their own decisions logically, yet no other word was more befitting. They were restricted and that was all there was to it.

But Sasori chose not to dwell on such dismaying thoughts; Deidara was happy and to him that was really more than enough. He didn’t know when he started valuing the hyperactive and boisterous artist so much to the point that he genuinely wanted him to be happy but now that he realised it, it seemed natural, as if he had always wanted it.

This also reaffirmed something that he had once contemplated but immediately dismissed as improbably after taking into account both their personalities and unfortunate situation in life. And it certainly would compromise their relationship, but nonetheless he now knew that once life presented it to him, there was no way skirting around it. He was practical after all and knew that suppressing his feelings was never a good idea if his relationship with Chiyo was any indication.

Still, that didn’t mean that he was actually going to say anything. There was nothing to be said. Things were fine as they were and Sasori didn’t want to be the one to send his own, and that of Deidara’s, life crashing to the ground, especially right after they found their wings again.

\--

Deidara passed the entrance of the hospital just as the clock hit 6.30. He was still fairly amazed at being able to make it before seven and in his haze almost knocked into a patient who was taking a stroll. Cursing his bad luck, he apologised profusely and accompanied the man back to his room; it would not do if he made a complaint. Alas, Deidara was not too difficult to identify what with his messy blonde hair and all. Actually he was still surprised that no one had called him on it yet. He still had a fair fifteen minutes left when he neared the changing rooms so he wasn’t particularly worried though he was shocked and kind of annoyed when he spotted Sasori in the changing rooms and dressed already. It even looked as if he had been sitting there for a while already.

“What the hell, un?” he muttered in annoyance and was about to approach Sasori when someone he really did not want to see stepped up beside Sasori.

Chiyo.

He thanked God for seeing her before entering the room. He was sure that him running in and acting all friendly with Sasori would severely displeased the other man. Besides, he didn’t feel like exposing their relationship to Chiyo either. He liked to think of it as their little secret from her and his mother. It made him feel like a child trying to get back at his parents but it was strangely exhilarating. He didn’t exactly have an exciting childhood anywhere.

“Deidara, you’re early,” she said in surprise and for a moment Deidara remembered that kind old lady who taught him all he knew and almost faltered.

“Come on, I’m sure you haven’t received a single complaint about me being late during the period of this internship, un,” he said with a slight smirk, trying to pretend that everything was alright, before walking over to his allocated locker. He suppressed the urge to bang his head against it.

“True. I must say I’m impressed,” she said, chuckling lightly like a good old grandmother and Deidara thought that he would really falter then but he didn’t; he knew where his loyalties lie now. She sounded and acted like the Chiyo he had always known except now that he also knew that she was a cruel woman, that she was cruel to _Sasori_ and that was more than enough to keep him from wavering. He wasn’t a nice person by any means and while he might be grateful for her guidance and all, he did not feel anything above that.

“Chiyo-sensei, you’re so annoying,” he said but the good natured humour in his voice made it clear that he was joking and she laughed heartily. In all actual fact, he really wasn’t joking but he would be an idiot to let that up.

“How’s your relationship with Sasori?” she asked suddenly and though it was a fair and normal question (the woman was Sasori’s grandmother after all and they were the only two people taking part in this internship), Deidara still sensed a slight threat behind those words as if she was somewhat afraid of them being friends. If she was anything like Deidara’s mother, which Deidara was convinced that she was, Chiyo was probably scared that they would “corrupt” each other with their love for art. It was no secret to the two women that they were practically obsessed with it anyway.

“I’m sure you know how stoic your grandson is, un,” Deidara replied offhandedly instead, trying not to laugh when he thought of Sasori’s reaction later. “We say ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ and that’s as far as our relationship goes. Besides, I’m into cardio and he’s a neuro geek, un.”

“Oh I see,” Chiyo said with a small smile but something in her voice seemed to hint that she knew about the true nature of their relationship. They both feigned ignorance; there was nothing she could do anyway. “That’s a pity. You two should try to get to know each other better. Well I have to go off now; things to do at the university.”

“See you Chiyo-sensei! Take care, un!” Deidara greeted cheerily and that happiness had more to do with her leaving than anything. The bemused look Sasori gave him revealed that Sasori knew exactly what he was thinking of course and he winked back in response to which Sasori rolled his eyes to. Chiyo had her back turned towards them already and saw nothing of the exchange. It was all strangely amusing.

“Goodbye, Chiyo-bassan,” Sasori said and she inclined her head before stepping out of the room.

They waited a full minute in case she came back suddenly (one can never be too cautious) before turning to each other simultaneously, wearing matching looks of frustration; the only time they seem to feel the same about something other than the joy of art. Well, there was the fact that Sasori did look emotionless more often than not after all in Deidara’s opinion.

“She _had_ to come today, un!” Deidara exclaimed, though still in a softer voice as if Chiyo might still come sweeping in any moment. He flopped down on the bench beside Sasori, dressed in his scrubs.

“As if she knew what we were doing last night,” Sasori agreed, rolling his eyes. There were too many coincidences in his life as of late and he would very much like it to stop any time soon.

“I think she already knows about us though, un,” Deidara said with a long suffering sigh. Sasori glared at him, a mask of annoyance covering his face.

“You say it like we’re in an illicit relationship,” Sasori stated disdainfully, watching impassively as Deidara started laughing loudly before he stopped and turned to Sasori, fluttering his eyelids lasciviously and breathed out in a sultry tone, “well, aren’t we, Danna, un?”

“You’re so infuriating, Brat,” Sasori deadpanned as he stood up and walked out, all the while with Deidara’s laughter ringing in his ears and it must have been because he was in a really good mood (because of last night, not because of the Brat) but he caught himself smiling in a reflection. He stopped immediately then because smiling didn’t become him and he almost couldn’t recognise himself.

He was about to enter a ward when Deidara’s voice, or rather words, stopped him abruptly.

“You wear happiness nicely, Sasori, un.”

And he sounded so sincere and wistful that Sasori could do little more than stare at him. But Deidara didn’t look at him; he just entered the ward briskly as if he didn’t say anything. There was also the fact that he actually used his name. Sasori couldn’t remember the last time Deidara used his name (had he even used it before?) but he decided not to be too caught up with it. Deidara was always saying unpredictable and strange things like that and Sasori supposed he was rather used to it.

He just didn’t expect it to come up again so soon.

\--

“Your internship will be ending soon, this week in fact, and I must say it was wonderful that you two were able to be with us for the past three months,” Hyuuga-sensei said, sounding more satisfied than his otherwise blank face seemed to suggest. Other than that though, the words that he said sounded horribly rehearsed and both Sasori and Deidara suspected that he said the very same line to all interns.

“Thank you,” they replied as was the custom and it was quite funny how bored Hyuuga-sensei seemed to be; he must be sick of doing this for so many years. Deidara knew that he definitely would be.

To save him and themselves from any more unnecessary exchange, they made up an excuse about wanting to observe a surgery which was taking place in a minute and excused themselves. The slight twinkling in his eyes told them he knew exactly what they were doing but he let them go with a nod.

“I’m so glad we’re finally getting out of this hellhole, un,” Deidara told Sasori and the redhead nodded in agreement. He was already starting to tire of the white pristine walls of the hospital; so sterile, so artificial.

On Deidara’s part, he had resolutely kept himself away from his mother’s ward as much as he could ever since their last encounter with her and Sasori supposed it was because he didn’t want to make his life worse by having to deal with her on top of being stuck in the hospital. Still, since he was mostly attached to the cardiology department, it meant that he still had to see her from time to time and the nurses and doctors all started talking to him about her after finding out they were mother and son. Life couldn’t really become any worse afterwards.

He didn’t want to look unfilial because of her and thus had no choice but to make a show of visiting her ward though he mostly flipped through the charts, not really processing anything, before fleeing before she could say anything vehement though recently she had taken to talking _at_ him while he breezed through her files. Each time he left without saying anything but he didn’t care.

And since it was the last week at the hospital, he lied to the head of the cardiology department and said that he wanted to explore other departments and stuck with Sasori at the neurology department. If Chiyo asked, he would said that he took her advice and tried to be closer to Sasori. She only had herself to blame for suggesting it. He felt quite vindictive. Besides, it _was_ the last week and he was determined not to see his mother at all.

Currently they were watching a brain aneurysm surgery. It was a simple enough procedure and they both had observed enough of similar procedures to be infinitely bored within the first five minutes. Unable to take it anymore, Deidara turned to Sasori.

“Get out of here with me and I’ll tell you all about Chiyo teaching me, un.”

Sasori knew that he didn’t have to take that bait no matter how interested he was in that matter because Deidara would eventually tell him, but he figured that Deidara knew that he would have to come up with a reason to get Sasori to leave the gallery. Sasori might be as easily bored as Deidara but he definitely had more discipline and wouldn’t mind sitting through three hours of the same surgery. Deidara, on the other hand, could hardly sit still any longer. He toyed around with the idea of saying no just to watch Deidara suffer but forgo the idea when Deidara looked like he was about to set a bomb off.

“Let’s go, Brat,” he replied, feeling more than simple exasperation when Deidara lit up as if Christmas had come early, or more like Sasori had just agreed to his notion of art.

Without saying anything, they found themselves up on the rooftop again. Ironically, despite its open space, it was the most secluded spot in the hospital. More importantly, it made them feel as if they weren’t in a hospital. All they had to do was avoid looking down at the car park where more than a few ambulances were.

“I will go crazy if I watch another same old boring surgery, un. They’re all the same!” Deidara complained loudly, throwing his hand up in frustration and looking as if he might punch something soon. “How the hell do people survive doing the same damned thing over and over and over again?!”

“There’s no creativity,” Sasori agreed and that was precisely why he had been so against the idea of being a doctor in the first place. He could already feel his mind becoming duller by the second just by _being_ in the hospital. The white walls were rather reflective of the state his mind would soon fall into if he really walked down this path chosen for him by Chiyo, though he couldn’t really blame her. He had a part to play after all.

“So?” Sasori asked and Deidara sighed dramatically before launching into his tale.

His mother had been burdened with this heart disease ever since Deidara was eight and when he was ten his mother had to be admitted in the hospital after a doctor found a brain aneurysm in her brain. Chiyo was the neurosurgeon who performed the surgery on Iwa-san’s brain and as was with all her surgeries it was a complete success. That was why they became such good friends afterwards, though her heart problem was a bother which Chiyo could do nothing about.

Because she had spent so much time visiting Iwa-san, being her attending doctor at the time and later as a friend, she eventually got to know Deidara as well. He had no grandparents to take care of him and his father was, for some reason, violently against the idea of putting him under the care of a nanny, so he spent most of his time at the hospital.

“And you ought to know by now that I have always loved art, ever since I was a boy, un,” Deidara said to which Sasori nodded. They never talked about it but Sasori just knew, much like how Deidara just knew that art was an intrinsic part of Sasori. “So I always had clay with me and I was always playing with them in my mother’s room.”

Iwa-san had, at that time, not been very against Deidara and his art though she was hopeful that it was just a phase. How Deidara wished he could have told her that, before she became so stubborn and adamant that he became a doctor, art was his life. Anyway, Chiyo saw the talented way in which he handled the chisel and started seeing the potential in him for precision and steady hands were the making of a good neurosurgeon. Also, it was easy for anybody to see that Deidara was a genius.

One day, out of a hit of sudden inspiration and mercurial temperament, she decided to provide Deidara with a spare surgical drill since the hospital was replacing all the equipment. She took to teaching him simple skills, such as drilling the skull open. At that time, he hadn’t really linked it to being a surgical skill and just practised whatever he was taught. It had something to do with his clay after all. He did think that it was still definitely more fun to be sculpting more art works though. But his mother seemed happy with that and he just wanted to please her and see her smile. She was sick. She was his mother.

So practise he did. At first it was just drilling a perfect tiny hole into random works that he made but he soon grew bored of doing that since it was becoming second nature to him.

“And you know how being boring is the vilest sin in art, un!” Deidara all but shouted at Sasori who found it really amusing that Deidara was getting all riled up about art when the subject in question was in fact medicine. He really didn’t get the blonde sometimes.

Anyway, Deidara then decided to be more creative. He made layers in his works and painted each layer a different colour and tried drilling a hole into his work one layer at a time. Chiyo caught him doing it and was of course more than impressed. It was also around that time that Iwa-san finally decided that art was worthless and that Deidara ought to be a doctor since he had the skill (for an artist he might have argued had he known better). And no, she wasn’t going to compromise on that issue.

“So that was actually the initial inspiration for the artwork you showed me last night,” Sasori concluded, expecting some sort of affirmation but none came. For a moment, Sasori had a sinking suspicion that he was actually wrong for once but Deidara was simply smiling. It was definitely one of the rare times where Deidara was wearing such a genuine smile, not like the ones he threw on when he was feeling goofy. Those were real but this was so much more genuine than that; he was smiling because, for some incomprehensible reason to Sasori as of yet, he was happy.

“Danna, you have no idea how happy I am, un.”

“I do,” Sasori replied simply and Deidara didn’t doubt him a moment. “But I don’t know why.”

“Your concern was art, un,” Deidara pointed out simply. Sasori was an intelligent man but he didn’t particularly understand what Deidara was getting it. He stared at him blankly and Deidara rolled his eyes. No doubt, the blonde was going to make a dig at his intellectual level.

“And they call you a genius, un,” he complained and he wasn’t pouting but Sasori could _hear_ it.

Figures.

“You’re more concerned about art than Chiyo teaching me or whatever crap, un! Even though you said before that you were kinda jealous of that. I mean you were not jealous; we confirmed that, but… you know what I mean, un!” Deidara beamed brightly before his eyes widened comically and he slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh damn. I didn’t mean to bring it up, Danna, un. Sorry.”

Sasori wondered for a split second why Deidara was reacting so violently to the matter when he then recalled that they had promised never to speak of it. But Deidara had also forgotten part of the agreement. So typical.

“We also said that we could talk about it if we wanted to,” Sasori pointed out matter-of-factly, not exactly seeing the issue.

“But I don’t know if _you_ wanted to talk about, un!” Deidara insisted, sounding so utterly miserable that it was almost amusing since Sasori did not, like what Deidara apparently thought, feel offended or upset in the slightest bit. In fact, it made him see that he really was more concerned about the art aspect of things. Somehow, that made him feel infinitely better.

If this conversation had happened maybe just a few weeks earlier, Sasori was pretty certain that he would still be harbouring some deep-seated irrational hatred for Deidara but as things stood he felt no negative emotions. It seemed that after the previous night, Sasori had reaffirmed his purpose in life – art – and things that had nothing to do with art thus couldn’t affect him anymore. He felt liberated. Of course, there was also the fact that it was Deidara and he didn’t exactly get angry at the younger man anymore.

“I’m alright, Brat,” Sasori reassured the younger man in his usual bored tone when Deidara showed no signs of stopping his wailing.

“Really, un?” Deidara asked, suddenly switching to a gleeful demeanour. Sasori sighed and nodded.

“Yay!” Deidara exclaimed happily, sounding much like a child. “And to answer your question, yes I suppose it was! I mean I never thought of it that way but it definitely was a source of inspiration, un. I mean, what better way to eradicate the worth of medicine than through art? I must be a genius, Danna, un. Anyway, now that you mentioned I do think that my work last night was quite fine actually. In fact, I think-”

“Brat,” Sasori interrupted irritably.

“Yes, Danna, un?” Deidara asked brightly, smiles and all.

“Shut up.”

The smile slipped.

“So mean, un.”

Still, with the comfortable air hanging between them and the memories of the previous night still fresh as daisies in his mind, Deidara was certain life never felt better.

But that was the problem with life, isn’t it? Once it starts looking good, bad things happen. Good prospects in life were really nothing more than foreshadowing of the cruelties that life would throw at you. Deidara thought he would know that already.

\--

Sasori never realised how much he missed his friends until he was actually in their company again. The internship had ended the previous week and he was now in the final stage of his junior year, meaning finals were coming soon. Sasori wasn’t the least bit worried about maintaining his position but complacency wouldn’t do either. Itachi and Kakuzu felt the same way hence the reason for them being in the library and pouring over their books.

They were very much focused on their studying when suddenly Deidara sprung over to their table, a bundle of excessive energy. He immediately turned to Sasori and stared at him intently.

“Was that night magical? Brilliant? Special? Simply breathtaking?” Deidara asked (more like demanded), a flurry of agitation and excitement mixed in his words.

“Yes,” Sasori replied, dragging out his word and unsure of where this was heading. Judging by the ceasing of pen against paper neither did Itachi nor Kakuzu. They both looked at Sasori curiously. He ignored them.

“Exactly! Would it have been as fantastic and enchanted if you had done it every other day of your life, un?”

“No…”

“Exactly! Hence I can tell you that ephemerality is the single most beautiful thing on earth. Being the anti-thesis of your lovely concept of eternity, that would make eternity well you know the opposite of beautiful. Yes, I mean it’s crap, and yes I know you are grateful and want to thank me for enlightening you so, but it’s alright. I totally understand your feelings and you don’t have to say ‘thank you’. I know you’re a proud guy. Bye Danna, un.”

And he left.

Sasori slowly looked down at his half broken pencil. He made a mental note to kill the Brat. After clarifying the fact that what Deidara proposed was utter nonsense and thrashing his concept of transience being the perfect form of art. Yes, Sasori was going to have his head.  

“Erm…”

Sasori gave Kakuzu a questioning stare.

“Do I want to know what just happened?”

“No.”

“Did “that night” have any special, untoward meaning?”

Sasori gave Kakuzu a hard stare.

“I mean in a sex-” Kakuzu wisely shut up when Sasori’s glare heatedly intensified. “Okay.”

“I’m going to kill the Brat,” Sasori announced and promptly left the table before either of his friends processed what he said. This was a natural occurrence in his opinion. He was an impatient man so of course he didn’t want to have to wait to kill Deidara.

He found him easily enough. Deidara was not exactly elusive with his blonde hair and flamboyant attitude. He had a knack for attracting attention to himself more often than not. Sasori marched over to him and forcibly dragged him away from his conversation Iruka-sensei who just watched them go in amusement. Deidara wouldn’t shut up all the way and Sasori contemplated strangling him right there instead. But that wouldn’t do his reputation any good so he did his best to ignore the noisy blonde as well as the stares that were attracted.

“Danna, I’m sorry, un. I didn’t mean it.” Deidara pouted when they were a safe distance from the rest of the school population. He knew a murderous aura when he sensed one.

“Brat,” he spat and Deidara visibly flinched. Sasori hadn’t been so furious even back when they were hating each other irrationally. “Art. Is. Eternal. I do not want to repeat myself more than necessary. Your concept of art is flawed and before you even try to deny it let me tell you that it will not work because it is simply not the truth.”

Deidara shut his mouth reluctantly but only because Sasori was spewing venom and Deidara supposed that he did have a greater reason to be angry.

“Art is lasting and lives long into the future. That makes it beautiful for it does not erode with the harshness and cruelties of life; art eradicates that by being eternal. The fact that it withstands time, the equivalent of the devil, emphasises that and it is in no way transient because that would make it meaningless; it would have lost to time.”

He hadn’t actually said a lot but that was more than he usually says already so Sasori forced himself to stop. He would not have himself go into a long rant and risk sounding like a raging psychopathic man even though he certainly felt like one then.

Deidara didn’t retort nor did he look like he even wanted to. The most bizarre thing was happening. Deidara was actually smiling and it was a smile that Sasori had never seen on his face before. It was so serene and Deidara seemed so at peace with himself that even Sasori felt his anger slowly ebbing away though that gave rise to the confusion bubbling within him.

Why was Deidara behaving so strangely? Logically, Deidara should be angry and fighting with Sasori about how his art was superior and how his notion of art was the right one. Given Deidara wasn’t a very logical person to begin with that was still the most likely outcome.

Instead his eyes gave away no hint of outrage nor did it contain the spark which appeared whenever he talked about his art. Sasori was not fooled into thinking that he had won Deidara over to his side though. And it was not as if he had convinced Sasori that art was transient either, so why was he standing there looking as if he had everything in his life straightened out when, sorry to say, even Sasori knew that it was far from the truth?

“Deidara?” he said firmly.

“I mean it, Sasori, I really do, un,” he said calmly; a picture of tranquility and peace, and that was so uncharacteristic of him. Deidara did not usually possess so calm a demeanor. His eyes held a serious stare and those cerulean orbs bore straight through Sasori’s hazel ones.

Sasori couldn’t fathom him at all and it was easily the most unsettling feeling Sasori had felt in a long time. They were supposed to understand each other.

“You wear happiness nicely, Sasori, you really do, un. No, you wear it perfectly, un,” Deidara said, sincerity weaved so intricately in his voice that no one could doubt that he didn’t mean a single word he was saying. That perplexed Sasori all the more. He was used to Deidara’s unpredictability and uncanny ability to say things which make no sense at all but this was definitely an unprecedented level of strangeness. Sasori couldn’t understand at all.

“What are you saying?”

“Listen to me, Sasori. After that night, everything made sense to me. I don’t know why but everything is now so clear and I just know it, un. You deserve happiness so much Sasori and it’s killing me more than it’s killing you to know that you don’t have it.”

“What the-”

“Sasori, you deserve happiness more than anyone I’ve ever met and even if I never make it out of this damned life being the artist I want to be even once, I want you to be able to do it, un.”

Sasori prided himself on always having a comeback ready but this time even he was at a loss for words. It was as if his entire stash of vocabulary was wiped out and all that remained was a white blank. Deidara still looked that picture of serenity but there was also an armor of determination over it now.

“Why Deidara?”

“Quit med school Sasori.”


	19. Chapter 19

Before Sasori had the chance to say anything they were alerted to the sound of footsteps and sure enough Kakuzu came into view. Noticing Sasori’s slight confusion and Deidara being unusually (and unnervingly) quiet, he shot the former a questioning look. Sasori merely shook his head; he didn’t really know what was going on either (though he wished he did).

“Chiyo wants to see both of you,” Kakuzu gave the news, not missing the twin sour looks on both medical students’ faces. Sasori he knew didn’t like medicine but Deidara disliking it was a total surprise to him, but he figured that that must be why the two were so close. Having a hatred for the same things did bond people after all.

“What does she want now, un?” Deidara all but spat, shocking even Sasori because no matter how annoyed the blonde was at the elder lady he never did openly express his frustration before. Kakuzu looked as shocked as Sasori felt (the redhead never showed his emotions openly) and was at a loss for words for a moment before speaking up.

“I don’t know; she didn’t say,” Kakuzu informed them.

Sasori nodded, giving Kakuzu a pointed look and the other man nodded back before turning away. He had done his job of passing the message and whatever Sasori and Deidara’s issues were he wasn’t going to be of any help anyway. Besides he did have his own exam to study for.

“What’s wrong?” Sasori asked the moment Kakuzu was out of earshot but Deidara stubbornly shook his head instead, making the redhead feel a sudden and surprising urge to strangle him. Sasori was never one for violence but some things, namely the blonde, made him feel that the entire concept of violence was actually wholly relevant. However, the spell seemed to have lifted from Deidara because he had his usual grin on his face again, though this time Sasori could see how fake and artificial it was.

“Let’s go! Can’t keep Chiyo-sensei waiting can we?” Deidara said happily as he turned and walked in the direction of the staff room, without even waiting for Sasori’s reply.

Though wanting to press the blonde for more information, his stupid nature of never prying prevented him from actually doing so and he figured that Deidara would tell him when he wanted to tell him. _If_ he wanted to tell him. It seemed to Sasori that Deidara wasn’t exactly sure of what he had been trying to convey though of course he could be wrong. It was just unnerving for Deidara to be behaving in a manner that was utterly foreign to him because he thought that he understood the blonde. What was this feeling that he was experiencing? Betrayal? No; it was similar but different. Whatever the feeling was Sasori could not exactly pinpoint it and he felt, for the first time in a long while for reasons unrelated to art, completely and utterly vexed.

“Chiyo-sensei you called for us?” Deidara asked cheerily as he glided into the professor’s office, a wide grin on his face. Chiyo looked up from where she was staring at the many papers scattered across her desk though arranged in an orderly manner and greeted the two with a smile of her own.

“Yes, dear,” Chiyo replied happily though her smile seemed to slip for a fraction of a second before it reappeared. Despite the fleetingness of that tiny slip, Sasori saw it clearly enough. She was obviously displeased that he and Deidara arrived together and were thus probably together prior to this. Sasori felt a vivid sense of pleasure knowing the annoyance of his grandmother.

“What do you want?” Sasori asked curtly nonetheless, unwilling to spend more time than was necessary with Chiyo. He had not even intended on seeing her that day, or the next day, or the day after, or for many days after that; yes he never wanted to see her again. Besides, this particular day had been bad enough as for him as it was what with Deidara behaving so weirdly (and he meant more so than normal) and spurting all sorts of strange remarks which he would like to make sense of any time now. The point is he really didn’t need any more of her good news brightening this day for him.

After his tiny outburst (if it could even be called that) Chiyo looked at him in unmasked shock, looking as if she wanted to say something but couldn’t for the life of her formulate any comprehensive sentence. He didn’t blame her; he played the role of the perfect medical student and grandson so well that he might as well have received an Oscar award. Sometimes even he fell for this flawless façade of his if not for the fact that his heart was not as useless as his mind and decisions and acutely reminded him of who he was and what he loved all the time. The professor didn’t exactly recover from her shock since Sasori never did offer an apology for his rude behaviour but she managed to compose herself nonetheless.

“I have great news for the both of you!” she managed to exclaim delightedly as she looked down at the papers on her table, despite the fact that it was quite obvious that Sasori wasn’t very interested in whatever she had to say, good news or not. On the other hand, Deidara was doing a really good job of pretending that he was really interested. “You would both be so happy!”

Cue eye rolls. Both Sasori and Deidara already knew that her purpose in requesting to see them out of the blue meant nothing more than trouble, trouble and more trouble; how the hell that would make them happy was beyond them. In Chiyo’s case though, she sincerely thought she was doing them a great (dis)service each and every time. Sasori and Deidara didn’t quite know how they managed to tolerate it thus far but at least they had each other now and though it was still a small matter and perhaps even insignificant they now had that sweet and perfect memory of that night to fall back on.

“Do tell,” Deidara encouraged her with his sugary and excited tone though the look of utmost suffering he shot Sasori told the other exactly what he thought about her special surprise. Sasori empathised completely though he did have to resist the urge to openly smirk at the blonde’s somewhat atrocious antics. Maybe the blonde being so weird was not as bad as he had initially thought (if only he knew what was going on).

“You, Deidara, are going to go on to the final year after this year and you, Sasori, are going to take the exams for the final year this time round,” Chiyo announced gleefully without missing a beat and the two swore that there was malice and evil in her tone even though her face revealed nothing but the utmost pride of a successful parent. Sasori, in a sudden vicious mood, wondered if she would still look so blissfully contented and proud if he ever told her of his true feelings.

“We’ll think about it, un,” Deidara replied surprisingly quickly in a clear tone which did not mask his exasperation, shocking both Akasunas, before he intuitively grabbed Sasori’s hand, not caring that that act was as good as declaring his close friendship with Sasori to her, and all but hurriedly fled the scene without even sparing Chiyo another look. Before they left the office, Sasori saw Chiyo staring after them in unconcealed astonishment with her mouth slightly agape. All his life Sasori had never seen his grandmother less than calmly composed and this abrupt change in her usual collected demeanour just made his day.

Deidara never once let go of Sasori’s hand despite the many curious glances and shocked faces shot their way as he dragged the redhead through the campus. Sasori, on his part, though having gotten over his shock already (just one of the perks of hanging around Deidara long enough) didn’t wrench his hand away which was something that he would have undoubtedly minded just a mere few weeks or maybe ever just a mere few days ago. Right now he couldn’t care less, as in he didn’t mind. Actually he even felt an odd and strange sense of happiness.

“Sorry about that, Danna, un,” Deidara apologised immediately when he brought them to their destination: his house on the hill. As if noticing their entwined hands for the first time, he stared down at them in confusion mixed with a little shock which also showed in his face before he immediately dropped them. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sasori replied casually, earning a curious glance from Deidara. Sasori didn’t bother to explain his abnormal behaviour; let the blonde suffer the same confusion he did just earlier that day. Yes, he was feeling unreasonably vindictive and no he really didn’t care.

Seeing as there was no soul in sight; everybody was probably at school or at work on this fine weekday, Sasori lazily settled himself down on the green grass under a giant oak tree which provided a comfy shade which kept the treacherous sunlight at bay. It was going to be winter soon so the weather was already starting to turn chillier but Sasori did not like the sun anyway. He heard some rustling and Deidara plopped down beside him in a less than graceful manner and leaned back against the sturdy trunk of the tree, completely relaxed and wearing a look of sated comfort on his face as if he were in his own apartment though in Sasori’s opinion Deidara’s incredibly messy apartment with books and clothes strewn all over the floor which couldn’t even be seen anymore hardly met the requirement of ‘comfortable’.

“You don’t seem like the type who would dirty your precious designer jeans by sitting down on the grass, un,” Deidara commented casually, eyes closed and looking as though he was about to fall asleep right then though it wasn’t a problem since as aforementioned it was completely deserted except for the two of them.

“Assumptions,” Sasori answered with a slight wave of his hand, closing his own eyes and simply basking in the comfortable and light atmosphere in the pleasing breeze of late autumn air.

Blowing Chiyo off was probably not the smartest thing to do in retrospect but he would concern himself with the problem (read: Chiyo) when it presented itself on his doorstep. Literally. In fact he was already expecting an unwanted visitor that night. Actually she might already be on her way (impatient as she is) to his apartment if she was that desperate and anxious that she would delegate all her lectures to another professor. It was unlikely though. If there was one thing about Chiyo that Sasori somehow found it in himself to respect despite her ruining his childhood and by extension his life it was her strong sense of responsibility which he was really glad that he inherited instead of say her uncanny ability to drive anyone mad though Deidara once mentioned that that particular gene was actually quite potent in spite of all his persistent claims. His heated glare did the talking for him and Deidara immediately caught on to it because he conceded that it was a joke though he did so in a manner that told Sasori exactly how truthful that “joke” was.

“And these aren’t designer jeans.”

“Just saying, un.”

Sasori didn’t bother replying; there was no need to. Maybe he should question the blonde as to why he was so impulsive as to, well, offend (and this was putting it lightly) Chiyo but he couldn’t find it in himself to do so especially since he was actually kind of glad that Deidara did do it. Of course he would never have done that in a million years since it was simply not in his nature to do so but that was exactly why he was so thankful for Deidara. As unexpected as that might have been and the fact that it might just be more trouble than it worth (Chiyo was going to confront him, remember?) Sasori really didn’t mind; he was grateful.

“Thanks,” Sasori said but didn’t bother to elaborate; Deidara understood his intention perfectly.

It was not clear how long they stayed there and they must have dozed off, lulled by the sweet silence of the early afternoon wind and the protective embrace of nature all around them as well as the lack of troublesome people disturbing the tranquil air of content. Whatever the case by the time Sasori pried his eyes open it was already well into the evening and the sun was halfway through its daily descent. He glanced to his side and realised that his companion was still peacefully asleep, still blissfully loitering in his wonderland where everything exploded into an array of colours. Yes, Deidara had already proven to him that not all things fleeting come in the form of explosions but Sasori still thought that explosions -bombastically loud and so openly expressive and seemingly emblematic of the freedom that they so sought - fitted the blonde the best.

Unknowingly he had reached out to gently touch Deidara’s cheek, wishing more than anything that Deidara would always be so happy. Then it struck him so suddenly that he stilled his hand despite wanting and feeling that he should pull away. Was this what Deidara was talking about? The thing about him wearing happiness nicely?

“You idiot,” he murmured softly even though there was no one around to overhear his next words. “If anyone deserves any form of happiness it’s you.”

And Sasori had never said more truthful. Sure Deidara had brought him more trouble in the one year (was it that long already?) that he had known him than in his whole life but more than anything the blonde also brought him comfort and the alien feeling of pure and simplistic joy. He had thought that pleasing his grandmother and being the perfect grandson for her was happiness without acknowledging that it was at his very own expense despite it consuming him wholly from the inside. But thanks to Deidara he now knew what he wanted and what would make him infinitely the happiest person on this earth.

Deidara stirred then and Sasori immediately retracted his hand. If Deidara asked what he was doing which was a given actually he wouldn’t be able to reply because he didn’t really know what he was doing either. Unlike Sasori, Deidara didn’t instantly wake up; he blearily blinked for a while and let out a wide yawn, surprisingly having the courtesy to cover his mouth, and stretched widely before opening his eyes completely. Realising that he wasn’t in the comforts in his own home he looked around in a mixture of disorientation and confusion before his eyes found Sasori looking back at him, unconcealed amusement dancing in his eyes.

“Wha…?” was the most intelligent response Deidara could come up with and it took all of Sasori’s willpower not to laugh out loud right there and then. It would be too unbecoming. The blonde really did bring out the worst in him, he thought to himself faintly as a tired yet peaceful smile graced his lips.

“Are you always this ditzy when you just wake up?” Sasori asked in pure mirth, letting Deidara know how hilarious he found the entire situation. The blonde, as dumb and crazy as he might sometimes act, was actually really smart and always alert. This new side of him was simply adorable.

…

Sasori froze. Did he just thought that _Deidara_ was _adorable_? Those two words in the same sentence was possibly the weirdest thing on this earth and he had sooner expected himself to enjoy medicine than think that.

Fine so he already came around and knew that he liked the blonde as more than a simple friend but he had also decided not to do anything silly or precarious which might endanger their surely strong yet brittle friendship. He had initially thought that these feelings would go away on its own (yes, he knows now that he was being naïve and even - he couldn’t believe it - a tad bit stupid) but apparently not. All he could do was wait for them to erode then because he sure as hell was not going to confess and scare Deidara - possibly the best thing that had happened to him - away.

Okay this was now getting way too creepy and uncharacteristic of him. Akasuna Sasori did not ponder about affairs of the heart more than needed which was what he felt like he was doing right now. Shoving those thoughts aside and locking them up in the deepest depth of his heart where he then proceeded to dispose of the key Sasori concentrated on the blonde who was still looking totally confused and lost.

“What? Did you me kidnap to your house, un?” he asked, still sounding bewildered. “But isn’t your house like indoors, Danna, un?”

“Brat, we are not at my house,” Sasori replied easily, not bothering to tell Deidara exactly where they were. This was far too amusing and come to think of it, good blackmail material. And it kept his mind off other stuff which he really did not want to delve into anytime soon.

“Did a tornado hit and somehow my entire apartment complex disappeared, un?” Deidara asked so seriously that Sasori thought that he was actually just pulling his leg but then he realised that Deidara was _really_ being serious.

This was too good to be true.

“Yeah,” he humoured the blonde who nodded and accepted the answer despite its high improbability and lay back against the trunk before promptly falling back asleep as if nothing had happened.

What. Was. That. About.

Sasori stared at Deidara in shock which he managed to mask. What the hell? Had the blonde been asleep the entire time? Not entirely sure what that bizarre occurrence was about, Sasori shook Deidara with a bit of force and the latter’s eyes fluttered open, immediately leveling Sasori, his disturber of the peace that was called sleep, with a perfect glare that would have sent most down onto their knees begging him not to kill them.

“What. Un.”

Apparently Deidara didn’t like to be awoken from his sleep.

“You… did you know what you just did?” Sasori asked, not at all affected by Deidara’s scary glare, raising an eyebrow and attempting to play his curiosity off as disinterest. It really felt like Deidara was simply pulling his leg right then.

“No, un.”

“Okay.”

“…”

“…”

“If you’re talking me doing weird things in my sleep then yeah I do that, un.”

“…”

“Okay… pretend you didn’t hear that, un,” Deidara said, willing that Sasori would really heed his advice and pretend that he didn’t say anything. Well, if he didn’t actually do anything stupid in his sleep then there was no need to worry the redhead unnecessarily.

“You did…”

“Oh…”

Sasori couldn’t help it. He let out a tiny chuckle which frankly shocked the younger man. Yes, people were getting shocked a lot today. Deidara wondered what the heck was wrong with the world before realising that he himself had a part to play in all this confusion as well. Maybe a meteor would strike the earth that night or something. Things could only get better after all.

“What did I do?” he all but demanded, ignoring that The Akasuna Sasori chuckled at something that he did not derive sadistic pleasure from. Actually he might have which was why he was laughing. Still Deidara would like to know what he did that was so funny.

That was actually why he never wanted a roommate or housemate. The fact that he was anti-social and prone to killing humans, er, things, which was too close in proximity to him and annoyed him endlessly was not the point this time. His condition was stupid and he didn’t want to trouble anyone (yes he can be nice) nor did he want anyone to know about it. Who knows? He might even have sexsomnia. Okay, that was something he definitely did not want to think about.

“You just said some stupid things which isn’t really different from how you usually behave,” Sasori replied, sounding way too evil for Deidara’s liking.

“My exact words, un.”

“I can’t remember.”

Sasori sounded way too gleeful for Deidara’s liking and he let out a long suffering sigh. The redhead was really deriving some sort of sadistic pleasure from his despondent predicament after all. He should have known.

“Don’t tell Hidan, un,” was all he said in the end. He was almost worried that Sasori would refuse and even call Hidan on the spot (what, the man was on some sadism streak) but became relaxed when Sasori nodded in agreement.

“Nor Itachi, un,” Deidara said after a while because he really didn’t want his nemesis to know about his weird condition even if (or so everyone tells him) their hatred was totally one sided on his part. He was convinced that Itachi hated him too; the black haired man was just a better actor.

 _That weasel…_ Deidara thought bitterly, grabbing a random fallen branch and stabbing at the soil, imagining it to be Itachi’s flawless face.

“Nor Konan, un.”

Konan must _never_ find out. She would go all crazy and psychotic on him and demand he go through a full (unnecessary) body checkup which he had no time for. Anyway, while he had never been to a doctor’s, he knew for a fact that most sleep disorders had no cure anyway so going to a doctor’s was pretty much a waste of time and money. Besides, he knew that his problem wasn’t really serious and that it only happened when he was really tired which was rare and few in between because he never did need much rest in the first and can survive on three hours a day for a week straight without even feeling the least bit fatigue. He must have been so tired recently because of all the unwanted stress from Chiyo and his mother.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Sasori assured him though the malicious glint in his eyes told Deidara that _he_ wasn’t about to forget it any time soon either.

_The bastard’s probably going to remember it for life, what with his crap about eternity and all…_

So those two didn’t exactly have a correlation. Deidara just liked relating the weirdest of things together. Actually it wasn’t even that weird.

Before Deidara could continue that line of thought, Sasori stood up, dusted the soil off his pants and walked away. Deidara spluttered. What the heck? He scrambled off the ground and chased after Sasori who was walking away at a really fast speed. Because they were always in the hospital prior to this and Sasori was never particularly enthusiastic about heading anywhere _within_ the hospital and running was not permitted anyway so he always took his time and walked slowly (as in normal human speed); the point is Deidara had forgotten how fast Sasori’s normal walking speed was and he almost tripped over himself in an attempt to reach the older man.

“You are so mean, Danna, un,” he managed to gasp out when he reached Sasori but the redhead just shot him an impassive unconcerned look.

 _At least he’s back to normal,_ Deidara thought wryly as he fell into an easy albeit fast rhythm in keeping with Sasori’s steps.

“Where are you going, un?” Deidara couldn’t resist asking when it was obvious that they weren’t returning to campus though it was obvious that that was never Sasori’s destination because why the hell would anyone in their right mind do that after that major fiasco. Sasori’s current mental state of health was debatable though in Deidara’s humble opinion.

“Home.”

“Why are you even going back home, un? It’s still early; we can go somewhere else,” Deidara suggested nonchalantly even though he was sincerely hoping that he would manage to sway Sasori’s decision. Fine he was being selfish because _he_ didn’t want to go home and face the certain loneliness that would be dwelling in the dark waiting for him but there was also a part of him that wanted to spend time with the redhead. What? Spending every day with the same person for months makes you feel weird and uncomfortable all over when you suddenly don’t see them for two days in a row or something like that. Right?

“No.”

“Why, un?” Deidara persisted in asking despite the clear annoyance in Sasori’s tone.

“Because.”

One word answers.

Two can play this game.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Right.”

Sasori didn’t reply.

The silent treatment.

Two can play this game too.

Deidara resolutely kept his silence, fully confident and sure that Sasori would eventually cave and tell him exactly why he was choosing to go home then. So going home wasn’t exactly a foreign concept since everyone does that every day but Deidara just felt that something was up and he didn’t like that. Furthermore, what kind of an answer was ‘because’? Even if Sasori was really just going home for the sake of going home then he could have the basic courtesy to tell him so instead of ‘because’. ‘Because’ was a conjunction. ‘Because’ was a word which in itself did not mean a damn thing. So ‘because’ was not a good answer, at least not one Deidara could accept.

Even if he did use it as an answer himself sometimes.

… he was starting to hate that word.

“Danna,” he whined childishly and loudly on purpose so that his voice was audible enough to draw the attention of random passer-bys as they waited for the next train. And the platform was relatively crowded since it was nearing the peak hours so that meant that a lot more people turned by simple virtue of the fact that there was more people.

“What?” Sasori snapped, seemingly unfazed by the countless pair of eyes that stared at them, though his tone revealed his impatience.

 _Again with the one word response!_ Deidara thought in indignation.

“Danna,” Deidara said, sounding so serious for the second time that day that Sasori could not help but actually look over though a frown appeared almost instantly when he saw Deidara’s victorious smirk.

“What, Brat?” he asked again though exasperation was finely mixed into those two simple words.

“Why the heck are you going home, un? And don’t tell me ‘because’ again because that word doesn’t mean a fucking thing, un,” and Deidara proceeded to angrily rant about the worthlessness of that particular word to Sasori who listened to him only because he couldn’t get a word in. All the same it was also rather amusing.

“At least I know that word makes you furious,” Sasori commented drily when Deidara summed up his argument, looking as if he just won the Nobel Award which was immediately replaced by an outraged look upon hearing Sasori’s words.

“You are so mean, un,” he complained childishly as they exited the train station. Yes, Deidara’s little rant on ‘because’ took that long.

“Chiyo’s probably going to want an explanation,” Sasori said instead, figuring that he might as well give Deidara the answer he so desperately sought before he started on another weird rant about something random and completely unrelated to anything.

It was only after Sasori had taken a couple more steps that he realised that Deidara was no longer following him. He ignored it initially, thinking that the blonde decided to go home or something else but when he finally admitted to himself that that was highly unlikely and that Itachi willing playing strip poker was more likely he stopped and turned around. Deidara was giving him the most disbelieving look he had ever received in his life and frankly though it annoyed him to no small extent he was more uncomfortable with being shot such a look.

Despite it being obvious that Sasori wasn’t going to simply continue on his journey home then, Deidara wasn’t saying anything nor giving any indication about how he felt so the redhead decided that he would just have to walk over and find out what was in that eccentric brain of the blonde. He just hoped that nothing strange or weird was going to come from Deidara again. He already had more than enough on his plate for that day.

“I can’t believe you,” Deidara said flatly the moment he was within hearing range without Deidara having to shout.

“What?” he snapped again. “What is your problem?”

“We finally experienced that joy of art again after who knows how long and you’re so ready to cast it all aside as if it didn’t happen?” Deidara demanded, hands on hips and eyes ablaze with an anger that Sasori had never seen in the blonde before. Deidara didn’t even look that angry back when they were exchanging insults and death threats before they cleared their misunderstanding up. This was really bad but he wasn’t going to take that accusation lying down either.

“I am not casting it aside,” Sasori stated blankly, daring Deidara to challenge his claim.

“Then why the fuck are you going to talk to Chiyo and fucking apologise to her?” Deidara shot back easily.

Sasori didn’t say anything for a while because yes that was exactly what he had intended to do. What else can he do? Rebel? The thought was tempting but there was no way he could do it… right?

“Why?” Deidara demanded again before he took on a more taunting tone. “Or tell me I’m wrong. When you made the marionette the other night, was it really just symbolic of how you would never escape from your grandmother’s grasp? Because you just can’t?”

That did it. Without warning Sasori’s fist connected with Deidara’s face so fiercely that the blonde fell to the ground. The moment he realised what he had done Sasori immediately regretted it. He didn’t like violence and he never expected to use it, on Deidara no less!

“Shit. Sorry,” Sasori muttered as he rushed over to where the blonde was half lying on the ground, a hand over his cheek. Sasori gently pried his hand away and the guilt in his heart tripled when he saw a bruise already forming. What shocked him more though was the knowing smirk on Deidara’s face. He couldn’t resist.

“Did hit you so hard that I damaged your brain?” Sasori asked, raising a perfect eye.

The smirk immediately slipped from Deidara’s face as he shook his head dramatically.

“Trust you to still be so mean, un,” Deidara bemoaned in fake resignation. “You’re really heartless, Danna, un.”

“Why else would you be smirking?” Sasori threw back smoothly.

“Because you still love art that me insulting it made you kinda hate me for a bit, un,” Deidara told him triumphantly. Sasori really didn’t know where this was going. Deidara rolled his eyes. “In layman terms, I’m glad that you’re still my art companion. Partner in crime. Whatever, un.”

“… I get what you’re saying…”

The victorious smirk was back on Deidara’s face.

“… but I don’t see _why_ you had to do.”

The victorious smirk slipped again as Deidara let out a frustrated groan as he buried his face in his hands.

“Danna,” he mumbled into his hands, sounding so depressed that he might as well just have been informed that he had cancer or some other life threatening disease. That drama queen. “I needed to see that to know.”

“You could have asked…”

“I wasn’t expecting you to hit me…”

“That really isn’t the point…”

“I realised…”

“And you should have expected it…”

“I realised that now too…”

All was silent for a while and when what happened in the past half hour or so finally sank in the two couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Okay, Deidara burst out laughing while Sasori just chuckled softly to himself. It was lucky that there was no one around (thanks to Sasori living in a relatively secluded neighbourhood) because they would definitely have been deemed as mental cases.

“We are so retarded, un,” Deidara breathed out, wiping away the tears that leaked out from his eyes from laughing so much.

Sasori nodded in agreement; truer words have never been spoken by Deidara. He let out a soft sigh and stood up before offering his hand to the blonde and helping him up. They continued on their way to Sasori’s house, this time in the comfortable silence that was so familiar to them. When they finally reached Sasori’s apartment building, they stopped, both unwilling to take another step.

Thanks to Deidara Sasori really didn’t want to go up there and face Chiyo and be the nice and perfect little grandson that she wanted him to be. He wasn’t meaning it sarcastically; he was actually thankful for it as he was grateful for so many things that Deidara did. If he did actually go up to Chiyo and apologise she would no doubt take it as a onetime mistake on Sasori’s part due to him cracking under pressure and maybe even blame it all on Deidara because the latter was definitely the active antagonistic force here; Sasori’s crime was letting the blonde do as he wanted. And Sasori could never do that to Deidara. He made up his mind.

“Well see you I guess, un,” Deidara mumbled dejectedly, sounding as if he was trying to come up with excuses to make Sasori change his mind. He didn’t have to; he already did.

A hand reached out to grab his shoulder and Deidara looked up at Sasori with a questioning gaze.

“I’m not going up anymore,” Sasori informed the blonde and the latter stared at him suspiciously.

“Chiyo could already be there you know,” Deidara told him in what sounded like a superior tone. Sasori rolled his eyes in response.

“And it’s not obvious that you’re a guy,” Sasori retorted calmly and a tad bit smugly. He did deal the blonde a double insult after all which the younger obviously picked up on for he was now glaring daggers at the older man. Sharp, lethal daggers.

Instead of responding, Sasori strode over to his car and slid into the driver’s seat. He didn’t invite Deidara in but sure enough the blonde scrambled into the passenger seat just as he started the engine.

“You didn’t tell me you have a car, un!” Deidara accused though the excitement and enthusiasm in his voice erased any anger that might have otherwise been present.

“Am I supposed to report to you my every belonging now?” Sasori questioned as he swiftly and skillfully drove out of the parallel parking lot and sped away, rolling his eyes (again) when the blonde let out a delighted squeal.

Little did they know that a figure was watching them from the entrance of the apartment building.

“Have you never been in car before?” Sasori asked in exasperation as he noted the bright grin on Deidara’s face.

“Don’t change the topic, un,” Deidara commanded authoritatively. Sasori contemplated throwing him out of the car. “I never knew you had a car! You always took the public transport to the hospital, un.”

“Just because doesn’t mean I have to use it all the time,” Sasori replied, wondering not for the first time why he put up with the blonde. Okay, he knew exactly why but still – Deidara could be a bit too much to handle sometimes.

“True,” Deidara relented as he finally shut up and leant back in the seat.

The silence didn’t last long however. Though, surprisingly, it wasn’t broken by Deidara alone.

“Where are we going?”

“Do you have to go home tonight?”

The two questions were asked simultaneously, leading to smiles forming on both their faces. It felt good and comforting to be on the road like that as if they no longer had any worries and troubles bothering them, finals be damned. It was a mere mirage of course but as of now they were perfectly fine with basking and soaking in the nice and relaxing atmosphere.

“I don’t have to go home tonight, un,” Deidara replied first because he figured that this had something to do with where they were going anyway.

“Good, because we’re going to a mountain and I don’t think I’ll be able to get us back in time before the night falls, nor in time for tomorrow’s lecture come to think of it.”

Deidara couldn’t believe. This was Sasori finally taking control of his own life and doing something that he wanted to do for once all on his own accord. Maybe he helped a little but it was all indirect and there was no denying that Sasori was blatantly choosing to offend Chiyo further by not just knowingly not meeting her that night but also knowingly skipping lectures the next day. Maybe he was being unnecessarily dramatic but Deidara was so overwhelmed that he couldn’t for the life of him say anything for a while.

“You really wear happiness nicely, Sasori,” Deidara said when he finally managed find it in himself to say something.

Sasori wanted to ask about that but Deidara looked so contented that he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. He kept his eyes firmly on the road ahead of him, feeling completely certain and clear of his direction for once in his life.

The drive remained in complete and comfortable silence for a while, the only interruptions being Deidara randomly pointing out random things that he saw from the window of the car. Sasori either nodded to acknowledge the blonde’s words or give him a look that conveyed how retarded he thought that observation was. Deidara for the most part ignored the second reaction and babbled on until he didn’t have anything more to say.

“Where are we going to sleep tonight?” Deidara suddenly asked when he realised that he didn’t bring anything essential that would help him survive in the wilderness. Sasori’s lack of response was unnerving him too. “Danna! What if we get attacked by wolves during the night, un? Or bears? Or owls?”

“Owls?” Sasori echoed in amusement.

“Yes, owls, un.”

“Right.”

“I’m being really serious here! What if it rains, un? What if there’s a thunderstorm? What if we get struck by lightning? What if-”

“More than half the disaster scenarios you’re so happily fantasising are improbable,” Sasori interrupted plainly before Deidara’s speculations became more and more senseless as they would no doubt degenerate into.

“Still, I am not sleeping in the wild unprotected and open to attacks, un.”

“From owls?”

“Danna!” Deidara shouted in annoyance. Sasori could only smirk and he continued letting Deidara rant and complain for a while longer before informing the blonde casually that he had a tent in the boot and they could always sleep in the car. Duh.

“You could have said so earlier, un,” Deidara grumbled bitterly, mostly to himself and he was actually looking a little sheepish for once.

_Guess he knows how ridiculous he’s being…_

“You have too little faith in me, Brat,” Sasori stated solemnly. “Would I, sensible as I am, being us to the mountains with nothing prepared?”

“… Narcissist…”

“Whatever keeps you alive.”

Deidara glared before he realised something else.

“Wait, why the heck do you have all those stuff in your boot in the first place, un? Were you planning this all along? Were you, God forbid, planning to have a getaway _without me_?”

If Deidara was going to keep up this drama queen act the whole way and through the night, Sasori was going to leave him in the mountains all alone for an hour or so before coming back to get him.

“No,” he replied in a bored tone instead, refusing to elaborate.

“No to what, un?” Deidara demanded childishly, pouting reaching a maximum level and eyes narrowed into mere slits. Maybe Sasori was going to abandon him in the mountains after all…

“No,” Sasori repeated to which Deidara let out a frustrated groan. Sasori finally took pity on him though he wondered whether Deidara was actually drunk though on what he didn’t want to know. “No, I did not plan this and no I wasn’t planning a getaway without you.”

Actually the two things were about the same now that Sasori thought about it but he didn’t want to point that out to Deidara who would definitely explain to him oh-so-clearly the difference between the two. He knew they were not exactly the same; he just thought that they were similar enough.

“Then why were all those things in your boot, un?”

“Even Chiyo doesn’t question me this much,” Sasori replied, watching in satisfaction as Deidara made a disgusted face.

“Please don’t compare me to her, un,” he said distastefully.

“Oh I don’t know,” Sasori continued leisurely, ignoring the megawatt glare thrown his way. “You both seem to have a hobby of tormenting me.”

“I bet you have never punched her.”

“Irrelevant.”

“Why do you have those things in your boot, un?”

He was definitely leaving Deidara in the mountains.

“I just store them there in case I feel like going off somewhere like now.” Sasori gave the answer to Deidara anyway because the younger man wouldn’t stop harping on it otherwise. Talk about annoying.

Thankfully Deidara didn’t find anything else he found interesting to say which needed a response from Sasori for the rest of the ride and was contented with just hearing his own voice. Sasori on the other hand was contented to just drive and ignore the noisy specimen that he had decided to bring alone. Actually, come to think of it, the blonde invited himself. He must really be getting too used to Deidara if he even let him do as he pleased. It was not that bad he supposed; he didn’t mind.

In another two hours they reached their destination (yes Sasori sped for most of the journey) and Deidara immediately jumped out of the car and stretched widely, working out all the kinks in his joints and doing all sorts of stretches. Sasori by then had also gotten out of the car and was leaning against the passenger door and watching at the blonde in amusement.

“Don’t you feel stiff all over?” Deidara demanded after his tiny work out and realised that Sasori was just leaning against the car all casual.

“Not really,” Sasori said and it as true. Unfair but true.

“Unfair, un,” Deidara grumbled again before brightening up. “Let’s set up the tent!”

Without waiting for Sasori’s agreement Deidara rushed over to the boot. Only then did he realised that he needed Sasori to open it. He was about to yell for help when the boot suddenly swung open, barely missing his face by an inch as his inbuilt reflexes enabled him to jump out of the way just in time.

“Danna!” he shouted out when Sasori came into view, a smirk on his face.

“I had faith that you would get out of the way in time,” Sasori said airily, waving off Deidara’s indignant comments before he even said anything. “If only the sentiment would be returned,” he ended off as he pulled the tent out of the boot and carried it over to a comfortable spot.

Deidara glared for a few moments before going over to help Sasori set the tent up. He contemplated not helping out at all since he had never set up a tent before but there was a high possibility that Sasori might be offended (most likely he would be pretending to be offended) and simply seek shelter in the car when night falls while leaving Deidara out there in the open. In the end, though, he was forbidden from helping anyway because he was, as quoted, “destroying the tent”.

“So much for being helpful,” Deidara complained to a tiny pebble nearby as he sat on the ground and watched Sasori effortlessly putting the tent up without even breaking a sweat or running into any complications. Deidara thought that he must have been the guy that everyone wanted to be teamed with during camps. Only for his skills though because his interpersonal skills were debatable. Deidara couldn’t help smiling. Sasori was Sasori. That was perfection.

When the tent was completed, Deidara let out a gleeful cheer and went over to the boot to get the sleeping bags. Luckily there were two and he proceeded to unceremoniously dump them inside the tent though he had the decency to unroll both of them instead of his only.

“At least you’re a little helpful,” Sasori commented and the smirk was so obvious in his voice that Deidara wanted to throw thrown the tiny pebble at him. See, what did he say about interpersonal skills. He took a seat on the other sleeping back which Deidara hadn’t claim and stared out through the open flap.

“This is nice,” Deidara confessed before adding, “aside from your meanness.”

“Find another word to describe me already.”

“Evil.”

“Uh-huh.”

Deidara whacked him playfully and was rewarded with a much more painful hit on the hit.

“Hey!”

“Tit for tat,” Sasori replied casually as Deidara rubbed his sore head. Sasori was really strong. Really strong.

“This is the second time you hit me today, un,” Deidara complained pitifully, rubbing at his bruised cheek which still hurt.

“You asked for them both,” Sasori reminded and because it was true Deidara didn’t have anything to say.

“Sorry.”

Deidara started as he looked at Sasori in confusion.

“What for?”

“For your cheek.”

“And my head?”

“… Don’t push it.”

“Aww, Danna!” Deidara squealed happily as he all but enveloped Sasori in a tight hug before they both froze.

They were close yes and they shared practically everything (as in secrets, problems etc.) with each other but they have never actually been physically close before (the violence just now did not count) and as far as Sasori could remember he had no memory of being hugged. Still, as awkward as it was, Deidara didn’t let go nor did Sasori push him away and they stayed that way for a while when the most amazing thing happened.

Sasori hugged Deidara back.

To say that Deidara was stunned would be the understatement of the century. This was Akasuna Sasori who was infamous for, amongst other thing, being the untouchable. Meaning touch him and die. It was common knowledge to anyone who knows him. Yet here he was: willing returning a hug from Deidara and the latter was not being maimed. Maybe he would have to sleep with one eye open later that night but whatever; this was totally worth it.

“Sorry, un,” Deidara whispered softly but their close distance meant that Sasori heard it anyway.

“For?” Sasori asked when they both pulled away. Deidara had expected them to feel uncomfortable and maybe even embarrassed by such an open display of affection but he felt completely comfortable and Sasori looked as comfortable as he felt as if they had hugged for a million times already. Nothing felt different or awkward. Deidara barely concealed a smile; this felt nice.

“For being presumptuous and dragging you out of the office without your permission,” he said. It had been gnawing at him for a while already but Sasori never blamed him so he didn’t think it imperative to bring up but in the end he wanted the other to know that he did feel apologetic about it and that he did know that it was rude and maybe even crossing the line.

“If I didn’t want to go do you think you could have made me?” Sasori questioned back and Deidara smiled; this was as good as Sasori forgiving him or the equivalent of it anyway since Sasori never actually blamed him at all. “But thanks because I would never have done it on my own,” Sasori admitted in a rare show of honesty, not that he had anything more to hide from Deidara.

“Welcome I guess,” Deidara said uncertainly because while Sasori didn’t blame him he wasn’t exactly sure that it was the wisest thing to do. But then Sasori smiled - a genuine albeit small and soft smile - and Deidara was all the more convinced that he had done the right thing and if given the chance to choose again he would do the same thing.

He may have unintentionally permanently driven an opaque wedge between Sasori and his grandmother but he was quite sure that Sasori would be happier when freed from his grandmother so he wasn’t about to mope and be all depressed about breaking up a happy family. Heck, they weren’t even happy and from his own experiences he knew that family was sometimes the antonym of happiness. It was a disturbing thought but it was true nonetheless and anyone who didn’t have to face this was blessed.

“Danna, un,” Deidara called out softly, afraid to disturb the soothing peace that had settled between them and the calm tranquility that the night brought.

“Yeah?”

“Aren’t the stars beautiful?”

Lifting his head from staring into the endless rocks before him, Sasori stared up at the meteoric rocks instead, glimmering proudly like diamonds in the sky. His breath caught in his throat as he looked up at the palace of stars in amazement. He was certain that he had never seen such a bright night sky before.

“You’re right, Brat, they’re beautiful,” he gave his acquiescence when he managed to compose himself. Deidara would have usually made a dig at him by now for being a sentimental old fool despite the fact that he was but a year older and the blonde was equally prone to being a romantic sap when in the mood but said blonde was too distracted by the captivating night sky and all he gave in response was a simple hum.

“If only we could be as free,” Deidara murmured and Sasori turned to look at him.

Deidara was beautiful he decided as he allowed himself to be completely honest about his feelings. Staring at the starry heaven, Deidara wore a smile of absolute bliss and content and it seemed as if nothing could take away that smile and Sasori knew that he would fight to protect that smile. And the blonde’s cerulean eyes which were usually sparkling anyway now held a brighter gleam in them as they reflected the stars in the sky.

And then the decision came to him so suddenly yet he felt as if he had known the answer all along.

“I’m going to quit med school, Deidara.”


	20. Chapter 20

“You can move in any time you want,” Deidara offered after a moment’s silence as he let Sasori’s surprising but pleasant news sink in. Yes, he was sure that he had never heard anything so pleasing before and now he was beaming like a madman but it didn’t matter; he was _happy_.

“I have a room full of valuable puppets,” Sasori reminded him.

“Then make new ones.”

“They’re valuable.”

“Make new ones.”

“They’re precious.”

“They were made under torturous and vindictive circumstances.”

“Some of my very first puppets are in there.”

“There’s a lock. It’s a modern contraption to keep stuff inside a room undeniably safe and hidden away from the treacherous world. Oh wait, you use it.”

“There’s a key.”

“Which you will bring over. And I guarantee you that the chances of it getting lost in that place I call home is higher than us relinquishing our love for art.”

“… you’re asking me to move into a pigsty?”

“No, the human equivalent of one.”

“…”

“You’re just finding an excuse not to move in because you actually want to stay with beloved _Chiyo-baachan_.”

“Friendship is a fragile piece of glass. And I don’t even stay with her.”

“That’s about where I’m shutting up.”

“Let’s move into a new apartment.”

“I don’t have money flowing out of my pockets like fountains but I’m open to suggestions including robbing Kakuzu.”

“Not a bad idea per se but hell hath no fury like Kakuzu when money is threatened.”

“… Very good point.”

“I meant moving into the house on the hill.”

“Danna?”

“Hn?”

“I love you.”

Sasori rolled his eyes. Damn, it was becoming a habit but there was really no other way to express his utter and complete exasperation when he was dealing with the blonde. Sure, he could simply tell Deidara to shut up but anyone who knew the blonde knew that that was more improbable than Kakuzu donating a five cent coin.

Deidara’s calm and collected reaction – calm and collected in the sense that he was not bouncing around in overflowing joy and proclaiming that he was going to quit as well – was expected. Expected but depressing. Sasori had already known before his own proclamation had been uttered from his lips that Deidara would not follow suit and though he had hoped, wished and even prayed that Deidara would just give in and pursue his happiness instead, he knew that Deidara wouldn’t.

Why? The answer was simple and logical. In fact, if he were in Deidara’s position that would be exactly what he would do as well.

The reason he decided to quit med school and in the process infuriate and upset his grandmother was also simple and logical. First and foremost he had to clarify that he always knew that art was what he irrevocably loved and no amount of love he had for his grandmother would make him put precedence on medicine over art. Okay, he admitted that his actions thus far have proven otherwise because clearly he was in med school and not in, say, art school, but he knew that he had never thought medicine more important than art and the reason why he was could finally act on his true desires was because he now found someone else he wanted to be happy.

After his parents died, Chiyo was all the family he had and as a young boy who knew next to nothing about family was all he had and he had grown up thinking and sincerely believing that Chiyo was all that he had. Of course he discovered his love for art along the way (which ironically was taught to him by Chiyo) but Chiyo was family. Enough said.

For years and as far as he could remember, all he wanted was her to be happy and obviously becoming a doctor was the way to go as far as she was concerned. Sasori didn’t mind. Being young and naïve back when he was a child he had foolishly thought that he would simply be able to handle both easily. Not to boast or be proud or anything of the sort but he _knew_ that he was a genius. If the constant praises from everyone he met didn’t reflect it, his perfect grades surely proved it. But reality was like running straight into a lamp pole. Reality wasn’t easy. The fact is that he was a genius but even a genius can’t do both medicine and art flawlessly at the same time and admittedly both were time consuming and Sasori only had so much time on his hands.

He had to be top in his studies and subsequently med school because the legendary Akasuna Chiyo wouldn’t accept less than perfect and neither did he want to let her down in any way. On the other hand, he had to be at the top of the game in his art too because he accepted nothing less than perfect from his art works - from himself - too. Yes, they were a family of perfectionists. Chiyo had once quite fondly told him how his parents were too: his father once spent three days and three nights editing (yes, just editing) one of his theses in university because he wanted it to be perfect and his mother had spent the entire day furnishing their newly bought house because everything had to be in place perfectly. Sasori smiled at the thought; he would have gotten along really well with his parents, and that thought brought an all too familiar pang in his heart so he quickly pushed it away.

Anyway, the point was that he found someone else he wanted to make happy: Deidara. He didn’t how or why or even when it happened but he just knew that it did, hence his decision. It wasn’t that he loved Chiyo any less (granted he had been habouring his share of contempt for her for a while now), it was just that he… that he had a desire to make Deidara, instead of Chiyo, happy now. And he knew that the only way to make the blonde happy at this stage was to quit med and go to art school.

Simple as that.

Not that he was actually planning on going to art school; he was planning to simply start working as an artist. He never saw the point in art school: for one, creativity cannot be taught. Call him confident or over-confident even, but he was certain that he would be a successful artist, more so than a successful medical student or a doctor, because he actually loved and had a burning passion for art. All the same, he was no fool and didn’t think that the beginning or the transition for that matter would be easy. It would be hard but that would just make the results all the more worth it. And honestly, any amount of suffering for the sake of art was infinitely more pleasurable than the gains of being a doctor because in the first place, if it was for the sake of art, he wouldn’t consider it suffering anyway.

But don’t think him a selfless and stupid man for placing other people’s happiness before his own. He was a genius. He was perceptive. He was mature. He was a lot of positive things and a lot of negative things, sometimes combined and he felt like a walking paradox at times, but he was definitely not a selfless or stupid man. He knew that eventually he would have walked out on medicine; the problem was when. It might have taken months, he might have taken years and (God forbid) he might even have taken decades. He could even have just upped and left it all behind one random day with no warning. All of these were possibilities.

The fact that Deidara came sauntering into his life as if he belonged there and Sasori’s subsequent feelings for him were all coincidences - in the sense that they were not planned. Sasori hadn’t planned on feeling anything for Deidara. Ironically, they had hated each other at first. And Sasori didn’t even intend to leave med school until quite recently. Just, actually. And while Deidara’s happiness was a definite reason that prompted him to come to that decision, it undeniably also acted as a perfect excuse for him to actually do so and pursue the art he so loved. After all, if he didn’t care about the blonde in the least bit, he wouldn’t be able to justify his leaving med school and leaving his grandmother, quite certainly, brokenhearted.

He held back a snigger. A brokenhearted Chiyo… he never thought that he would live to see the day come. Though actually, she could much as likely swing to the other end of the spectrum and go all Javert on him. Honestly, it was not something he wanted to dwell on.

So yes, he was most definitely _not_ a selfless man. And no, he was not the least bit ashamed of it. There could only be so many saints in this world and while he was no crook, calling him a saint was too farfetched and he was alright with simply being human with all its flaws.

“So what now, un?”

“We go to sleep or continue star gazing.”

“… That is so not what I meant and you know it, un,” Deidara muttered, prodding a nearby pebble just outside the tent with a fallen tree branch he had scrounged up a while ago.

“So we move,” Sasori replied simply.

“Right and see how things go from there. Carpe diem right?” Deidara said cheekily while nudging Sasori lightly in the ribs.

Sasori swatted his arm away with a lot less force than intended.

“That’s your style; not mine. I’ll plan after we move,” Sasori told him pointedly. How Deidara managed to live his days not planning or preparing for anything was, quite honestly, beyond the logics of Sasori. But, if he were to be completely honest with himself, that made Deidara Deidara and he was glad.

Beside him, Deidara let out a derisive sound and shook his head. He fixed affronted eyes on Sasori.

“Seriously, Danna, your style of life is so _boring_ ,” he dragged out the ‘o’ and let out an insufferably long sigh. “Life is short and there’s really only so much time for planning, un. But don’t let me stop you from doing such a banal task. You wouldn’t be my boring ol’ Danna otherwise, un.” And he topped his short speech off with a smirk.

Sasori tried not to murder him. Instead, at the risk of being very uncharacteristic, he simply snorted and turned away.

“You’re having a fever,” Deidara concluded loudly and the mirth in his voice was as clear as day.

“You’re going to have start getting used to me being nice to you,” Sasori somehow managed to say despite not even having thought of that sentence before it left his mouth. He shifted slightly, suddenly uncomfortable and feeling awkward.

Deidara was silent for a moment before he said in a tiny voice, “Yeah, the same goes for you, un.”

The atmosphere was suddenly lighter and more relaxing all of a sudden. Deidara tended to have that kind of effect. Sasori bit back a small smile. He could feel that, somehow, their relationship was changing already but he wasn’t going to risk everything by jumping straight into… he didn’t know what to call it. The point is, the way they were was fine and he was happy with that, and he was sure that Deidara was too.

“What about Chiyo, un?” Deidara finally asked. As usual, he couldn’t keep things in his head even if he wanted to. From the moment Sasori declared his intention to quit med school he already knew that Deidara would be wondering about Chiyo.

“She’s my problem, not yours,” Sasori replied dismissively and he could _feel_ Deidara pouting.

“She’s as much of my problem as yours, un. Who do you think she’s going to take out all her anger on when you march out of med school?” Deidara demanded and even Sasori had to admit that he was right.

“I honestly don’t know yet,” Sasori admitted. “But whatever she says I’m not backing down on my decision.”

“That’s my Danna, un,” Deidara said in a soft tone, smiling with his eyes twinkling.

Sasori really wanted to grab his hand but he offered Deidara a smile of his own.

“We’re going to make it, un,” Deidara declared confident and Sasori saw that impetuous and imprudent brat who caused a din in the lecture hall again.

He nodded.

“We are.”

\--

Chiyo picked up the heaviest book on her desk and flung it across the room. It hit the wall with a resounding bang and dropped to the fall with another loud thump. The book opened up into half upon impact on the floor and the pages were fluttering due to wind from the ceiling fan. For a moment it was the sound of flipping pages and Chiyo’s heavy breathing were the only ones in the room and Chiyo took that moment to recollect herself.

She usually wasn’t one to let anger overcome her, much less let it dictate her actions. This time was an exception. She had heard the news about Sasori’s withdrawal from medical school that morning and had been repressing the fury ever since then. It didn’t help that she had to pretend that she knew about it and had to plaster that fake, serene smile on her face when enquiring looks or queries were shot her way.

But there was something else that was mind boggling for her. If Sasori had quit then why not Deidara? She would have expected to them to quit together or not at all. She didn’t exactly know the extent of their friendship but she eventually concluded that they were close when she saw them in Sasori’s car the previous Friday.

From Iwa-san’s complaints about Deidara being obsessed with art, she knew that he was desperate to leave medicine school, as Sasori was. So it didn’t make sense that one would quit while the other stayed. She needed to find out because if she could find out the reason Deidara stayed then maybe, just maybe, she could use the same reason to persuade Sasori to return.

She clenched her fists by her sides as the anger bubbled up within her once again. Putting Deidara close to Sasori was a misjudgment on her part and a mistake that she had to fix. She would talk to Deidara because, more than anything, she wanted Sasori to return.

She wanted him to return _now_.

\--

“This is stupid, un,” Deidara muttered under his breath and he meant it even if he wasn’t the one who had to directly face Chiyo’s wrath.

“What’s so stupid?” Sasori almost sounded like he was demanding for an answer instead of asking for one; the only clue that he was even slightly nervous about the situation he was in. His face was once again set in stone and though Deidara knew him better than that, it was always nice to know for sure that he wasn’t the only one with butterflies (carnivorous ones no less) in his stomach.

“This, un,” Deidara clarified, rolling his eyes.

“Because that’s such a clear explanation,” Sasori all but snapped before sighing. He slackened his shoulders and stared at the ground for a while. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Deidara replied before his tone took on a teasing edge. “It’s always nice seeing you come undone, un.”

“Always?” Sasori scoffed. “I’m hardly coming undone.”

Deidara laughed despite himself. Sasori could be so amusing sometimes.

“Well, seeing as you are usually so impassive and stoic and all bow-before-me, this is probably what coming undone is like for you, un.”

“You make no sense,” Sasori retorted, not even bothering to vocalise how he much he resented Deidara’s description of him because, yeah, he didn’t make sense.

“Whatever, un,” Deidara said, sounding way too pleased with himself. He was actually happier about managing to lighten the atmosphere than teasing Sasori but the red head didn’t have to know that. “Let’s go then.”

Sasori raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“What now, un?” Deidara asked, wondering if this was some ploy of Sasori’s to delay meeting Chiyo.

“We?”

“Well, of course. Do you see anyone else around, un?” Deidara asked and folded his arms; he was starting to lose his patience.

“No,” Sasori replied but he wasn’t really replying to Deidara’s question. “Not us. Me.”

Deidara’s eyes widened and he stared at Sasori.

“You’re going in _alone_?” Deidara tried not to screech but he obviously failed because Sasori was wincing and shooting him a withering glare.

“Yes.”

“No way. That’s like throwing you into a labyrinth, un.”

“Are you comparing Chiyo to a minotaur?” Sasori questioned in amusement, sounding way more interested than he should be.

That was totally not the point but, “Well, duh! Look at her, un.”

Sasori started sniggering and there was no doubt what he was picturing. Deidara rolled his eyes. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten so close to Sasori; the other could be surprisingly childish when he wanted to be.

“That’s not the point, un!” Deidara let out in the end when Sasori didn’t show any signs of stopping his laughter.

He waved him off casually enough and Deidara was about to give him a piece of his mind when Sasori shot him a question.

“What happens to the minotaur in the end?”

“ _What?_ ” Deidara splutters because why the heck were they discussing about Greek mythologies?! In his opinion, Chiyo was worse than all the mystical creatures combined.

“Answer the damn question,” Sasori commanded easily.

“It dies, un,” Deidara replied, rolling his eyes.

“It was killed,” Sasori corrected patiently as if Deidara were but an ignorant little child.

“Same difference, un,” Deidara snorted.

“So I’m Theseus,” Sasori said anyway, knowing the exact moment Deidara got what he was trying to say when his facial expression changed from simple annoyance to understanding. But then a look of amusement came over his face again and Sasori just dreaded what he was going to say.

“Killing your grandmother is so not cool, un,” Deidara said cheekily, grinning way too happily given he was so annoyed just a while ago. The speed of his mood swings, while not drastic, certainly still needed getting used to. It doesn’t help that it could be drastic sometimes either.

“It was a _metaphor_ ,” Sasori replied, emphasising the last word and eyeing Deidara with a degree of superiority. It wasn’t that he thought Deidara didn’t know it was a metaphor; it was just entertaining to treat Deidara like an idiot. Because his reactions were hilarious. He would usually shoot Sasori an indignant look, like the one he was giving him right now, then he would complain…

“Seriously, Danna, what the heck is your problem, un? I totally knew that.”

Then grumble some more.

“Seriously, I’m not an idiot and you know that better than anyone, un. I’m a fucking genius.”

Complain about _Sasori_.

“And if I’m an idiot, you’re an idiot too because guess what: we got the same points for the admission test.”

Somehow link it to art.

“Oh right, un. You are an idiot. You think art is _eternal_ , un,” and he spat the word out like it was the worst tasting food on earth.

And then manage to forget what he was bitching about.

“What the fuck were we talking about anyway?!”

Right, and get angry about it.

This was the only time Sasori didn’t bother retorting Deidara or defending his views on art; it was too much effort. It was much better for Deidara to complete his rant so they could get back to the task at hand as soon as possible. Besides, Sasori was much too amused so he let Deidara get away with it. Most of the times anyway.

“So I’m going to see Chiyo now,” Sasori said calmly and walked off, leaving Deidara to splutter indignantly behind.

He wasn’t doing it on purpose. Normally he would try his best to persuade Deidara to do something and then let the younger one come along if he was really _that_ insistent. But today was different; he had to do this alone and while Deidara would understand… eventually… he didn’t really want to waste time doing that now. He wanted to get this done and over with so he can get started on his art proper without feeling like he owed Chiyo some sort of explanation. Besides, he knew that Chiyo was waiting, and he hated making people wait.

If he were to ever be in a horror film, Sasori figured that this would be exactly how he ought to feel like. Nothing was exceptionally scary: the guard greeted him as normal – with a knowing grim smile (because he made it obvious that he only visits grandma dearest out of a twisted sense of familial obligation) and a salute, the elevator is as creepy as ever – _pink and floral_ , and the long corridor to Chiyo’s apartment is as broody as the occupant, a complete contrast to the interior of the elevator.

It was the fact that he was going to meet Chiyo, and this time actually defy her so openly, that made him, well, fearful. Sasori was a proud man and he would never admit that he was scared out loud, but he wasn’t dumb so he knew what fear was when it presented itself so shamelessly before him. But there was no way in hell that he was going to back out now. Now was the time to finally do it.

Now, Chiyo wasn’t the one he wanted to make happy.

And so he took a deep breath and knocked on the door before letting himself in. Chiyo always allowed him to enter as he pleased. He supposed it was so that he would actually use the key she had given him (and justify the need to give it to him as well if he was being brutally honest with himself) but he didn’t want to go into any intricacies with her. She was a book that he could read ten times over and still be utterly confounded. And that was coming from him.

“I’ve been waiting,” she stated and it was apparent that she was. She was sitting in her arm chair, the one which she always used whenever she was thinking about a particularly hard case or working on one of her books. Sasori thought it rather an honour that she perhaps felt as perplexed about him as he was about her.

“I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” Sasori said despite it not being the most appropriate or relevant thing to say. He couldn’t help it though; he really hated to keep people waiting. And Chiyo must know that because the corners of her lips curled up into a, if Sasori was to be completely honest and not critical of her for once, fond smile. But it disappeared as quickly as it came so it wasn’t as if Sasori had the time to contemplate it.

“Why?” it was the natural question to ask but it sounded more like a demand. An arrow laced with poison.

“Because I decided to stop being your puppet,” Sasori replied calmly. “Because I want to be the puppet master now.”

Chiyo let out a dry laugh and she glanced at Sasori, a withering look in her eyes coupled with something akin to despise. But somehow, Sasori knew that the contempt in those eyes weren’t for him. He blinked once and looked away because he wasn’t sure if he could keep from yelling at her then. As much as possible, he was going to make this into a civil conversation.

“Why _now_?” she clarified and Sasori thought that of course she had to pry all the way. It didn’t matter if he was an abyss; she would plunge straight in and try to scrounge up any information she could.

“Because I decided to stop being your puppet now,” Sasori replied. He was being evasive but from years of dealing with Chiyo he knew that staying hidden behind a mask was the way to prevent himself from being hurt and to prevent her from finding out anything to manipulate him.

But oh did he make her angry. He annoyed her a couple of times before, sure, but he had never made her angry, much less to say _this_ angry. Her eyes flashed with poison and she was clenching her fists so tightly that her nails were digging viciously into her palms. Sasori was pretty sure that she would draw blood pretty soon.

“Why?” she demanded again.

Sasori thought that she should give up because he wasn’t going to give in any time soon or ever but he didn’t tell her that. Of course he didn’t.

“I’m sick of listening to you,” Sasori eventually replied and that was the first time he was ever so honest with her, the first time he didn’t sound polite when addressing her. “I’m sick of this life that you have constructed for me and I want out.”

Chiyo wasn’t having any of that though.

“Return to med school immediately,” she commanded stoically, obviously not taking no for an answer. “I’ll explain to Tsunade and get her to nullify your letter.”

“Then you’d be lying to her,” Sasori answered levelly. “Because I won’t be returning.”

“Now, Sasori- ” Chiyo started, in that somewhat grandmotherly tone she used with him when he was child and wanted him to do something. At that time he had thought that it was for his own good but now he knew better and how he loathed that tone.

“Don’t,” he said simply before she could say anything else.

“What is your problem?” she seethed. “I’m conceding already. I’m not even asking you to apologise.”

It was Sasori’s turn to be angry. Conceding? _That_ was conceding? What, did she think that he got himself into some trouble and needed her to clean up after him? He closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself down.

“No.”

“ _Sasori­_ - _”_

“I said _no_.”

They glared at each other, neither willing to back down, both believing that they were right. Sasori would have backed down. Before this, he would have backed down and listened to Chiyo. Return to med school? Done. Apologise? Sure. But not now.

He knew that Chiyo was shocked even though she was doing a perfect job of hiding it. He didn’t find it amusing or unexpected. Of course she was shocked. He had never defied her before after all. And it wasn’t as if she could blame this on him being a kid and not knowing better or him being a rebellious teenager. He was an adult now and he was consciously making this decision after thinking it through. Naturally she would be shocked. In fact, he thought that maybe the fact that he was intentionally doing this that riled her up so much. He wondered if it hurt her… or her pride.

“Then what did you come for?” Chiyo demanded, sounding furious and exhausted and helpless – a whorl of so many emotions – that Sasori almost felt sorry for her.

“To make you give up on making me return,” Sasori replied steadily. _Because I never will._

“Get out,” she spat.

Sasori didn’t need to be told twice. If he didn’t have as much self-control as he did he would have fled the place already but he wasn’t about to expose his fear – so raw and new – to Chiyo.

If he was being completely honest to himself, he would admit that part of the reason why he wanted to make Chiyo give up so quickly was because he didn’t want her to be pained by the ruined hopes of getting him back. In a way he supposed it was an act of care but to her it must have been nothing more than a heartless deed on his part. Needless to say, he didn’t think that he would be seeing her again anytime soon. That thought brought him a mixture of relief and sadness.

He was still lost in his thoughts and pondering over exactly what he felt towards Chiyo and this conflict between them that he somehow managed to craft when he exited the building. His thoughts were immediately tossed aside when he saw Deidara though.

The blonde was frantically pacing the length of his car and Sasori was pretty sure that he would burn a massive hole through the pavement if he didn’t stop soon. Deidara was so _amusing_. He chuckled lightly to himself. That somehow caught Deidara’s attention and he ceased his pacing immediately to glare at Sasori for all he was worth. Sasori took his time walking over casually.

“Very funny, un,” Deidara commented the moment he was within hearing range. Sasori didn’t really know what he was talking about but in the end decided that Deidara, being Deidara, was probably talking about _everything_.

“I thought it was too,” he replied just for the hell of it.

Deidara reached out to smack his arm hardly and Sasori winced a little. Deidara was strong despite his feminine looks.

“Jerk,” he fumed and headed into the passenger seat, slamming the car door loudly.

Sasori shook his head in mock horror before seating himself into the driver’s seat and taking off. The drive was silent until Deidara decided to break it.

“ _So?_ ” he asked impatiently, shifting in his seat so as to turn to look at Sasori.

“So what?”

Deidara, in a complete disregard for traffic safety, reached over to hit Sasori’s arm violently again. Sasori spared him a short glare before returning his eyes to the road.

“At least wait until I stop somewhere.”

“Asshole,” Deidara huffed but crossed his arms and waited anyway, even though most of his waiting time was spent trying to burn a hole through Sasori’s window.

In a moment of nostalgia or maybe it was because that place actually meant something to Sasori, he drove them to the beach.

Deidara got out of the car first, immediately stretching when he did so. He cast his eyes upwards and brightened up considerably.

“It’s going to rain,” he announced gleefully when Sasori walked over to him.

Sasori glanced up at the sky and indeed saw the dark clouds that were gathering, covering the sun behind a mass of grey.

“So let’s get to the cave before we get drenched.”

And then Deidara got that glint in his eye which always spelled trouble for Sasori.

“What?” he asked drily even though he really didn’t want to know.

“Race you there, un,” Deidara challenged and took off immediately after.

Sasori usually wouldn’t be bothered with such menial and immature activities but he hated to lose. Damn Deidara for knowing him so well! Without further ado, he took off in a sprint as well.

“You cheated,” he said later when they were settled in the cave and the rain had well turned into a thunderstorm.

“So I did, un,” Deidara agreed before sticking his tongue out at Sasori. “But I won.”

“Whatever,” Sasori replied, opting to stare out at the rain and the sea beyond instead.

“Since we have stopped…” Deidara muttered.

“What do you want to know anyway?” Sasori asked and was actually genuinely curious. It was quite obvious what went down to him. He made his intentions clear to Chiyo, she wasn’t very happy about it – okay so she was positively steaming – and then they parted on bad terms. It wasn’t exactly an interesting novel.

“What happened, un,” Deidara deadpanned.

Sasori stared at Deidara like he was an idiot. Deidara stared back, unrepentant. Sasori rolled his eyes. Seriously. The blonde could be perceptive when he wanted to but evidently those moments were rare and few in between.

“I talked to Chiyo, she got mad, I left,” Sasori surmised in a bored tone.

Deidara glared at him heatedly.

“That’s obvious, un,” he grunted and gave Sasori a pointed look. “I want the details.”

Right. He should have known. Deidara could be such a busybody sometimes. Though it was comforting to know that part of the reason was because it was him that was involved. If it were someone else, he doubted that Deidara would be as concerned. In fact, Deidara would probably be completely _un_ concerned.

“She flared up,” Sasori started and he hadn’t even gone into the details yet but Deidara was gaping at him already.

“Chiyo _never_ flares up, un,” he said in awe but it wasn’t accusatory or anything.

“I seconded that till today I guess,” Sasori replied with a shrug. It was true in a way. He had never thought Chiyo immune to the emotion of anger, had always known she was capable of it. It was just that she had never shown it so it just seemed as if she never got angry. Or maybe she just hid it really well. Sasori idly wondered if people viewed him in the same manner. Sure he knew that he got angry. Deidara would be the witness to that any day, but somehow he had the feeling that people just assumed he was like Chiyo.

“Well, un,” Deidara said. “Should have expected it.”

“Well,” Sasori echoed.

“What else?”

“Nothing much really,” Sasori admitted. “She flared up, then tried to force me to go back to med school and then I left. She told me to get out if you must know, but I was planning to leave anyway.”

“Woah,” Deidara said, looking as if it was a lot of information to take in. Well, Sasori did suppose that he was rather close to Chiyo as well.

“About that,” Sasori said as he remembered what he was so angry about. “She tried to play if off as me going through a rebellious phrase and wanted to _talk to Tsunade_ about it.”

“Because you’re totally incapable of making decisions on your own, un,” Deidara snorted derisively.

Sasori felt much better already.

“Oh well, now that she’s out of the damned way, when are you going to start on art?” Deidara asked and Sasori could practically see the glow on the last word.

“I’ll start planning tomorrow and see what happens,” Sasori replied, expecting the eye roll before it even happened.

“Still going on about the planning, un?” Deidara asked scathingly. “So boring.”

“Yeah and your life is so interesting because you have lectures tomorrow. I’m awfully jealous,” Sasori mocked, intending for it to be lighthearted and casual but it sounded worse and more serious in reality. He was about to take it back when he noticed Deidara’s (fake) glare on him.

“Seriously Danna, so mean.” Deidara pouted.

Sasori couldn’t help it. He smiled.

“But we need to move first though,” Sasori told Deidara. “We could start today actually.”

“Wait, you’re serious about that?” Deidara asked, sounding so shocked that someone would actually want to live with him that Sasori almost felt sad for him until he realised that Deidara was staring at _him_ incredulously. Indignation flared.

“What,” he snapped. “I’m a good housemate.”

“I’m not, un,” Deidara confessed though it sounded like he didn’t believe Sasori either.

“I am,” Sasori insisted, affronted.

“I’m messy, un,” Deidara said because he knew just how much Sasori prioritised his tidiness.

“So limit it to your room,” Sasori replied.

 _And I have crazy mood swings…_ was what Deidara wanted to say.

“And I know you have crazy mood swings,” Sasori said dismissively even as Deidara’s eyes widened. “I don’t mind.”

Deidara really wanted to hug Sasori but doing so would undoubtedly result in him being tossed into the pouring rain and be drenched to the bone as a result so he satisfied himself with a smile. Sasori didn’t know about his random moments of low despite his knowledge of his mood swings and Deidara wasn’t exactly sure how to tell him about it despite wanting.

It seemed that living together was the solution to that though. He wouldn’t have to tell him; he would just have to show him. And if Sasori had already accepted him thus far, he surely wouldn’t mind that Deidara could be randomly depressed about nothing in particular.

“And I know that you have patience the size of a peanut, un,” Deidara retorted though he couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice. “So I guess we had better move once we get out of this rain.”

“Best suggestion you ever made, Brat,” Sasori praised, ignoring the pebble that hit his shoulder.


	21. Chapter 21

So staying together was hard.

But it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle. It was just that sometimes Deidara got on Sasori’s nerves a little too much and sometimes Sasori could be extremely unreasonable (in Deidara’s opinion) and he totally didn’t have a right to be because _hello, this is actually my house_.

However that also meant that they got information (and dirt) about each other as well. Like the fact that Sasori was not functional before his two cups of coffee in the morning. The first time Deidara spoke to him before his morning ritual, Sasori threatened to kill him. The second time Deidara was almost punched. After the third time in which Sasori threw a vase at him and _did not_ miss, Deidara stopped trying. He was persistent and all but Sasori was a living hazard and he didn’t want to die that soon. And definitely not at Sasori’s hands.

Not that Deidara was without his flaws.

He _had to_ have his music when he was bathing. And he had to have them on _loud_. Sasori didn’t mind when it was classical music breezing into the living room, but he minded a lot when it was metal music which doesn’t sound like anything at all damn it. Deidara listened to a wide range of music. Actually, he listened to all types of music and while Sasori appreciated his versatility, he didn’t appreciate Deidara blasting music in the middle of the night.

Just because they didn’t have neighbours for miles now doesn’t mean he could do as he pleased.

Okay so it actually did mean that but Sasori only had such an amount of tolerance for unnecessary noise, especially when he was working on his art. He needed peace and quiet which he obviously thought he would find in the middle of park, situated by the edge of a forest no less, and surrounded by nothing but nature for miles around. The streets below were too far down below for consideration; just because they could see them didn’t mean they mattered. Of course he should have realised that he was living with the noisiest human being on earth so it didn’t really matter _where_ he was.

Deidara didn’t mean to annoy Sasori, just like he was sure that Sasori didn’t mean to go all psychotic on him before he had his coffee. But he needed his music, period. That wasn’t even what he was worried about anyway. He was more worried about his insane depression acting up.

So far it hadn’t happened but he could never tell when it would anyway and it wasn’t as if he was going to sit around waiting for it to show. Sasori had already said that he didn’t mind but Deidara minded. Sasori was a smart person after all. And depression was something that only stupid people who led themselves into a pit felt. At least that was how Deidara saw it. So, as a smart person, Sasori would definitely find him stupid. And he did feel stupid. But he didn’t want Sasori to feel that way.

Fine. So maybe he did care about the other man’s opinion more than he would like to admit but since it was that way, he couldn’t change it and he could only hope that he wouldn’t be randomly hit by it. There was also the chance that Sasori would be too distracted by his art to bother about anything else.

Art…

That brought a pang to his heart.

He wouldn’t ever admit that out loud, much less to Sasori of all people because he didn’t want to and didn’t have the right to make Sasori feel guilty for choosing to be brave and following his passion, but when he was alone in his room with only the company of the stars and moon, he could admit it. He wanted to do his art. He needed to do his art.

But then his mother’s face would appear and her words would fill his mind and what else could he do but lock his desire up?

That aside, living with Sasori was probably the best decision he made in his life. That wasn’t actually saying much because he count on his fingers how many right decisions he had made and still have leftovers but it meant something at least. The one thing that Deidara was grateful for was that Sasori didn’t try to keep his art work out of Deidara’s way.

Other people may look at this and think that Sasori was simply unkind for rubbing his freedom into Deidara’s face but Deidara knew that Sasori didn’t mean to be cruel or vindictive or whatever. Sasori did it because he had a right to pursue his art and he didn’t have to hide his art like a criminal. And Deidara would never wish of Sasori to do that either. Sasori already had to hide his art, his _beautiful_ art, away from the world once because of Chiyo.

Deidara was not going to be that person to Sasori.

Anyway, he loved it when Sasori was working on his art. His face held such a serious expression and it was obvious in his eyes how much he loved what he was doing. Of course Sasori always looked serious when he was doing his work for university too but the thing was that he always looked _dead_. Now he looked alive and happy and Deidara couldn’t be happier because it was true after all – Sasori did wear happiness nicely.

It wasn’t as if they purposely avoided the subject either. Deidara would sometimes ask Sasori what he was doing when he was just so sick of medical stuff and Sasori would kindly explain his work to Deidara. Other times, Sasori would ask for Deidara’s opinions and it thrilled Deidara to no end. Because, above everything else, he respected Sasori and for Sasori to want his opinions despite their clashing view of art… Well, happiness could only come in so many forms.

What they never broached was the subject of Deidara doing art. Deidara wasn’t ready to talk about it and Sasori must know that because he always gave Deidara a gentle and understanding smile every time art came up in a conversation.  

School was plain weird without Sasori there though. Sure Hidan was there and Deidara loved his company, along with the rest of their gang, but they were in different faculties after all and they just didn’t understand what he was going through. It just wasn’t the same without Sasori there. There was no one to exchange knowing looks with during combined lectures, no one to argue over art with, no one to get into an argument with just because, no one to bully into buying him a cup of coffee (even if Sasori always did so rather begrudgingly or if only to get him to shut up)… the list could go on forever.

And then there was Chiyo.

Oh gosh. Chiyo.

The only comfort he had was that she probably hated him as much as he loathed her. After all he was still a star pupil and did everything immaculately. And so she always had no choice but to give him the high marks that he deserved because among all the flaws that he could point out about her, mixing personal things and business was not one of them. Still it must annoy her to award him the marks for his work as much as it pained him to spend so much time on them. It totally didn’t help that she played quite a significant part in his achievements.

He didn’t bring Chiyo up to Sasori though. He didn’t want Sasori to be haunted by her even when he was surrounded by his art; she didn’t have a place there.

“I don’t get it, un,” Deidara announced, stretching his arms above his head as he made himself more comfortable on the couch.

“Don’t get what?” Sasori asked, tone distracted because he was carving something; Deidara couldn’t see.

“This,” Deidara said, waving towards the television where a love drama was playing.

“The TV’s existence?” Sasori asked, just to be a pain in the ass and Deidara huffed and rolled his eyes.

“Really, Danna, un.”

“I don’t actually know what you’re talking about,” Sasori pointed out as he placed down the chisel and observed his handiwork.

“This drama, un,” Deidara said in annoyance as if it was pain to explain to Sasori because it was so obvious. “This love drama.”

“It’s a drama,” Sasori replied. He still didn’t know exactly what Deidara was complaining about but to him, love dramas were stupid and filled with complicated, unrealistic plots so there wasn’t actually much to get anyway.

“Why must it be so complicated, un?” Deidara asked.

“I don’t really have all the answers in the universe you know,” Sasori told Deidara seriously.

“I mean if you love someone you should just go for it and not be hesitant about it right, un?” Deidara asked, continuing as if he didn’t hear Sasori.

“There are other things to consider I guess…” Sasori replied, wondering why Deidara was so interested in the topic of love so suddenly. They had plenty of conversations about a thousand topics before but love had never popped up.

“But if it’s someone you seriously love, nothing else should matter right? Like this guy. He obviously loves the girl but he just wouldn’t go for it, un.”

Sasori was about to point out that that was a really childish way of thinking when he suddenly got it. Deidara wasn’t actually talking about love; he was really talking about his art. Why couldn’t he pursue it if it was so important to him? Why did he let other people get in the way? Sasori felt stupid for not realising it right away but a smile made its way to his lips anyway. So Deidara was finally ready to talk about his art. But trust him to disguise it under another topic.

“You’re assuming here that the girl is the only one the guy loves,” Sasori said, setting his art aside as he turned to face Deidara. The blonde was lounging on the couch, looking for all the world that he was simply having a random conversation but Sasori could see his tenseness underneath the relaxed demeanour. “Maybe going after her could hurt other people he cares about.”

“Okay, fine, assuming that situation then. But even so, if that girl is that important to him, shouldn’t nothing else matter as much, un?” Deidara asked, suddenly sounding and looking more serious as he sat up straight and looked at Sasori for an answer.

Sasori took a moment to consider this. He might have already chose his art over Chiyo but it still took him an awfully long time to do so and Deidara’s question struck something in him. If art was indeed so important to him that it practically defined him, why did he let Chiyo deprive him of it for so long? And he knew that one of the main reasons that he chose to do art was because of Deidara, not that the blonde knew that. At any rate, it certainly wasn’t art alone that triggered his actions.

“But that’s the problem, isn’t it?” Sasori asked finally, lifting his eyes to meet Deidara’s.

“What, un?”

“Other things _do_ matter. That’s why even if the girl is that important to him, he can’t just toss everyone else aside.”

“But in terms of scales? So other people matter but doesn’t she matter more?” Deidara pressed, frowning.

Sasori shrugged. “So she matters more, but he can’t just ignore the others, simply because they do matter too.”

“But in terms of scales,” Deidara repeated stubbornly.

“The problem is that the worth of someone can’t be measured right?” Sasori asked, ever logical and he could see the irritation manifest on Deidara’s face.

“Well, if you like someone more…” Deidara muttered, obstinate as ever.

“So between me and Hidan, who would you choose? He’s your best friend. I have the same interests as you. They’re different things but can you measure the worth of either?”

Deidara scrunched up his face in concentration and Sasori was mildly offended that the other man was even trying to choose between them. But then his face fell and Sasori knew that he had won.

“Right, un,” Deidara conceded, holding his hands up in defeat. He flopped back against the couch and let his eyes fall shut. “So complicated.”

“Humans are,” Sasori agreed as he turned back to his art.

Deidara would probably need a moment to internalise everything. Meanwhile he needed to finish up his art; he had a deadline to meet. As much as he didn’t like the idea of selling his art, he knew he had to if he wanted to survive. He hadn’t even gone out of his way to set up a store or rent a booth or anything.

He was at the art shop the other day when the owner saw some of his drawings by accident when he dropped them. He had asked to see the real models and Sasori, seeing no problem with that, had brought them the next day. They then came to an agreement that Sasori could sell his artworks there with a 10% commission for the owner. It totally wasn’t what Sasori had in mind but he didn’t see a problem with that so he agreed. It made sure that he had to constantly be doing his art anyway, not that he needed any motivation.

After tweaking the final bits, he set his piece aside and turned to see what Deidara was up to. But Deidara wasn’t on the couch anymore. He was sitting on the window sill, watching the incessant rain pounding on the window pane. Sasori hadn’t even realised that it had started to rain. Sasori wanted to call out to Deidara but something made him stop. So he kept his artwork and took a seat on the couch and waited for Deidara to come back from wherever he was.

Deidara wasn’t sure how long he was sitting there but it must have been pretty long because the next time he looked at the clock two hours have already passed. The rain showed no signs of letting up though. In fact it was raining harder. And he wasn’t feeling better.

“Feeling better?”

And Deidara would have jumped if he wasn’t feeling so drained. He didn’t know how long Sasori had just been sitting there but it couldn’t have been long right? Because he wasn’t doing anything. He was just sitting there. The only thing on the coffee table was a cup of tea. There weren’t any books in sight and neither were there any works in progress – things he usually did when he was in the living room.

“How long have you just been sitting there, un?” Deidara asked, more curious than anything.

“A while.”

Deidara let out a whine; he wanted to know the exact time. Sasori rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. Deidara didn’t feel like pursuing it.

“After I finished my work.”

Deidara blinked. That would mean that Sasori had been there before he even went into his depression mood. He saw Sasori’s work; it would have taken the man no more than five minutes to finish it. That would mean that Sasori had just sat there _with him_ the entire time. He knew it wasn’t in Sasori’s nature to pry into matters which was why the redhead had left him alone the entire time but Sasori was also undeniably impatient. How he just sat there without saying a word or doing anything was honestly beyond Deidara. But he was grateful.

And suddenly he didn’t feel so depressed anymore. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was because his bouts of depression usually stemmed from the lack of people/ human interaction in his life and Sasori being there simply eradicated those reasons. Or maybe because it was Sasori; the man did have some sort of a calming effect on him after all… not to say that he was suddenly feeling happy though because he definitely wasn’t. He just felt contented and honestly that was the best feeling in the world.

He went over to sit next to Sasori on the couch. Sasori raised an eyebrow.

“Thanks, un.”

Sasori scoffed.

“Told you I could handle any of your mood swings, Brat,” Sasori said, sounding a bit too smug for Deidara’s liking but he figured that he would just let Sasori off this time.

Sasori actually couldn’t figure out what was wrong at first because the brat was really just staring out the window, being in his own little and unbalanced world as usual. But then he noticed the glassed over, unfocused look in Deidara’s eyes and he just knew that Deidara was having one of his moments that he had warned him about.

Sasori had always been alone and Chiyo was never a source of comfort whenever he got lonely or just plain sad so he didn’t even know the basics of comforting someone, let alone cheer them up. He usually got over whatever was bothering him by himself and it wasn’t hard for him. Once he deemed it impractical to be mulling over something (which was within minutes more often than not) he simply stopped brooding and did what was more important, more practical. Not to mention that he didn’t even feel those negative emotions on a regular basis. They only come up once in a while to remind him that he was human or when he sees a child laughing with their parents but the second situation was rare. There was a reason why he preferred to stay at home after all.

So Sasori didn’t know what to do about Deidara. But he couldn’t just leave him there and go about his business. Well, he probably could because Deidara was even more disconnected from the world than usual and wouldn’t realise a single thing but that totally wasn’t the point. Besides, Sasori just couldn’t bring himself to do so. Also, he would feel too much like Chiyo and more importantly, how the heck was he going to secure Deidara’s happiness when he couldn’t even drag him out from a rut?

So he just sat there and watched Deidara and waited for the blonde to return.

He would wait forever.

But, his own impatience aside, he knew that waiting wasn’t the solution. He wanted – needed – to eradicate it. Because he never wanted to see Deidara like that again. He didn’t know how it feels obviously but it’s obviously bad and it wiped the smile off Deidara’s face so Sasori didn’t really need to know what it was to want to get rid of it.

The next time it happened Sasori was as prepared as he was the last time but at least he caught on to it almost immediately. It was raining again and Deidara was staring out of the window again and it just happened again.

So Sasori waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And then he just couldn’t.

He walked over to Deidara and let his heart take over dictating his actions. At times like these his brain would only get in the way. Without saying a word, not that Deidara would have noticed given his state, Sasori sat down next to him and held his hand in his own. Deidara didn’t start but he did notice Sasori’s presence.

He tore his eyes away from the rain and looked at Sasori with such a broken look in his eyes that Sasori could do little but gaze back. He hoped that Deidara knew that that meant he wasn’t leaving no matter what.

“Sasori,” Deidara mumbled.

“I’m here,” Sasori assured, his voice barely above a whisper over the loud pounding of the rain.

Deidara let out a choked sob and collapsed onto Sasori’s chest. Somehow, instinctually, Sasori wrapped his arms around the blonde and held him close. Any other person and Sasori knew that he would have shoved them off and told them to go be depress somewhere not on or near him. But Deidara was different.

Somehow, from the start, he had already known that Deidara was different.

It took a while but eventually Deidara stopped crying. And then they just stayed there and drifted off in their own worlds. By the time Sasori returned to reality, the rain had calmed to a drizzle and night had taken over.

From Deidara’s even breathing, he couldn’t tell if the blonde was awake or asleep. He brushed Deidara’s bangs out of his eyes and found cerulean orbs staring back at him. Deidara managed a weak smile and moved himself off Sasori so that he was facing Sasori, their knees brushing against each other. It was already more touching than Sasori would normally allow but he didn’t mind.  

“Are you okay?” he asked instead because really that was more important.

“Yeah, un.”

Sasori didn’t usually ask ‘why’ even if he wanted to know because it broke his no prying policy. But with Deidara, he found that he didn’t really care. Not this time anyway. He wanted – needed – to know.

“Why?”

“Huh?” Deidara didn’t sound very coherent at the moment and he probably didn’t know what Sasori was asking.

“Why did you cry?”

For a moment, Deidara looked almost comically shocked that Sasori was actually _prying_ but then a soft understanding took over and he smiled that elusive sweet and genuine smile which Sasori only ever saw on two occasions.

“I was lonely I guess, un,” Deidara explained with a shrug. “I know I act all badass and give the whole I-don’t-a-shit-about-people act but I guess that’s the one human nature that really gets to me. And I’ve been lonely and alone and in solitude this whole time. And,” Deidara chanced a small smile at Sasori, “now I’m not. I guess I had to let all those years of pent up frustrations somehow. I knew crying is pathetic… but you know… un.”

“It’s not pathetic,” Sasori said with a shrug.

Sasori didn’t say anything else and Deidara must have gotten worried because he was now peering at the older man curiously.

Sasori wasn’t sure what this was going to be but he chanced it anyway. Right now, all he could see was Deidara and all he knew was that this was home. And he didn’t think before he leant forward and pressed his lips against Deidara’s. Deidara didn’t react for a moment but Sasori wasn’t worried. Soon enough, Deidara was kissing him back gently.

“What was that, un?” Deidara mumbled later when they had pulled apart and were back in their respective positions.

“Exactly what it was,” Sasori replied and Deidara rolled his eyes affectionately.

“Seriously, un.”

“I don’t know,” Sasori admitted because _relationships and_ _love_ were way out of his knowledge. “But it felt right.”

“Yeah,” Deidara agreed, a small smile lingering on his lips. “It’s right, un.”

After that, things weren’t all that different. In fact, things were the same. They just _felt_ different and Sasori supposed that simply feeling content every day counted for something. He wondered if Deidara felt any different because it didn’t look as if the blonde was having any difficulties transition from into this new relationship. He was just about to ask Deidara about it because he was never good at guessing at things when they just _had_ to get into an argument. But then again, it was precisely because of this argument, like the ones they have had so many times before, that let Sasori know that everything was fine just the way they were.

It all started when he randomly expressed his interest in Deidara’s interest in a wide range of music.

“Because I’m versatile, un,” Deidara was saying, not even looking up from the essay that he was typing. “Appreciate it.”

“Sure,” Sasori deadpanned. “Just _why_ though? Wouldn’t you usually stick to one genre or maybe even two? I’m not saying that you only have to listen to one genre; you can listen to others sometimes too but mostly wouldn’t you just stick to one?”

“I don’t know, un,” Deidara said, pausing in his typing as he spun his chair around to face Sasori who was working on his own artwork. When he noticed that Deidara was waiting for him to pay attention, he put his chisel down. “I guess it because I feel differently at different points in time?”

“Okay but wouldn’t you just tend towards one genre? Simply because you can connect more to the lyrics or music?”

“I know what you mean, un,” Deidara acknowledged though he was frowning. “I guess I simply do just change really quickly. I mean I feel angry one day and I feel content the next and there isn’t even really a reason for that. And the music I listen to just reflects my mood.”

“Rather than mood alone, don’t you think music reflects something about someone as a whole too?”

Deidara gave him a look which plainly said ‘continue’.

“For example, someone who listens to angry music where the lyrics are simply about someone complaining about why the world is against them. Doesn’t it reflect how said person really feels that way about the world? And how it’s also a measure of how much anger they have inside them?”

“That’s the way it is with me too though, un,” Deidara pointed out. “When I listen to that kind of music, I kind of really do feel that the entire world is against me.”

“The thing is you change songs every day. The person I’m talking about just listens to angry music all the time,” Sasori clarified as understanding lit in Deidara’s eyes.

“But I don’t think someone just stays the same all the time,” Deidara said.

“I know where you’re coming from. But even if someone changes, won’t it only be once?” Sasori asked.

“I guess, un,” Deidara said with a shrug because he didn’t really know that many people after all but what Sasori said did make sense. “I can only speak for me. I think it’s more fun being able to experience all sorts of things though. Life’s already so short so it just means that the time to linger on to one thing is even shorter, un.”

“Which brings me back to my point. If music says something about someone, shouldn’t the genre stay the same?”

“Danna,” Deidara said really serious.

“Yes?”

“Are you implying that I have no personality?”

“No,” Sasori replied firmly with a roll of his eyes. “I know you and you listening to all kinds of music reflect your personality really well.”

“Right?” Deidara said, a bit too smugly for Sasori’s taste but he let it slide. “Because everything about me has to be transient so my jumping from genre to genre is totally representative of that, un.”

“And your art reflects that too?” Sasori asked drily because of course Deidara was going to drag art into this.

“Yes, that too, un,” Deidara said with a smirk as if he just read Sasori’s mind. “But Danna’s art reflects him perfectly too right?”

“It is,” Sasori acknowledged with a nod, wondering how the conversation suddenly took this turn. Whatever, he couldn’t remember what he was trying to find out anyway. But, he thought as Deidara abandoned his artwork to come lean his head on Sasori’s shoulder, it didn’t really matter anyway.


	22. Chapter 22

Deidara wasn’t going to lie to himself.

He’s sincerely happy that Sasori is free and can pursue his dreams and all that. In front of Sasori, he is as happy as Sasori himself. But when he’s not and he’s faced with the prospect of what his own life holds, he is less than happy about the entire situation. In other words, he kind of hated his life right then, not that Sasori ever needed to know that.

“You’re considerably happier.”

And it just got that little bit worse.

Deidara closed his eyes and steeled himself to face Chiyo. He turned around and put on a smile so fake he was sure it couldn’t fool anyone.

“I’m always happy,” Deidara told her _happily_ , putting on his best fake smile which always fooled her in the past though it didn’t seem like it was working now. Begrudgingly, he wondered if it had ever actually worked on her. She wasn’t exactly dumb and while she did seem to have liked him in the past, who knew what she was really after?

 _Well, at least when I’m not speaking to you,_ he thought to himself.

“Really?” Chiyo asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow. “Even when you can’t do art while Sasori can?”

Deidara decided not to be angry at that and let her win. His smile grew brighter.

“Oh, so you know that Sasori is happy doing art and you didn’t let him do it? I never knew you loved him so much,” Deidara said, watching the expression on Chiyo’s face darken and he walked away before she said anything else. He wasn’t exactly faithful in his ability to not punch her in the face and the last thing he wanted was to get into trouble for a reason like her.

“Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,” he muttered to himself as he stormed out of the campus, people steering out of his way.

“Have you decided to join the Light Side?” Hidan asked, pleased as he walked right up to Deidara and slung an arm over his shoulders casually.

“No,” Deidara answered, “screw you. I’m not in the mood.”

Hidan looked offended for about a second before he sighed and backed off. There was no getting through to Deidara when he was in that state. Still… he wasn’t Hidan and the blonde’s best friend for nothing.

“Is Dei-chan upset about something today?” he cooed and Deidara wondered if breaking their friendship was worth it. In the end, he just rolled his eyes; Hidan was too entertaining to give up.

“Chiyo,” he said curtly and even though he was pretty sure that Hidan didn’t even know half of the evil things that Chiyo did, the other guy simply nodded in understanding.

“I heard stuff from Konan,” he said, shrugging. “And you and Sasori are not exactly subtle about your immense dislike for her.”

“She’s a bitch,” Deidara affirmed, nodding.

“That’s good to know,” Hidan said and Deidara wasn’t very sure if his best friend was mocking him or not. “Konan wants dinner. You and Sasori have been too secretive lately.”

“We’re not secretive,” Deidara said in exasperation, “we’re _busy_.”

“Tell that to Konan,” Hidan waved him off.

“Right.”

Hidan gave Deidara a weird look but shook his head when Deidara demanded what the hell was wrong.

“You’re in a fiery mood today, Blondie,” Hidan said, shaking his head sadly. “I can’t talk to you. I have lecture to attend.”

As Hidan walked off, Deidara wondered if the reason Hidan couldn’t talk to him was because he was in a fiery mood or if he had lecture. He suspected it was because of the former. Stupid Hidan. As if the Jashinist didn’t have his mood swings.

But he didn’t blame him. He knew he was prone to being downright rude and uncivil to everyone when he was angry. He didn’t use to mind just doing just that in the past but his current friends were actually important to him. It was better if he was left alone. His temper usually calmed down in a bit anyway. It went as quick as it came, fleeting like everything else.

 _At least Sasori is doing art_ , he thought and he paused mid track because he realised how bitter he sounded in his own head.

What the heck. He was literally as Chiyo described him just then – jealous of Sasori, that the other man could do art - and it annoyed him beyond measures, his anger flaring back to life immediately. He wasn’t jealous of Sasori. He _wasn’t_. It was just Chiyo getting to him, like she always does. Yes, that was it. She was a smart woman after all; she was just manipulating him into believing that he was jealous. Yes. She couldn’t torment Sasori anymore so she had to transfer all of that onto him.

It was just so unfair.

He groaned. Did he seriously just thought that it was _unfair_?

He changed paths immediately. There was no way he could go home and face Sasori in this state. Granted Sasori probably wasn’t at home at this time, but he didn’t think he could take seeing art pieces scattered around. Sasori was either at home or at the art store. Deidara had to find somewhere else to go to.

Without thinking, he let his legs bring him to wherever they wanted. He ended up at a train station and he simply took the train, again without thinking. When he reached his final destination and realised that he was standing at the edge of a forest, he groaned.

Seriously.

Of all the places his feet could take him, he ended up here. At the forest. Four hours away from the city. He glared at the setting sun. By the time he reached home it would be way past midnight. Unless, of course, he simply left now and not enter the freaking forest. But it had been a really long while since he had last come here and it seemed more than a waste to simply leave.

His resistance usually crumbled here. If he was still on the train, he would sometimes change direction and head back before he reached the forest. But since he was already here… why not? He was allowed to be selfish sometimes though he thought that he was just punishing himself more.

He pulled out his mobile phone and texted a quick message to Sasori, saying that he wouldn’t be going back that night because he had to do something. He didn’t want to lie to Sasori but he also wasn’t ready to tell Sasori about this place. One day, he would bring Sasori here and show it to him instead.

His phone chimed, signaling a message. A simple ‘ok’ had been sent from Sasori. Deidara smiled despite himself and all the negative feelings churning within him. He knew that Sasori would understand even though his vague text explained basically nothing. He switched his phone off and tossed it into his bag; he wouldn’t be needing it.

Heaving a deep sigh, Deidara plunged straight into the forest. He tried to remain clam about it but the more he walked, the faster he went. It was like getting nearer to a pile of treasure. But this, this was better than any treasure.

The temperature was cooling, it being in the middle of autumn and Deidara wasn’t sweating at all despite the long walk. After a while, a tiny hut and streaming lake came into view. Deidara broke out into a wide grin; he was home.

He eagerly strode over to the hut, barely able to contain his excitement. He fished his necklace out of his shirt and used the key attached there to open the lock on the hut. He pushed the door open and was greeted with the sweet smell of clay.

He stepped right into the hut and closed the door behind him. It was still early enough that enough sunlight streamed through the window when Deidara opened it. He would eventually have to light some candles but for now this was enough.

Deidara sat down in the middle of the room and simply paused to admire all his works. Unlike Sasori, he didn’t have a work table or anything like that, preferring to simply work on the floor, despite the mess and all. He _liked_ the mess. It felt freeing to be able to make a mess. He could just imagine the look of disapproval on Sasori’s face. Deidara let out a chuckle.

Just then, his eyes caught something and then he lit up when he realised what it was. It had been so long since he had last come here that he had almost forgotten where everything was. He stood up and walked over to the large figure perched at the corner of the room.

It was an owl. Well, it was a giant owl and it was one of Deidara’s first creations. He had been but a child when he made it and he had been so happy and proud of himself, making something that was the same size as him. As an artwork, it was still on the large side, but now that he was an adult, it didn’t look all that impressive anymore. Deidara felt a pang of… something. Time passed so quickly and he didn’t even have time to look at it properly, but that’s what makes life beautiful – that it passed by transiently, taking all the good and bad with it. Deidara smiled again. Sasori would have a lot to say on that matter.

Deidara took a good look around the hut and his smile widened.

He would really have to bring Sasori here to see this, to see the side of him that he had hidden away from everyone else. The fact that he just knew that Sasori would _love_ to see this place just made everything glow that bit brighter and well, Deidara figured that was enough for now.

Deidara was glad that he came here after all. Here, he could think. He wasn’t jealous of Sasori after all. Chiyo had just really got to him. And then he suddenly felt a pang of sympathy for Sasori. If Chiyo, for all the snide remarks that she had for him, could get to him so badly even though they met for barely a few hours a week, how did Sasori survive with her? Yes he didn’t stay with her, but her presence must have always been there, lurking in the back of his mind, and Deidara felt hatred swell up in him all over again.

But he pushed those feelings aside. He didn’t want to think about her in his sacred heaven.

Besides, the point was that he wasn’t jealous of Sasori. And it was true that he was happy for Sasori. When Sasori was doing his art, he shared part of that joy with Deidara whether it was through asking for his opinions or simply letting him watch. And until Deidara can find the courage to do what Sasori did and chase after his own dreams, this happiness that Sasori provided him with was enough.

Without thinking, he reached for him phone and turned it back on.

 _Thank you,_ he typed to Sasori, not explaining, not caring that Sasori probably wouldn’t know what he was talking about.

 _For letting you stay out? We’re not in that kind of relationship, you know,_ was the snarky reply and Deidara rolled his eyes. Sasori was a lot more annoying now that they were together. Still, Deidara thought with a smile, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

 _You know what I mean,_ he typed back anyway.

 _Your elevated view of me is flattering but unfortunately false._ Deidara laughed out loud; he couldn’t help himself. Sasori made him feel happy even when he wasn’t with him.

_And here I was thinking your ego ruled your head._

_You don’t really know me, do you?_ And Deidara burst out into laugher all over again. He knew Sasori was just teasing him and that he didn’t mean it. Once upon a time, despite the fact that he knew it was just a joke, Deidara would have worked himself into a fit wondering if the other person really did mean it and even start thinking up reasons as to why he actually really didn’t know someone. But now… now he didn’t and he took it as a sign that his life was becoming that much better.

 _I’m hurt, Danna,_ he typed just to be ornery.

_Good._

Deidara rolled his eyes. That sadist.

And then suddenly Deidara didn’t feel like staying in that hut anymore. Not by himself anyway.

He checked the time on his phone. If he ran, he would still be able to make it for the last train. Oh well, there was no other option. Nobody lived near this place for miles and he wouldn’t be able to get a ride. He was a fast runner anyway.

Deidara took one last look at the hut before he closed the door behind him and locked it firmly. He would bring Sasori here soon. Nodding to himself, he kept the key and started to sprint.

Deidara didn’t have to run anymore. But he found himself running (or walking really briskly) as he headed back to the house on the hilltop. He didn’t know why he was so anxious to get back but something just made him rush.

He rang the doorbell because he had forgotten the key that morning and hoped that he wasn’t waking Sasori up from his sleep, not that the older man slept that early anymore. Though – he glanced at the dark sky overhead – it wasn’t exactly early anymore.

The door creaked open and Sasori raised an eyebrow when he saw Deidara there, just a little shocked to see him but otherwise looking like his usual compose self.

“I thought you weren’t coming back tonight?” Sasori asked as Deidara let himself in, walking past Sasori and dumping his bag onto the ground.

He ignored Sasori as he took in the surroundings. Sure he stayed there but he was somehow looking at things with a renewed, refreshed feeling. The coffee table was, as it usually was these days, filled with Sasori’s art stuff, neat and arranged. The little table next to the window where he usually did his university work, the white cushion couch they bought on a whim, the stereo set, the carpet that Deidara insisted they get because _it’s a carpet_ \- Deidara took all these in.

And then he turned to Sasori.

The redhead hadn’t said anything or even moved except to close the door. He was looking at Deidara curiously but with a kind of familiarity as if anything that Deidara did or would do were already accepted by him. Deidara smiled but ignored his questioning gaze all the same.

They weren’t one for physical contact but Deidara stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Sasori and said softly, “I’m home.”

Sasori was usually tense when people touched him but Deidara could tell that Sasori was completely relaxed, not a single muscle tensed. Deidara felt arms wrap around him as well and snuggled into Sasori’s chest.

“I don’t know what this is about, Brat,” Sasori said, exasperation and amusement lacing in his voice, “but welcome home.”

\--

Sasori had a plan.

Obviously he wasn’t doing art just for the sake of pursuing his dreams and making himself happy while Deidara suffered day and night, slogging for something that he wasn’t even remotely interested in. He was a sadist, but he didn’t like people close to him to be in pain and while Deidara certainly deserved some sort of suffering because the blonde was incorrigible, this was too much.

Anyway, Sasori had a plan. He was going to make Deidara give up on medical school and pursue his own art again, like Sasori had done. How? It was simple really. Deidara was a stubborn brat and though admittedly smart, if you knew the right buttons to push, you could basically bend him to your will, which was exactly was Sasori was going to do.

The main purpose of him not hiding away and doing his art in secret was of course because it wasn’t a sin anymore (not that he ever considered it one but dear Chiyo had her opinions) and that he knew that Deidara would never want him to do that.

And he knew that Deidara loved him and cared about his happiness and was equally happy as him that he could do his art so openly and freely again but Deidara was no saint. Actually, he wasn’t even remotely close to a saint. In fact, the blonde was in no way nice. And while he had the capability to care about other people, sometimes more so than himself, there was no way that he was going to forget about himself.

So, basically, the fact that he could do his art while Deidara couldn’t was eventually going to kill the blonde. In the end, Deidara would cave and quit med school as well and then they could spend the rest of eternity debating over the meaning of art.

It was that easy. Yet, that being said, Sasori knew that it _wasn’t_ going to be easy.

One, because Deidara was a stubborn brat.

Two, because Sasori _knew_ that Deidara was actually happy with the way things was and that he was happy enough for Sasori to not care about himself for the time being and Sasori had a feeling that it was going to be for quite a while. Sasori wasn’t a patient man; he didn’t like to sit around and wait for Deidara to come around.

However, these two aside, he knew what the biggest problem was. Deidara’s mother.

Sure, Deidara could claim that he hated the woman and all but the fact remained that the only reason he was still in medical school was because of her. Sasori understood exactly. He was in that same position himself just a while after all and, though rarely, he still wonders if he should have stayed on to please Chiyo.

But obviously his situation was different now. He wanted Deidara to be happy, not Chiyo.

Deidara, on the other hand, for whatever reason, was still trying to please a woman who didn’t seem to care about pleasing her son. At all.

The thing that got him that most was that there was nothing he could do about it but wait for Deidara to realise that his mother wasn’t worth it, or to realise that some other things or people were more worth it. He didn’t blame the blonde. H was the same after all. He knew that he had to realise it himself. If someone, say Konan, came up to him and told him that he should care about Deidara’s feelings more than Chiyo’s, he would have simply walked away.

So, basically, all he could do was continue to make his art which would make Deidara happy and hope that Deidara caved sooner or later, preferably sooner.

Sasori was interrupted by his phone ringing. A message from Deidara saying that he wouldn’t be home that night for whatever reason. Right. Sasori didn’t mind that… he replied a simple ‘okay’ and went back to doing his art work, ignoring how empty and quiet the house suddenly felt.

Sometime later, he was interrupted yet again by his phone. He already knew that it was Deidara before even looking at his phone.

_Thank you._

Sasori raised an eyebrow. Sure, he knew that the blonde was unpredictable and had crazy mood swings but he was usually unpredictable in a crazy way and his mood swings usually tended towards angst and depression. ‘Thank you’ was certainly not something the blonde would say randomly.

Sasori decided to entertain him.

 _For letting you stay out? We’re not in that kind of relationship, you know,_ he typed and set his art work aside, leaning against the back of the couch as he waited for a reply.

 _You know what I mean,_ was the message Deidara sent and Sasori shook his head. He really had no idea what the blonde was talking about though he had an inkling it had to do with art, as did most everything in their lives.

 _Your elevated view of me is flattering but unfortunately false,_ Sasori replied just for the heck of it.

 _And here I was thinking your ego ruled your head._ Sasori smiled subconsciously as he unconsciously relaxed into the couch. Somehow, this felt nice, texting with Deidara.

 _You don’t really know me, do you?_ He replied, knowing that Deidara wouldn’t get offended and interested in what Deidara would reply. Deidara really only had two patterns when it came to these knd of things: he would either continue the silly banter or he would pretend to be hurt and Sasori already knew his answer to the latter situation.

_I’m hurt, Danna._

Aha.

_Good._

Sasori didn’t receive a reply after that but he didn’t mind. Deidara was probably busy doing whatever it was that he was doing. Sasori felt strangely calm knowing that Deidara was purposefully keeping something from him. Or maybe it was because deep down he knew that Deidara was going to tell him anyway, eventually.

He stayed on the couch for a while, just basking in the simple happiness that he was feeling. It was a luxury that he had never experienced before. In the past, there was either nothing to be happy about or there was a huge reason as to why he would be happy. Now, right here in this house, he just simply felt contented.

He continued with his art work later on but was again interrupted by the doorbell.

Queer.

It shouldn’t be Deidara but there was really only one person who would come at such timing.

Sasori opened the door and was a little surprised to see Deidara there though he had expected it. The house also suddenly felt a lot more alive.

“I thought you weren’t coming back tonight?” Sasori asked as Deidara let himself in, walking past Sasori and dumping his bag onto the ground. Sasori rolled his eyes. He had been trying to get Deidara to stop doing that but of course the blonde didn’t listen.

 _Some things just can’t be changed,_ he thought fondly.

Deidara ignored his question but Sasori didn’t really mind.

Currently, the blonde was busy inspecting the house as if he was seeing it for the first time. Now Sasori’s curiosity was piqued. Exactly what did the blonde do? But, as usual, he wouldn’t pry. He would just wait for Deidara to tell him in his own time. Meanwhile, he shut the door.

Deidara eventually turned to him.

Sasori expected Deidara to say something but he certainly didn’t expect the blonde to suddenly hug him. But he wasn’t shocked or annoyed as he usually was when touched. Instead, it just felt normal.

“I’m home.”

Sasori smiled lightly, knowing that Deidara wasn’t really just saying the greeting for the sake of it, but actually meaning it completely. He felt right at home too.

“I don’t know what this is about, Brat,” Sasori said, exasperation and amusement lacing in his voice, “but welcome home.”


	23. Chapter 23

“Break,” Deidara breathed out as he threw himself onto the couch after a gruelling day at the university.

Sasori grunted in response from where he was at his work station, tweaking the joints of a newly created puppet. He stared at it for a moment before sighing. It wasn’t his best work by far but he had to hand it in tomorrow so it would be pointless to make any major adjustments now. He went back to tweaking the joints even though he heard the tell-tale noises of Deidara approaching which inevitably meant that he was going to be interrupted and forced to pay attention to the blonde.

“Danna,” Deidara said sternly and Sasori rolled his eyes and placed his puppet down. It was finished already anyway.

“Yeah?” Sasori asked just for the sake of being ornery and watching the flash of annoyance in Deidara’s eyes.

“Break, un!!” Deidara all but exclaimed, glaring at Sasori. “I am having a break. A break. From hell. From med. Un.”

Sasori really didn’t want to dampen his mood or anything but, “There are probably plenty of assignments and prep work to do though. The break’s only so long.”

“Three months, un,” Deidara replied, seemingly unaffected by Sasori’s proclamation except for the slight twitch of his eyes. “More than good enough for me.”

Sasori shook his head sadly. “Has being away from art for so long made you settle for less than what you deserve?”

Deidara looked for something to throw at Sasori but couldn’t find anything within reach. It wasn’t like he could snatch Sasori’s chisel and use it as a weapon. Sasori never let anyone near his equipment. Ever. And the man had a radar that informed him whenever someone was within ten meters of his tools. Deidara settled for glaring even though he had already long learned that it wasn’t effective on Akasuna Sasori who seemed to be more amused by the act rather than scared.

“Anyway, I have plans, un,” Deidara said instead, eyes sparkling with life and Sasori again marvelled at the quick change in demeanour.

“What plans?” Sasori asked. He himself had some plans for Deidara and himself to do while Deidara had all this free time on his hands but he figured that what Deidara wanted to do in his own free time was more important.

“Remember that place that I wanted to show you?” Deidara questioned happily.

“Kind of…” Sasori said because while it was obvious that Deidara had been wanting to bring him someplace ever since he came home that night all of a sudden, he had never actually mentioned bringing Sasori there. Regardless, Sasori just knew that it had something to do with art. More specifically, _Deidara’s_ art. Because there was no way anything else on this earth could make Deidara smile like that.

Sasori allowed himself a small smile. Technically it wasn’t him that made Deidara smile like that but he considered it a small victory that Deidara even _allowed_ himself to be that happy over his art. Sasori wasn’t being boastful but he knew that he played a large part in ensuring that happened. He looked over at his own art and immediately felt happiness blossoming in his chest. He glanced back at Deidara who was still beaming as if Christmas had come early but he knew it couldn’t compare to what he was feeling. Soon, he promised himself, soon he would help Deidara experience the same happiness that he was feeling.

“So let’s go!” Deidara said, looking as if he was doing all he could to not jump up and down like an over excited kid on his first trip to the zoo.

“Now?” Sasori asked in disdain. He had _plans_ for the day. More than that, he never liked to do things spontaneously. Deidara knew that but of course Deidara loved things like “in the spur of the moment” so he didn’t really care what Sasori thought. “I have plans.”

“You always have plans, un,” Deidara said, rolling his eyes.

Sasori paused. Well, he couldn’t refute that since he certainly did plan his days well because he was _organised_ unlike the messy person who shared the same house as him but it sounded like such an insult coming from Deidara that he felt the need to retort.

“You never do,” he said, regretting those words immediately when a grin overcame Deidara’s features.

“I have one now, un” he pointed out.

“I have _plans_ ,” Sasori repeated, looking at his puppet mournfully. Yes, it and along with some other art pieces were due the next day but Sasori liked to be early. He had never handed an assignment in exactly on the day of its dateline before and he certainly wasn’t planning to now. No matter what, he had to go to the art store today. Wait… _he had to go to the art store today._

Deidara was positively pouting now and Sasori wondered why he even bothered; that had certainly never stirred Sasori before in the past. Sasori only changed his opinions when logic was even and even that was rare because his logic was flawless thank you very much.

“I have an idea,” Sasori announced and Deidara brightened up again because obviously a compromise was the best he was going to get from Sasori.

“Yeah, un?”

“I have to head to the art store to drop my assignment off. Come with me and then we’ll go to wherever you want to,” Sasori said, watching Deidara’s expression very carefully. There wasn’t an obvious change in emotions but Sasori could see the smile slipping but beneath all that he could see it – the unrestrained happiness that he felt every time he was working on his art. This was a small step but what mattered was that it helped.

It took a while before Deidara responded but in the end he agreed.

“Thanks, Danna, un,” Deidara said softly.

“Let’s go,” Sasori said instead, smirking when he heard Deidara mumbling something about “ruining the atmosphere”.

\--

“You have a car?” Sasori asked, incredulous as Deidara entered the mini _yellow_ Volkswagen and started the engine like it was second nature.

Deidara gave him _a look_. Sasori got into the passenger seat and rolled his eyes.

“What’s so surprising, un?” Deidara asked with a small frown as he started pulling out of the lot with ease and _with one hand_.

“Well, you have a tendency to crash,” Sasori pointed out.

Deidara gave him a half-glare. “You’ve never seen me drive, un.”

“It’s a fact,” Sasori explained with a shrug. “I didn’t have to know that.”

Deidara shoved Sasori playfully which earned him a stern reminder to watch the road.

“Oh Danna,” Deidara said in a patronising tone, “you’re _so boring_.”

Sasori ignored him, instead choosing to look outside. He had never had the chance to admire the view of the streets from within a car before since he was always a drive; this was a nice change and he figured he could draw inspiration from it. Sure, people were always changing but there a beauty in the permanence of the habits that remained. No matter who was on the streets, there would always be someone rushing, someone peacefully strolling, someone gazing at everything in amazement, someone looking at everything with disdain… the list went on and on but they all remained the same. The scenery was always the same, with the same types of people and same type of shops and more important, the atmosphere was always the same; the streets was permanent no matter what.

“Isn’t the streets so beautiful?” Deidara gushed. Sasori was torn between agreeing and telling Deidara to mind the road again when Deidara continued, “it’s so _fleeting_.”

“No,” Sasori snapped immediately, almost expecting Deidara to jam break the car in response but the blonde didn’t do any such thing, thank God.

“Yes,” Deidara replied simply but his eyes had taken on the serious and somewhat mischievous glint as it always naturally did when their beloved argument on art came up.

“ _No_ ,” Sasori repeated, venom in his voice. “How is it fleeting? Everything is the same.”

“The _same_?” Deidara asked, not very far from screeching. “Everything’s changing _all the time_. Change. Pft. Un.”

“How is _anything_ changing?” Sasori shot back with easily twice the amount of annoyance radiating off Deidara. “Look at the scene, feel the atmosphere – what has changed?”

“You can’t just look at the general things, un,” Deidara pointed out matter-of-factly. “You have to look at each individual and appreciate each person for what they are. Nothing’s the same because no one is the same. To be the unchanging, the same person has to be walking down the same streets at the same time every day with the same emotions, clothes and pace!”

“Wrong,” Sasori countered. “No matter who walks these streets, there will always be someone who’s happy, who’s sad, you name it. It contains so many emotions to contribute to the _place_ called the streets and to the atmosphere it emanates. Therein lies the permanence, the art.”

“Like I said,” Deidara repeated, eyes flickering over to Sasori for a brief second before settling on the road again. “You can’t lump everything together.”

“I believe there is no law governing art that states that,” Sasori answered calmly. “And if what you said were to be true, would a painting which draws its beauty from the entire scene it creates thus not classify as art?”

“So I don’t paint,” Deidara said with a smirk. “But if I do, I’d burn the painting. That’d be art, un.”

“We are _not_ heading in that direction,” Sasori snapped, feeling his temperature rising as it inevitably did. “No changing the subject.”

“Priss,” Deidara muttered under his breath, not that it went unheard within the small confines of the car. “But anyway,” he continued before Sasori exploded on him, “fine, I agree with you. But the little things count to. Those things that change, those transient things that come and go, reflects art, un.”

“Paintings don’t change,” Sasori pointed out.

“We’re not talking about paintings exactly, un,” Deidara reminded the older man, smirking when Sasori frowned but said nothing, as good an indication that he admitted he was wrong on that account. “Though if we were to talk about paintings, I would be happy to express my opinions on why they _aren’t_ really art, un.”

“No,” Sasori said. There was no way he was going to start another with Deidara when they had plenty of unresolved ones. Come to think of it, they’ve never exactly ended an argument properly; neither would give in nor compromise. Their arguments usually ended like how this one will inevitably – without a conclusion and with one of them too annoyed or impatient to continue.

Deidara didn’t reply, marking the end of their argument. Good. Sasori wasn’t altogether sure of his ability to not kill Deidara, regardless of the fact that that would inevitably endanger his own life since the blonde was steering the vehicle.

The streets gave way to major roads which eventually led them out the vast expanse of land. There was barely another car or even human being in sight. Figures that Deidara would want to bring Sasori to some secluded area, all isolated by itself somewhere.

“Are we reaching soon?” Sasori questioned, his impatience finally catching up with him. It had already been an hour and a half so he commended himself on his rare bout of patience this time.

“Tsk, Danna, always so impatient, un,” Deidara tutted, earning a fierce glare which he returned with a sweet smile.

“When?” Sasori growled.

Deidara laughed, giving in to Sasori. “We’re reaching, we’re reaching,” Deidara reassured him, all the way laughing merrily. Sasori didn’t know whether it was because of the anticipation of reaching his secret hideout or whether he was laughing at Sasori. If he was to take a bet, he’d say both but he was feeling magnanimous today and thus didn’t pursue it. Besides, it was so rare to see Deidara so carefree with happiness overflowing, so much so that it was contagious. Sasori smiled in spite of himself but turned away so Deidara wouldn’t see; it wouldn’t do for the brat to be full of himself.

“And we’re here,” Deidara announced with the flair of a magician ready to unveil his most intriguing trick.

Sasori stared balefully at the endless forest that laid ahead of them and then glanced at Deidara. The idiot was blissfully happy and looked out at the forest with pleased eyes. Sasori decided not to doubt that they were in the wrong place. He got out of the car and shut the car door, Deidara following suit.

“We’re here,” Deidara breathed out, sounding and looking everything positive as if nothing could go wrong in the world. Sasori thought that nothing should have the right to take this away from Deidara; it was practically the fibre of his being, but then he remembered the situation Deidara was in and the same plight he was in not too long ago. That just made his resolve to help Deidara stronger.

In the meantime…

“Wow, Brat, I didn’t know you had the power to create a forest,” Sasori deadpanned because he couldn’t, for the life of him, not be even the slightest bit sardonic. “It’s really gorgeous. You do know that a forest is practically the epitome of eternity right?” Of course it was too tempting to leave out his view on art.

Deidara glared at him, daggers and all but the mirth that covered it dampened the effect. Not that his glare had any effect on Sasori before.

“Danna,” Deidara started talking and walking at the same time, trudging into the forest. “Has anyone ever told you you’re an asshole, un?”

“You wouldn’t be the first,” Sasori conceded though a smirk made its way onto his face. “But you would be the first with enough courage to say it to my face.”

Deidara whirled around so quickly Sasori almost bumped into him but being alert as ever, he managed to hold his arms up in time so that he steadied himself with his hands on Deidara’s arms. He dropped his arms to his side and glared at Deidara in annoyance. There was a self-satisfied smile on Deidara’s face and his eyes were positively starry with mischief.

“Well, Danna,” Deidara said cheekily. “I didn’t exactly call you an asshole and I certainly wouldn’t dare to do so, un. Besides, I’m quite sure I’m the only one whose gruesome death you won’t plot even if I did call you an asshole, asshole, un.”

Then Deidara pecked him on the lips and ran off with the wind whipping his hair, all the while laughing to himself, the pleasant sound blending in with the music of nature that surrounded them. Sasori stared at the scene before him: a picture of tranquillity and simple, pure happiness. He smiled softly, feeling contentment spreading all over his being like a second skin and made his way after Deidara – the blonde could disappear if he didn’t follow him close enough.

“Ta-da~!,” Deidara exclaimed proudly as he gestured towards a tiny wooden hut with a circular window and oval-shaped door with a lock on it. It was a pert, cheerful, tiny thing and its yellow painted wall and the light orange roof accentuated the brightness of it all in the middle of the peaceful forest. Sasori found himself liking the place immediately (though it was a little too bright; he had this natural predisposition to dark and gloomy places but… a change wasn’t so bad).

Deidara fiddled with his shirt for a while and Sasori was about to enquire drily if Deidara somehow managed to get himself tangled in his own clothing when Deidara let out a whoop of victory and flourished a key attached to his necklace. Sasori had noticed it before had wanted to ask about it on more than one occasion but as usual he knew that Deidara would tell him when he wanted to.

Deidara unlocked the door eagerly and all but flounced into the room. Sasori entered the room after him and found him lazily spread out eagle-styled on the floor. Sasori rolled his eyes – typical Deidara behaviour – and went to sit next to him. He left the door open, more than confident that they were the only two in this secluded place. And the breeze that was flowing in felt really nice.

Sasori took a look around (the sunlight seeping in through the window provided the light) and found – as he had expected – that he was looking at Deidara’s artworks. Some looked pretty old and Sasori already had a snide comment about the _transience of art_ but bit his tongue in time. An argument would just spoil the perfect atmosphere of the place.

As he inspected the artworks, he couldn’t help but notice that they were mostly sculptures of birds. He scooted closer to a giant owl (giant for an artwork) which looked as if it had been recently uncovered; the cloth on the floor next to it seemed to have been tossed there carelessly and the owner hadn’t bothered to cover the figure back.

He had to admit, as a sort of sculptor himself, that the details were fine and each stroke was craved with precision and skill. It was a brilliant for a young boy – Sasori assumed that this had been made when Deidara was young. He scrutinised it closely once more and deduced that he was right – the strokes, while fine and skilfully made – lacked the sophistication that came with the knowledge of estimating the depth to cut. Every mark seemed to be made with just the same amount of strength which made the sculpture less three-dimensional than it could be. Still, it was a job well done for an inexperience hand.

“Gorgeous, huh?” Deidara asked from his cosy spot on the floor, not even bothering to open his eyes, instead sinking in the bliss that was in the air all around them.

“Only because you haven’t blown them to smithereens,” Sasori replied, figuring that it was a risk well worth even if this descended into an argument.

“I plan to, un,” Deidara informed him curtly. Sasori didn’t say anything but he hoped that it would be soon because that was how Deidara showed off his art and no matter how much and how violently Sasori disagreed with the blonde’s inane notion that art ought to be a fleeting exhibit, he respected Deidara as an artist. Besides, the day Deidara exploded his creations was the day Deidara would be free from the clutches of the chains that bound him and prevented him from achieving his happiness.

“Isn’t it ironic though?” Sasori asked rather than decide to comment on the issue at hand. He gestured all around at the numerous expressive artworks. “They’re mostly birds but they’re all trapped inside this hut.”

“It’s a lovely hut, un,” Deidara replied, a smile in his voice, appearing altogether unaffected at the significance in Sasori’s words.

“It’s a lovely hut,” Sasori agreed because he thought that way too though that did not change the fact that it was still a confinement to his artworks.

“Symbolic, un?” Deidara mumbled drowsily, sounding like he was ready to fall off into sleep at any moment.

“Representative of your situation, yes,” Sasori said calmly, somehow feeling that he could broach the topic openly here in the midst of nature and peace.

“When I get out of this shit, I’m gonna blow every single one of them up, un,” Deidara announced, sounding more animated and excitement with an underlying tone of resentment which revealed just how fed up he was with being trapped. “This,” he said, sounding much closer now and Sasori turned to find that he was now sitting up straight. Deidara gestured at everything in the room much like how Sasori had done so previously. “This is all temporary. This hut is a temporary confinement, un. When I bring those birds out and let them go with a bang, everything will disappear and that will truly be art, un.”

Deidara’s voice grew louder and more energetic the more he spoke about his beloved art. He was positively beaming now; the mere talk of his art revitalised him and made him more alive than Sasori had ever seen him.

“Because art is transient, huh,” Sasori said drily but his scepticism was all but lost on Deidara who grinned so widely that he almost looked maniacal.

“You said it, un,” Deidara said with a smirk. “Art is a blast, un.”

Sasori shook his head in amusement and ducked his head a little so that Deidara wouldn’t see the small smile playing on his lips. The thing was that he was almost as impatient as Deidara waiting for that day to come and it was risky but…

“Soon,” Sasori said simply.

“Huh?” Deidara asked, stopping mid-rant about what he was going to do once he quit medical school goodbye. “What?”

“Soon,” Sasori repeated, looking at Deidara directly in the eyes.

“Oh…” Deidara muttered and looked away, worrying his lower lip. His face had fallen but Sasori didn’t feel guilty ruining his happy mood. What Deidara felt just now was not even an ounce compared to what he would inevitably feel when he let himself go and start creating his art. This temporary pain and sadness was something he had to overcome and Sasori would help him every step of the way.

“Promise me,” Sasori said evenly and Deidara looked at him in shock. Sasori wasn’t surprised. He knew it was uncharacteristic of him. He had never pressured Deidara on anything before but he knew that there was a chance, however small, of him waiting an eternity before Deidara took up his art again and Sasori just wasn’t going to let that happen. Maybe he was overstepping some lines but from what he knew about relationships, being in a relationship with someone meant being able to take some liberties like crossing some boundaries and this boundary was one that had to be crossed, consequences be damned.

It took a while. Deidara wasn’t looking at him. He was looking at his artworks and the longing was so painfully obvious on his face that Sasori wondered why he didn’t just agree yet. Chiyo might have been important to him but he knew that he would have crumbled immediately in the face of his works; Deidara’s resilience amazed him.

Eventually though, Deidara looked at him, a mask of determination on his face.

“I promise.”

Sasori smiled at him and Deidara returned it with one of his own before bursting out into laughter. Sasori watched him in bored amusement.

“Yes?”

Deidara took a few seconds to compose himself but even then he was still giggling. “Do you remember the first time you smiled at me, Danna, un?”

“… no. Why would I remember something so insignificant?”

Deidara ignored the insult skilfully and smiled to himself as if relieving a sweet memory. Sasori frowned. Try as he might, he definitely did not remember such a minor detail. The bigger issue was he didn’t understand what was so amazing about him smiling. He was human; he did that, considerably less than other people yes but he still did it.

“At the hospital,” Deidara informed him.

“…”

Deidara glared at him. Sasori shook his head; he did not remember. Period.

Deidara sighed like Sasori was the single most insufferable person on earth which he probably did think was the case and Sasori contemplated walking off if only to watch the comical way which Deidara would almost fall over himself trying to catch up with him and demand what the heck his problem was.

“Do tell,” Sasori said drily.

“That day when I first went to visit my mother and I was all dull and depressed,” Deidara started, looking at Sasori intently. He rolled his eyes when he realised that Sasori really didn’t remember a single thing. “Anyway. I was all depressed and stuff and then you smiled at me and asked me if anything was wrong!”

“Okay… what’s the point of telling me that?” Deidara, as usual, was unfathomable.

“I just thought you were human,” Deidara said, smiling softly. “That you could smile. I thought it was nice that there was something inside you that was still keeping you alive.”

Sasori, once again, was stunned into silence by Deidara. He wasn’t one to be at a loss for words ever but Deidara always seemed to have that effect on him. He guessed it was because nobody had ever talked about his feelings or art to him before and those were the two things that got to him the most. It was precisely because Deidara was the only one who dared to that Sasori didn’t know how to react; he never had any experience dealing with this before. Chiyo didn’t bring him up with much emotions involved after all.

“Hey,” Deidara called out to him softly and there was an understanding look on his face. “It’s alright.”

“I know that,” Sasori replied, stoic as ever but Deidara just grinned because he could already see past Sasori’s tough exterior and Sasori knew that that should make him afraid – that someone knew him so well which meant that that person inevitably had the weapons needed to hurt him – but what he felt was nothing like that. What he felt was pure happiness, comparable to that when he was doing his art. Having someone who completely understood you and would be there for you… well, Sasori always knew that there was something out there that would be able to bring him as much joy as art did. He just didn’t expect it to come in the form of a bumbling airhead blonde whose passion for art matched the amount of noise he created.

Sasori stood up and stretched. Deidara followed suit silently though he shot Sasori a giant beam which earned him an eye-roll which was more affectionate than anything.

“Let’s go, Brat.”

\--

When Sasori awoke on the morning of the 8th of November, he didn’t think particularly much about it. It was just another day. Only it was that much better simply because Chiyo wasn’t around to spoil the day for him but it was best not to jinx it by thinking about it so early in the morning.

Sasori had just freshened up and was about to exit his room when his door was suddenly thrown open, the bang it made upon impact against the wall making him cringe. In sauntered in Deidara, bright smiles and all and Sasori could only guess what the blonde wanted. But Deidara didn’t say anything, just looked at Sasori with a knowing gaze as if waiting for Sasori to say something. Standing there without doing anything was dumb and a waste of time so Sasori ventured to fulfil Deidara’s wish despite not really knowing what Deidara wanted from him.

“Good morning,” he tried and there was no way he could have gone wrong with that but Deidara pinned him with so fierce a glare that Sasori might have thought that he had said something to offend the other if he wasn’t so sure that giving a such a greeting wasn’t at all insulting. “What’s your problem?” he said in the end, unwilling to spend another second accompanying Deidara in his insanity.

“What’s my problem!” Deidara replied, close to gasping. “It’s your birthday, Danna, un!”

Sasori thought that it was obvious that everyone would naturally know the day that they were born on but didn’t mention that to Deidara.

“So wish me happy birthday,” he said instead, rolling his eyes and pushing past Deidara into the living room.

Deidara was close behind him and followed him into the living room. Sasori went into the kitchen to have his two customary cups of coffee, leaving Deidara to his own devices in the living room. When he was done, he sat on the couch and started on the day’s newspaper. He was just absorbed by a particularly interesting article when Deidara made his presence loudly known by standing in front of him with his arms crossed and showing no signs of budging.

Sasori sighed (there was no way out of this), placed his newspaper aside after taking note of the page of the news before looking up at Deidara who was glaring down at him, obviously not amused at all with the entire situation at all. Sasori didn’t get it. It was his birthday so shouldn’t Deidara be treating him nicer?

“What do you want, Brat?” Sasori asked, tone even.

“What’s the matter with you! _It’s your birthday!_ ” Deidara repeated, not at all impressed. But then neither was Sasori.

“So wish me happy birthday,” Sasori repeated as well, giving Deidara a pointed look.

“Danna, you should be happy, un,” Deidara said simply before relinquishing his spot before Sasori and plopping down beside the other man.

“Why am I being dictated about what to feel?” Sasori inquired, eyebrow raised and face masked in annoyance.

“I’m not _dictating_ how you should feel,” Deidara replied, rolling his eyes. “Just saying that you should be happy since it’s the day you were born and all.”

“Didn’t peg you as the sentimental type,” Sasori replied, returning to his newspaper.

Deidara wasn’t quite done though. “That’s hardly being sentimental. Aww, come on, don’t be like that, un.” Deidara plucked Sasori’s newspaper out of his hands and Sasori watched in distaste as Deidara carelessly folded it up and tossed it to the single seat sofa.

Deidara turned back to him, apparently very satisfied with how things were proceeding. “We are going to celebrate.”

“How?”

“Danna,” Deidara said, almost piteously and almost whining. “Let me be nice to you on your birthday, un.”

“That’s not my fault,” Sasori pointed out. Why was he being blamed on his birthday?

“You’re being particularly hard today,” Deidara said, sniffing a little.

“You’re being particularly hard to please today,” Sasori shot back, ignoring the indignant look Deidara shot him.

“ _Me_?!”

Sasori ignored him; it would have otherwise escalated into a useless fight which Sasori could very much do without, thank you very much. Deidara seemed to be on the same page as him for once for he stopped pursuing the matter. Not that he let the entire thing drop.

“Alright, anyway, we’re going to celebrate, un,” he announced happily, suddenly cheerful again. Sasori shook his head.

“Let’s go!” Deidara demanded.

Sasori thought about annoying the blonde but in the end decided that it was too much and that it wasn’t going to work anyway because Deidara would just repay that with being twice as irritating and of course Deidara would win. Without another word, Sasori stood up and headed out of the house, chuckling softly to himself when he heard the surprised noise that Deidara let out. Deidara hurried out of the house as well and locked the door as fast as he could before running after Sasori who was already halfway down the hill.

“You’re an asshole, un,” Deidara told him, panting a little but otherwise messy as usual.

“So where are we going?” Sasori asked instead. It was his birthday after all so he was going to take advantage of it.

“Art store,” Deidara replied happily. “And then dinner with the others, un.”

“Mm,” Sasori said thoughtfully and Deidara immediately turned to him, a slightly worried look on his face.

“What, you don’t want to have dinner with the others?” he asked anxiously. Sasori wanted to laugh at how panicked Deidara seemed to be but he also felt contented that someone actually cared about him this much. He knew that Chiyo certainly didn’t. Birthdays with her usually consisted of her buying a cake (chocolate cake and he hated chocolate but she obviously never bothered to find out) and sometimes going out to random places of attractions if she was free. When he became older, those outings simply stopped because he decided that studying on his birthday was better than going out in her company.

“I’m just surprised that you planned things in advance,” Sasori said with a slight shrug.

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Deidara demanded, eyes narrowed and then he frowned. “How did you know that I even planned things in advance anyway?”

“Deidara,” Sasori said calmly, sounding very serious. “Do you take me for an idiot?”

“No.”

But his tone made it clear that he still wanted an explanation from Sasori. Sasori decided to indulge him.

“Well, for the art store, you must have booked a room there since there are only three work rooms and you can’t possibly guarantee that one will be free today without making a reservation. And for our friends… it’s obvious that you had to ask them out in advance right?” Sasori explained, all the while wondering why he had to. It wasn’t exactly rocket science. Deidara couldn’t have thought that it was hard to figure out.

“Hmm,” Deidara said. “You’re right.”

“Obviously.”

Deidara hit his arm playfully but Sasori ignored him, though he subconsciously wondered if he was getting too used to being abused so to speak by the other.

The rest of the walk proceeded in companionable silence as was usually the case with both of them. Sasori remembered the first time when they walked together. They hadn’t known each other even minutely then and Sasori had been prejudiced against Deidara but he remembered that that walk had been as comfortable and peaceful as this one was. At that time, he hadn’t imagined that he would even be remotely close to Deidara and now their relationship was on a completely different level. Sasori was sure that he had never been so happy in his life though he would rather die than admit it out loud, especially to Deidara. Anyway, he was sure that Deidara knew and felt the same too.

“So what are we going to do?” Sasori asked when they were in the art room. They hadn’t brought their supplies along but they had a spare set in the shop. The owner let them put them there because Sasori always came anyway.

“Art, duh, un,” Deidara replied simply and starting taking out his materials.

This, Sasori decided, was why he loved Deidara. While other people, Chiyo for example, might make a big fuss out of his birthday and try to do something special for him, they didn’t really think about what he wanted. Deidara, on the other hand, did. Sure, when he was still living with Chiyo, he would have been really happy if she had let him do his art on his birthday since he was never allowed too but that never happened. Others might think that though he was an artist and did art every day, he would want to do something else different and special for his birthday but that wasn’t the case at all. He was still happiest doing art. And Deidara knew that. No matter what, doing art was the thing that made him happy and then some. Deidara understood that.

They spent their whole day in the art room, wrapped up in nothing but their art and each other. And this was definitely the other reason why Sasori loved Deidara. Because doing his art was one thing, but sharing his art with someone who appreciated it and who in turn shared his own art with Sasori, that was pure gold. Nothing could transcend that kind of tranquil and contented feeling.

“Sweet,” Deidara commented when he saw Sasori’s handiwork. It was a little bird made out of wood but it didn’t look like it was made out of wood. The work was immaculate and the details were intricate. Deidara couldn’t, for the life of it, figure out how to make wood bend to his will in that specific manner and was more than impressed that Sasori seemed to be able to do so so easily. “Can I blow it up, un?”

Sasori gave him The Look. It was a look that conveyed utter disdain and annoyance. When Sasori gave him The Look, it usually meant that Sasori thought that he was thoroughly insipid and too stupid to live. Deidara was more than used to it.

“Come on, Danna, un,” Deidara said, pleading but still managing to smirk all the same, “it’ll be a blast, un.”

Sasori actually dropped The Look, much to Deidara’s surprised and he looked like he was actually contemplating it. Deidara didn’t know what Sasori’s deal was because it certainly wasn’t Deidara’s birthday so he didn’t have to please him.

“One condition,” Sasori said finally.

This was too good to be true. Deidara said that he would agree to anything.

“When you quit med school,” Sasori said simply.

Deidara was stunned silence for a moment. Sasori had been more persistent with this issue lately and while Deidara never thought it bothersome or annoying, it was most certainly surprising, what with Sasori and his policy of not prying. But he supposed this wasn’t exactly prying and he knew that Sasori just wanted the best for him, wanted to share his own immense joy with him and Deidara really wanted that too. Someday, he really wanted that too.

“Alright,” Deidara agreed, feeling the weight of this promise and how much it meant to both him and Sasori.

Deidara tossed his own artwork into his bag before taking a box out from a cupboard. He placed it in front of Sasori and smiled joyfully. “Happy birthday, Danna, un.”

Sasori let out a soft laughter before opening up the box and taking out the gift inside. He put it down onto the table and looked at it. Simply put, it was beautiful and the most exquisite work that he had seen by Deidara so far. Funnily enough, it was almost the same as what he had just created – a bird, or rather two birds. But these birds came with a set. There was a cage as well. The peculiar thing was that the cage was locked but the birds were outside with their wings spread out and looking ready to take flight at any moment.

Sasori raised an eyebrow.

“You’re free, Danna,” Deidara said with a shrug. “And one day, I’ll be right there next to you, un.”

Sasori didn’t even try to stop the smile from coming onto his face. He was pretty sure that life had never seemed brighter. In fact, everything seemed to be glowing at the edges just that tiny bit. He had always thought that ‘la vie en rose’ was corny and didn’t quite make sense but now he could see the truth in it, just not the pink part.

“Thank you, Deidara,” Sasori said and if Deidara seemed just that bit happier then, it was because he felt the same way Sasori did too – contented.

\--

“Happy birthday, Sasori!” Konan greeted, eyes twinkling with happiness as she gave Sasori a light squeeze on his arm.

“Thanks,” Sasori replied with a slight smile.

The others were already there and Konan had arrived a little late due to some project she had to deal with at the university. Everyone was engaged in one form of conversation or another. Deidara and Hidan were particularly lively and animated but Sasori could understand that; it had probably been ages since they could actually sit down and have a proper chat with each other though what they were talking about Sasori didn’t want to know. He felt the same towards his friends too. Being an artist meant that he was freer but it also meant that he realised how busy his friends was. They virtually had no time to meet him other than for a cup of tea and sometimes not even then. To himself, he could admit that he missed them but there was no way he was going to say that out loud.

Conversation was easy and flowing, never once halting in its tracks. It would appear that everyone missed his company as well and maybe it was because he was really happy but Tobi didn’t seem half as annoying that night. At any rate, it didn’t look as if Deidara was going to murder the guy any time soon.

“YOU FUCKING WHAT.”

Of course that was Hidan and that outburst effectively halted all conversation as everyone turned to look at him. The man wasn’t even abashed at being the centre of attention. In fact, he was gaping at Deidara in incredulity and Deidara looked as dumbfounded as everyone else felt.

“Yes, Hidan?” Kakuzu asked calmly, more than used to dealing with the Jashinist by now. With Sasori no longer in university, Deidara being swamped with endless work and Itachi spending an increasing amount of time with Kisame, Kakuzu found himself in the company of Hidan more often than not, not that he was complaining. On the contrary, he rather enjoyed it.

“THEY’RE FUCKING COHABITATING AND FUCKING DATING THAT’S FUCKING WHAT. OH MY JASHIN.”

“Who?” Kakuzu asked patiently though he sounded really curious as well which echoed the general sentiment in the room.

Sasori and Deidara exchanged glances and then nodded.

“FUCKING BLONDIE AND SASAORI.”

All heads turned to them.

“Oops?” Deidara offered before he and Sasori were out of their seats and out of the room before anyone can process anything. When they did, the ensuing roar of commotion was almost hilarious.

“Don’t look back,” Sasori told Deidara as they hurried down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. Taking the elevator was too risky.

“Wasn’t going to,” Deidara assured Sasori. He must be dreaming but could almost hear footsteps behind them.

They bolted out of the restaurant and into Sasori’s car in record time. Sasori started the engine just as Hidan and Kakuzu burst out of the restaurant. Deidara visibly paled.

“Oh my god, drive, un.”

“No need to tell me twice,” Sasori mumbled before speeding off just as Hidan and Kakuzu reached the spot beside where the car was only a second before. They hollered after the two artists but Sasori didn’t make any move to stop.

After parking his car, Sasori let out a sigh of relief while Deidara visibly relaxed. There was a moment of silence in which they both stared at each other for a moment before they burst out into laughter.

“They are so going to kill us, un,” Deidara said between peals of laughter.

Sasori nodded in agreement. “You’re in more trouble though because I don’t go to the uni anymore.”

“All the more reason to quit,” Deidara replied, doubling up with laughter. Sasori joined him and they didn’t know how long they were in the car, just enjoying the humour and joy of the moment.

Sometime after they finally stopped laughing, Deidara turned to look at Sasori, a peaceful expression and tranquil smile on his face. He looked for the world like nothing bad could ever happen. Affection and love was also clear in his eyes.

“Happy birthday, Danna, un,” Deidara said, eyes sparkling like stars just like that night in the mountains and there was nothing stopping Sasori from leaning over to place a kiss on Deidara’s lips.


	24. Chapter 24

“Christmas eve,” Deidara said with a sigh as he collapsed onto the couch.

Sasori couldn’t decide if he was being happy or sad. He, for one, didn’t really care much for the festival. He definitely liked the atmosphere and the decorations (sometimes) but he didn’t care much about the presents and gatherings. That sounded just like the thing Konan _loved_ to do though so he knew for a fact that he wasn’t going to get out of it this year. Again.

“Danna, _Christmas eve,_ un,” Deidara repeated with more emphasis coupled with a glare.

“What?” Sasori asked.

“I don’t know, say something,” Deidara replied before slouching back against the couch.

Sasori ignored Deidara. He had figured that it was the way to go when Deidara was being completely weird and somewhat unreasonable. Usually, Deidara would of course start a rant about being ignored but that was easily ignored too.

Just then, Deidara’s cell phone went off. He stared at the caller idea in annoyance (that could really only mean a few people) before he answered the call. Sasori watched as the mask of irritation fell away and was replaced by worry and he frowned a little, wondering what was wrong.

“I’ll be right there,” Deidara said before he stood up and started heading towards the door. “She needs operation, un.”

Sasori immediately rushed over to the door as well, barely remembering to lock it before he jumped into his car and started off towards the hospital. He was definitely over the speed limit and he definitely beat a couple of red lights but he was way past caring about that. It was lucky that the streets were empty at this time of the day.

Deidara didn’t tell him to hurry nor did Deidara say that he was worry but this was the kind of things that Sasori knew even without asking. Deidara (and he for the record) cared more than he cared to say and Sasori understood perfectly.

He dropped Deidara off at the main entrance of the hospital, somehow getting the feeling that Deidara didn’t really want him to be there when he received the news. And there was also the fact that Deidara wanted to be there as soon as possible. After parking the car, he headed over to the waiting lobby. Deidara was easy to spot, what with his striking blonde hair and all, and he was sitting by himself off to a corner of the room.

“How is it?” Sasori asked after he took a seat next to the blonde, watching the other’s expression carefully because he certainly didn’t want to set off a bomb.

Deidara, though, didn’t have any emotions on his face which Sasori supposed was a bad news in itself since at least Deidara was still worried in the car. He looked kind of resigned, in fact, and Sasori could only wonder if this was it.

“They said they’ll try their best,” Deidara said eventually with a shrug. Suddenly, he turned to Sasori, a serious look on his face. “Am I being horrible? Because I kind of hope that she doesn’t make it. Because that would mean that I’m and that would mean she would be free too… I just… am I horrible?”

“Well, if you really wished that the operation doesn’t succeed then yes you are,” Sasori replied, eyes fixed on Deidara fidgeting with his fingers, something he has been doing ever since he was in the car. “But you don’t, so no, you aren’t.”

Deidara let out a dry laugh.

“Would it be better for me if I were though?”

“No,” Sasori said simply, not seeing the need to explain to Deidara because Deidara knew it. It would be better if Deidara just wanted to get out of his mother’s grip of course but in the end he would find no true resolution and that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

The next few hours were spent in silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Sasori hadn’t really thought about this before but if Chiyo was to suddenly go, would he regret that he hadn’t been able to mend his relationship with her? They wanted fundamentally different things and were both stubborn to a fault. Sasori certainly wasn’t going to give in now that he had finally done what he had wanted to for years and now that he had a taste of what life was like with art constantly in it, he definitely did not regret his actions. Chiyo, on the hand, would not give in because to her, Sasori was the one who betrayed her and who let her down.

Neither of them was going to give in, at least not without a very long and hard fight, and even then Sasori wasn’t sure who would be the first to relent if one of them even would.

The surgeon eventually came out of and the smile on her face already told them everything that they needed to know. After giving them a brief summary of the surgery (all the more easier for the surgeon because they were both well versed in medical terms), the surgeon left.

Deidara turned to Sasori with a frown on his face. “I don’t know if I want to be there when she wakes up, un.”

“I can’t help you with that,” Sasori said simply because that was almost exactly like his dilemma about whether to go to the supermarket or not and he hadn’t reached an answer. But it turned out that he didn’t have to decide because Chiyo was walking towards them.

“Hello,” she greeted them curtly, barely even looking at Sasori.

For his part, Sasori just nodded at her but didn’t say anything.

“No escaping it now,” Deidara murmured to Sasori softly even that Chiyo didn’t hear and Sasori felt the corners of his mouth lifting up into a tiny smirk. Trust Deidara to make light of the situation like this.

They made their way to the ward, both sides pointedly ignoring each other though Sasori did wonder if it was absolutely necessary for Chiyo to have been informed about this since she wasn’t family. But then again she was Iwa-san’s surgeon before and she was pretty tight with everyone in the hospital so Sasori wasn’t really all that surprised.

“She’ll probably only be awake in two hours or so,” Chiyo said, sounding more like she was thinking aloud rather than telling the other two people.

Sasori and Deidara exchanged glances. They already knew that because they read Iwa-san’s chart from behind Chiyo’s shoulders and they could see her stats clearly. But they didn’t want to say anything and act like dedicated medical students because that would just please/ displease (it could really go either way) Chiyo and they really didn’t want either of that.

Sasori walked out of the ward and Deidara followed suit. Luckily, Chiyo had the sense to remain inside. Deidara shot him a questioning look once they were safely out of earshot.

“I have to bring some stuff over to the art store at 2,” Sasori told Deidara, glaring at the clock because he was going to be late if he didn’t leave in… now actually.

“Go ahead,” Deidara replied with a laugh because Sasori’s obsession with being punctual was still really amusing to him. “I’ll be right here when you come back, un.”

“Will you be alright? With Chiyo?” Sasori asked, feeling a little worried in spite of himself. It was stupid to worry, he knew that, but he also didn’t know what Chiyo was going to say to Deidara and it could be catastrophic knowing his grandmother.

“Please, un,” Deidara said with a showy roll of his eyes. “I’m not scared of her.”

“Not saying that you are,” Sasori shot back.

“I’ll be fine. She can’t get to me,” Deidara told Sasori seriously before he quirked an eyebrow. “You seriously want to have this conversation with me? You’re going to be late, un.”

“Right,” Sasori said because Deidara was right and he had to leave now. “See you later.”

He hoped that the bad feeling in his chest just stemmed from his imagination and not an actual indicator of something bad about to happen.

\--

Deidara stood outside the ward, staring at the occupants inside in disdain. How could one single room contain everything that he hated? It had medical equipment, medical charts, everything to do with medicine, the two people who made his life a living mess… and a surgeon just walked in. Everything he hated.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, he sat on the chair outside the ward. Going in would inevitable mean having to talk to Chiyo. At the university he could get away with it because it wasn’t like he needed consultations or clarification or anything but there was just her and him now and while he was pretty sure that she didn’t like the idea of talking to him either, he was just sure that she would say something that would somehow piss him off.

Deidara stood up, all prepared to face the music when Chiyo walked out at that exact moment. They looked at each other for a brief second before Deidara turned away. He had every intention to simply walk past her without a single word but she stopped him.

“Where’s Sasori?” she asked calmly but Deidara could feel her slight curiosity.

“He had things to do, un,” Deidara replied simply and vaguely because even if they both knew very well that Sasori was a legit artist now, he didn’t want her to start on that issue because he certainly didn’t have the patience for it.

“Right,” Chiyo said.

Deidara supposed that that was that and was about to walk into the ward when he was stopped by her again.

“This is all your fault.”

It was a mere mumble and Deidara wasn’t even sure if Chiyo had meant for him to hear it. He could choose to ignore it of course but he somehow knew that she was directing it at him.

“What, un?” he asked, turning back around to find her glaring at him heatedly.

She was almost trembling in uncontrolled fury and her face was drawn tight and sealed with a frown. Her hands gripped at her dress and her eyes were burning coals. Deidara would be afraid when he was younger but now things like these just don’t affect him. Chiyo looked like she didn’t really want to say anything but it seemed that the anger was too much for her to take and she couldn’t help but say something. Or everything.

“What?” Deidara asked again and that was when the dam broke.

“This is all your fault,” Chiyo hissed, eyes narrowed into slit. “You. All you!”

“Do be specific, un,” Deidara said with a roll of his eyes (because he knew that she found that action rude and hated it). He knew very well what she was talking about of course.

“Sasori withdrawing from medical school,” Chiyo snapped. “If he hadn’t met you, he wouldn’t have done such an outrageous thing! And disappoint me and his parents!”

“That just shows how much you know him,” Deidara scoffed, feeling his own anger bubbling at the surface. He had intended to settle this peacefully but Chiyo really knew how to push his buttons. “If he hadn’t met me, he would _still_ have left. It was only a matter of time. And don’t you dare use his parents. He didn’t tell me much about them, I admit that, but I know for a fact that they _loved_ him and that they wouldn’t wish him to be trapped in something that he loathes!”

“What do _you_ know?” Chiyo retorted. “He used to love medicine so much. He studied all the time. It was all he ever did.”

“It was all _you_ ever _let_ him do!” Deidara all but shouted back before he lowered his voice again because they were still in a hospital and outside a ward. “Be honest to yourself, Chiyo. Just for once. Do you honestly think that he would have, for one moment, rather spent his time pouring over science textbooks than creating something?”

There was silence for a moment as Chiyo seemed to be taking this all in. If Deidara had been any more naïve he would have thought that he was actually getting through to Chiyo. With age came wisdom but age also came with stubbornness and someone like Chiyo, who firmly believed in everything that she do, had _a lot_ of stubbornness.

Deidara didn’t know what it would take for her to see and then accept that Sasori was just never cut out for the perfect, straight path that she carved out for him. Sasori was an artist and a puppeteer at that. How could he ever be content with such a clear, boring path? And more than that, he would never take the path laid out _for_ him. He was a puppet master. He would carve out his own road and take it, with all its winds and twists, because that was his own creation.

He expected Chiyo to continue lashing out at him, was so prepared for it, that what she said next threw him off guard. Because he didn’t expect her to drag _him_ directly into the picture.

“You think you’re really talented? That I trained you because you were that good? That you’re a natural?” she asked, taunted, her voice steadily calm and more venomous than Deidara had ever heard.

“What are you talking about, un?” he asked, feeling a sinking feeling in his heart despite himself because he really thought that he was talented and that was why she took the effort to teach him personally instead of so many others.

“I used you, you fool,” Chiyo spat and the hate in her eyes was as clear as day. Hate that he had never seen before whenever she was talking about Sasori, no matter how much he had let her down. “I had so much faith in you, more faith that I had than even in Sasori, because I needed you to push him, to motivate him.”

She opened her mouth to continue but Deidara had already pieced the missing pieces together.

“I get it,” Deidara told her simply. He felt strangely calm but he knew that it was really just the calm before the storm. “You trained me to become a perfect surgeon because you wanted to show me off to Sasori, make use of his respect for him to spur him to do better and become the best. I was a tool, the tool, for molding Sasori into your puppet.”

Chiyo’s eyes flashed and Deidara knew that he had hit bulls eye.

“It’s not like that,” she said through gritted teeth but Deidara knew that it was. Chiyo could, for all the world, try to phrase it nicely but at the end of the day, that was exactly how it was and they both knew it.

“I’m glad, un,” Deidara said in the end with a shrug and a thin smile on his lips.

“What?” Chiyo snapped.

“I’m glad that you chose me,” Deidara said and he raised his eyes to meet hers. “Because I would _never_ be the tool to bring Sasori down.”

With that, Deidara turned away and walked into his mother’s ward. He knew that Chiyo wasn’t finished but he was and he didn’t want to say anything more to her. He sat down on the couch, emotions all a mess in his heart and his logic wasn’t working very well at the moment because for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why there were tears prickling at his eyes.

“Dei…”

Deidara looked up in shock; he hadn’t expected his mother to be awake already. He wiped away the tears that have not fallen away in one swipe and made his way over to her bedside. She looked pale and worse for wear but otherwise fine and Deidara couldn’t really express how glad he was.

“How are you?” he asked softly, wondering how it was that he could be so calm talking to her when she was severely weak but not when she was healthier.

“I’m fine,” she managed, her voice barely a whisper. “I heard.”

“Oh,” was all Deidara could say. He didn’t realise it just now but Chiyo doing that to him, making use of him… it was as good as deceiving his mother as well because she believed in Chiyo’s words and judgment too. “Don’t listen to her bullshit. I’m damn good, un.”

“I know that,” Iwa-san said with a small, tender smile. Deidara couldn’t remember when was the last time she smiled like that. At him. He looked away for a little while. “You’ll show her…”

Deidara turned back to his mother and saw a layer of fury in her eyes. He had been hoping that she would give up after hearing that but it seemed to have the opposite effect.

“I will,” he said finally because deep down, he wasn’t really willing to let this go without a fight either.

\--

“How’s your mother?” Sasori asked later that night in the living room. He had wanted to return to the hospital but Deidara had told him not to.

“She’s recovering nicely, un,” Deidara replied, trying to sound normal and nonchalant but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fool Sasori for long so he excused himself to his room immediately afterwards, claiming that he was too tired after dealing with her the whole day. He could tell Sasori had questions but he really wasn’t in the mood for them right now.

Deidara closed the door behind him and leant against it, heaving out a long sigh. The storm had come like he had expected and he realised that he was more pissed off than anything. Not sad. Not betrayed. Not maligned. Whatever. He was just really pissed off.

And he wasn’t just angry at Chiyo. He was angry at Sasori too. He knew that he shouldn’t be because Sasori had nothing to do with whatever Chiyo had intended. Heck, Sasori didn’t even know that he existed till two years ago. But without a doubt, Sasori was the source and Deidara just couldn’t get past that at the moment. He slid down onto the ground and buried his head in his hands.

This had happened once already. He had already blamed Sasori once for something that wasn’t his fault and now he was doing it again. He chuckled in spite of himself. How ironic was the situation! He had been annoyed at Sasori previously because Sasori was supposed to be someone he looked up too but in the end the grand plan was for Sasori to look up to _him_.

Deidara didn’t even want to think about it anymore; it was giving him a painful migraine and it had been years since he had those.

“What’s wrong?” Sasori’s voice came through the door and Deidara almost jumped from the shock. Sasori was on other side of the door in a similar position. He rested his head against the door and got into a more comfortable position; he had a feeling this was going to be a rather long talk.

“Nothing,” Deidara replied, trying to sound normal.

“That’s why you’re sitting against the door instead of being in bed, sure,” Sasori shot back.

Deidara kept quiet for a moment. Sasori waited for a little while but Deidara didn’t speak up and patience wasn’t really Sasori’s forte so he broke the silence.

“I know something’s wrong,” he started slowly, wondering how he should say it so as to not offend Deidara. “It was written on your face.”

“Was it?” Deidara retorted and Sasori knew that he was being difficult on purpose.

“To me it was,” Sasori replied simply. Maybe others wouldn’t have noticed it but Sasori saw it even if it was only a glimpse. He saw the slight resentment in Deidara’s eyes when Deidara looked at him so he knew that it wasn’t a trivial matter. He was an artist after all; he noticed and paid special attention to the minute details. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

“I…” Deidara started but he cut himself off. He was about to tell Sasori the entire story but he realised that Sasori might be in greater pain than him if he heard about it.

Sasori took in a deep breath. “It has something to do with me, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” Deidara mumbled in reply before he asked, “how do you even know that, un?”

“Because that’s the only time you don’t talk to me,” Sasori answered, rolling his eyes in spite of himself.

In the beginning, when they had just met and weren’t close to each other, naturally Deidara didn’t tell him anything even if something was really bothering him. When they became closer, Deidara started opening up to him and he did so too though he realised that they both weren’t really aware of it. In the end, Deidara just started telling him things; he was seeking help from Sasori as a listener, a companion, for advice and he was probably not even consciously aware that he was doing it. But when Sasori had something to do with it, Deidara didn’t say anything and Sasori knew that because he just understood Deidara that well now.

“I…”

“I’ll be fine,” Sasori told Deidara even though it sounded a little like a lie even to himself. He knew that he wasn’t completely over the issue with Chiyo.

Sometimes, Sasori didn’t know whether he or Deidara was the one who held on to things too much. Because while on the surface he was the one who had chosen to let Chiyo go and Deidara was the one who was still trying to fulfill his mother’s wishes, Sasori knew that it was he who was still plagued with thoughts of Chiyo and his parents and whatnot more than Deidara.

But, he also knew that if Deidara didn’t get it out, he would just beat himself up over it and suffer in silence and that defeated the point of them being together in the first place. Sasori wanted to be there to help him no matter what. He wasn’t going to shrink away and pretend the problem didn’t exist just because that problem had something to do with him.

Deidara let out a long sigh and started recounting the tale for Sasori. The older man was silent throughout the thing and Deidara didn’t have an idea of how Sasori was feeling because he couldn’t even see him. But at the same time he didn’t want to go out either… at least not yet because he wasn’t sure how he was feeling at the moment.

“She tried to use you to get to me,” Sasori concluded, sounding so tired that Deidara felt more than a little guilty even if he wasn’t the cause of it. “I’m sorry.”

Oh, that, that, Deidara was not going to stand for. He stood up and wrenched the door open. It was lucky that Sasori had heard the sound of Deidara moving and managed to stand up and away from the door before it flew open. He raised an eyebrow at the furious state Deidara was in.

“What the heck, Sasori?” Deidara shouted, never so glad before that he didn’t have to bother about disturbing neighbours or whoever. “Why are you apologising? You have nothing to do with it! It’s not your fault! And I don’t know why you should think it to be either! It’s all her doing! You were dragged into this too! You’re as much of a victim as I am! Why are you so calm?!”

Sasori sighed before making his way over to the couch, Deidara stomping after him, all the while demanding why he wasn’t throwing a fit too.

“Sit down,” he interrupted Deidara and glared when it looked like Deidara was about to protest. With a huff, Deidara did as he was told but he wasn’t ready to let up on the talking. “Stop.”

Deidara glared but he still needed to get one last word in.

“I won’t have you apologising for her.”

Sasori smiled a little in spite of himself.

“I wasn’t,” he assured the blonde. “I said sorry because I felt like I had a part to play as well, however small it might be. And more than that, I’m sorry because you felt like you couldn’t talk to me about it.”

A look of understanding came over Deidara’s face for a while, tinted with a little guilt.

“It wasn’t like that… I just didn’t know how to tell you…” Deidara said, feeling like the world’s biggest asshole for even resenting Sasori a little. Sasori, who wanted nothing but the best for him.

“What she did was wrong,” Sasori continued with a shrug because it was as simple as that. “No one should be made use of like that.”

“Right!” Deidara snapped, feeling his anger returning full-force. “What a bitch!”

Sasori looked at Deidara carefully and noticed how raw the blonde’s anger was. It was almost like he could do anything because of the energy that the anger was fuelling him with and Sasori knew that that was dangerous.

“Hey,” he said, cutting Deidara off mid-rant and was rewarded with a rant. “I know you’re angry.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Deidara said, crossing his arms and frowning more.

“But I hope that you don’t let that anger control you,” Sasori said seriously, watching Deidara closely. “I don’t want you to think that you’re less of a medical student than you are, than you have always been. You are talented and I’m saying this as a fellow intern and not your friend or boyfriend. I’m saying this as someone who has worked with you and as someone who has seen your work. There is no denying that you’re talented and I hope that you don’t feel the need to have to prove yourself to others because _you_ don’t have to.”

He watched as Deidara’s expression softened and a small smile appear on his face.

“Thanks, Danna, un,” Deidara said in the end. “Really, thanks.”

There was a moment of silence before Deidara spoke up again. “Chiyo’s plan though… what do you think about it? I mean it was about you too, just that you weren’t in the know.”

“What I can say,” Sasori said before pausing a little. “What I can say… is that it was a good plan actually. In the sense that it would have worked.”

Deidara took a moment to consider those words. He was still rather annoyed, especially since Sasori himself said that it would have worked but something else was bothering him and he realised that it was something that had been bugging him for a while already but he had always just pushed it aside.

“Why didn’t it work though?” Deidara asked finally, looking at Sasori intently. “Why did you still give up in the end?”

“I decided to pursue what was best for me,” Sasori replied smoothly and Deidara’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m asking _why_ ,” Deidara repeated, tone and eyes almost pleading except that he didn’t plead.

“Well,” Sasori started before standing up. Deidara’s eyes widened and he stood up too, hoping that Sasori didn’t run away and evade his question. “I guess it was like you put it.”

“How exactly?” Deidara questioned, eyeing Sasori.

“You weren’t the best choice,” Sasori said with a slight snicker and Deidara resisted the urge to punch him.

Deidara was glad hearing it from Sasori because like he said, he really wasn’t nor did he want to be the one to bring Sasori down but Sasori was being a little too smug about it.

“Hey, why?” Deidara continued pestering Sasori because Sasori was definitely heading in the direction of his room now and he wanted an answer.

“Because,” Sasori said as he leant in the doorway to his room and looked at Deidara. “I wanted to make you happy instead.”

And then Sasori closed the door because he wasn’t really prepared to see Deidara’s reaction and because he wanted Deidara to think through everything by himself first.

Deidara couldn’t suppress the smile that blossomed on his face because that was the nicest thing that anyone had ever told him and he never knew that happiness was so easily in reach as well.


	25. Chapter 25

They didn’t talk about the matter with Chiyo anymore after that. It wasn’t that they were avoiding it or anything. It was, in fact, quite the opposite. They knew about it and they accepted it. They couldn’t have done anything anyway and ironically, it was this brilliant plan of Chiyo’s that brought them together in the first place so it wasn’t like they had anything to complain about. Them being mere pawns was another matter altogether. Besides, they did manage to outwit her (without meaning to at that) so it was definitely a victory on their end.

“Maybe we should send her a fruit basket, un,” Deidara had suggested the next morning and Sasori had rolled his eyes, wondering how he managed to put up with such a childish brat.

But he felt relieved hearing Deidara say that, because that meant that Deidara didn’t bother about Chiyo and her plan anymore. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone but he didn’t really get a good night’s sleep the previous night simply because he was so worried if things were going to change between them now that everything has come to light.

He, for one, didn’t care so much since he wasn’t the one being made use of. He also knew for a fact that being made use of wasn’t the most important thing to Deidara. Of course the blonde would be angry and annoyed about it but Sasori knew that the thing that got to Deidara the most was something else – it was the fact that Chiyo didn’t actually think that he had talent.

Sasori, honestly, didn’t know how one would feel being told that. He was a genius after all and the only two things he had been engaged in – art and medicine – were both things that he had talent in. That was what he knew and that was what everybody said. He had meant it when he said that Deidara had talent in medicine but he also knew that his words didn’t hold as much weight as Chiyo’s.

It wasn’t that he was less important than Chiyo to Deidara but Chiyo was the first person who had acknowledged him and that, _that_ was the most important anyone could ever want. Sasori knew that very well because nothing made him happier than when his art was praised and admired. Surgery was another thing of course but all the same, being acknowledged mattered.

So he knew that while both he and Deidara weren’t bothered with the issue per se, it had thrown another obstacle in their way and Sasori really hoped that they could overcome it sooner than later. He’d be damned if he had to watch Deidara struggle through his life doing surgeries just to prove that he had talent when it was so damn obvious that he did.

But the biggest problem was that he couldn’t tell Deidara what to do. It was something that Deidara had to come to realise by himself. Sasori could talk to him, tell him that it was pointless but at the end of the day, Deidara was the one who had to tell himself that. Otherwise, he wouldn’t really be free from the torment of thinking about it and it would just bother him for the rest of his life and Sasori didn’t want that.

But Deidara.

Deidara was stubborn. If stubbornness was a skill, then Deidara would have polished and refined it perfectly, wielding it as his perfect sword. It could be a matter of years before Deidara even realised it but then that would be one year too many. Sasori could think of a thousand things that could happen when Deidara realised that he had spent so much of his life pursuing something that didn’t matter and none of them was nice.

So he didn’t think so much about it. Because that wasn’t going to happen anyway. He had faith that Deidara would come around.

\--

Deidara didn’t really know what he was doing in med school anymore. Of course he knew that it was because of his mother and to prove that he had talent because Chiyo was _wrong_ damn it but he didn’t really know what _for_ anymore. Not after Sasori has quit. Because the facts are these: he respected and admired Sasori as a _medical student_ first and took him as the measure to do the best he can for med school and Sasori was no longer here. And Sasori was pursuing art. That was what he wanted to do too. And-

“Senpai!”

Yeah, and that. Uchiha Tobi.

For some reason (and it couldn’t have been a logical one), Uchi Tobi was in med school. In _this_ med school. If he had been in any other med school, Deidara would have been fine but no, he had to _here._ If Deidara could blow things up legally (or illegally) the first person/ thing that he would disintegrate would be that guy. Uchiha Itachi was a close second.

Argh, Uchihas.

“Senpai!” Tobi exclaimed loudly and way too happily for 7am in the morning and as he _skipped_ over to Deidara, the blonde wondered if the other thought that he was in some sort of manga where flowers sprouted everywhere. Disturbing. “Good morning, Senpai!”

“…”

Mornings were never really kind to him and Deidara was never really appreciative of them either hence he didn’t function well in the mornings. Deidara took one scathing look at Tobi and turned away. He didn’t care about his reputation per se but being seen with Tobi was an entirely different matter.

“Senpai, good morning!” Tobi repeated at an even louder volume which activated every murderous intention in Deidara’s mind because of the course the younger one thought that he simply didn’t hear him the first time instead of ignoring him like any normal human being would.

“I’m ignoring you,” Deidara informed him shortly, figuring it would be easier to just tell the kid straight out rather than let him figure it out for himself because naturally he would never get it.

“Ah but Senpai! You just talked to me! That means you’re not ignoring me!”

Deidara decided then and there that he was going to skip university that day, never mind that it was the first day back and that he had only just arrived. He wasn’t going to take anymore of _this_.

He walked away from the Uchiha as fast as possible, willing that the other did not follow him but there was no such luck. Tobi rambled on and on beside Deidara in a voice that was not humanly possible to tolerate and at a volume that should be considered illegal, especially so early in the morning. Deidara took some comfort in the fact that other students didn’t look pleased with Tobi either.

“Senpai!” Tobi gasped when he realised that they were leaving the campus. “Where are you going?”

“Leaving, un,” Deidara replied curtly, deciding to keep things as short as possible and that included the time he had to spend with Tobi.

“But why?! It’s the first day of university!”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Deidara mumbled to himself before speaking up, “I feel sick so I have to go home and rest, un.”

“Senpai! Are you alright!”

“I will be,” Deidara managed through gritted teeth, willing Tobi away with all his might. He wondered if Hidan would be able to sacrifice the Uchiha to Jashin. It was actually quite appealing and it had the added benefit of him not having to deal with Tobi himself.

“I shall accompany Senpai home then!” Tobi declared, sounding way too determined for Deidara’s liking.

Few things horrify Deidara but this easily made it into the list.

“No!” Deidara snapped, whirling around and poking Tobi forcefully and angrily in the chest. “You. Will. Not. Un.”

“Why not, Senpai?”

“Because if you really want to be a medical student, you do not want to miss your first lecture ever,” Deidara told him simply. He didn’t really believe in that but then again he didn’t really want to become a medical student in the first place so what did he know?

Tobi gasped again, looking torn between returning to lecture and sticking with his resolution of seeing Deidara home. Deidara, meanwhile, wondered what he did to incur such torment. Surely he hadn’t been that bad of a kid.

“Alright, Senpai,” Tobi finally said dejectedly with his head hanging down like a kicked puppies. “Take care.”

“Un,” Deidara grunted before he took off, wondering why the hell he even waited for a reply though he supposed not waiting would just send Tobi into another fit and he didn’t have the patience to deal with that.

\--

“I’m home,” he called out, feeling much better already as soon as he stepped into the living.

Sasori looked up from the newspaper with a quirked eyebrow.

“‘Welcome home’ would be the appropriate response, un,” Deidara told him as he took a seat on the other couch.

“What are you doing here?” Sasori asked instead, folding his newspaper immaculately and setting it down beside him. Deidra rolled his eyes – Sasori and his neatness.

“Aren’t you happy to see me?” Deidara demanded instead of answering, folding his arms and glaring at Sasori.

“I would be,” Sasori started before a smirk played on his lips. “But you just left around an hour ago and I was looking forward to some peace and quiet.”

“Implying that peace and quiet can only be attained when I’m not around?” Deidara asked, feeling more than mildly offended.

“Exactly as you phrased it,” Sasori replied simply.

Deidara knew that Sasori was just saying it on purpose (somewhat anyway because he knew how much Sasori really valued peace and quiet and he admitted that he wasn’t exactly the quietest person around). Oh.

“Oh,” Deidara said eloquently before slouching in his seat. “Oh.”

“What?” Sasori asked, looking more amused than anything.

“Karma,” Deidara told him seriously. “It’s karma.”

“You really have to explain more.”

“Tobi is my karma!” Deidara exclaimed as it all made perfect sense to him now. “I annoy you with my loudness and what not so Tobi is here to annoy me with _his_ loudness. Karma.” Then a look of realisation dawned on his face. “Danna, this is all your fault, un.”

“Interesting theory,” Sasori said, sounding patronising and Deidara felt like punching him.

“I’m being serious, you know?” Deidara snapped.

“Now isn’t that amazing,” Sasori deadpanned with a roll of his eyes before he smirked again. “So you do know you annoy me? This is brilliant. Since you know now, I guess you can stop doing it.”

“Shut up,” Deidara replied venomously but Sasori wasn’t fazed in the slightest bit.

“Why not try it though?” Sasori suggested seriously as he turned to face Deidara completely. “It might help alleviate your karma and Tobi might not annoy you anymore.”

Sasori expected the cushion to come flying before Deidara even moved so when it really did come all he did was catch it easily and put it aside. Also, he did expect Deidara to follow the cushion so he immediately moved off the couch, watching in disdain as his newspaper was ruined.

“Asshole, un,” Deidara said, sounding defeated and spiteful at the same time. His hair was messier after that little scuffle and some strands were falling into his eyes. He made a frustrated sound and took his hair tie off altogether, wondering why he even bothered trying to look neat in the first place as he started tying it in his trademark half ponytail.

“My newspaper,” Sasori said balefully. Deidara looked down and rolled his eyes because that was the last thing that he was concerned about.

“How did you know that I was coming?” Deidara asked instead.

“You’re horribly predictable,” Sasori informed him, sitting down on the couch that Deidara was occupying previously.

“Asshole,” Deidara repeated, more to comfort himself than for Sasori to hear, not that the other would care even if he did hear. “Tobi’s in med school, un.” Deidara informed Sasori, slumping back against the couch and feeling like all energy have been drained out of him.

Sasori gave him a pointed look.

“What?”

“I’m friends with Itachi,” Sasori said with a roll of his eyes before he nudged Deidara off and back onto his own couch before reclaiming his one.

“And you didn’t warn me?” Deidara asked, appalled. “You know how much I loathe that kid, un!”

Sasori shrugged. Maybe he did it purpose because it would be terribly fun to imagine how Deidara would react to seeing Tobi at the university but he certainly didn’t expect Deidara to come running back home. Well, that wasn’t going to be a bother since he had already finished up the art pieces that he was working on. That meant that he was quite free for the entire week actually. He only had to drop off some of his work at the art store later in the afternoon.

He had contemplated heading over to the supermarket Chiyo usually shops at for a while later in the morning just to see how she was doing and stuff but he hadn’t come to a decision and Deidara came home. He certainly wasn’t going to discuss this matter with the other artist because firstly it really wasn’t that big of a deal and he didn’t need help deciding things like these and secondly he knew that Deidara was just going to bite his head off for even thinking about it.

In the end, he set the matter aside though he hadn’t actually come to a decision yet; he just didn’t want to think about it. Idly, at the back of his mind, he wondered if this was all that he was doing, at least with regards to Chiyo. Sure, he had chosen the life that he had always been craving for but despite it all, was avoiding Chiyo, treating her as nonexistent, what he was in fact doing?

Deidara was still talking.

“- and while we’re talking about that, _why_? _Why are you friends with Itachi_?”

Sasori refused to deign that with an answer.

Deidara huffed in annoyance but let the matter rest.

“Konan wants dinner with us,” Sasori told Deidara casually as he started placing his art works into a bag. He might as well head over to the art store now since he wasn't going to get his peace and quiet.

“Specifically us?” Sasori nodded and Deidara made a thoughtful face. “What happened to our weekly dinners?”

“Like hell I know. I’m too busy to go see her every week,” Sasori said with a roll of his eyes.

“Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I went, un,” Deidara muttered.

“My birthday. We ran away,” Sasori informed him.

“No wonder she wants to see us,” Deidara said with a scoff. He eyed the bag on the floor. “The art store?”

“Some of us have to work for a living,” Sasori replied and Deidara shot him a dirty look.

“I’ll go with you, un,” Deidara said simply.

Sasori watched Deidara’s face carefully, wondering what the blonde was thinking till Deidara snapped at him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Sasori said, shrugging. There was no point getting into it. “I’m leaving now.”

It was a testimony to how well Deidara knew Sasori that they managed to leave the house at the same time. He remembered clearly the time when it took him a whole minute to realise that Sasori had already left the house because that man moved at an inhuman speed.

Deidara had thought that it would be weird being in the art store but it didn't feel like that at all. There was a sense of distance after having been away from so long but everything felt familiar and comforting and made Deidara feel like home. There was a pang of longing in his heart. It was always there but it was just more intensified now that he was actually in contact with art again after so long.

Sasori was chatting with the owner so Deidara left him there and wandered over to the clay section. A smile immediately formed on his face when he saw that there was a stack of clay that had just arrived. He picked one of it up and rolled it around in his palms, feeling that it was the most natural thing to do. He once again felt that this was what he was born to do and that sent a tingling ache to his heart because his mind just wouldn't – couldn't – agree. At least not yet.

But this was good clay, Deidara thought happily as he unconsciously started moulding the clay in his hands. When he looked down at it, he saw a little bunny in his hand. It was one of the first creatures that he had learnt to make since it was easy and he only needed one hand to do it as the years went back. He sighed whimsically as silly thoughts of returning to his roots came to mind. He squashed the bunny and placed the clay back onto the shelf. Sasori should be done by now.

He was wrong. And that kind of shocked Deidara a little because he had somehow grown in his confidence in being able to read Sasori. He had forgotten how it was like to be in the art store. They could spend hours there, lost in another realm.

He headed over to the wood section (it was relocated and no longer right next to the clay section) where he found Sasori examining some new arrivals critically. It didn't look like Sasori was going to be done soon. It didn't look like Sasori even remembered that he was there. Deidara suddenly felt so uncomfortable with the whole situation. It was almost suffocating.

When did he turn into this? How did he walk away from the clay so easily without even batting an eyelid? There Sasori was, exactly like he was the first time they walked into the art store, so confident, so sure, so at home and Deidara was supposed to feel like that too. He did feel at home just now but now he realised that there was just something different now.

It wasn't at home that he felt. It felt more like he was visiting a home that he had stayed at before but that wasn't home anymore. It was just familiar but everything was so different. He didn't belong there and it was this realisation that made him run from the art store as fast as he could but he didn't know to where because there wasn't anywhere he could go anymore.

He ended up at a park. There weren’t many people around since it was still relatively early in the morning and a weekday at that so Deidara just laid down onto the patch of grass under the tree. Being like this without a care in the world felt good. Deidara didn't feel so suffocated anymore. He felt almost free. It was only an illusion but it would do for now. When he felt like he could breath properly again, Deidara sat up and almost died of shock.

Sasori rolled his eyes.

“When did you come here, un!” Deidara demanded because he could not have been lying down for more than ten minutes.

“Right after you threw yourself onto the ground,” Sasori replied with a small smirk and Deidara felt like punching him.

“You followed me?” he asked, feeling more shock than anything when he realised that.

“Yeah,” Sasori replied, frowning at Deidara. “Obviously?”

Deidara felt sheepish as he realised that Sasori must have abandoned looking for new materials.

“Sorry about that,” Deidara said. “You were so engrossed in looking at the wood that I didn't think you’d notice, un.”

“… I’m very aware of my surroundings.”

“You were totally lost every time we went to the art store,” Deidara pointed out indignantly.

“… I always know what is going on.”

“Right.”

Sasori scoffed.

“What?”

“Should have figured you'd be the type to drift off to wonderland,” Sasori told him with a shake of his head.

“Should have figured you’d be the type to pay attention to every single little detail,” Deidara shot back.

“Yeah you should have,” Sasori said and Deidara glared at him but he couldn’t take it any longer and burst out laughing.

“You're such an asshole, Danna, un.”

Silence came over them and Deidara was enjoying the serenity of it all when Sasori broke it.

“What happened back there? It looked like you ran away,” Sasori said, as straightforward as ever.

Deidara shifted uncomfortably, not exactly sure if he wanted to talk about it, more than sure what he would say would surely offend Sasori. But then what the hell. He was going to die if he suppressed it.

“I…” Deidara frowned, wondering just how he should phrase it but then decided that he should just say what he really thought. “I just didn't feel at home anymore. Back there. Where it should have been home.”

Sasori nodded in what Deidara hoped was understanding because he couldn't read the expression on Sasori’s face. But Sasori didn't say anything else and that made Deidara kind of panicky.

“Say something, un,” Deidara urged, hoping he didn't sound quite as nervous as he felt.

Sasori gave him a look which he couldn’t decipher before turning away.

“That’s something you have to realise for yourself,” Sasori stated simply and that was that. But Deidara still didn't really get it.

“What?”

“Home,” Sasori said, looking as if he might stop there but then decided that he might as well elaborate. “You have to realise for yourself what home is and what home has and what it means to you. You have to realise what you want to do and make a choice from there.”

“What if I regret it?” Deidara asked softly because he realised that in the end that was what he was most worried about, that he would regret leaving medicine, regret letting his mother down, regret not proving himself to Chiyo.

“I don’t know,” Sasori answered easily. “You won’t know whether you’d regret something if you’ve never done it.”

“That’s why it’s so hard,” Deidara muttered bitterly, rather annoyed at the way Sasori was saying everything so easily. Just because he was able to do it doesn't mean that everyone could. Not everyone was Akasuna Sasori.

“I’m not saying it isn’t hard,” Sasori clarified, looking at Deidara pointedly. “I’m just saying that you have to realise what you want, go after it and live with your choice. You can’t guarantee that there would be no regrets but I’m thinking that if you go after what you truly want, there wouldn’t be much room for regret anyway.”

“Is that how you chose too?” Deidara asked tentatively. He had kind of pieced everything together and knew that he was one of the reasons why Sasori chose to leave medicine but they had never really gone into details so Deidara had the full picture but it was a really blurry one.

“I guess so,” Sasori said with a shrug. He wasn't exactly comfortable with talking about this issue, especially since Deidara knew that he was a factor as well. It was (Sasori hated to admit it) embarrassing. “I mean I realised what I wanted to do and then there was a push factor which catalysed everything.”

He could see the smirk that was slowly growing on Deidara’s face.

“It’s not you,” Sasori hurried to say but that only made Deidara’s smirk grow wider.

“Do you know that you’re only purposefully vague when you’re talking about me to me?” Deidara asked innocently even though he was anything but. That brat.

Sasori just rolled his eyes and looked away. Whatever.

“I’m touched, Sasori, really,” Deidara said so sincerely that Sasori had to look at him again. That and it was rare for Deidara to use his name.

“Welcome,” he said simply and they shared a small smile. It didn't mean much but there was an underlying understanding which made everything seem that much better.

“I’ll figure out my life, un,” Deidara said softly after while. It didn't really mean much now because Deidara couldn't see where he was headed to but it was a promise at least. And he knew that he couldn't depend on Sasori forever which was basically what he had been doing ever since Sasori came into his life. He never wanted to be without Sasori for that matter but there comes a time when he had to step up and take charge of his own life and that time was now. He only hoped that he didn't take too long.

\--

Pein was pacing back and forth in his living room, much to the amusement of everyone present. Most of the gang was there except Konan, Deidara who was flooded with work, Tobi who was also flooded with work and Hidan who had religious duties.

“What’s so difficult?” Kisame asked and Pein shot him a dirty look.

“Because asking Itachi out was the easiest thing you’ve ever done,” Pein snapped, now trying to incinerate Kisame with his eyes.

“… what have I missed?” Sasori asked because that was definitely news to him. Itachi was pointedly not looking at him.

“So I told you that you should hang out with us more,” Kakuzu said with a roll of his eyes. “It’s not like you’re busy with med school anymore.”

“I’m working,” Sasori replied curtly.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. “You still have more time than before.”

“Fine,” Sasori replied before pointing out that they were the ones who were too busy with school to make time for him.

“You win,” Kakuzu said, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat.

“So are you and Hidan together too?” Sasori decided to ask instead and watched in sadistic amusement as Kakuzu spluttered and turned an alarming shade of red. It was the first time Sasori had seen his friend in such a flustered state.

“ _No_ ,” Kakuzu finally managed to get out, looking at Sasori with pure hatred in his eyes but Sasori simply laughed it off.

“Can we get back to me?” Pein asked in annoyance.

“What is this about again?” Kakuzu asked, frowning hard and Pein looked like he was just about ready to murder all of them.

“Pein having no balls to propose to Konan,” Kisame supplied helpfully.

“Is that what this is about?” Sasori asked, wondering if he really did leave his half-finished art work at home to help Pein with something that he should be able to do himself.

“You’d think he would be able to manage this kind of things himself,” Itachi said, taking the words right out of Sasori’s mouth.

Pein let out a frustrated groan and sat down on the couch before levelling them all with a glare that would make Hades seem tiny and cute. “Get out.”  

“What’s the problem here?” Sasori asked impatiently because he wasn't going to leave without doing anything. That would mean that this trip was a complete waste of time. Plus it was going to be pure fun torturing Pein about this for years to come.

“Do you not know how to do it or are you afraid Konan will say no?” Itachi asked, as calm as ever.

“Or do you already know what to do and want us to help?” Kisame added on.

Pein finally stopped looking like he wanted to kill them. Instead, he looked confused and it was almost pathetic except that Pein never looked pathetic.

“I don't know… everything?”

“Maybe you should think about it first,” Zetsu suggested nicely.

“Well, Konan won’t say no,” Sasori pointed out and murmurs of agreement were echoed.

“Really?” Pein was the only one who looked sceptical.

“You should know the best,” Kisame said with a scoff.

“Konan is sadistic,” Pein pointed out as looks of understanding crossed everyone’s face. “That’s not very reassuring,” Pein snapped at them.

“But she is sadistic,” Sasori said, unable to help himself. This was much too fun to pass up.

“She might say no,” Kakuzu continued, sounding sympathetic before he took on a darker tone. “You know, for the hell of it.”

“It _is_ Konan,” Itachi put in and Pein glared at him, saying how he expected better from Itachi but the Uchiha only shrugged.

“Do you need plants?” Zetsu asked helpfully or at least it sounded like he thought he was being helpful. “I could totally help with that.”

“I need _flowers_ ,” Pein decided to clarify.

Zetsu frowned at him and gave him a confused look. “Yeah, plants.”

“You,” Pein said, pointing at Kisame. “You are helping Zetsu with the _plants_.”

Kisame nodded because there was no saying no to Pein when the other man got like that. It was just best to listen to him and do as he said.

“Do it in private when there’s just the two of you,” Kakuzu advised wisely but Sasori could tell that the main reason was that Kakuzu did not want to be there when Pein actually proposed. Sasori himself didn't want to be there either; this kind of things were, to him, private affairs that should be done only in the presence of those directly involved. Pein seemed to be of the same mind as he nodded though he was still pacing up and down.

“Get a ring from Tiffany’s,” Kisame said while Kakuzu gasped and said that it was a waste of money.

“A simple ring would do,” he insisted while Pein shot him a dark look and informed him that he had plenty of money to spare.

“Tiffany’s it is,” Kisame said with a grin. “Get Kakuzu to go pick the ring with you.”

“No thanks,” both Kakuzu and Pein said at the same time. Kakuzu would rather die than watch money being squandered like that while Pein would rather choose the ring peacefully without Kakuzu commenting on the price every single second like the money would be better utilised if given to him instead.

“If it’s the proposal, then just say what you want to say,” Sasori said because well, being honest and open was the best in that kind of situation.

“Do I write a speech?” Pein asked and Sasori really had to stop himself from laughing. Pein was always so calm and sure of himself; it was hilarious watching him confirm every single step of this. But then it just meant that this was really important to Pein and that even a slight chance of failure was not forgivable. Sasori could somehow relate, even though he was sure that he wouldn’t have been able to even just a year ago.

“No,” Itachi answered simply. “Speak your mind.”

“You don't want to sound rehearsed, right?” Zetsu asked pointedly.

Pein nodded again before sitting down on the nearest couch, suddenly looking drained as if planning the proposal had sapped all of his energy. The others watched him wearily, wondering if he was going to somehow take it out on them.

“I feel stupid,” Pein finally blurted out.

There was silence for a moment before laugher filled the room. They could all empathise after all. They weren’t the type of people who would invest so much in something vague and uncertain like a relationship. At least that was how it was on the surface. But when it really came down to it, there was someone that they cared about deeply after all.

Sasori thought it strange, how calm he was at all this. He had imagined feeling cornered and suffocated because letting and wanting someone to be a part of your life at all times required an enormous amount of dedication and patience and he never thought that he actually had to capacity to do that. But having Deidara in his life was just different. Deidara didn’t make him feels suffocated, not in the way that made him want to run away and definitely not in the way that Chiyo did. Having Deidara by his side was, quite possibly, the best thing that has happened to him. He felt content.

“That makes two of us,” Sasori decided to say, not really sure if he actually meant it or whether he was just comforting Pein.

The returning smile from his friends told him that they echoed the same sentiments. Maybe not all of them have found someone they were willing to let into their life yet but the friendship that they had with one another was definitely something worth celebrating. Honestly, Sasori had never thought that it would be so.

Friends were just a necessary part of life because humans were innately social creatures – that was what Sasori thought. Even if he and Itachi were alike and shared the same opinions more often than not, that didn’t change anything. In fact, even now, he still thought that feeling so _happy_ about things like relationship and friends and having someone there for you was still sappy and overrated and frankly, even a little bit exaggerated. But that was how he currently felt so he didn’t dwell too much about it. He guessed, at the end of the day, it was just that he became more human and he didn’t think that that was too bad.


	26. Chapter 26

Sasori stared at the contract in his hands, hardly daring to believe that it was what it really was. He had been genuinely pleased and even exultant. The fact that he was finally being acknowledged and that his life was going to amount to something was enough to make him giddy with happiness and it was the first time that he had ever felt that way. It was oddly exhilarating; it was like drinking and becoming tipsy with the warm pleasant buzz underneath his skin but not yet being drunk.

After the initial excitement wore off, he had suspected that it was a fraud, some mindless scam to cheat him of his money or something. That was plausible, though unlikely. Still, he needed to make sure. Being the cautious (sometimes overly so) man that he was, he called Pein out to corroborate its authenticity and true enough, it was the real deal.

And that was when all the troubles started.

Pein watched Sasori carefully over the rim of his coffee as he sipped at it slowly. Sasori looked as impassive as ever but Pein knew that there was a storm brewing inside him. He could relate. Somewhat.

“Do you want to know what I think?” Pein asked casually, trying not to make the whole thing seem like the big deal it really was. Sometimes a façade was necessary, no matter how foolish it seemed.

Sasori shrugged carelessly, placing the document down and picking up his espresso.

“You should go for it,” Pein said simply, wondering if he should have maybe phrased it a less blatantly when Sasori paused, the glass coffee cup not touching his lips. But then again, this was Sasori and he never liked beating around the bush. Well, since he was already being honest. “I mean, it would be brainless not to.”

“You think I don’t already know that?” Sasori asked with a scoff.

“So what’s stopping you?” Pein raised an eyebrow, rather challengingly. He knew what it was of course but that didn’t mean that Sasori should give this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity up.

Sasori sighed in frustration, running his hand through his hair in a rare, messy display of emotion.

“You know what.”

Pein eyed Sasori and chose his next words carefully.

“I don’t think that’s a good enough reason.”

Sasori didn’t respond, just took a sip from his drink and placed it down on the table. He picked the spoon up and started stirring the espresso mindless. He let out a sigh, this time shorter and emotionless. “I know.”

Pein’s eyes widened slightly in understanding. “You’ve already made your choice.”

“I knew from the start that there was no way I was going to reject something like this.” There was true conviction in Sasori’s words. No hesitance. No second thoughts. A beat and then Sasori looked up at Pein, face pulled taut into a frown and eyes confused fractals. “Am I being selfish?”

“No,” Pein answered instantly because he really believed. No one should give up their dreams, not even for someone they loved, and he told Sasori just that.

“Would you do it?” Sasori asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Give Konan up for my dream?” Pein clarified, leaning back and crossing his arms.

“Don’t give me some crap, like she’s your dream or whatever,” Sasori told him, looking at him evenly, leaning forward and folding both arms on the table.

Pein rolled his eyes. “What do you take me for?”

“Answer the question, Pein.”

Pein knew that at that moment, if he said yes, then all of Sasori’s dilemmas would be solved. Yet he also knew that it wasn’t the time to lie. Sasori was making a decision here that would change his life and it shouldn’t and couldn’t be based on a lie which, for all good intentions and purposes, was still a fabrication.

“I don’t know,” Pein said eventually, looking at Sasori seriously as the other frowned deeply, stopping his stirring as well.

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Pein repeated with a shrug. “I don’t think I can give Konan up. She means too much to me.”

“And Deidara doesn’t mean that much to me, huh?” Sasori sounded bitter and cross, eyes simmering with a slight anger that Pein knew was directed at him.

“Look, I know Deidara means a lot to you but so does this.”

“The same could be said of your situation,” Sasori shot back, not seeing where Pein was coming from. If the other man could so calmly say that he didn’t how to choose, how dare he tell Sasori to basically give Deidara up just like that?

“Yeah, but I’m not you,” Pein said thinly.

“Explain.”

“I haven’t been repressed and prevented from doing something I love all my life. What I’m doing now? I love it. No one forced me into and it’s the fruits of my own labour. It’s something I take pride in. And Konan is someone I love, who I want to share all this with. Do you understand? I never had to _fight_ to do what I want to do. That makes our situations different. That’s why I’m telling you to go for it, because you _fought_ for it and it would be a waste to give up after all this while.”

Sasori was pretty sure that he had never heard Pein say so much before but he wasn’t very interested in that at the moment.

“I want to share it with Deidara too.”

Pein just shook his head sadly. The truth was ugly and he knew that Sasori knew it as well as he did. But he also knew that Sasori needed to be told. “It’s not for you to decide.”

“I know that,” Sasori gritted out.

“It’s up to him.”

Sasori took a deep breath, eyes looking out of the French windows of the café out into the busy streets of a Friday afternoon.

The pause lasted for a terse, long moment and Pein shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Nothing much fazed him but this kind of tense situations with his friends easily made him restless and annoyed, wanting to do something but knowing that he couldn’t.

“If it’s worth anything, I think that he’ll be happy for you.”

There was another pause but it was shorter this time.

“I can give my grandmother and ambition up for him. I can quit med school for him. But,” Sasori paused, eyes hardening with an emotion that Pein couldn’t place. “But I can’t give this up for him. What does this make me?”

“Human, Sasori. And smart. It makes you a smart human.”

\--

_A smart human._

That was what Pein had called him. He said that it was good that Sasori thought with his brain and not with his emotions.

So why did Sasori feel that he was heartless instead? Well, he reasoned with himself, Pein hadn’t said that he wasn’t heartless, just smart and being heartless kind of came with being smart sometimes. Sasori would know.

But then again, Sasori felt utterly foolish as well. This was probably the other best thing that had ever happened to him. The other was Deidara. There was no better; they were the same. He couldn’t choose.

 _Except that you already have_.

He shut that part of his brain up, unwilling to entertain such thoughts at the moment, not when he was trying to rethink his decision. In many ways, he knew that he would be a complete moron for giving this up. Even Pein could tell that. But more importantly, and this was something that Pein probably didn’t know, he knew that if he gave this up for Deidara, he would eventually hate the other man and that was something that he didn’t even dare think about.

And there was also the fact that he didn’t even dare imagine how Deidara would react.

The blonde was such a volatile being that any reaction on the spectrum could very well _be_ his reaction. He might smile and congratulate Sasori about it and _mean it_. But then he might do the exact same thing and not mean it. He might ignore Sasori. He might be selfish and tell Sasori to give it up. He might laugh it off and then pretend that nothing ever happened. He might accept it and then disappear from Sasori’s life. He might be all smiles and tell Sasori that he already knew that this was going to happen someday. He might…

And this was what Sasori really didn’t dare to think about. It was too much to hope for. But if it worked… if it worked, they would be completely free and Sasori couldn’t think of anything better than that.

Deidara might snap the hell out of it and decide to pursue art too.

It was too much to hope for.

Sasori almost couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t bear expecting this to happen only for Deidara to react in a completely different way. Yet, despite that, he still wasn’t willing to give this up.

This was everything that he wanted. And it was the perfect chance to show Chiyo that she was wrong and then maybe… maybe she might finally accept him.

There were too many good things that could come out of this and Sasori found himself hating how much that he was focusing on that. The higher the hope, the higher the fall right? Because, as much as there was a chance of everything falling into place, there was as much chance of everything spiraling out of control. There was a chance of him losing the two people he held closest to his heart and he wasn’t sure if that was a gamble he was willing to risk. Okay, maybe Chiyo, he was. But Deidara.

He knew the answer before he even thought it.

_Not Deidara._

And that made everything so damned, fucking complicated.

\--

Deidara ended his presentation to the sound of applause and his professor praising him to the skies. He barely registered anything and just trudged back to his seat, zoning out the moment he was seated. He wasn’t going to pay attention to the next presenter.

“Senpai seems distracted today.”

It was a testament to how out of it Deidara was that he didn’t even realise that he had somehow ended up sitting next to one Uchiha Tobi.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered to himself, mourning his plans of daydreaming. Tobi was too fucking annoying and there was no way the idiot was going to give him a moment’s peace. “Fuck off, un,” he told Tobi and scooted over to the next seat, depositing his bag in between them.

To his surprise (and utmost joy), the Uchiha didn’t try bothering him anymore. Instead, he just turned his attention back to the presenter and started diligently taking down notes, looking more serious than Deidara had ever seen him. Well, as serious as he could look with that half-assed orange mask covering half his retarded face.

Deidara didn’t see the point in that mask. It was probably hard to see or even _breathe_ with that thing on. And it definitely couldn’t be for fashion purposes. Period. It was just plain stupid. Which fit Tobi just fine then.

_What the hell am I doing…_

Deidara really didn’t know. Yeah, sure, he hated the younger man (who was somehow in all his classes) but he didn’t usually spend his time picking on minute details about the other guy. There was something seriously wrong with him. And he didn’t know what.

Okay, fine, maybe he did.

Sasori.

It always came down to Sasori.

And honestly? Deidara hated it.

He _used_ to be independent. He could do everything by himself. Before he met Sasori, he could handle not doing art at all. He could handle all the rubbish med school and his mother and Chiyo threw at him. He could handle being bored in class but still finding enough interest to complete his work. But now? Now all that just went to hell.

He couldn’t even concentrate anymore. Every time he saw down to do an assignment at home, he would be thinking of how Sasori didn’t have to do that crap anymore, how, instead, Sasori would be tinkering away with his tools, creating something from scratch. Deidara didn’t know how many times he caught himself just standing at his door, wanting to wrench it open to see Sasori’s works but barely managing to restrain himself from doing so just in time.

And it wasn’t just at home. Every time he was at a lecture, like now, he found his thoughts drifting to the fact that while he was stuck in an enclosed lecture hall with medical jargon and whiny know-it-alls, Sasori would be starting on a new creation or dropping by the art store. Something that he could be doing too. But he couldn’t. Because he was in med school. And he couldn’t just quit. Because he was not Akasuna fucking Sasori.

Deidara groaned softly. He didn’t want to think like this but he couldn’t help it. No, he decided, he couldn’t sit through any more of this that day. He had to leave. Throwing his stuff in his bag, he stood up and left the lecture hall. It was lucky that he was at the back and so didn’t draw anyone’s attention. And the presenter was too engrossed in his work to notice anything else. It wasn’t that he was afraid of being caught (as proven from his first day at med school) but he didn’t want to deal with the hassle. He was just too tired to deal with anything.

“Senpai!”

And anything included that shithead as well. Damn, he had to stop hanging out with Hidan so much. That bastard’s bad language was rubbing off him.

“What the fuck do you want?” Deidara snarled, not bothering to keep his voice down. There wasn’t anyone around in the corridors at this time anyway.

Tobi looked crestfallen at being treated so coldly but he soon started bouncing up and down again.

“Why did senpai leave just now?”

“Cos it was fucking boring, un. And also because I couldn’t stand your presence in the damned room.”

Apparently that wasn’t enough to deter the Uchiha for he stepped even closer to Deidara.

“Well, let’s go somewhere else then! Tobi doesn’t want to stay there either if senpai is leaving.”

Somehow, that rubbed Deidara the wrong way.

“What the fuck is your problem!” Deidara shouted, shocking even himself at how ferocious he sounded but he found that he couldn’t take it back. “Not wanting to stay there because _senpai doesn’t want to_?” he mocked, pitch rising to a screech.

Tobi looked absolutely petrified (or at least Deidara thought he did) as he shrank back, confused at what it was exactly that pissed Deidara off.

“Gods, are you fucking serious? Or are you just inane? Can’t you fucking decide what you want to do for yourself? Why are you making decisions based on someone else? Are you _retarded_? Can’t you even _choose_ what you want to do without looking to me? I’m not your fucking mother! Even if I were, does that mean that you should listen to whatever I say? Don’t you have a brain? Can’t you use it to think? Or are you that fucking insecure that you can’t even trust yourself to do things anymore? Huh? It’s your life so why the hell are you wasting time trying to think about what other people want for you? Why can’t you just fucking throw them aside and think for yourself instead? Think about what _you_ want for once, goddammit!”

By the time Deidara finished, Tobi was just staring at him and not saying anything. Apparently, the bell had also gone off some time while he was shouting and now there was a crowd of people whispering and staring. Deidara was still breathing harshly from that little outburst and he wasn’t exactly calm yet.

“Fuck off, un,” he snarled at the nearest bystanders who jumped in shock and backed away slightly in fear.

“Wow, Blondie, that was quite a fucking show.”

Deidara counted to ten slowly and tried to control himself from maiming his best friend. But then Hidan grabbed his shoulder and he struck out, hitting the other in the chest with enough strength that the taller man actually stumbled back with a wince. But Hidan didn’t look angry, just frowned and rubbed at the skin which was definitely bruising.

“Are you okay?”

They turned around to see Kakuzu approaching, a thin frown lining his brows, the only sign that he was actually worried. His gaze was directed at Hidan who just laughed a little and nodded.

“Sorry,” Deidara mumbled, pushing past Hidan and making his way through the crowd.

“Look, I gotta go after him,” Hidan told Kakuzu seriously. They had planned to talk about whatever the strange thing was between them during their break (now) but Hidan wasn’t going to let Deidara go all psycho-emo on his own. “I’m not gonna let stupid Blondie commit fucking homicide without me.”

Kakuzu nodded in understanding and then Hidan was gone too, pushing past people roughly and hurling insults at them from time to time. Kakuzu watched him go while shaking his head, wondering how on earth he ever let himself be ensnarled by that despite the fond smile barely touching his lips.

“Do you think Deidara will be alright?” Tobi asked and Kakuzu looked down to the other next to him.

He shrugged. “I think Hidan will be able to do something.”

Tobi nodded before walking away. It was only a while later during his next class that Kakuzu realised that Tobi had actually called Deidara by his name instead of senpai. Shocking as it was, he wasn’t really interested in the younger Uchiha and so that thought was simply buried amongst other, more pressing things.

Like how the hell he was going to confess to Hidan.

\--

“Wait the fuck up Blondie!” Hidan hollered, drawing horrified looks from mothers bringing their children back from school while the elders looked at him in a mixture of disgust and dismay. He ignored them all as he increased his pace so that he was finally side by side with Deidara. “What the fuck? Are you on bloody steroids or something? What’s the damned speed?”

“Leave me alone, Hidan,” Deidara requested tersely, obviously not in the mood for socialising or even interacting with his best friend it would seem.

“Why?”

“Just fuck off.”

“Speaking my fucking language doesn’t get me to piss off, Dei,” Hidan snapped, sounding uncharacteristically serious. “Now tell me what the fuck’s up or I’m gonna bother you to the ends of hell.”

“Nothing,” Deidara replied, changing tactics.

“Yeah, that’s why you were using the excuse of scolding the little dumb shit to scold your stupid self,” Hidan snorted, noting with some glee that at least Deidara’s hackles were rising. “I may not be the most fucking luminous crayon in the fucking box, but I can tell what’s going on. Life getting too hard for you to handle, eh?”

“Fuck off, Hidan!” Deidara snapped, eyes ablaze with anger and threatening murder.

That definitely caught the attention of more people and Hidan could care less but some “concerned” elderly citizen had obviously thought that there were two thugs on the loose because that was definitely a cop coming their way.

“Fuck it,” Hidan said before picking Deidara up and unceremoniously dumping the blonde over his shoulder, ignoring the stares as well as the screams and kicks coming from his best friend.

By the time he deposited Deidara on the floor of his apartment, he had more bruises that he cared to count and several, feline-looking scratches lining his arms. Thank Jashin he was a masochist and enjoyed pain. And yeah Deidara obviously forgot about that if he thought a little pain was going to get Hidan off his back.

“You’re such an asshole, un,” Deidara grumbled as he stood up, rubbing at his rear because Hidan hadn’t been gentle in placing, or rather, _throwing_ him down. There was no real venom in his voice though so Hidan guessed that all the physical exertion must have calmed him down somewhat. Deidara collapsed ungracefully on the couch and kicked off his shoes before placing his feet on the small coffee table in the centre of the room. “Hey, you replaced it.”

“Destroyed the previous one during a ceremony,” Hidan said with a careless shrug as he kicked some books aside and sat on the floor, leaning back against the couch. “Now fucking spill. What the fuck was that all about, Blondie? And don’t you dare fucking say nothing because I swear to Jashin, I will fucking throw you off the damned building and make you the human fucking definition of bloody.”

Deidara had no doubt that Hidan would do just that.

And so he spilled his guts out.

Hidan was oddly quiet as he listened, not even interjecting, something that he absolutely loved to do, even if it was just to piss the hell out of Deidara. He nodded from time to time and hummed to indicate that he was still listening after some probing from Deidara who wasn’t used to Hidan being so focused.

“And so yeah, my life is a big fucking mess of rainbow, un.”

“I’m gonna be fucking honest, Blondie, but sounds like most of the damned problems lies with you.”

Deidara shot him a venomous glare. “I know that, un.”

“So what the fuck’s the problem? Just quit fucking med school, do your fucking art that you actually love and then have fun fucking Sasori. Where’s the dilemma, huh?” Hidan challenged, eyes fierce and burning with an intensity that Deidara had never seen on him before.

“You make it sound so easy, un,” Deidara mumbled, lying down onto his back and staring up at the discoloured ceiling. He was pretty sure that red blotch was Hidan’s blood. “But it’s not. You’re forgetting my mother.”

“Fuck her,” was Hidan’s simple solution.

“I _can’t_ ,” Deidara said, sounding pained and annoyed. “I can’t just do that.”

“Sasori did it to fucking Chiyo.”

“Chiyo isn’t _dying_. My dearest mother refuses to continue treatment if I quit med school. _I told you_.”

“She’s a fucked up bitch alright.”

Deidara hummed in response. “So you see, I can’t just up and quit. I’m not fucking Sasori.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you hate him.”

Deidara froze and he slowly turned to look down at Hidan, eyes wide with shock and just a tad bit of fear.

“Fuck. I do, don’t I?”

Hidan just nodded with a shrug. “But I get it. He’s living your fucking dream life and since you guys are living together, it’s pretty much in your fucking face. I’d have gone crazy a long time ago.”

“Yeah.”

“But it isn’t his fucking fault.”

“ _I know_ ,” Deidara growled lowly, folding his arms and pouting childishly. “But I can’t help it! Like you said, he’s living his dream. He’s living _my_ dream.”

“Jealousy is an ugly bitch, eh,” Hidan said with a twisted smile on his face.

“Jealous? You think I’m jealous?” Deidara asked, incredulity marking his tone and face.

“Think? You fucking are. Just admit it.”

“I am _not_ jealous. I’m just…” and then it struck him like a freight train. “Fuck. I am jealous, aren’t I?”

“Of your fucking boyfriend. Not healthy for your bloody relationship if you ask me.”

Deidara let out a long groan of frustration and covered his face with his hands. This was so screwed up. How did it ever come to this?

“It’s not something that will go away even if I talk to him about it,” Deidara all but whined into his hands as he thought about how he was going to go about with this newfound realisation.

Hidan shrugged. “I can’t help you with that, Dei.”

“I-”

“Actually,” Hidan cut him off rather rudely as the bigger man stood up. “You should fucking stand up to your anal mother.”

“What?” Deidara asked, eyes widening to saucers. “Are you insane? I can’t just go up to her and announce I’m quitting. What if she refuses treatment? Especially after the thing with Chiyo. I think I have even less chance than I did before and that’s saying something.”

“You know what, Blondie? You don’t have fucking guts. You’re too fucking scared.”

“Right, and you’re ­ _oh-so-brave­_.” Deidara’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and he couldn’t keep the sardonic grin off his face. “Kakuzu.”

“You know what, Blondie? Come with me.”

\--

“What the fuck are we doing back in school? Deidara asked in a harsh whisper. He was planning on being a recluse for one more day, just to let the novelty of him screaming like a banshee die down but apparently Hidan didn’t care about that.

“Shut the fuck up. No one saw your fucking spectacle here,” Hidan snorted as he continued pushing past people who grumbled a little but otherwise said nothing. Hidan was, after all, carrying his scythe around and it was definitely not fake.

“Why?” Deidara moaned softly as he trudged behind Hidan at a slower pace. “Why are we at Accounting?”

But Hidan had spotted his target and so deigned to respond to Deidara.

“Oi Kakuzu!”

Kakuzu looked up from where he was having a conversation with Itachi and frowned when he saw Hidan ambling over with Deidara close behind, the blonde wondering why the fuck he had to bump into Uchiha Itachi of all people.

“Yes, Hidan?” Kakuzu asked quizzically while Itachi nodded at them in greeting.

Hidan ignored them both and yanked Kakuzu forward into a blistering kiss. Deidara felt his mouth drop open while even Itachi let out a small cough of surprise. People were stopping and staring, some even had their phones out as they snapped away. Evidently, Hidan wasn’t adverse to PDA, though Deidara wasn’t exactly sure it could be called that since Kakuzu was still frozen in shock.

It was only when Itachi subtly nudged him in the back that Kakuzu responded. It was the most awkward minute of Deidara’s and Itachi’s lives as they actually met each other’s eyes and shared an understanding as the two men continued to make out with their tongues in front of them. It was about another minute before they broke apart.

“Kakuzu. I fucking like you. So will you fucking go out with me already?” Hidan asked haughtily though Deidara could sense just that little nervousness in his voice. He wondered what the heck Hidan was worried about; that heated tongue-battle session already said a lot.

“Should have figured you’d be the type to rush things,” Kakuzu said with a slow shake of his head but he was obviously smiling.

“Oi, fuck, reply me.”

“Yes, Hidan,” Kakuzu deadpanned. “I like you too. So we’ll go out.”

Deidara was pretty sure that Hidan had never smiled that brightly before.

\--

After that, Deidara was pretty determined to talk to Sasori at least. His mother… he still wasn’t sure that he had the strength or courage to talk to his mother but he wanted to make things right with Sasori at least. He knew that Hidan was petrified of taking things to the next level with Kakuzu, mostly because he didn’t know if it was just a short-termed infatuation and he didn’t really know Kakuzu all that well, but seeing Hidan taking the strength to do (and he knew that it was partly for his sake as well) sparked off a newfound determination in him and he never wanted to see Sasori so much before.

When he finally entered the living room, Sasori was sitting on a couch, not doing anything. Deidara didn’t see anything wrong with the picture and he happily took a seat next to Sasori.

“Sasori, I need to talk to you.”

“Me too,” Sasori said and Deidara couldn’t help but notice the rigid tone in his voice. Suddenly, he felt the joy sapped out of him as he eyed the older man wearily.

“What is it?” he ventured asking when Sasori didn’t say anything.

“I was offered a job at Kismet in New York,” Sasori stated simply without warning.

“Kismet? As in that art firm?” Deidara asked slowly. Kismet was quite possibly the best art firm out there, home to more than a few famous artists and with a work ethic which allowed its artists to freely do what they want to. In other words, it was Deidara’s dream workplace. An uneasy feeling started taking over him, replacing every happy cell with a nerve wrecking tremor.

“So,” Deidara started conversationally. “Are you going to accept it?”

Sasori paused for a moment before he looked straight into Deidara’s eyes. Deidara never felt so scared at seeing the determination in them.

“Yes.”

And just like that, he felt the floor being pulled from underneath his feet and his world being thrown off his axis. He forgot all rationality and everything that Hidan said. All the negative emotions that he thought he had suppressed rushed to the forefront of his mind and when he looked at Sasori again, his face was twisted with pure fury.

“I fucking hate you, un.”

 


	27. Chapter 27

Sasori didn’t know if he did the right thing but he knew that he did the adult thing. Fine, so maybe he should have said something at least before upping and fleeing the scene like some fugitive on the run but he did the most logical thing that would aid his goal: avoid ugly confrontation.

He knew that it wasn’t a long-term solution and he knew that he and Deidara would eventually have to talk no matter how much he wasn’t looking forward to it but he hoped that at least Deidara would have calmed down a little by then. Because, even if he had somewhat expected it, being told that he was hated by Deidara still unexpectedly hurt. A lot.

So he was taking a walk in the park to ease the turbulence of emotions in his chest. Emotions that he wasn’t used to having. He knew that he wasn’t going to be able to return to the hut tonight. Hell, Deidara might even throw him out at this rate. Luckily he still had his old apartment.

“Fancy seeing you taking a stroll at this time of the night.”

Sasori raised his head from his musings and found himself looking into the black orbs of Uchiha Itachi. It was probably a coincidence but Sasori couldn’t shake the feeling that Itachi had planned on meeting him somehow.

“Evening to you too.”

They walked side by side in pleasant silence. This, Sasori decided, was why Itachi was his best friend. Even though they barely had anything in common (Itachi appreciated art as much as the next civilised being but wasn’t inclined to pick up a brush to do any of the work himself while Sasori just couldn’t, for the life of him, be bothered to figure out the musings of practically otherworldly creatures), they somehow understood each other and could work in tandem without communication.

“I heard from Pein about your offer,” Itachi said casually, passing it off as mere passing information though Sasori knew that that was exactly the reason why they were currently taking a stroll in the park together.

Sasori nodded in response. “I received it a few days ago. Wasn’t really sure if it was the real deal so I got Pein to check it out.”

“Congratulations.”

It was a simple, one word and expected reply. But Sasori felt as if he had never heard such a heart-warming thing in his life before. Maybe it was the fact that he could tell that Itachi meant it or maybe it was because he wished that Deidara had said it, either ways, it made him happier than he could express and he simply tilted his head in thanks.

“How did he take it?”

He decided that his friends knew him too well that they didn’t even pretend to beat around the bush anymore when they were with him. While he appreciated the effort, it was sometimes tiring to constantly discuss about all the issues going on in his life. Then again, he guessed that his friends weren’t the type to go around in a one big circle before getting to the point either. Maybe that was why they were even friends in the first place.

“He said he hated me,” Sasori said with a careless shrug, trying to play it off as a dull matter but Itachi’s sharp eyes told Sasori that the Uchiha wasn’t buying any of that.

“He looked pretty alright when I saw him on campus this afternoon. It couldn’t have been too long after that that he went home to see you.”

Sasori slowed in his steps as he spared a sidelong glance at Itachi.

“You met Deidara?”

“Don’t worry, nothing happened,” Itachi replied calmly, ignoring the somewhat accusatory tone in Sasori’s voice. He could understand why Sasori would think that he was the cause of Deidara’s irritation but in the first place, he couldn’t comprehend the blonde’s hostility towards him, though the feeling was rather mutual at times. “I was simply speaking with Kakuzu about a class we are taking together this semester when Hidan stormed up to him and confessed to him. Deidara was simply accompanying him. Though I must mention how odd it was that Deidara and I actually shared a rather short moment of understanding.”

“Pray tell, how did that happen?” Sasori almost sounded amused.

“Apparently, Kakuzu and Hidan thought the campus an appropriate place to display how physically attracted they are to each other.” The way Itachi said it, he might as well have been talking about one of his philosophy classes and that made Sasori burst out into laughter, the action dislodging some of the ice in his heart.

“You mean they decided to make out in the corridor?” Sasori clarified, smirking with how uncomfortable Itachi looked as he no doubt relieved the horrid memory.

“Indeed.”

A heart beat’s pause.

“I believe we were talking about another matter.”

“Indeed,” Sasori echoed back emptily.

Itachi paused in his tracks, turning his head slightly to glance at Sasori through raven bangs. “Sasori.”

The redhead huffed and shoved his hands inside his pockets, suddenly feeling defenceless and weak. And all he could think was _this shouldn’t be happening like this._

No, because Deidara was supposed to be happy for him dammit. Where did the supportive and motivating person that Sasori loved go to? Who was this jealous monster that would sooner see him suffer than be happy for him? Hell, even Chiyo might have been happier.

Which made the whole situation a hell of a lot more ironic than Sasori cared to acknowledge.

“I ran away,” Sasori muttered, staring straight ahead and not seeing anything. “He told me he hated me and I ran away.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t stand it.” Sasori let out a humourless laugh.

Itachi frowned at him; that answer was too vague. “It?”

“It. Him.”

“You might want to clarify.”

There was a long silence and Itachi almost thought that Sasori wasn’t going to give him a reply when it came. But when it did, it was so full of pain that Itachi almost fell backwards from the amount of emotion in Sasori’s voice even though it was so soft it barely carried over the other sounds in the park.

“I can’t stand the thought of him hating me.”

“Sasori…” Itachi made to touch his friend’s shoulder but Sasori shifted away. The Uchiha’s eyes cleared in understanding and he let his arm fall back to his side. Sasori didn’t want comfort, didn’t need comfort. He needed logic – cold, hard logic – to help him figure out how he felt and how he wanted to from here. Because no one else could help him.

“You’re a puppeteer,” Itachi said gently, looking at Sasori even as the Akasuna refused to even glance at him. “You control your path, Sasori.”

“What if I regret it?” Sasori asked in a hoarse whisper.

“You live with it,” Itachi answered honestly because there was no sugar coating the truth.

“And if I end up hating?”

“You live with it,” Itachi repeated. “That’s all you can do.”

Sasori nodded once. Itachi didn’t try to stop him when he started walking away. As Sasori faded away into the crowd, Itachi noted that his friend’s response had been ambiguous till the very end even though he could detect some form of finality in his words as if he had already decided.

“Whatever you decide, Sasori,” Itachi whispered into the darkness, knowing Sasori would never hear his words, “I hope you don’t regret it.”

Because no matter what Sasori chose, it was hard to live with a regret of giving up something you love.

\--

BANG. BANG. BANG.

Chiyo’s eyes blazed with hot fury as she rushed from her office to her living room where someone was evidently trying to mow down her door. She wrenched the door open without even bothering to check through the peephole, her anger lending to her impatience.

She couldn’t exactly say that she was shocked when she saw Iwa Deidara standing there.

He certainly looked like he’d been through a storm. Well, he always did look messy but there was just something about his unkempt appearance that night that hinted to a much more emotional storm playing out.

“What a surprise. Come in,” she said with a cold smirk, polite as ever with decorum sharpened like a knife.

Deidara glared at her and stormed right passed her, but he didn’t make himself comfortable on one of her latticed couches like she thought he would. Instead, he stopped right in the centre of the room. Even without looking at his face, she could already tell how frustrated he was from the way his body was pulled taut like a spring waiting to snap.

“Such impertinence,” she continued in the same icy tone as she rounded him slowly, like a vulture circling the remains of an animal carcass. “Banging on my door at such a late hour.”

“I don’t give flying fuck, un.”

Why, this was a surprise. Usually, Deidara would attempt to maintain an air of calm and civility around her despite the fact that all the negative emotions he felt towards her were so clear in his body language. He would smile, oh sure he would – that giant, bright, disarming smile – but it was so obvious that it was nothing but a construction.

Well, two can play this game.

Chiyo adorned a charming smile, spreading her arms out in open invite.

“To what do I owe the honour of having you here, my star pupil?”

Her smile slid into a smirk when the scowl darkened on Deidara’s face. Sasori always had a talent for making people bleed with his words; that talent obviously ran in the family. Chiyo didn’t have to insult Deidara at all to bring him to his knees.

“You’re a fucking bitch, you know that?” Deidara spat and it was the force behind the words more than the frenzied look in his eyes that almost forced Chiyo to take a step back.

Her lips thinned into a line. While Deidara had always been overly expressing, stating his opinions and acting as he deemed fit, she had never been in quite a situation such as this where he was laying all his emotions bare. Their games had always been psychological, almost like a game of make-belief at times where fairy tales do exist because they were just so _nice_ to each other. They wore the mask of pleasantness and wielded propriety as a weapon while always cursing the other to the deepest ends of hell.

This – Deidara ripping off his mask and falling into the coarse language they never took with each other – was certainly not something she expected.

And she didn’t like being thrown off her game.

“Now why would you say that?” she asked, her expression being pulled into one of concern as she took a step towards him, reaching out almost as if to hug him and comfort him.

To her utmost shock and shaking fury (which she barely managed to contain), Deidara didn’t respond as she thought he would. Instead, he laughed. But there was no amusement in that sound – it was cold and as hollow as winds blowing over a canyon. When he finally stopped laughing, the look that he pinned her with was almost enough for her to lose that last bit of control she had. The smile slipped though.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” And it was apparent that he did think that, only that he didn’t mean it as a compliment. He was looking at her with a mixture of pure disbelief and – dare she say it – pity. He was _pitying_ her.

Her patience ran as thin as a barbed wire.

“Don’t you dare look at me like that,” she warned softly, her eyes narrowed to slits. It was becoming increasing hard to maintain an aloof attitude.

“Like what? Like I pity you? Because guess what? I do.”

“Pity _me_?” Chiyo snarled, hands balling into fists as she took a step towards Deidara.

“Yes, I do,” Deidara answered simply, looking at her as if properly seeing her for the first time. As if he was looking at a frail, old lady instead of the world-class surgeon and renowned professor.

It was enough to leave her breathless. She didn’t want to do this.

“Why did you come here? If it’s to show me how deranged you’ve become, please leave. I have better things to do,” Chiyo said curtly, letting her arrows fly. They weren’t sharpened but they would have to do. She wasn’t in the mood.

Deidara’s eyes flashed with a hint of fury before it disappeared like a flame stubbed out.

“Shit, you know what? You’re right. I _do_ have better things to do,” he said, shooting her arrows back at her, this time coated with his venom.

He made to leave, walking right past her once again, and she knew that he had no intentions of doing so. He was only tempting her to call out to him, to ask him to stay, to ask him for the real reason why he came. He wanted her to do it. She didn’t want to do it. He knew that she didn’t want to do it. Yet, despite knowing this, she halted him.

“Why have you come here?”

“Sasori was offered a job at Kismet.”

Chiyo reeled back as if she had been physically struck. It was a comfort that Deidara had his back faced to her so that he didn’t see the way she lost control of herself, but try as she might, she couldn’t keep the shock from her face.

Pity that he knew how his words must have affected her then.

“What?” she gasped out, suddenly at a loss of what to say.

“Sasori was offered a job at Kismet,” Deidara repeated, sounding like a recorded machine.

“ _That_ art firm?”

The one Sasori had always aspired to. Sasori’s d-

She had never asked and he had never said anything but the pamphlets in his room were telling enough.

“Yeah, that one.”

Chiyo was thrown into silence. Suddenly, she didn’t feel in control of anything anymore. Sasori was supposed to fail. Sasori was supposed to realise that he wouldn’t make it as an artist, that this world was a cruel place and had no place for idealists who did not possess the talent to create their place in it.

_But Sasori always had that talent._

She would have screamed out her fury to smother that voice in her head if Deidara hadn’t been present. That voice had been silent for years. She thought that she had shut it up for good. It didn’t make sense that it was suddenly speaking again. She glared at Deidara. As always, it was his fault.

Everything was his fault.

Who the hell did Deidara think he was? And what made him think that he had the right to saunter into hers and Sasori’s lives and destroy everything? He was a pawn in her game. Sasori was the king. He was the sacrificial piece that would bring Sasori to greatness.

But no. Instead, he had to ruin Sasori’s life. And hers along with it.

“Disappointed, are we?” Deidara asked drily, turning around to face her, an icy smirk on his face. “Why? Did you think he was going to fail and come crawling back to you?”

Chiyo held her peace.

But it was a little too late for that.

“Were you hoping, huh, that he would fail and that he would return to med school?” Deidara’s voice was increasing with every word, his breathing becoming heavier as a glistened sheen wiped over his eyes. “Did you _hope_ that he would live the rest of his life DOING SOMETHING HE FUCKING HATES?!”

Chiyo stared, wide-eyed and confused, as if her world had been turned upside down. No. What she did was for Sasori’s sake. It was all for Sasori. Even if he hated her for it, she could live with it. Because everything she did, it was for him. So that he could have a better life. A better future.

What the hell did Deidara know? She wanted to scream at him to shut up but Deidara wouldn’t stop talking.

“Are you that selfish, huh? That you would have him sacrifice his happiness to _please_ you?”

“SILENCE!”

Chiyo would have rejoiced at the slight shock that crossed Deidara’s face if it hadn’t come at the expense of her control. She took a deep, calming breath. It didn’t help but at least she felt like she could talk and not yell.

“What do you know?” her voice was dangerously low, like a stalking panther waiting to pounce. “I did it for Sasori. You might not understand. Even he might not understand. But everything I do, I do for him. That child is my everything. I love him. I wouldn’t harm him.”

Deidara gave another laugh, so empty it sounded like life was being sucked out of him. He wasn’t looking at Chiyo anymore, his gaze faraway.

“He doesn’t need it.”

A dagger to her heart would have hurt less.

Chiyo clenched a hand over her heart and fell back a staggering step, her eyes wide with crazed rage which she pinned on Deidara. Her hold on her control all but evaporated.

“ _How dare you_ …” she hissed.

“He doesn’t need it,” Deidara repeated softly, sounding as if he was talking to himself. He looked up then and Chiyo was shocked to see tears running down his face. It was only when she felt wetness on the back of her hand that she realised that she too was crying.

When Deidara spoke next, it felt like he was burying her alive.

“If that is how you love him, he doesn’t need it. He doesn’t need your love.”

\--

Itachi was right.

It wasn’t as if Sasori had doubted his friend but it was one thing knowing it and another one accepting it. The way he looked at it, no matter what he picked, he was bound to regret something.

_You live with it._

It was frustrating to say the least, how Itachi made it sound so simple. Yet there was such harsh truth to that simplicity. Because really, what could Sasori do? He was at a fork road; he had to make a choice and no one was going to hold his hand help him make it.

He let out a dry chuckle as he realised how utterly idealistic he had been. Whether it was because he was naïve or just plain stupid, he did not know but he honestly hadn’t even expected there to be a fork in the road.

Leaving med school was supposed to be the hard part. Everything was supposed to be smooth sailing from there on out. So why was he standing in the middle of a shipwreck, looking on helplessly as everything he’d ever dreamed off sank?

If he chose Deidara, he would be giving up his dream and by extension, everything he had worked for. If he chose Kismet, he was a downright bastard.

Because Deidara _needed_ him.

And he had made it that way.

He had posited himself as the lighthouse to guide Deidara along the harsh route so that Deidara may come back to a place he considered home. He made himself that beacon of light that Deidara could always look to, to know that he was not alone.

Yet, now he was threatening to take that all away from Deidara.

What kind of a person did that?

Give someone hope and support only to rip it all away when it was hard?

He had promised Deidara shelter when in reality, he couldn’t deliver.

With all these in mind, making his choice should have been easy.

But damn. Pein wasn’t wrong either.

This was his dream. People don’t just give up their dreams like that. It was something that he had fought for and now that it was finally in his hands, was he really going to just let it go?

And it was more than his dream.

This was his second chance.

With this, it didn’t matter that he wasted the last four years at med school. It didn’t matter that he had fallen out with Chiyo. Hell, this was his chance to show Chiyo that he was right and she was wrong. It was his chance to show her that he could succeed even if he didn’t follow the path she laid out for him. It was his chance to show her that he was as good a puppeteer that she was – he could command his life the way she commanded things in the operating room.

It was his chance to make Chiyo proud.

And damn if that didn’t count for anything.

Sasori hadn’t noticed where he had been going, too lost in thoughts to realise anything. He let his legs guide him in a mindless wander. It was only when he stopped in front of his grandmother’s apartment complex that he realised where he was.

He immediately made to turn but something stopped him.

_I should talk to Chiyo-baasan._

He didn’t know where that thought came from and he certainly didn’t want to act on it.

But it was already too late because before he knew it, he was already in the elevator, wondering how he should broach the damned topic with her.

Sasori didn’t pause to think about it. If he thought too much, he would only run away. He marched right up to her door and made to knock on it only to realise that it was left slightly ajar.

Frowning, he gave the door a tentative push, peering inside when it swung open without resistance. The lights were on – Chiyo was home.

_Now or never._

Sasori took a step in and immediately froze when his eyes settled on his grandmother.

She wasn’t seated in her favourite armchair reading a book like he had expected her to. Instead, she was curled up in a crumpled heap on the floor, tear stained cheeks glistening under the soft glow of the chandelier. Her shawl was wrapped around her and for the first time in years, Sasori saw his grandmother, the one who raised him and loved him, not the cold-hearted one who only cared about reputation.

The urge to reach out to her was instantaneous but Chiyo moved before he could.

She looked up, her glassy eyes settling on him.

“Sasori.”


End file.
